Chapter 2: Strange Meetings
In the console room, Romana watched the time rotor judder to a halt. After returning to Gallifrey and learning the sketchy facts concerning the third Doctor's sudden disappearance, Romana had brought the TARDIS to England, Earth to assist in the search for the Doctor's third self. Thinking of her Doctor's stranger than usual actions, she wondered what could have happened to his earlier self to make him act this way. Considering it a moment, she decided that she really didn't want to know. Just then the Doctor walked slowly through the inner doors, gingerly rubbing the new bruise on his head. "I wonder where that came from," he mused, then he turned to Romana, "Where's tea?"
Romana ignored him and operated the door lever, then she went to collect her hat. The Doctor marched out of the TARDIS angrily; he wanted his tea. Well, he thought, at least they had landed in England, where one could get a proper cup of tea. For the first time, the Doctor noticed his surroundings; he was on the roof of UNIT headquarters. The Doctor looked over the edge of the building; he had this terrible urge to go flying. Flapping his coat and preparing to jump, he was stopped by Romana, who suddenly leaped out of the TARDIS and yanked him back from the roof edge via his scarf.
"But we must fly to Never-never Land!" he protested. She smacked his face several times. "Now, Romana, don't take your frustrations out on me! Is it my fault that you can't make a proper cup of tea? Well, it seems we're atop UNIT headquarters. We might as well pop down and visit my dear old friend the Brigadier.
Romana shrugged. Next time, she mused, she'd hit him with something a bit harder, not that it would hurt anything between his ears. In her opinion, there was nothing there. She and K-9 followed the Doctor to the Brigadier's office.
The Doctor was shocked to find a large well worn blue police box sitting in the Brigadier's office. At that moment, a funny little dark haired figure stepped out of the police box; the fourth Doctor stared at him in astonishment.
"What are you doing here when I am here?!" asked the fourth Doctor.
"I didn't call you! I called the cranky old senile man! What are you doing here?" the second Doctor demanded.
"I asked first!"
"I was here first!"
"Shut up, both of you!" Romana yelled. taking control of the situation. Whent hte two Doctors calmed down, she turned to the little man. "Who are you?"
"I am the Doctor, of course!" answered the second Doctor indignantly.
"Which regeneration?"
"First."
Romana tried to decide whether the Doctor had improved or degenerated with age. And now she had to put up with three Doctors; it was more than she or any Time Lady could bear. Over coming her disgust, Romana explained her situation to the second Doctor, and he explained about the third Doctor. Romana looked skyward. Perhaps she would have been better off chased by the love starved Castellan than being involved in this mess! Turning to leave, they heard a screech from under the desk, "Oh Fluffy!"
"Fluffy?" asked the fourth Doctor.
The second Doctor pointed to the tail, that was sticking out from under the TARDIS. "Lethbridge-Stewart's late cat."
In UNIT's car park, two TARDISes slowly materialized side by side, effectively blocking traffic. Two doors opened, two Doctors stuck their heads out the doors, and promptly pulled them back in. Leaning with his back braced against the outer door, the fifth Doctor's mind raced. "This couldn't possible be . . . " In the other TARDIS, the sixth Doctor, holding the door shut with his considerable weight, thought, "No, the chances are astronomical . . ."
They flung the door open wide and found themselves face to face. The fifth Doctor looked the Sixth Doctor up and down. He began to snigger, but immediately stopped when he saw the look on the larger man's face. "Been Goodwill shopping, have we?" the fifth Doctor smarted unable to resist. he ducked the flying fist.
Mel immediately jumped in between the two Doctors and began her mother routine. "Now, Doctor, aren't you ashamed of yourself, fighting with such a nice young man . . ."
The fifth Doctor, now shielded by Mel, continued his heckling. "Oh, he brought his mommy with him!"
The sixth Doctor calmly reached around Melanie and began to throttle the fifth.
"You can't kill me!" gasped the fifth Doctor, turning several shades of blue. "If you kill me, you will only exist as a temporal tautology. If I die, you will never exist, and I can't kill by you then, so let me go!"
