wants and needs

Wherein texting persists as a form of communication and a bargain is struck between old friends

TRACY ISLAND, 2060

P: good afternoon, lovely! heard you were down, just saying hello 3

P: when did you get back?

J: Recently.

P: darling, were you sleeping? didn't think you'd answer if I woke you.

J: Can't sleep, dehydrated. Headache. Vertigo. Actively dying. otherwise fine. how are you?

P: aw, lamb. I'm quite well, terribly sorry you're feeling poorly.

J: stop the earth please, I'd like to get off now.

P: afraid my influence doesn't go much further than the British isles, pet. might I call?

J: see above, re: headache.

P: so sorry, sweetheart

J: too many nicknames, what do you want?

P: ass.

J: not my area, ask Gordon.

P: I tried, he's in the Galapagos.

J: I know, he's been texting me pictures of birds every 20 minutes, trying to cheer me up.

P: but that's sweet though!

J: plenty cheerful. need sleep, not birds.

P: well, I need a favour.

J: want =/= need

P: I said need.

J: said =/= meant

P: remember that time I saved your life?

J: I remember that you mix it up with the time i nearly suffocated in open space because you thought I was sending you selfies.

P: but you didn't! And you're very welcome, by the way, not that you ever thanked me.

J: are you actually calling in that favor or can I go back to sleep

P: saving your life is just a favour now? we seem to have a mismatch in our understanding of the scale of the average favour.

J: I'm asleep now. I'm sleeping.

P: I need a date for a garden party.

J: I'm going to take that as a concession that my assessment of your contribution to lifesaving is more accurate than yours. also, no.

P: please?

J: noooooooo

P: I never ask you for anything.

J: this is probably why. and last week you asked me to "hack" into Prada's HQ because you wanted to know about next year's handbags.

P: and you wouldn't do it because you're an utter bastard.

J: poor little rich girl.

P: come to my party.

J: don't wanna.

P: why not? what are you down for anyway?

J: well, it's not exclusively to be of use to you. I have to recertify a bunch of qualifications for my space operations license.

P: Boring! tedious bureaucracy. come with me to a lovely English garden party, there'll be caviar and croquet and charming company. My great aunt is hosting, she's delightful, she'll adore you.

J: give me some real incentive if you want me to think about it.

P: erasure of a life-debt

J: I don't owe you a life debt.

P: case of scotch.

J: I don't drink scotch.

P: two cases of scotch.

J: I still don't drink scotch.

P: case of meteorites.

J: that doesn't even make sense.

P: it's very good scotch, you'd like scotch if you drank this scotch. case of scotch, and I'll make scott beg you to go.

J: Hm.

P: scotch can be leveraged to make scott do things. proven fact.

J: When?

P: Any minute now.

J: I mean the party. and what?

P: Sunday. And never you mind.

J: I need to be in Houston tuesday morning.

P: you'll be there with bells on, perfectly refreshed and ready for your tedium, you have my word.

J: it's not tedium, it's a legal requirement if I want to stay in orbit for the rest of the year. English garden parties = tedium.

P: you've been stuck on an island for too long, you're an absolute bastion of incivility. you and your brothers, it's like Lord of the Flies.

J: right, the book about the inherent savagery of the english upper class. You're literally trying to buy me, and WE'RE the ones who're like lord of the flies. Also I live in space.

P: Hush.

J: There's knocking. have you actually gotten scott involved?

P: you know, I actually have.

J: You can't think he'll actually beg.

P: Bet he will.

J: hmmmmmmmm.

P: if he does, then you owe me a game of croquet.

J: we played croquet at your last birthday and you drank too much champagne and tried to hit me with a mallet.

P: well don't cheat this time.

J: a basic grasp of physics isn't cheating.

P: Go answer the door. You have fun at my parties, and we'll have a wonderful time. Thank me later.

J: Don't count your chickens before they've actually accepted your invitations.

P: Text me back to tell me yes.

J: You have a real problem with foregone conclusions. Maybe.

P: talk to you soon.