After Yamamoto-sama had left, Retsu and her mother had started to make the necessary arrangements. She was to go to the Yamamoto estate for her training, and most of her things would be provided for here there. Presumably, Yamamoto-sama wanted no distinctions between his students, whatever their status. She was allowed only to bring a few items with her, certainly not more than a trunk's worth. A book of poetry her father had left her. A calligraphy set from her mother. A sheet of pressed flowers Shin had given her on her last birthday.
As she put the last few things in her trunk, Retsu sighed slightly. She knew her brother must have been hearing dozens of rumors. Her departure seemed to be the only thing the servants were gossiping about. She herself had heard more than a few rumors and whispered words about what had transpired in that room between her and Yamamoto, wild tales that included a marriage proposal or even adoption! Yet Shin hadn't pushed her for an explanation. She wondered if he were silencing or simply ignoring the rumors and waiting to hear the truth from her himself. Retsu appreciated her brother's discretion; she simply hadn't been able to tell him. But now everything else was done, and it was time. She went to look for him, finding him by the fountain where they'd splashed each other just a few days before.
Shin was waiting for her by the pond. He looked at her expectantly when she arrived, and Retsu felt keenly the unspoken bond between the two of them. For once, Retsu was afraid it might be stretched too thin, or even broken—and she saw the same uncertainty in her twin's eyes. After a moment, he got to his feet and gave her a smile that didn't quite warm his eyes. "I was wondering when I'd get to speak with you alone, Retsu," he said softly.
Retsu met his eyes and then dropped them to her hands. "I'm sorry I didn't seek you out sooner, Nii-san," she said quietly. "I…wasn't quite sure how to tell you." She looked away, watching the fish swim serenely through the cool pond for a few moments, and then drew in a deep breath. "Do you ever think that the noble clans waste too much time and energy fighting each other, and not enough defending their people?"
"Every day I must spend time trying to make peace with them!" Shin exclaimed. "I don't understand what this has to do with you leaving us!" Retsu heard the unspoken echo pass between them: Leaving him. "I've heard every possible variation of why—some are even saying you're to be wed to Yamamoto-sama!" he finished, half-shouting in unsettled distress.
"I'm sorry," she said softly, taken aback by his anger. Shin rarely raised his voice to anyone, let alone to her. She took a deep breath and continued, "Yamamoto-sama is trying to create an organization beyond clan—bringing people together to fight for the good of everyone. To defend against the hollows." It was supposed to be a clan duty, but everyone knew that the clans didn't really take care of it very well, too absorbed in their petty rivalries and quarrels.
"And you… are one of those people?" he asked, in a softer voice that barely hid how much he was rattled. Retsu understood: there were people they could rely on and other people they could trust, but so very few they could invest with both. She was such a person for her brother, as he was one for her. To lose that support, to be left with only advisors and sycophants…
Nonetheless, she answered quietly, "Yes. He wants me to come and study with him." She didn't want to leave her brother. He was one of the few people who really listened to her, and the only person in the world to whom she was truly close, whom she trusted. Yamamoto-sama had warned her that if she left with him, it would be some time before she came back. She would change, and so would Shin.
He stared at her a moment before letting loose a sharp breath she didn't know he'd been holding back. "Study with him? Yamamoto-sama wants you to study with him?" A startled laugh bubbled up out of his throat and he put both hands on Retsu's shoulders, as if to steady himself. He grinned at her in open relief. "I was honestly starting to worry! Yamamoto-sama is a fine man, no doubt, a good man, but…You are my sister and I would be critical of any suitor that would come to woo you away. But a student! That is…That is a very different sort of honor, Retsu!"
"Yes, it is—a great honor," she said, her lips twitching slightly as she remembered the discussion—or whatever it was—she and Yamamoto-sama had had about honor. She looked in his eyes and laid her hand on his. "But, Nii-san…I'll be gone a long time. I'm to go to the Yamamoto estates, with the other students." She found herself with a lump in her throat as she thought about not seeing her brother, her twin for years at a time.
