(A/N: thank you everyone for the amazing response and reviews :) It's my best so far. I've decided to give them a happy ending, but as I wrote the chapter got long, so this is becoming a three-shot. This chapter is angst but not so dark. Please read and review!)
*****
You are studying day in and day out. You're getting all straight A-s. It's been just three months, and you're already going insane.
You don't know how you are going to live the rest of your life without her- without seeing her every day, without soothing her when she is crying, without letting her know that you love her through your eyes. You know you have to let go now, but you don't know how. You know you will live and survive, but life will never be the same without her. It will always be incomplete. You will always be incomplete. You'll always be sick.
You are studying day in and day out. You're getting all straight A-s. Your parents call you up every day, telling you how much they love you and miss you, and how proud they are of you. You smile and tell them you miss them too. Your mother is worried that you may not be eating properly, and you sigh because she is right. You cannot eat, because you're depressed with your life, because you're disgusted with yourself, because you're sick.
And only when you get off the phone you realize that you're crying. You did not talk to her again; because you're scared that you'll never be able to forget her if you keep holding on, because you're sick.
You miss her so much it hurts, and you can't take the pain. You bang your forehead harshly in the fat physics book, and when you look at the swelling and feel the pain, you feel relieved again.
You do not treat your wound, because you love to let yourself suffer, because you love the pain, because this pain is nothing compared to the constant pain in your heart, because you're sick.
*******
It's her birthday, and you do not know what to do. You feel lost again. You want to wish her, because you always do, you have never missed once. But you are scared to call her up, because hearing her angelic-demonic voice will regenerate the feelings that you pretend have gone away. Because listening to her talk will cause goose-bumps in your skin, and you don't have air-conditioning in your dorm, so this time, you can't fool yourself. Because speaking to her will remind you how much you miss her, because you're still in love with her even though you will never admit to yourself, because you're sick.
So you decide on the second best thing- text. You wish her a happy birthday through a text.
And then you grab your math book and pound on the calculus problem. You are studying till 1 at mid-night, because you are anxious about how she'll react to your text, because it's the first time you've said anything to her in three months, because you're expecting a reply, but you're scared that the reply may never come, because you're sick.
You head to bed, sighing, because no reply came. When your eyes are shut and her smiling face is flashing in your mind again, your lips quiver at the sensation of a drop of water, and then you realize you're crying again. Because there are a thousand possible emotions that the text might have triggered in her mind- longing, pain, sorrow, regret, hatred, love, happiness, fear, complaint. Because you do not know what to do next, because you're sick. Because you're thinking about her, and you do not even realize when you fall asleep and the thoughts become dreams.
You wake up the next morning because of the alarm blaring in your cell phone. When you grab your cell phone and turn it off, you nearly fall off your bed in surprise. A reply came when you were asleep! Your hand is shaking in excitement and anticipation, but you somehow manage to press the button that says "Open."
"Thnx. Miss u. B happy n stay healthy."
A short and simple text, but well, that seems almost normal. There is a smile forming on your lips and there are tears forming in your eyes, and for the first time in your life, you laugh and cry at the same time. Because you are this close to insane, because you are sick. You clutch the cell phone close to your chest, because that is as close as you can get to feeling her. You run your fingers above the screen that holds the text again and again, because that is as close as you'll get to touching her. Before you know it, you're smiling again, because this happiness is overwhelming, because it shuts off all the other thoughts and emotions in your mind, because you're sick.
And for the first time in three months, you are eating lunch properly and laughing with your friends, because she asked you to be happy, because she told you to stay healthy, because you listen to every word she says, because you're sick.
******
It's your first vacation, and you decide not to go back home. You tell your parents you will be busy with your academics, and they tell you how much they miss you, and plead you to come home once. You turn them down though. Because you cannot face them without guilt eating you up, because you cannot face her without pain killing you, because you're sick.
You cry and cry and cry, because you miss your family so much! It has been such a long time since you last saw them- her. You choke on that thought and grab your wallet. You're heading to the library, because you need that silence, you need that peace, you need those books.
You head home after an intense study session that drained so much of your energy that you're sure you will fall asleep soon and you will not have to cry too long. And then you notice a familiar brunette sleeping peacefully in your bed. You freeze in your track in shock, because this isn't real, right? You're convinced you have finally lost it; you're convinced that you're suffering from schizophrenia, so you laugh hysterically at your misery.
That's when she startles and sits up abruptly.
"You're back..." She whispers, rubbing her sleepy eyes with her left hand, and yawning in tiredness. "I thought you'd never stop hanging out in that nerd room."
You laugh again, shaking your head to snap yourself out of your fantasy. "You have to be snarky even in my daydreams?"
