Chapter 2: Sidney's Angst – Cassie's Plans
In the early evening, Sid checked into a hotel in the Centre of Birmingham. Since he was going to be there for the whole week, he did make use of the wardrobe. On shorter courses, he usually 'lived out of his suitcase' only using the hotel facilities for more formal suits. Once he had settled, he called Cassie on Skype.
"Hello Sweet Sid," said Cassie, "Are you OK?"
"I'm good. I've arrived safely." said Sid, "The train was on time."
"That's good." said Cassie, "How is your hotel room?"
"Seems comfortable enough." said Sid, "It's right in the middle of the City. I haven't had a look round the local area yet. That can wait. I'll be sampling their dinner soon."
"Hopefully, that will be good," said Cassie, "And I know you like British hotel breakfasts."
"By the way, I'm missing you already." said Sid.
"Missing you too," said Cassie, "And you've only been away for a couple of hours. Anyway, sweet Sid, keep safe. I'll be thinking about you."
"You're never out of my thoughts, my sweetness." said Sid, "Love you! Bye for now."
"Goodbye my love." said Cassie, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Although Cassie seemed cheerful on the surface, Sid still had this niggling doubt about her mood. However, he tried to put his worries to one side and enjoy the opening dinner. The 'after dinner speeches' comprised a briefing about the structure of the course, so that the first formal session could begin at nine o'clock sharp on Monday. Since two of Sid's work colleagues were also on the course, the evening ended convivially with drinks in the bar. Since Sid was still concerned about Cassie, and didn't want to wake with a hangover, he didn't overindulge. However, he did have enough to let him fall asleep easily. The first night in a strange bed passed peacefully. Sid had set his alarm at half past six so that he could have a short walk around the immediate vicinity of the hotel before breakfast. He used this time to get his bearings in the city. He walked up to the Town Hall and the Symphony Hall. Unfortunately, the course timetable did not allow him to experience any concerts.
The first meal of the day didn't disappoint. The breakfast was a full buffet with many different hot and cold items available. Sid helped himself to the equivalent of a 'full English' fried breakfast plus muesli and plenty of coffee. Feeling contented and with a full stomach, Sid was able, for a few hours at least, to put his worries about Cassie behind him.
The first session, in fact, the whole of the first morning was devoted to outlining the structure of the Home Office and explaining where the various subsidiary offices fitted in. Sid did know some of this, but did learn a lot.
At lunchtime on Monday, Sid phoned Cassie to check that she was OK and to give her some reassurance. He was pleased to hear her sweet voice at the other end of the line.
"Hello Cass," said Sid, "Just got a quick call in so I could hear your voice. Everything OK down there?"
"Of course," said Cassie, "Why shouldn't it be? Oh yes, I had a call from Katie this morning."
"Oh! How is she?" asked Sid.
"She's fine." said Cassie, "In fact, she's more than fine. They're expecting a baby in April. Maxxie's over the moon."
"That's wonderful." said Sid, "Does she know whether it's a boy or a girl?"
"Early days yet," said Cassie "But it did set me thinking. Should we try for one?"
"I'll have to think about that." said Sid, "We'll discuss it when we're together again. I can't do much about that from up here anyway."
"That's true." said Cassie.
"Anyway, I'd better ring off now," said Sid, "We're going in to lunch. Bye, sweetness. I'll give you a video call tonight."
"Goodbye, sweet Sidney." said Cassie, "You'd better go in to your meal."
The afternoon was devoted to describing the sickness, capability and disciplinary policies and proved rather dry until the question and answer session at the end of the afternoon. During the afternoon, Sid's attention tended to drift. He began once again to worry about Cassie's state of mind. True, she seemed quite cheerful when he Skyped her last night, and when he phoned her at lunchtime today, but why did she say "Adieu" when they parted company in Bristol? Why didn't she say "See you on Saturday."?
That evening, just before dinner, Sid once again Skyped Cassie.
"Ah! That's better," said Cassie, "We can see each other. You look tired. Long afternoon was it?"
"Something like that." said Sid, "We had to sit through two hours of explanations of procedures. My mind drifted a bit and I started thinking of you, and my love for you."
"That's nice." said Cassie, smiling, "Did you enjoy your daydreams?"
"Of course I did," said Sid, "But I had to snap out of them when the question and answer session started. That was the most interesting part of the afternoon. Anyway, don't forget. I Love you dearly, sweet one."
"I know you do, sweet Sidney." said Cassie. "Anyway, when is your dinner?"
Sid looked at his watch.
"In about five minutes." said Sid, "I'd better make a move. Love you sweetness. Bye!"
"Love you too, dear Sidney." said Cassie, "I've got a breakfast and lunch shift tomorrow, so you won't be able to call me in the middle of the day. Bye!"
"Then I'll Skype you at about this time. Bye!" said Sid.
Sid finished the call and headed for dinner. Although he could not put his finger on it, there was something about Cassie that he couldn't quite fathom. She seemed reasonably cheerful, but slightly distant. Since he had come to Birmingham, he had experienced worries about her state of mind. He had tried to suppress them, but this call had reawakened those worries. Because of her shift pattern, he would not be able to speak to her for another twenty-four hours.
Sid's worries were not without foundation. Although she put on a normal, bright and cheerful front when she talked to Sid, she was deeply depressed. Her lack of self-esteem had resurfaced. She had persuaded herself that, much as he loved her, she was not 'good enough' for him. She worked her Tuesday shift. Afterwards, she visited several pharmacies and obtained enough pills to end what she now felt was her worthless life. She had two days off from work this week, Thursday and Friday. She would work her Wednesday evening shift and take the pills late on Thursday morning or in the afternoon. Her only regret was the effect her demise might have on Sid. She would try not give Sid any clue as to what she was about to do.
