Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all Harry Potter characters are copyrights of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them for some fun. The Actual Quibbler article was written by J.K. Rowling, not me.

This is just a bunch of scenes, that are fun to think about, but not meant for anything else than that.

Jan-2009 update: chapter has been edited with a different scene order, scene titles, and 1 completely new scene.


-11- Brazil Boa Bulletin

Harry made his way down the stairs as silently as possible. He knew the Weasleys were planning on sending a post about the Qudditch World Cup and their plans to pick him up so he was determined to be on his best behavior. And for his Aunt and Uncle, that meant staying quiet, out of the way and not complaining about house hold chores when asked to do them. Lately, since his going to Hogwarts, not much was expected of Harry. He took advantage of that usually, but now he was helping out in the kitchen more and being sure to always pick up the mail and leave it on the table for his Uncle. They didn't say any words of thanks, but Harry knew they didn't mind his actions in the least.

Harry walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice while he started brewing his Uncle's coffee. Then he pulled out a carton of eggs and began to cook them in a skillet. As Harry began cooking the bacon he heard his Uncle's familiar thumping footsteps come down the stairs. A moment latter he walked in the room and turned on the television to the local news channel. He didn't even glance in Harry's direction, he just sat down and picked up the newspaper and waited for his breakfast to be placed down in front of him. Harry didn't mind, it would be harder for him to keep calm if they were in complete silence.

"It was reportedly found late last night while the cargo containers were being unloaded in port. It apparently gave the workers an aweful fright," a newsbroadcaster said, "It was caught and restrained quickly. The authority's were notified and a local scientist that worked at the zoo found that the snake in fact had an internal identification chip which properly identified the boa constrictor as one belonging to the London Zoo, one that went mysteriously missing three years ago."

Harry stopped cooking the bacon and looked at the TV over his shoulder. He couldn't believe his ears. Surely, he thought, it couldn't be the boa that had talked to him when he had gone with his family to the zoo for Dudley's birthday and had escaped after he had accidentally magiced his cousin behind the glass of its enclosure. It just couldn't be, but then again, stranger things had happened to Harry. He caught a glance from Uncle Vernon who was staring at Harry with the same disbelief that he knew was own his own face.

"The Brazilian authorities are working with the Zoo to safely send the boa back to its proper home."

Harry served his Uncle his plate of scrambled eggs and bacon with a mug of coffee and then left, laughing all the way back up to his room.

-12- The Unexpected Invite

"You're going to ask Hermione to the dance right?" Harry asked Ron at lunch. He remembered how his friend had acted the year before with the Yule Ball when he had found out she was asked out by someone else.

"Why Krum's not around, what's the rush, who else is gonna ask her?" Ron responded quickly seeing Hermione heading over. He nudged Harry to be sure he saw her and didn't continue the conversation while she was around. Harry couldn't help but notice she seemed distressed about something.

Hermione slammed her stuff down on the table in front of them and then turned around sharply.

"Why do you keep following me around!?" she shouted at someone behind her, the boys couldn't see who from where they sat. "What do you want Malfoy?" Hermione added practically growling at the Slytherin.

"Ayewazzwundering-" Draco began mumbling staring directly at his feet. Ron had stopped eating and both he and Harry were leaning to one side so they could see around Hermione and see what was going on. Draco's face was beet red, and getting brighter.

"Speak up!" Hermione demanded tapping her foot impatiently at him with her hands on her hips.

"I-ugh-I..." Draco looked up at her, desperately trying to get his month to say what was his brain was thinking.

"What?!"

"I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD BE MY DATE TO THE DANCE!" Draco shouted at her taking Hermione, Harry, Ron, and pretty much the entire great hall by surprise. Draco stood stiffly, but it was clear to Harry he wanted to run away. He stole a side-ways glance at Ron who seemed horrified. Harry didn't blame him.

"I-ugh-" Hermione stuttered, trying to get a grasp on her own words. "I guess so, it's not like anyone else has asked me."

"Good, I'll meet you at the foot of the grand staircase." Draco responded immediately then turned and ran out of the room.

"What the newt?" Harry heard one the Weasley twins whisper a few feet down from the table. The entire room was staring at Hermione. Except for Harry, his gaze was still on Ron, whose mouth was now gaping open. Ron finally seemed to snap out of his daze just as Hermione slowly turned and sat down across from them, her face coming dangerously close to the shade Malfoy's had been only a moment ago. Harry looked from Hermione to Ron and then back again several times.