The sixth Doctor smiled thinly; he was enjoying himself. "That's only your theory; let's call this research!"
By now Tegan had entered the fray. She walked up to the sixth Doctor and kicked him in the shin with her pointy high heeled shoes. He promptly let go of the fifth Doctor's throat and grabbed his injured leg and hopped around yelling "Ouch!!" Nyssa and Mel tried to calm the group down, but Turlough yelled, "Shut up, Nyssa!" Mel walked over to where he stood belligerently and decked him. She looked at his unconscious body. "That's no way to talk to a lady," she remarked mildly.
After forming an uneasy alliance, the two Doctors with their companions, all except Turlough, set off for UNIT headquarters to consult the Brigadier. Turlough, they left lying next to the TARDISes. "But, is that a good place to leave your TARDISes?" Nyssa inquired, boring as ever.
"Oh the contrary, Nyssa, nobody will bother them here. And, at least, we will be able to find them later," answered the fifth Doctor.
"But what about Turlough?"
"What about Turlough?" everyone asked in unison.
"Besides the fact that he's mean, nasty, rotten, and he smells . . ." Tegan added.
Everyone nodded assent. They turned to leave. Entering UNIT headquarters, they walked into a group leaving. Four different voices uttered the identical curse in Venusian. Romana got an inkling of what was going on and turned to the fourth Doctor. "Doctor, I'd like to go back to Gallifrey NOW!!" she said warningly.
"Now, now, not while things are getting interesting . . ."
Romana uttered a few curses of her own in a few interesting languages she knew. All four Doctors turned to her in astonishment. "Romana! I didn't know you knew such words!"
They stood there looking at each other and wondering what the heck to do, when an overly familiar noise commenced and a ridiculously familiar shape appeared. An old man, followed by a young girl, and a very strange young man with a teddy bear, emerged. "Hello, I'm the Doctor," the old man began. Romana shrieked and fell to the floor in a state of catatonia. The fourth Doctor frowned.
"Well, I'm surprise to see that you all made it here on time. Now, I've got this magnificent plan . . ."
"What took you so long?" the second Doctor demanded.
"Oh, you see," replied Vicki, "We've been on the edge of destruction!"
"Nevermind that, Vicki," the first Doctor said, "Now the first order of business is to locate this young fellow, who's been picking wild flowers and such . . ."
"He does that when he's normal!" objected the fourth Doctor.
"Well . . ." the first Doctor continued.
Out of the corner of his eye, the fifth Doctor spied a young woman, peeping around the corner. He sauntered over casually. "Hey, baby," he crooned, "What's your sign?" Jo came out of hiding and the Doctor recognized her. He sighed. Sometimes, he just couldn't get a break. Then he had a great idea. "Hello," the fifth Doctor exclaimed, "Maybe Jo can help us out."
"Me?" said Jo nervously leaving her hiding place, "I didn't do anything!" Jo stopped and looked incredulously around at the scene that met her eyes. There was a man in a dress, several women in various states of undress, five very strange men (some stranger than others), a woman on the floor (which no one paid any attention to), and a young man talking intently with a teddy bear.
"Och, Doctor," said Jamie suddenly, "I thought ye said this was a military installation. Where be all the soldiers then?"
"Well," said Jo, "I can tell you that. Some of them are on the roof, trying to get the police box off of it. Some are in the parking lot trying to move the two police boxes blocking traffic. Some are trying to move the police box out of the Brigadier's office and off of his cat. The rest are trying to get the Brigadier out from under his desk. And here's another police box! I don't know whose idea of a practical joke this is, but it isn't funny anymore!"
"My TARDIS!!" five voices cried out in unison.
"Huh?"
"I'm the Doctor!" they all said together, then glared angrily at one another.
The companions sighed, "Here we go again!" they chorused.
Mel took charge; her fondest fantasy was to be a drill sergeant. "Well, as near as I can make out, they're all the Doctor. Let's see now, this is Doctor number . . . " she said motioning to her Doctor.
"Six," he replied sourly.
"He's the baby," crooned the fourth Doctor.