She's studying your face, her eyes showing a mixture of amusement, shock and fear. "I am real, Justin. I'm here." She whispers, standing up and walking up to you. "See." She takes your hand in hers, and leads it to her arm to let you know she's real. You shiver the moment her skin makes contact with yours, and your blood is rushing south.
"Move, Alex." You order through clenched teeth, taking in deep breaths to force the feelings away, because she is real and she's standing in front of you and, oh God this can't be good!
She simply rolls her eyes and crosses her arms in front of her in a defensive gesture, tapping her foot on the floor in rhythm with the heaving of her chest, and oh gosh you're standing mere one foot away from sin and staring at her.
"Why aren't you coming home?" she demands.
"I can't." You whisper feebly, still managing to find your voice even with all the wrong hormones working. "It's better this way."
"BETTER MY FOOT." She yells, leaning forward slightly in anger, and oh gosh she's so close you can smell the faint scent of her peach lip gloss. "Do you know how hurt mom and dad are? Mom is crying every day. Max misses you too and I…" she pauses, taking in a deep breath, "I miss you too Justin. Please come home."
"I can't…" You whisper again, even though you can feel your resistance is quavering and you are holding onto the last shred of self-control.
"Why not?" She asks, stomping her feet in the ground and then pouting at you. And that does it.
You grab her roughly by her shoulders and pull her close into your body. You look deeply into her eyes, you do not see fear and pleading like you expected- one daring eyebrow is quirked up questioningly, and that's it.
You release her and look away, feeling disgusted with yourself. "I'm sorry." You whisper.
"Yeah, whatever." She scoffs. "I'm telling mom you're coming home this weekend and staying with us. No argument Justin. It's final."
"But Alex-"
"I said no buts." She cuts you off. "You think you can sleep on the floor today?"
You only nod, because you are not sure if you can stand being this close to her, but you're willing to take the chance, because if you say no, she doesn't have a place to stay at night.
Thankfully for you though, sleep and peace comes to you that night for some reason and you manage to fall asleep. She's ready to leave the next morning, and you're worried that she's traveling alone.
"It's your fault really." She snarls at you. "You shouldn't have picked a college this far."
It's her fault really; it is because of her that you are running away. You sigh and decide not to play the 'blame game'. "It's not safe for you to travel alone like this."
"Justin, please, I'm old enough." She whines. "Dad let me come here alone."
"I'm not dad." You snap. "And you are old but not mature."
"I am mature!" She stomps her feet on the ground, unintentionally emphasizing your point.
You quirk an eyebrow and smile at her in a teasing manner, clearly enjoying your victory. Your big brother antics will never leave you, and you're thankful that at least something related to Alex still feels the same.
"Fine." She sighs, giving up. "What do you want me to do?"
"I have the portal key." You announce, taking it out from a secret drawer in your closet, and for the first time in months, you're ready to do magic. "I'll mail you there."
She just shrugs and grabs her back-pack. "Okay."
*****
You're entering the sub-station after months of pain, and smiling at the 'welcome home' banners set up especially for you. But yours eyes are looking here and there and searching for her face, and gosh you can't even control your gaze!
"Justin! My baby!" your mother runs upto you, attacking you with a bear hug, "I missed you so much! I'm so glad that you're here finally…. Don't they feed you properly? You've become so thin!"
You smile slightly through your tears and hug her back. "I miss you too mom."
Your father is the next one to hug you. And then there's your little brother.
"Where's Alex?" you ask, feeling both scared and worried by her absence.
"Over here!" She yells from the lair, and apparently, she's been eavesdropping into your conversation.
"I told her she can't get out of there until she fixes the crystal ball that she broke." Your father explains, his face showing a hint of anger for a second. "But if you want to see her then..."
"I'll go see her there." You blurt out before you can stop yourself.
You enter the lair, and there's Alex sitting on the couch texting someone, her wand lying lazily on the coffee table, the crystal ball lying broken in the floor, and several books on "Repairing" scattered here and there in the most disrespectful manner.
And now you know you're home.
"Do I need to tell you that you have to fix it?" she asks, not looking up from the cell phone.
You smile slightly and shake your head. "No. But you need to tell me why I have to fix it."
She rolls her eyes. "Because you lo-"
She catches her guard before the word leaves her mouth, and for a moment everything is silent and awkward, and so maybe she finally realizes that you're serious about her, and maybe she does not hate you for that.
You are actually a good actor, and you have become so used to lying to yourself. So when she orders you to do something, you convince yourself that it's possessiveness.You simply grab the wand and mutter the spell, the crystal ball is fixed.
"Thanks, you just saved us a lot of time." She chuckles, getting up and running into your arms, pulling you into a hug. "I missed you so much."
