Ch. 2: Roast Mutton
Kylie's head swam, but she sat up. She was not in her car. She was not on the highway. From the looks of it, she was not even in Seattle.
"Shit…."
There was nothing but trees. The weather was wet and muggy. Last time this happened, Kylie found herself in….
"No way…."
There was no way something this weird could happen to the same person twice.
Either way, she had no idea where she was. Where anybody or anything was. Or did she? Kylie could see a light far off in the distance. There was nothing for it, so she went forward. She needed help; she literally had nothing but the clothes on her back. Even when she was hit with a nasty smell, she crawled forward. At least she found a use for her oversized graduation robe: covering her mouth and nose.
The horrible sight that met her erased all doubts in her mind. She was back. This was Middle Earth.
There, sitting around a large fire, were three trolls. Three very ginormous, very ugly, and very smelly trolls. Kylie took in a few deep breaths to calm herself down. These trolls were obviously not bred for battle, so it should not be too difficult to avoid them. She began to back away.
Then she saw something she could not ignore. Perchance, she caught a good glimpse of the fire. The trolls were cooking something. She looked closer and her heart skipped a beat. Dwarves. Eyes wide, she continued to look. Further back, even more dwarves were stuck in sacks. Then she saw one that looked incredibly familiar. His red mane shook violently as he tried to free himself from his bonds. Could it be? Kylie's suspicion was confirmed when she saw two familiar axes in a pile of weapons.
Gimli.
"No," she whispered. She had to get Gimli out of there! But she had no weapons….
There! In among the weapons, were a bow and quiver. Kylie knew they weren't hers, but she figured whoever they belonged to was not in a position to object if she did decide to borrow them for a moment.
"Hurry up! I don't fancy being turned to stone!"
So the trolls were in a hurry. She did not have much time! Slowly, praying with every inch, she crawled forward. She did not dare go any faster, but she needed to get the bow as soon as possible! The weapons were far enough from the trolls, but if they turned around she was dead. Literally. And she had no idea how good their hearing was. If she ruffled the leaves too much… she didn't want to think of it. She needed a distraction badly.
And somehow, a distraction came in the form of a hobbit.
"I think you're making a terrible mistake," said the hobbit. Kylie knew it was a hobbit because he was clearly smaller than the dwarves, but he was also much less hairy. And his voice was higher.
"With the seasoning. I mean, have you smelt them?"
Kylie inched forward, fingers almost on her prize. She was making a little too much noise, but the hobbit's rambling gave her some cover. In the meantime, she needed to remember anything Aragorn or Legolas had ever taught her about trolls. Speaking of which, where were those two?
"Yes, the secret to cooking Dwarf is…" clearly the poor hobbit was trying to think of something, anything to say. "Is to… skin them first!"
Even Kylie dropped the weapons at that. Skin them? The poor dwarves were beside themselves, all screaming at the hobbit. Kylie quickly backed into the shrubbery with the weapons, safely out of sight.
"Tom, get me filletin' knife!" Kylie heard the troll say. She was quickly running out of time. She had to get a shot off before… time! That was it! She remembered how they had encountered three stone trolls in the forest after the Ringwraith attack. If trolls were caught by the sun, they would be turned to stone!
She didn't have to kill trolls; she just had to survive the night! And Kylie was willing to bet the little hobbit knew that too.
Strengthened, Kylie notched an arrow and stepped out from behind the tree. She would have one chance, maybe two before the idiotic trolls figured out they were under attack. Her heart stopped when she saw one of the trolls dangling a surprisingly fat dwarf above its mouth.
But the hobbit came to the rescue again. "Not that one. He is... he's infected!"
The dwarf cried out, but the troll dropped him.
"He what?" it cried.
"Yes, he's got worms in his… tubes!" Despite the severity of the situation, Kylie chocked back a laugh. Worms in tubes, really? "In... in fact, they all have!" he continued. "They're infested with parasites. It's a nasty business! I wouldn't risk it."
That was probably the most ridiculous thing Kylie had ever heard, but it was working. The trolls, if it was even possible, looked absolutely disgusted. Unfortunately, so did the dwarves. They yelled louder, trying to regain some scrap of dignity. Suddenly it grew silent. It was as if somebody had figured out what was actually going on and finally sided with the hobbit.
