"You can't keep doing this!" Clarke called after him.

Bellamy spun around and glared at her. "Watch me," he sneered heading back out of the bar.

"Bellamy… I—" Clarke blinked back tears as she followed him. "You're really walking away right now? This isn't who you are!"

"You're right. I'm not the one who walks away. That's you! But after this," he shook his head. "I can't be around you."

"I'm sorry. Bellamy, your opinion matters to me. So tell me what it is that you don't want me to hear."

"I hate her. She changes you, I didn't recognize who you were when she was here. If that's what you're going to turn into, then I don't want to sit around and watch."

Clarke sighed, thinking about how she is with him compared to how she is with Lexa. She didn't see what he was talking about but maybe he's right. Maybe she doesn't want to see it. "So you're going to walk away from a ten year friendship? You're my best friend, I can't lose you too."

"I'm not making you choose, Clarke. I can't put that on you so I am walking away because I can't see my best friend change for someone else. Now let me go."


"What's going on?" Lexa asked and Clarke blinked, looking to her.

"What?"

"You've been out of it for weeks, what's going on?"

"I don't—" she shook her head, she didn't know what to say that wouldn't start a fight.

"Bellamy."

Clarke sighed, "I don't want to talk about this with you."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing."

"Clarke, you clearly need to talk about this."

"I think I'm going to stay at my place tonight," Clarke said getting up and throwing her sweatshirt on.

"Are you sure? It's late, you should stay here."

"I should go home, I'll call you."

Lexa nodded, leaning in for a kiss and Clarke turned her head for her to kiss her cheek. "Yeah, bye."

Clarke walked home with Bellamy's words in her head, she didn't know what to think about what he said. She knew what he meant but it didn't sit right for some reason. They're friends but the way he was acting made it sound like more than that. What the hell did that mean?

She put her key in the lock and turned but it wouldn't budge. "What the hell?"

"Clarke?" she heard behind her and turned to find Bellamy at the bottom of the stairs. "What are you doing here?"

She looked around and sighed when she realized she was at his apartment, ten blocks farther from Lexa's apartment than hers in the opposite direction. "I… I miss you."

"And Lexa?"

Clarke shrugged, "I don't know. I've been thinking about what you've said and I don't know if you're right but I know that I miss you and these last few weeks… they've sucked."

"I know."

"Can I… can I stay tonight?"

"Clarke…"

"I know. I just miss you and I want to talk to you about what you said about Lexa but I'm really tired and I walked all the way from her apartment thinking I was going to mine. Just tonight and coffee in the morning."

"Okay," he nodded and climbed the stairs putting his own key in the door and let her inside. "Take the bed, I got the couch."

"Bellamy—"

"This isn't up for negotiations, Clarke. If you're as exhausted as you look, take the damn bed and go to sleep."

Clarke nodded and headed into his room. She couldn't sleep, his bed wasn't the same without him. She wanted to call him and have him stay with her but there's a line they can't cross. Two single friends could sleep in the same bed, but she's with Lexa, so they can't. Eventually she fell asleep but it wasn't the same, she didn't wake up feeling warm and safe like she usually did with him and she felt weird about it, being in Bellamy's bed without him.

Walking into the kitchen, Clarke smiled at the cinnamon apple pancakes and glass of orange juice waiting for her at the island, hearing the shower running so she sat at the island and ate her breakfast, Bellamy hates orange juice but stocks it for her and Octavia so it's definitely for her.

He stepped out of the bathroom when she's halfway done with her last pancake and swallowed at the sight of him shirtless. His abs shouldn't affect him the way they do, she's had her hands on them plenty of times and has slept in the same bed with him in just his boxers. She should be used to it, but somehow she just never seems to be and she grimaced at the sight because it wasn't the same as before.

"Morning," Clarke said turning back to her pancake.

"Morning. I have work in a half hour, I let you sleep in. You wanted to talk?" he came around to where there was coffee still brewed and poured himself another cup. He drinks it black and it's always disgusted Clarke.

He leaned back against the counter and took a sip waiting for her and looking too much like a menandcoffee Instagram photo that she loved to hate. "You said that I change around her. How?"

"This isn't going to do anything, Clarke. You're just going to run back to her."

"Maybe, but what if you say it and it's what makes me see it? What if I'm completely unaware of how I am around her in comparison to who I am with you and our friends?"

"You don't want to know, Clarke."

"I do."

"You're compliant. Fuck. You agree with everything she says. She pulls you away from your friends, you had plans with Octavia and Raven for months and ditched last minute because Lexa told you that she wanted you with her. I was in that coffee shop when she said it. It wasn't a question, her asking you to stay with her instead of go with O and Raven, it was a demand. I have never seen you shrink down to someone especially when it comes to your friends."

Clarke blinked, she knew exactly what he was talking about and it's true, she stayed with Lexa and it wasn't for anything important. She stayed because Lexa was intoxicating, her self-confidence, her stance and strong beliefs, they were a turn on initially but now Clarke wasn't enamored or enthralled by Lexa at all. She's been turned off more often than not and she wondered if it was because she did realize all this before Bellamy said it aloud. "I know."

"You know? How is that an acceptable response?"

"Because I'm breaking up with her the next time I see her."

"Clarke, that wasn't the point of me telling you any of this."

"I know, she was an escape. My life wasn't feeling like my own, Wells had died and I found out the truth about Finn and I was failing art history. I felt lost and she found me. Now, I'm feeling lost in this relationship, I'm not me, I'm who she wants me to be and I can't keep it up. How am I supposed to be with someone who won't accept me for who I am?"

"You have plenty of people who do. This is like saying they're not good enough."

Clarke sighed, "You are, Raven, Octavia, Monty, Miller. Hell, even Murphy are good enough and I'm sorry I didn't see that. You guys are like my family."

"Then you should treat us like we are instead of casting us aside when a relationship is involved."

"I won't. I promise."

"Good, I have to get to work, do you want a ride over to your place?"

"That would be great, thanks. And thanks for breakfast and letting me stay last night."

"Of course, I heard you tossing and turning, was everything okay?"

"Yeah, it was just different without you," the confession felt like it said more than it should have.


The next months flew by even though they were incredibly entertaining and fun hanging out with her friends again and without having to report to Lexa, it was freeing and exactly what she needed now. Nine months ago she felt lost and without a purpose and Lexa was a form of stability that she needed at the time but she's completely capable of being her own independent person now and she's excited.

Or she was…

"You can't keep doing this," Bellamy said coming up next to her at the bar, his hand low on her back.

"Do what?" she smiled, on the verge of laughter.

"Look at me like that, like I saved you." He leaned closer, brushing his lips against the shell of her ear. "Like you want me."

"And if I can't help it?" she countered, spinning around in his grasp looking up into his dark eyes.

"Clarke."

"If you don't want to—"

"I want to but I don't think I can do it just once."

"I wasn't asking for one time."

Bellamy smirked, "Good, let's go."

Clarke leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, a promise of more.