"At least, I didn't bring my toys with me!" the sixth Doctor replied pointedly looking at K-9.
Mel crossed to the other curly haired Doctor. "And you're Doctor number . . ."
"Terrific!" the fourth Doctor replied with a wide grin.
"Snut!"
"Wimp!"
"Cut it out!" Mel yelled grabbing the fourth Doctor's arm and twisting it savagely.
"Four!" he yelped.
Mel moved to the blonde Doctor, wearing the cricket clothes. "You're Doctor . . ."
"Five!" he volunteered quickly, not wanting his arm twisted. After all, he's seen her deck Turlough.
Mel smiled; she liked a man who knew his place. She moved to the short comival looking man. "Doctor number . . ."
"Two," he replied cringing slightly. he was of the same opinion as the fifth Doctor.
Mel moved to the last Doctor, the white haired old man. "And you are?"
"I, my dear, am the original Doctor. Number one, you might say," he answered proudly.
"Hmm," Mel said doubtfully.
Tegan came out of the crowd, dragging Nyssa with her. She went over to greet the fourth Doctor, who had gotten her in her in this trouble in the first place. "It's all your fault!" she cried.
The fourth Doctor backed away quickly. He had seen charging bulls who look that way. "Do I know you?" he inquired politely.
"Doctor! You are the one who got me into this mess in the first place, and now you act as though you don't know me!"
"Ah, that's because I don't, not yet anyway. But don't get upset. Have a jelly baby." He proffered a crumpled brown bag.
It was the moment the sixth Doctor had been waiting for; he was starving! He dove at the fourth Doctor, grabbed the bag, and began stuffing jelly babies into his mouth. Mel freaked and tried to pull them away from him, but she saw the murder in his eyes and backed away.
"Oh, my poor fellow, what has she been doing to you?" the fourth Doctor asked gently, kneeling next to the prone Doctor.
"She's starving me to death!!" he blubbered, overcome with the fact that he'd finally actually gotten to eat something after all these weeks.
While this was going on, Polly sauntered over to the first Doctor. "Hello, Doctor. Fancy meeting you here! Ben's here, too, but he's otherwise occupied at the moment . . ."
The first Doctor looked strangely at Polly. "I don't know you, young woman. I don't believe we have met yet. And who's your girlfriend over there?" he asked motioning to Jamie.
"Och! I'm not lassie!" Jamie shouted belligerently. "I'll teach ye to make fun o' me, old man or no!' he prepared to beat the old man up.
The other Doctors raced to the old man's aid. Killing him wouldn't be hard, and as much as they would like to see him dead, if he died now, none of them would exist. Reluctantly, they restrained Jamie.
"Neanderthal!" the first Doctor spluttered.
The second Doctor said. "But all this is not the point; we've got to find the fairy. He turned to Jo. "No offense, dear. I realize that you've got to live with him, but then that's not my fault."
The rest of the Doctors nodded. The second Doctor volunteered reluctantly. "I think I may know where he is . . ."
"Lead the way. boy," the first Doctor said imperiously, pointing with his cane.
"I'll stay here in case he comes back," the fifth Doctor volunteered.
"Chicken!" the other four Doctors called. The fifth Doctor didn't care; he had important calls to make. Ducking into the nearest office, he picked up the phone and said, "Darrowby 27, please . . . Hello, is Kitty there?"
In the hallway, the four Doctors looked down at the prone body of Romana. "Oh well, I guess I'll carry her," the fourth Doctor sighed.
"You've got it. We're not touching her. The woman is vicious!" the second Doctor said.
The sixth Doctor nodded knowingly. "Although, I'll trade you companions if you like," he offered the fourth Doctor.
"No thanks," replied the fourth Doctor, flinging Romana over his shoulder. "Good grief! She's going to have to lay off the jelly babies!" They proceeded out the door, the companions in tow. Because they all couldn't fit into Bessie, they waited for the bus. Mel was forced to pay all their fares. The Doctors, as usual, were stiffing their companions. Mel, being the newest companion, still had money, but not for long.
