[Narrator's speech]
"So didja see the two dat came in last night? All armor and scales like ee's ready fer a war or sumthin-oh! There ee is!" [a gentlemen clearly too nosy for his own good caught spike out of the corner of his eye-] "Oy?! What devilry be THIS?"
"Sorry sir, That's the narrator... He's just having a good laugh, nothing personal." [Spike was humble, but forward, something that was quickly growing on twilight-]
"CAN IT!" Twilight yelled.
"Excuse me? Be beggin yer pardin, but what did I do to be deservin THAT outburst lil miss?"
"Oh! No- I am SO sorry, that wasn't at you! I swear! Siiigh... Forgive me, sir, we're just looking for a table at the moment. Would you be so kind as to help us?" [Twilight was also humble, knowing her outburst had just been heard by everyone in the building-] "SHHH!" [Sorry.]
"Ah, it be the disembodied narrator voice of legend!" [Well, I have been mentioned in a few-] "The obnoxious one that be the accompaniment of the legendary heroes!" […] "But... where are the rest of yee?"
"Uhhh... Nope. Just the two of us as far as I can remember." Spike rifled through his brain trying to think if anyone else had been in the castle at the time, but couldn't recall.
"Ahhh, so yee haven't met them yet... that be a few chapters ahead then boy-oh, keep yer chin up-"
"Waaaait wait wait-" twilight waved a hand around drawing the old mans attention, "Chapters? As in, like a book? Are we in some kind of Ridiculous Pony Story?"
"More a game, really, than a story. But! That be enough outa me, there be a table over there that be free, have a nice breakfast, then have yerselves a look at the job board why don'tcha?"
"Um... … … sure, why not..." [Twilight looked thoroughly exhausted at the lack of logic that seemed to permeate the world they were in-] "HEY! … actually... that's not too far off. Come on 'Sir' Spike, lets get some- Spike?"
"Over here!" Spike called from across the room, already at said table, clearly ready to order and eat before she had even sat down. "Hurry up already!" Twilight sighed, then sat with Spike.
"Hey uhhh..." Spike looked curious, "How'd you just sit down with me without walking over here first?"
"... Continuity error."
"Oh. OK then! Lets eat!" Spike started shoving food into his mo-
"WAAAIT a minute! We haven't even ordered yet! HOW is he already eating?!" [Twilight, if you haven't already realized that this story doesn't even take itSELF seriously, yer gonna have a bad time, m'kay?] "... FIIIIiiine... I guess I'll have some of the-SPIKE! You ate it ALL?!"
"Oops?" Spike said. Half a burger roughly shoved in his mouth. "I'll-gulp- order some more, WAITRESS!"
"Spike, no-!"
"Siiigh, welcome to the LightWallet bar and diner may I take your-" The dull pink teen was wide eyed after seeing them! She just stared for a while, while the two of them stared back.
"Uhh... Issss there a problem miss-?" spike tried ask, but before he could finish-
"How DARE you not recognize me you half-witted baboon! If we were back in Equestria my FATHER would-!"
"Diamond Tiara?!" both spike and Twilight blurted out at the same time.
"Um, DUUUUH! What, as IF you didn't recognize ME of all poni-"
Spike interrupts her, "You have no jewelry on, least of all your crown, your in a raggedy barmaids outfit, your color is more dull than I've ever seen and your actually -working-. No. we didn't recogmize you."
"... touche." [Diamond Tiara stood there looking like an idiot-] "HEY! Who's there?!"
"Relax Tiara, its the narrator. He's harmless... unless you piss him off." Twilight said, plainly so the Narrator could hear it.
"Well I. Don't. Like it. Tell it to leave me alone!"
"Siiigh, if we could, we would have. Were stuck with him." Spike rolled his eyes.
"F-for how long?!"
"Until the story ends or we all die. Happy?"
"NO! But... I suppose anythings better than-"
"DIIIRAAAAA!" a BOOMING voice rang out from the back or the bar, "Get yer pink arse back here NOW!"
"Noooo! PLEEEASE, please get me out of here! I'll do ANYTHING!" Diamond Tiara looked TRULY desperate!
"Aaaaaanything?" Spike sneered, and was promptly bonked on the head, biting his tongue in the process, "OWWW!"
"Don't push yer luck dragon!"
"Enoooough you two, he's coming this way."
"GREAT meal! That deserves an huuuge tip!" Spike bursts abruptly, drawing EVERYONES attention in the room. "... oops."
[Five minutes later outside the building, in a wide street.]
"Wait, WHAT?!" spike blurted.
"You heard me boy, if you win, the wench is yers, if I win, I get yer HIDE! Make peace with yer gods!" the bar owner shouted!
"Wha-who?! Celestia and Luna?"
"What-Who the hell are they?!"
Spike took that moment to dash in, bashing his shield into the mans stomach! But no effect! The mans massive bulk absorbed the blow like it was-
"What?! No fair! You didn't say he was big!" [… oops?]
"HAH! That was nothin boy! My turn!" the man swung his sword with such force, when spike blocked it, his feet sank slightly into the ground! "HAH! This is already over ya wee welp-wah?!"
Spike was mad. His first reaction was to scream! But all that came out was a blast of flame, engulfing the mans sword! After a moment, the sword was gone, all but the handle was missing!
"Th-... This can not be?! Blue Blazes! [Actually they were green-] "Can it ye ghosty! I... I yeild... you win lad."
[Pssst! Spiiiike!] "Huh?" [Extortion time!] "uhh... I'll try? HEY YOU! your lucky I don't just butn your damned bar down you-! You big jerk!"
"N-now now boyo, that needn't be happenin! Here, please, take these fer yer mercy, and... and the means on the house! By all means, if'n you ever need rest again, me doors are always open to yee... eheh?" The man hands him a bag of bits, 30 in total.
[Save Point acquired.] "Seriously?" Twilight rolled her eyes. [Yes.] "Fine. Whatever, can we go now?"
"Yeah seriously, this place stinks..." Diamond tiara complai-
"Wait, why does he call you Dira?" Spike was curious, as usual.
"Cause its faster than my full name. And I HATE it-"
"Ok, Dira it is then!" Spike perked up at the nickname he just gave her.
"What-NO! I don't LIKE being called-"
"Hey Dira?" Spike looked at her.
"WHAT?!"
"... You responded to it, therefor it is your new nickname. GOTCHA!" Spike pointed at her in triumph!
"Uuuuugh... fine, whatever, like I even care."
"Iiiiif you two are done? Maybe we could ACTUALLY get going now?" Twilight chimed in.
"Right. Lets go!"
[10 miles later on the outskirts of a larger city:]
"AGAIN?!" Spike shouted
"He's done this before?" Dira asked.
"Yes. You were there remember?" Twilight reminded her.
"Oh riiiight..."
Spike checked his wallet before they entered the town, taking note of his 50 bit pocket account. "Well... at least we'll be able to afford another night at a hotel right?" [Hey. Hey Spike.] "What do you want?" spike growled. [I want to apologize for not giving you the details on the enemy earlier.] "Fine, whatever, just-" [No seriously! I mean it. Open your wallet again, watch.] "Wou're not gonna stop till I do are you?" [You catch on fast.] "Fiiiiine." Spike opens his wallet and looks. [Lets see now uhh, Ctrl+C, theeeen Ctrl+V. Done!] "Holey shit! 100 bits! Dude! We are SO even man!" [Sweet! Now, twilight about to ask you a question so-]
"Hey Spike? When did you learn how to make real fire?"
"Real-? Never, why do you ask?"
"Oh, uhhh... No reason..."