"Have you gone bonkers on us, what the hell are you thinking saying yes to a guy like that," Ron finally spoke up. Hermione glared at him. Harry silently agreed with him, but he didn't think that it was the best way for Ron to address the situation either.

"I can say yes to anyone I want Ron. What do you care anyways?" she demanded.

Harry's eyes widened so much his eyebrows were hidden by his hair. Ron leaned back with a gasp of shock. Before Ron could recover enough to respond Harry grabbed his bag and got up, keeping his eyes on the door.

"I've got to go." He said awkwardly, not really caring. He remembered how the two of them had acted towards one another last year, and he wanted to avoid being caught in the middle for as long as he could.

-13- Luna's Request

While everyone else eagerly packed their belongings for the summer break, one dreamy eyed third year made her way down towards Hagrid's Hut. She knocked on the wooden door softly.

"Oh, hello Ms. Lovegood,"

"Hi Headmaster," Luna replied in her sing-song voice.

"Come to bid Hagrid farewell then, well I shalln't keep you any longer, Good day and Good Summer." Dumbledore said with a wink as he let himself out and gestured for her to go in.

"Thank you," she said as he passed her. She turned her attentions to the huge black dog that greeted her upon her entry.

"Dear Fang, find any slashkilters yet?" she asked him as she scratched him on his head between his ears. Fang wagged his tail and slobbered excitedly, enjoying the attention.

"Oh, Hullo little Luna, what brings ya here, shouldn'tcha be backin fer home now?"

"I just finished putting up my fliers, everything should be back before supper, so I'll pack then." Luna replied as Hagrid offered her some tea and cookies. She accepted politely and sat in a chair with Fang by her side, keeping one hand on his head. Hagrid seemed slightly uncomfortable about her reply, he knew she didn't have many friends at the school and wished she would complain about the other kids taking her stuff so that Dumbledore and the rest of the staff could do something, but he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't and there was no sense in trying to convince her either.

"So, ugh, did you come here fer sometin?"

"Yes, I wrote home to my father about your blast-ended skrewts,"

"Did you now."

"He was just as fascinated about them as I was when you first showed them to our class."

"Nutin too surprisin there."

"Well he said it was okay, so I want to ask you if any are still alive."

"Why, what for?"

"So I can adopt one. It would give me something interesting to do this summer, taking care of it. I think it would be very good practice for when I find the crumble-horned snorkack."

-14- A Present for Dudley

"Harry, I can't believe you dragged us along with you," Ron complained eyeballing the store they were in.

"Really Harry," Hermione agreed drumming her finger over a few random items on the shelf she was standing next to.

"Yes, I need help, I have no clue how to shop for a guy like him," Harry said over his shoulder. He was investigating everything one by one in the store systematically deciding if it was a possibility or not. He wasn't finding many things he wanted to give as gifts which was starting to get on his nerves. "I don't want him to hate me for giving him a gift he doesn't like." Harry added with his voice cracking.

"But Harry, think about it, what has he ever done to deserve a present from you?" Ron said, trying to talk some reason into his friend. "Hermione, help me out."

"What do you want me to say?! If Harry wants to buy his cousin Dudley a birthday present that costs a fortune in hopes to get in his good graces and want to hang with Harry more, who are we to stop him?" she asked Ron sternly.

"You both have lost your minds, you know that right," Ron retorted seriously. Harry and Hermione exchanged a glance and shrugged at him.

"What about this? I know he has nine piggy-banks already but this one is made of gold." Harry asked holding it out for Ron and Hermione to see. Ron covered his eyes, shaking his head and muttering something that sounded a lot like 'bloody hell' under his breath.

-15- The Quibbler Article

Sirius Black sat in a large worn-out velvet upholstered chair in the corner of the old sitting room of 12 Grimwald Place. He didn't have many fond memories of this, his family's house. He had ran away from it at the age of sixteen and never once looked back. Now, he found the irony that this was the only place he could be and be free from detection when it was the last place on this earth he wished to be, next of course, to his prison cell back at Azkaban. Then again, wasn't this just an exchange from one prison for another?

"Sirius Black," Remus strode into the room, breaking Sirius's thoughts. Sirius noted he had a newsmagainze in his hand. He couldn't see the title since Remus had it open with the cover folded back against its self. Remus gave Sirius a quick glance and then began reading out loud. "Sirius, Black as he's painted. Notorious mass murderer or innocent singing sensation?"