"How much?!"
In the console room, Romana watched the time rotor judder to a halt. After returning to Gallifrey and learning the sketchy facts concerning the third Doctor's sudden disappearance, Romana had brought the TARDIS to England, Earth to assist in the search for the Doctor's third self. Thinking of her Doctor's stranger than usual actions, she wondered what could have happened to his earlier self to make him act this way. Considering it a moment, she decided that she really didn't want to know. Just then the Doctor walked slowly through the inner doors, gingerly rubbing the new bruise on his head. "I wonder where that came from," he mused, then he turned to Romana, "Where's tea?"
Romana ignored him and operated the door lever, then she went to collect her hat. The Doctor marched out of the TARDIS angrily; he wanted his tea. Well, he thought, at least they had landed in England, where one could get a proper cup of tea. For the first time, the Doctor noticed his surroundings; he was on the roof of UNIT headquarters. The Doctor looked over the edge of the building; he had this terrible urge to go flying. Flapping his coat and preparing to jump, he was stopped by Romana, who suddenly leaped out of the TARDIS and yanked him back from the roof edge via his scarf.
"But we must fly to Never-never Land!" he protested. She smacked his face several times. "Now, Romana, don't take your frustrations out on me! Is it my fault that you can't make a proper cup of tea? Well, it seems we're atop UNIT headquarters. We might as well pop down and visit my dear old friend the Brigadier.
Romana shrugged. Next time, she mused, she'd hit him with something a bit harder, not that it would hurt anything between his ears. In her opinion, there was nothing there. She and K-9 followed the Doctor to the Brigadier's office.
The Doctor was shocked to find a large well worn blue police box sitting in the Brigadier's office. At that moment, a funny little dark haired figure stepped out of the police box; the fourth Doctor stared at him in astonishment.
"What are you doing here when I am here?!" asked the fourth Doctor.
"I didn't call you! I called the cranky old senile man! What are you doing here?" the second Doctor demanded.
"I asked first!"
"I was here first!"
"Shut up, both of you!" Romana yelled. taking control of the situation. Whent hte two Doctors calmed down, she turned to the little man. "Who are you?"
"I am the Doctor, of course!" answered the second Doctor indignantly.
"Which regeneration?"
"First."
Romana tried to decide whether the Doctor had improved or degenerated with age. And now she had to put up with three Doctors; it was more than she or any Time Lady could bear. Over coming her disgust, Romana explained her situation to the second Doctor, and he explained about the third Doctor. Romana looked skyward. Perhaps she would have been better off chased by the love starved Castellan than being involved in this mess! Turning to leave, they heard a screech from under the desk, "Oh Fluffy!"
"Fluffy?" asked the fourth Doctor.
The second Doctor pointed to the tail, that was sticking out from under the TARDIS. "Lethbridge-Stewart's late cat."
In UNIT's car park, two TARDISes slowly materialized side by side, effectively blocking traffic. Two doors opened, two Doctors stuck their heads out the doors, and promptly pulled them back in. Leaning with his back braced against the outer door, the fifth Doctor's mind raced. "This couldn't possible be . . . " In the other TARDIS, the sixth Doctor, holding the door shut with his considerable weight, thought, "No, the chances are astronomical . . ."
They flung the door open wide and found themselves face to face. The fifth Doctor looked the Sixth Doctor up and down. He began to snigger, but immediately stopped when he saw the look on the larger man's face. "Been Goodwill shopping, have we?" the fifth Doctor smarted unable to resist. he ducked the flying fist.
Mel immediately jumped in between the two Doctors and began her mother routine. "Now, Doctor, aren't you ashamed of yourself, fighting with such a nice young man . . ."
The fifth Doctor, now shielded by Mel, continued his heckling. "Oh, he brought his mommy with him!"
The sixth Doctor calmly reached around Melanie and began to throttle the fifth.
"You can't kill me!" gasped the fifth Doctor, turning several shades of blue. "If you kill me, you will only exist as a temporal tautology. If I die, you will never exist, and I can't kill by you then, so let me go!"