"I certainly understand that you'll be gone for a time, but…" he said, and then trailed off, narrowing his eyes in thought. "You… You mean a very long time, don't you?" he asked. At Retsu's nod, he dropped his hands and stared down at the pond. "I see. This is a formal goodbye, then, isn't it? Not just a simple little, 'don't worry your silly-head brother'?"
"Yes," she said softly. "A very long time. Years, perhaps." She looked deep into his eyes, almost pleading. "He…asked if I was satisfied with this life. If I wanted to make a difference. I…I want to go." But I don't want to go without your blessing hung in the air between them.
"There is a world of difference you can make here, Retsu," he said. She almost flinched, although as soon as he said it, he looked as if he wished to take the words back. They both knew it wasn't true. If she were fortunate, she might have influence as someone's wife or daughter, but what would she be allowed to do under her own power or name? "But…perhaps a great deal more can be done away from here," he said at last, meeting her eyes.
It was Retsu's turn to look away, and for a moment, she couldn't bring herself to speak again. Finally, she said, "Shin…I don't want to leave you, but," she took a deep breath to steady herself. "Yamamoto-sama is right. I would do my duties without hesitation here, but…I want to do more, if I can. I believe I can if I become his student."
"That's why he chose you, isn't it?" he said with a soft, sad smile. "Because you want things to change and are willing to…go outside of the politics to change things." He reached into the pond and plucked a small water lily that had just begun to bloom, offering it to his sister. "I am trying to teach the koi how to swim and you will to teach them how to fly, once you learn how."
"And because I'm not…attached yet." Attached by marriage or politics to any one group or faction. She accepted the flower, silently relieved at his understanding. "But they have to be able to swim first, Nii-san. I don't believe I can teach them that," she said. Not as the second child, and a daughter. Had she been firstborn, things might have been different.
"Then… we shall make a pact, you and I," he said. "While you study with Yamamoto-sama to learn how to protect the clans from themselves, I will strive my utmost to teach them how to behave." He set the flower aside so he could clasp Retsu's hands. "I will teach them how to swim, and you will teach us what comes after."
"Then I will have to study hard, so I don't fall behind," she said with a slight smile. "After all, we're both students now—and I have no intention of letting you show me up, oh honored older brother." She grinned at him, but it wasn't without a hint of melancholy. After all, how much longer would she be able to banter with him like this? "I will write as often as I can," she said more softly. "I'll use our code." They had long ago come up with a code so they could speak to each other during official functions without being understood—and Retsu had few illusions that any mail either of them could send would be truly secure.
"And should you ever find yourself wishing for home, I shall regale you with stories of dinners and nobles and petty clan infighting in such excruciating detail that I'll never see you again," Shin promised. His smile was broader than his sister's, but Retsu knew without doubt that hers was more sincere.
"Naturally," she said, "you must tell me everything. I wouldn't want to miss a moment." Then her joking facade crumbled, and she was hugging him tightly, as she did when they were younger, and she was hurt or upset. Shin had always been there, through everything. She found herself crying softly into her brother's chest. "I will miss you, Shin-nii-san," she whispered softly. It was only in front of her brother that she could dare show such weakness: to be just Retsu, instead of Unohana Retsu. And she was crying as much for that loss as for anything else, because now she would go and become an adult, with an adult's mask. She could not afford to cry or be weak after this.
"And I will miss you, dear sister," he said, letting her soft tears leave dark spots on his robe without comment. The only person either of them could trust and rely upon, no matter what happened. She felt his mouth open as if to speak, as if to ask her to stay, but he shut it again. She was deeply grateful—she was not sure if her resolve were strong enough to withstand open pleading instead of sorrowful acceptance. And to do that would dishonor them both, and push them further apart from one another than distance or time could ever do.