"I've got parasites as big as my arm!" cried one who sounded a lot like Gimli.
"Yes I've got parasites, the biggest you've ever seen!" cried another very, very quickly.
All the dwarves erupted in affirmation immediately. Suddenly, the trolls had pickets of infected dwarves.
"Well what should we do? Let 'em all go?" growled one troll.
Kylie could tell this was starting to go badly. She notched the bow again and looked for a target.
"This little ferret has been taking us all for fools!" growled the troll.
"Ferret?"
Kylie fired. Then she knew she should duck behind a tree, but she couldn't resist peeking out to see where her shot hit. For the past three years, Kylie had been a member of the Seattle Ranged Weapons Association. She had gotten very good, but the different balance of this bow threw her off a little.
So the arrow did not land on the troll's head as she had planned. Rather, it had landed right on its butt.
"Aye! What the…."
"Oo's there?" cried out another troll.
So they didn't see her. Kylie crawled to another tree and took aim again. This time, she was extra careful to hit above the hip. She was rewarded with a hit above the heart. Any other creature, it would have been dead. But this was a big fat troll.
"There!" pointed the more vicious troll in her direction. As the trolls lumbered towards her, Kylie knew she only had one chance. She threw aside the weapons and ran.
She could outrun the trolls. She knew she could. Yes Kylie had shorter legs, but the trolls were slow and stupid. "Bear left!" she screamed out as she continued to run straight.
"Bear?" cried one.
"Nah, its lyin'! It went this way!"
Kylie didn't even have time to curse as she ran forward. She looked behind. The trolls were gaining on her! She had severely overestimated her abilities and was about to pay the price.
She would pay. Kylie should have known better than to run without watching where she was going. If she had been looking, she probably would have seen the root, and most likely would have been able to avoid it. Yet she was not looking, so she could do none of these things. Instead, she flipped in the air and landed flat on her back. The force of the fall knocked the wind out of her.
Suddenly, she was upside down and at least ten feet in the air.
"So this stuck my arse like a pincushion?" cried one of the trolls?
"It hit me in the chest!" squealed one of the others.
"Take it back to the light. Perhaps it would be good skinned like them dwarves!"
"Nope, not really," mumbled Kylie. She could feel the blood rushing to her head and tried to sit up to a more upright position, but that was impossible to do while a large smelly troll was holding her feet.
Kylie saw the light getting closer and she struggled more. But soon she was too worn. The troll's grip did not get any looser around her legs.
Suddenly, she felt herself falling and landed on several different bodies. She rolled over quickly, but there was something sharp on her back.
"Now you stay right there, and where are the rest of you?"
"And what is it? Certainly no dwarf or burglarhobbit."
Kylie looked up in fear and confusion. If the trolls had no idea what she was, she did not want to help at all.
"A man perhaps?"
"Perhaps."
"Doubtful, have you ever seen a man so skinny?" said a voice that didn't quite sound like the trolls.
"Aye, probably not a man."
"Elf scum?"
Kylie shuffled uncomfortably. There was a little bit of light in the sky….
"Got a thin frame it has."
"But no pointy ears."
The troll poked Kylie. "It wouldn't make a mouthful. Put it with the dwarves." It tossed her back on top of the dwarves. By then, she was so sore she could barely move.
"And let dawn take you all!" cried another voice. Kylie looked on top of a rock to see a vaguely familiar figure looking down. She recognized him as a wizard, especially when he used magic to break the boulder in half, revealing the sun. The trolls growled out as their skin burned up. Slowly, the creatures became stone.
"A ha, Gandalf!" laughed the dwarves.
"Get off me!" cried the dwarf right underneath Kylie.
"Oh sorry," she muttered and rolled off again.
She looked around her. Where did Gimli go?
"Gim… oh." Suddenly there was a problem. The red-haired dwarf before Kylie certainly did look like Gimli, but he wasn't.
She didn't rescue a friend; she infiltrated a group of strangers. And now they were all staring at her.
A/N: I just wanted to get another chapter up so you all get an idea the direction I'm taking this so far. Once again, reviews are greatly appreciated. Also, I would not object to any ideas/ sources of inspiration.