The sixth Doctor smiled thinly; he was enjoying himself. "That's only your theory; let's call this research!"
By now Tegan had entered the fray. She walked up to the sixth Doctor and kicked him in the shin with her pointy high heeled shoes. He promptly let go of the fifth Doctor's throat and grabbed his injured leg and hopped around yelling "Ouch!!" Nyssa and Mel tried to calm the group down, but Turlough yelled, "Shut up, Nyssa!" Mel walked over to where he stood belligerently and decked him. She looked at his unconscious body. "That's no way to talk to a lady," she remarked mildly.
After forming an uneasy alliance, the two Doctors with their companions, all except Turlough, set off for UNIT headquarters to consult the Brigadier. Turlough, they left lying next to the TARDISes. "But, is that a good place to leave your TARDISes?" Nyssa inquired, boring as ever.
"Oh the contrary, Nyssa, nobody will bother them here. And, at least, we will be able to find them later," answered the fifth Doctor.
"But what about Turlough?"
"What about Turlough?" everyone asked in unison.
"Besides the fact that he's mean, nasty, rotten, and he smells . . ." Tegan added.
Everyone nodded assent. They turned to leave. Entering UNIT headquarters, they walked into a group leaving. Four different voices uttered the identical curse in Venusian. Romana got an inkling of what was going on and turned to the fourth Doctor. "Doctor, I'd like to go back to Gallifrey NOW!!" she said warningly.
"Now, now, not while things are getting interesting . . ."
Romana uttered a few curses of her own in a few interesting languages she knew. All four Doctors turned to her in astonishment. "Romana! I didn't know you knew such words!"
They stood there looking at each other and wondering what the heck to do, when an overly familiar noise commenced and a ridiculously familiar shape appeared. An old man, followed by a young girl, and a very strange young man with a teddy bear, emerged. "Hello, I'm the Doctor," the old man began. Romana shrieked and fell to the floor in a state of catatonia. The fourth Doctor frowned.
"Well, I'm surprise to see that you all made it here on time. Now, I've got this magnificent plan . . ."
"What took you so long?" the second Doctor demanded.
"Oh, you see," replied Vicki, "We've been on the edge of destruction!"
"Nevermind that, Vicki," the first Doctor said, "Now the first order of business is to locate this young fellow, who's been picking wild flowers and such . . ."
"He does that when he's normal!" objected the fourth Doctor.
"Well . . ." the first Doctor continued.
Out of the corner of his eye, the fifth Doctor spied a young woman, peeping around the corner. He sauntered over casually. "Hey, baby," he crooned, "What's your sign?" Jo came out of hiding and the Doctor recognized her. He sighed. Sometimes, he just couldn't get a break. Then he had a great idea. "Hello," the fifth Doctor exclaimed, "Maybe Jo can help us out."
"Me?" said Jo nervously leaving her hiding place, "I didn't do anything!" Jo stopped and looked incredulously around at the scene that met her eyes. There was a man in a dress, several women in various states of undress, five very strange men (some stranger than others), a woman on the floor (which no one paid any attention to), and a young man talking intently with a teddy bear.
"Och, Doctor," said Jamie suddenly, "I thought ye said this was a military installation. Where be all the soldiers then?"
"Well," said Jo, "I can tell you that. Some of them are on the roof, trying to get the police box off of it. Some are in the parking lot trying to move the two police boxes blocking traffic. Some are trying to move the police box out of the Brigadier's office and off of his cat. The rest are trying to get the Brigadier out from under his desk. And here's another police box! I don't know whose idea of a practical joke this is, but it isn't funny anymore!"
"My TARDIS!!" five voices cried out in unison.
"Huh?"
"I'm the Doctor!" they all said together, then glared angrily at one another.
The companions sighed, "Here we go again!" they chorused.
Mel took charge; her fondest fantasy was to be a drill sergeant. "Well, as near as I can make out, they're all the Doctor. Let's see now, this is Doctor number . . . " she said motioning to her Doctor.
"Six," he replied sourly.
"He's the baby," crooned the fourth Doctor.
