AN: Wow! Thanks for the response to this story guys!
Lily
'I... I had another dream about... Him last night.'
'Can you tell me about it?'
'I... I...'
'It's OK if you don't want to. These sessions are for you to talk through what you want to...'
I grind my teeth in frustration. Why doesn't he understand that it's not that I don't want to? I can't. I just can't. Why doesn't he understand that seeing the man on the pavement frightens me? Why does he always try to get me to talk about it? It's always the same, every time.
I don't know what happened. When I got here, they told me that I tried to take my own life, sometime last year. I don't know why or what for. I don't know why they found another man up on the roof that I jumped off with his brains blown out.
What I do know is that when the police showed me his photo, I nearly broke my chair in anger. And I was frightened, but not frightened for me. That's the weird thing. It was like I was frightened for someone else. I don't know, I... I just felt this stab of fear like something was going to happen to the person I loved...
Which brings me on to the man on the pavement.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know why he's there.
I certainly don't know why he is crying as he stands there looking up at me, but he is. It's always the same and I can't understand it. It frustrates me no end.
I hate it. I hate not being able to remember what on earth would drive me to try and do something as drastic as killing myself.
The doctor is talking to me again 'John, what are you thinking about?'
I pull a face and stare out of the window, Ignoring him again. I'm tired of being asked how I feel about various aspects of day to day life. I don't want to talk to him about what I'm thinking about anyway. He doesn't listen and when he does, he doesn't care. He's too busy thinking about how to hide his thirteen year old daughter's pregnancy from the neighbours. Obvious from the clinic leaflet in his breast pocket...
I blink. Where did that come from?
'Look, John. We're here to figure out why the Big Incident happened, so can you remember anything? Anything at all?'
I continue to stare out the window. I can remember something. I'm not going to tell him what it is though. I take a shuddering breath as I think about it.
I can remember a phone conversation. Someone talking to me over a mobile, screaming and begging me not to do it.
Baring in mind what I see every time I dream about it, I know who's voice it was.
At that moment a nurse opened the door. 'Mr Watson, your friend is here to see you. He has brought a new visitor, that's nice isn't it?'
Patronising bitch.
AN: Please review.