Sirius gazed up at Lupin like he had gone completely mental and raised an eye brow at the words that had just been uttered by his friend. Remus didn't pause long, he quickly moved on to the rest of the article.

"For fourteen years Sirius Black has been believed guilty of the mass murder of twelve innocent Muggles and one wizard. Black's audacious escape from Azkaban two years ago has led to the widest manhunt ever conducted by the Ministry of Magic. None of us has ever questioned that he deserves to be recaptured and handed back to the Dementors. But does he? Startling new evidence has recently come to light that Sirius Black may not have committed the crimes for which he was sent to Azkaban."

"Come again?" Sirius interrupted, not sure if he heard Lupin correctly. Remus just continued on reading the article.

"In fact, says Doris Purkiss, of 18 Acanthia Way, Little Norton, Black may not even have been present at the killings."

"No, I was there, I just didn't do the killing."

"What people don't realize is that Sirius Black is a false name,"says Mrs. Purkiss."

"Excuse me?"

"The man people believe to be Sirius Black is actually Stubby Boardman, lead singer of the popular singing group the Hob Goblins, who retired from public life after being struck in the ear by a turnip at a concert in Little Norton Church Hall nearly fifteen years ago. I recognised him the moment I saw his picture in the paper."

"Apparently not."

"Now, Stubby couldn't possibly have committed those crimes, because on the day in question he happened to be enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner with me. I have written to the Minister for Magic and am expecting him to give Stubby, alias Sirius, a full pardon any day now." Who would have thought Stubby Boardman would have ever used your name as an alias. Well now, what do you make of that?" Lupin sat down across from Sirius and gave him the largest smirk his face could make.

"I'm sorry, was that a serious question? Do I actually have to respond to that?"

"You didn't find it amusing then?"

"I found it a perfect excuse to actually become a mass murderer, but amusing is far from what that was. Who would even publish such rubbish?"

"Funny you should ask." Lupin tossed the newsmagazine to Sirius. Sirius flipped the pages closed and glanced at the cover.

"Bloody figures." he sighed tossing it into the fire just beside him.

"My apologizes, I thought it might cheer you up, besides it's Christmas."

"Day after Moony," Sirius corrected. He met Remus's gaze and couldn't hold the feelings he had been trying to mask for the past few minutes any longer. His laugh still sounded more bark than chuckle, and it didn't help that he's voice had grown so hoarse over the past few years. It wasn't a haunting laugh like he usually had, it was filled with true mirth.

"Sheer genius. I hope the good ol'boys back at the Ministry got as huge of kick out of that as I did!"

"I just hope they don't go storming up Stubby Boardman's place."

"If they did they'd probably get the address wrong, knowing the Ministry."

"Too true." Remus said conjuring some drinks for himself and Sirius.

"Here's to Stubby Boardman, may he never stop cursing the eardrums of the elderly or producing absurd lyrics that never have to be translated on account of their intangibility."

"Good times," Sirius mused raising his glass with Remus, "And may he reap what he sows for trying to take my name and stain it's fine reputation with his screwed up personality."

The room filled with laughter from the two men. It echoed off the walls and drowned out the sounds of the approaching footsteps. Both men jumped in their seats at the appearance of Arthur Weasley in the doorway.

"Arthur, you're looking better. How do you feel?" Lupin asked him.

"Oh, fine, fine. I'll be in tip-top shape in no time." Arthur replied with a polite head bow to each of the men. "I came to show you what gifts Harry and Hermione sent me." He tipped the box he was holding in his hand so they could see the contents within. "Rubber ducks! can you believe it! And just look how many there are. This one is blue with spots, this one has horns, though Molly's not very fond of it, and this one is wearing glasses. I'm naming that one after Harry. I hear muggles do that, name things like this. I thought it was only proper. This one over here, the purple one with the lips painted on its bill is going to called Hermione, and the rest I'm going to name after my children. Though, I do wish there were two of these horned ones for Fred and George, but I guess the one will do for them both."

The laughter that ensued from both Remus and Sirius was loud enough that it could be heard outside by some very confused muggle pedestrians for the better part of the next hour.


I dedicate this story to Matelia-legwll, who once again has helped start many of these fun scenes and no doubt will help spawn several more.

Thanks for reading - umi