Sid, meanwhile, despite his misgivings about Cassie, was trying to enjoy the course as much as he could. Tuesday's subject was time management, which Sid found fascinating, especially the section about 'stealing' time. Since Cassie had a morning shift, Sid could not contact his wife until the evening. The fact that the course subject for the day was really stimulating helped to keep his mind off his worries. Part of the session was devoted to how a smartphone could be used as a 'personal data manager'.
As on the previous two evenings, Sid Skyped Cassie just before dinner. He felt good as he had just spent a really interesting and stimulating day on the course. Sid called. Cassie answered.
"Hello, Sid," said Cassie, "How was today?"
"Fascinating!" said Sid, "It was all about managing time. It was really enthralling. Anyway, how did your shift go?"
"Quite well." said Cassie, "Lunch was hard work because we had a party in the place, celebrating someone's retirement."
"I don't suppose you get so many tips from that kind of thing." said Sid.
"No, I don't!" said Cassie.
"Incidentally," said Sid, "You're looking a bit tired this evening. You're not smiling as much as usual. Is everything OK?"
"I suppose I've just had a heavy day." said Cassie, "Serving two dozen people at once takes it out of me."
"Anyway, keep your spirits up," said Sid, "And do get a good night's sleep. You look as if you need it."
"Thank you. I will." said Cassie, "I'm on late tomorrow, so I can have a lay in, and you'll have to call me in the morning. Anyway, I'll hear from you tomorrow morning."
"I'll try to Skype you in the mid-morning break." said Sid, "Bye. Love you lots!"
"Love you lots as well. Bye!" said Cassie.
This call did not serve to lessen Sid's worries. The fact that Cassie looked tired and smiled less began to make him feel he should have postponed the course despite Cassie's urgings. However, he tried not to let his concern show. After dinner and a reasonably convivial evening in the bar, he went to bed. This time, he had some difficulty sleeping. He couldn't supress his worries about Cassie. It could be that she was just tired, in which case, there was nothing to worry about. However, it could be that Cassie was in a downward spiral and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. She was 77 miles away. Normally, he would be able to restore her sunny disposition by sheer force of warm, gentle, sincere love.
On the Wednesday morning, Sid went to breakfast as usual, but his colleagues did notice he wasn't so cheerful. The day's subject on the course was 'Plain English'. Sid would normally have found this the most interesting day of the course. However, today, his worries about Cassie had begun to dominate his thoughts. He took less from the buffet for his breakfast and only picked at it. He managed to stay reasonably alert during the first session. It helped that the tutor used humour to ridicule some of the rather turgid 'officialese' from earlier decades and the Kafkaesque situations it could generate. He went on to say that the rest of the day would be devoted to using simpler language and avoiding jargon and gobbledegook.
In the mid-morning break, Sid called his Cassie. She answered.
"Hello Sid," said Cassie, "You've caught me in bed."
"Well, you did say you were going to have a lay-in today." said Sid, "Anyway, how are you?"
"Bearing up, I suppose." said Cassie, "I'm just having a long lay-in before my shift this evening.
"That's good," said Sid, "You get plenty of rest. You need it. What are you planning for the rest of the week?"
"I've got two days off after today's shift." said Cassie, "Time to think about things."
"What kind of things?" asked Sid.
"You know - just things." said Cassie.
It was clear she wasn't going to enlarge on this rather vague statement.
"Anyway," continued Cassie, "How are things in Birmingham? What are you learning today?"
"How to write and speak 'plain English'." said Sid, "So far, it's been quite entertaining."
"Sounds as if you're going to have a good day." said Cassie.
"I think I will." said Sid, "Our tutor has a sense of humour for a change. I'm looking forward to the next session."
"That's good," said Cassie, "At least you've got something to look forward to. It must be coffee break time. Where are you?"
"I'm in a quiet room some way from the lecture room." said Sid, "I suppose I'd better be getting back there, so this is goodbye for the time being. Best of luck for this evening's shift. I'll call you again tomorrow morning. I'll be learning about presentation skills and public speaking. On Friday morning, we all have to give short presentations. The course tutor will give us the subjects before tonight's dinner. Bye!"
"That sounds interesting." said Cassie, "You'll be able to stand up and give a short speech in front of a congregation of people."
"I don't know about that," Said Sid, "But I should be able to do better than I did at the wedding reception."
"Oh, Sid," said Cassie, "Don't put yourself down, that was a sweet speech. You'll be okay."
"Anyway, I'd better be moving, or I'll be late for the next session." said Sid, "Bye my sweet one. Call you Tomorrow. Love you."
"Love you too." said Cassie, "Bye, sweet Sid. We'll talk again tomorrow."
Sid felt that Cassie didn't seem as bright as usual. Her normally gentle voice seemed a bit flat. Her use of the word 'congregation' also puzzled him. However, the course had to go on. He tried to put his worries to one side and enjoyed the rest of the day. The course delegates then settled down to a very entertaining day of lectures with examples concerning the use of 'plain English' in Government communications. Sid did find it entertaining and stimulating, but could not dismiss his concern about Cassie.
Before dinner there was a brief session outlining the rest of the course and the subjects for the Friday morning presentations were handed out. Because of this, he would not have been able to call Cassie anyway. He resolved to use Skype for the morning call so he could see Cassie's sweet face.
The delegates met in the bar after dinner and discussed the subjects issued for the Friday morning presentations. This helped postpone Sid's concerns till bedtime. He had another disturbed night, tossing and turning without much actual sleep.