Another minute of silence; then she pulled back, wiped the tears away and smiled at her brother. "If you don't tell anyone I cried, I won't tell anyone that you were behind the pepper in Omaeda-dono's soup." It was a strained attempt, but she didn't want her last memories of her brother before she left to be entirely sad—and she was fairly sure he didn't know that she knew what he'd done to the insufferable head of clan a couple of years back.
Shin merely quirked an eyebrow in response. "Is that so? Well, with such sensitive and potentially deadly information being held over my head, what choice to I have, but to honor the request of a wily lady such as yourself?" he said, and bowed slightly. "We'll make a bargain of it, then."
"A bargain," she agreed, with a matching bow. Reluctantly, she turned, seeing a servant was coming out, no doubt to tell her that it was time to leave. "I will write as often as I can, I swear it," she promised, and then bowed formally. "Good-bye, nii-san." She blinked firmly as she felt tears prickling at her eyes again, but she refused to give in this time.
"Please take care, dear sister," Shin said softly. He turned away from her, kneeling next to the pond and staring out into the water. He would not watch her leave, as though he wanted his final memory to be of her smiling, the sound of her voice as she teased him, rather than the sight of her walking away from him.
Always," she said softly. She turned and walked away, her head held high, leaving the Retsu of her childhood behind at the pond with her brother. She walked to the servant and simply said, "I'm ready."
"Your lady mother would like to speak to you before you leave," Okada said.
"Very well," Retsu said. "Thank you, I will go to her now." She loved her mother, in a way, and she knew her mother loved her and her brother, but it had always been shown with duty and respect, rather than with affection. Retsu's hardest goodbye had already been said; this was a formal farewell and a chance to take care of a few formalities more than anything else.
Retsu made sure that no signs of her tears remained before knocking on the door and entering with a polite bow. "Mother," she said respectfully. Shiori Unohana sat in perfect seiza as Retsu entered. A faint breeze wafted through the open window, carrying with it the distant scent of flowers.
Retsu," she said softly in return. No titles or endearments, just the simple honesty of her daughter's name. Shiori sat still and serene like a flower in the center of a pond, no expression on her porcelain face—just that same calm stillness. "Have you prepared properly?" she asked.
"I have, Mother," Retsu said, trying to match her mother's calmness, though inside she felt anything but serene. Excited, apprehensive, confused, worried, hopeful: all whirled about inside her. Her mother still had a calmness about Retsu she could never match; her mother was an oak tree, while Retsu was still trying to get her roots firmly planted.
Shiori allowed herself a faint, sad smile. "I understand you have already said your goodbyes to your brother."
"Yes, I have." She still had a few doubts, but she believed this was the right path to take. She would miss her brother horribly, and she knew it. That didn't mean it wasn't the right thing to do, however. Her mother, after all, was the one who had told her that no great thing was ever gained without making a great sacrifice.
"Are you prepared to follow Yamamoto-sama's instructions, and to perform your duties as his student?" Gentle tone and asking gentle questions to which her mother must already know the answers; Retsu wouldn't leave on a whim or without every detail planned. Yet, perhaps it reassured her mother to hear it all one last time.
"I am prepared," she said resolutely. Then, she hesitated for a moment. "I must speak further, as one of the Unohana clan to its clan leader." She believed her mother knew, but it was right to say this anyway.
Shiori inclined her head slightly. "Then do so," she said, but there was a subtle hint of surprise in her eyes.
Retsu said, "Yamamoto-sama wishes to create an organization outside of the clans, for the good of all. In order to do this, he made it clear that his students are no longer to think first of their clan, but rather to think first of the good of the whole of Soul Society." She took a deep breath. "I must ask to be released from my oath of fealty to you." Retsu, like all clan nobles, was required to swear an oath of fealty to the clan head, promising to put the good of the clan first.
"So you would turn your back on your family to pursue this?" Shiori asked. There was no accusation in her voice, just a calm tone, as though she were merely discussing the weather. "Was Yamamoto-sama's offer so grand that you would leave not only your family, but your oath behind as well? Is that how you would serve him?"