Okay, correction, now you know you're home.
"I missed you too." You whisper, and your voice cracks, and okay, you finally admit that you have lost the inner battle again, because you're still helplessly in love with her, because you are still sick.
*****
Your mom cooks all your favorite foods. Your dad munches on them; your brother complains about how much he hates pumpkin pie. It feels like a normal family dinner, well, almost.
She's rolling her eyes every now and then, nodding or shaking her head when someone asks her something, and you have never seen her so quiet.
"What's up with her?" you ask your mother when you're helping her wash the dishes, despite of her protests.
She looks at you and sighs. "She's been down ever since you left."
You sigh too, because this may be your fault in a totally different way, because may be she is freaking out by how sick you are.
"I'll talk to her." you assure your mother, and the smile that she flashes in your direction makes your stomach churn with guilt again.
Before you can do anything more, your little brother is pulling you upstairs to play a x-box game with him, so okay, maybe talking can wait for some other day. (Thank goodness!)
*****
The next day is Sunday and it is declared as family day. Thankfully sleep comes to you in the familiarity of your own room, so you do not have fresh dark circles today.
Your father insists on Family Game Night, but you turn him down, because you don't really need another crime scene tape, apart from the crime that you are committing in your mind. It becomes a family movie night and Max manages to force your parents to get a horror flick.
Your parents are seated in the big couch, your brother in the chair. You are seated on the floor in front of your mom, and she's lovingly ruffling your hair. Your sister is sitting beside you, and you're not sure how long you can keep your eyes forcefully glued to the screen.
She's yawning dramatically and within ten minutes her head ends up resting in your lap. You panic and prepare to push her away, but she's smiling slightly, and she looks like Alex again, so okay. You are ready to hurt yourself if that makes her smile.
Your parents leave half-way, disgusted (read: scared) by the horror scenes, so it's just the three of you. Max is watching the movie with interest, but somehow he falls asleep too.
"Maybe we should go too." You whisper in her ears, because really, being this close to her is the worst possible torture at the moment.
She looks up at you with tired eyes and pouts. "But I want to watch the full movie."
You sigh and look away. She hasn't applied lip gloss and you think she looks best with no make-up and you are tired of fighting the urge to caress those lips.
Your sick disgusting thoughts are interrupted by her snoring, and gosh she fell asleep, in your lap. She's sleeping with her face buried in her hands, and you wonder why she wants to hide her face. You try to move her away, but she wraps her arms around your neck, and you know no good will come from this but you can't help yourself. You watch her sleep innocently in your arms, and your own actions are freaking you out. Because you want to witness her fall asleep, you want to witness her wake up, because you're a helpless romantic, because you're sick.
"Please don't leave me." she whispers in her dreams, shaking in fear, and now you don't have to ask her what's wrong. Your eyes are wide with shock as you realize that she has been down because you left her, because she misses you. And you hate yourself again for being so sick, because otherwise, nothing like this would have happened.
She wakes up the next morning in your arms, and she's smiling at you, and you smile back, because you're pretending to yourself that this is totally something else; that she is yours and she belongs in your arms.
The breakfast is normal and she speaks again.
"So, you'll be staying for some time right?" she asks you non-chalantly in an indifferent tone, but you can see the fear in her eyes.
"No." you suddenly blurt you. "I'm leaving today."
"What? Why?" your mother cries out immediately.
Because you cannot stand being this close to her and yet not been able to touch her, to call her yours. Because seeing her constantly texting her boyfriend (as you assumed) is making you insane. Jealous would be an understatement, because you are sick.
"Studies." You mutter half-heartedly, shooting an apologetic smile in your parents' direction.
Alex scoffs and shakes her head, because she isn't going to be fooled so easily, because she knows that you are dashing away from her and hiding from your feelings, because she knows that you are sick.
You leave hurriedly after lunch, and this time, the good-bye isn't so painful.
The pain returns when you reach your dorm again, because being this far from her is the worst possible torture at the moment. You are missing her within two minutes, and you remember why you didn't want to go home in the first place. Just 44 hours at home has reminded you about how sick you are and this time you also feel a sense of helplessness. So you throw yourself at your book-shelf and pounce on the complicated theorems and proofs.
Soon, life becomes the same again. You are crying because of the pain of unrequited love. You are studying day in and day out. You're getting all straight A-s.
(A/N: I hope I could live up to your expectations, well, I tried my best. And I'll tell you why the previous chapter seemed so real: because it is real. I have suffered from unrequited love (who hasn't? and no, it wasn't forbidden :P) and I buried myself with books, so I know how it feels. So glad I moved on. :) Anyways, please review and tell me if you like this chapter. The next chapter will be up as soon as I finish editing it.)