"At least, I didn't bring my toys with me!" the sixth Doctor replied pointedly looking at K-9.
Mel crossed to the other curly haired Doctor. "And you're Doctor number . . ."
"Terrific!" the fourth Doctor replied with a wide grin.
"Snut!"
"Wimp!"
"Cut it out!" Mel yelled grabbing the fourth Doctor's arm and twisting it savagely.
"Four!" he yelped.
Mel moved to the blonde Doctor, wearing the cricket clothes. "You're Doctor . . ."
"Five!" he volunteered quickly, not wanting his arm twisted. After all, he's seen her deck Turlough.
Mel smiled; she liked a man who knew his place. She moved to the short comival looking man. "Doctor number . . ."
"Two," he replied cringing slightly. he was of the same opinion as the fifth Doctor.
Mel moved to the last Doctor, the white haired old man. "And you are?"
"I, my dear, am the original Doctor. Number one, you might say," he answered proudly.
"Hmm," Mel said doubtfully.
Tegan came out of the crowd, dragging Nyssa with her. She went over to greet the fourth Doctor, who had gotten her in her in this trouble in the first place. "It's all your fault!" she cried.
The fourth Doctor backed away quickly. He had seen charging bulls who look that way. "Do I know you?" he inquired politely.
"Doctor! You are the one who got me into this mess in the first place, and now you act as though you don't know me!"
"Ah, that's because I don't, not yet anyway. But don't get upset. Have a jelly baby." He proffered a crumpled brown bag.
It was the moment the sixth Doctor had been waiting for; he was starving! He dove at the fourth Doctor, grabbed the bag, and began stuffing jelly babies into his mouth. Mel freaked and tried to pull them away from him, but she saw the murder in his eyes and backed away.
"Oh, my poor fellow, what has she been doing to you?" the fourth Doctor asked gently, kneeling next to the prone Doctor.
"She's starving me to death!!" he blubbered, overcome with the fact that he'd finally actually gotten to eat something after all these weeks.
While this was going on, Polly sauntered over to the first Doctor. "Hello, Doctor. Fancy meeting you here! Ben's here, too, but he's otherwise occupied at the moment . . ."
The first Doctor looked strangely at Polly. "I don't know you, young woman. I don't believe we have met yet. And who's your girlfriend over there?" he asked motioning to Jamie.
"Och! I'm not lassie!" Jamie shouted belligerently. "I'll teach ye to make fun o' me, old man or no!' he prepared to beat the old man up.
The other Doctors raced to the old man's aid. Killing him wouldn't be hard, and as much as they would like to see him dead, if he died now, none of them would exist. Reluctantly, they restrained Jamie.
"Neanderthal!" the first Doctor spluttered.
The second Doctor said. "But all this is not the point; we've got to find the fairy. He turned to Jo. "No offense, dear. I realize that you've got to live with him, but then that's not my fault."
The rest of the Doctors nodded. The second Doctor volunteered reluctantly. "I think I may know where he is . . ."
"Lead the way. boy," the first Doctor said imperiously, pointing with his cane.
"I'll stay here in case he comes back," the fifth Doctor volunteered.
"Chicken!" the other four Doctors called. The fifth Doctor didn't care; he had important calls to make. Ducking into the nearest office, he picked up the phone and said, "Darrowby 27, please . . . Hello, is Kitty there?"
In the hallway, the four Doctors looked down at the prone body of Romana. "Oh well, I guess I'll carry her," the fourth Doctor sighed.
"You've got it. We're not touching her. The woman is vicious!" the second Doctor said.
The sixth Doctor nodded knowingly. "Although, I'll trade you companions if you like," he offered the fourth Doctor.
"No thanks," replied the fourth Doctor, flinging Romana over his shoulder. "Good grief! She's going to have to lay off the jelly babies!" They proceeded out the door, the companions in tow. Because they all couldn't fit into Bessie, they waited for the bus. Mel was forced to pay all their fares. The Doctors, as usual, were stiffing their companions. Mel, being the newest companion, still had money, but not for long.
"How much?!"