The accusation bit cruelly. Retsu's back stiffened slightly and her heart lurched. The oath was primarily a formality for the immediate heirs; she hadn't expected to be challenged. She opened her mouth with a quick, surprised answer, but then stopped herself. She had left behind her childhood to be an adult, hadn't she? She had to answer as one. She took a moment to collect herself, try and find her calm center. It wasn't easy, but she tried. "Yamamoto-sama would create an organization beyond clans, to fight the hollows and defend the weak for the good of all people, rather than simply for the good of one clan. Yet," she said, echoing his words to her, "such an organization is impossible if its members' loyalties are split."
"And you would leave your family behind in order to do this? If it is so separate from the other clans, why should it be any concern of this group to defend them?" she inquired, calm and dispassionate. "What is so important about protecting the other clans above your own? We work with and serve them well enough now, do we not?"
Again, Retsu paused to consider her words before she answered. "Mother…I do not wish to be disrespectful, either to your or to the clan. I know you have always tried to ensure that our people are safe, as did Father. Nonetheless, Hollow attacks are common in our lands, as well as in other clan lands. And a great part of the reason is that each clan must hold some of its funds and forces in reserve—both for its needs and for defense against other clans." She almost fidgeted with her hands, but made herself hold still. "I believe that Yamamoto-sama is right. There is no way to solve the problem within the clans."
Retsu thought—though she wasn't quite sure—that she saw a spark of approval on her mother's face at her moment of reflection. Nonetheless, she coolly asked, "And if I do not release you from your oath of fealty? What will you do, Retsu? Will you pursue Yamamoto-sama's dream of peace rather than remain with your own family?"
Retsu looked down to consider the dilemma. On one hand, she truly believed in Yamamoto-sama's ideas. On the other, she had sworn an oath. She remembered the conversation she had with Yamamoto-sama about honor and duty. It was a long time before she answered, and her voice was quiet but firm when she spoke. "I swore an oath to you, and to the clan," she said. "I will not violate it. Nonetheless, I hope that you will release me from it." She dared a glance up at her mother. "You have worked long and tirelessly for peace. Father fought for it. I believe I have a chance to help in that goal as well, a chance to help better under Yamamoto-sama's tutelage than I could here in the clan. Therefore, I petition for release from my oath."
Shiori rose from her seat and stood before her daughter. "You still persist," she said softly. She placed a hand on Retsu's head, the gentle touch of a mother reassuring a daughter. "I release you from your oath, from your fealty to this clan. You are forfeit of all but the clan name." It was a long moment before she moved. Shiori leaned down until she could whisper into Retsu's ear. "I am proud of you, daughter."
Retsu had dropped her head respectfully when her mother stood, and something in her chest eased when her mother agreed to release her. She was not expecting the praise, however—and such high praise. She inclined her head solemnly. "Thank you, Mother." It was something to carry with her, almost a sort of protection. "I will do my best to be worthy of your pride," she promised.
Shiori sat back down, robes rustling softly around her until she settled, still as a stone under water. "You are free to do as you wish, Retsu, to serve the clans however you see fit. I know whoever or whatever you swear fealty to, you will still carry the heart of our family with you." She inclined her head in the faint promise of a bow.
"Thank you," Retsu said again, and bowed respectfully in acknowledgement. "Good-bye, Mother. I do not know when I'll be able to visit, but I will write when I can." It was only polite, after all.
There were no cracks in that elegant mask of a face, no pause when Shiori spoke. "I will look forward to reading your letters, Retsu." No indication at all that she might be speaking to her daughter face to face for the last time. And although Retsu hoped and expected that she would see her mother again, Retsu would not be the same person as she was now.
After bowing deeply, Retsu turned and left. Her good-byes were said now, and what needed to be packed had been packed. It was time to go. She closed the door behind her, and as she walked down the hallway, she didn't look back.
