A/N: Just to be perfectly clear. I only agree that Ziva may come across as having a sense of entitlement at times. Things are not always as they appear on the surface. What she really feels may be entirely different and this is my attempt at exploring that possibility. If you were hoping for a Ziva bashing story, consider this fair warning that you will be disappointed and may as well turn back now. If you thought she got a bum deal in the first chapter, maybe you will enjoy this chapter more.
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Even though he had decided on a course of action with Ziva, Gibbs still could not rest easy. It slowly dawned on him that his gut was trying to get his attention and was having a hard time breaking through his wall of anger. Once he acknowledged that most of the anger was because Ziva's actions could have easily placed her or one of the others in danger, it finally began to subside. Setting aside his initial conclusion that Ziva's actions had been merely strong-willed defiance, he reread Dinozzo's report. This time he concentrated on seeing the situation from the senior agent's perspective. Dinozzo had focused on the facts but there was a subtle undertone that revealed he placed most, if not all, of the blame for what happened squarely on his own shoulders. That conclusion was reinforced when Dinozzo called a few minutes later.
"Read my report yet, Boss?" he asked.
"Tell me what happened out there," Gibbs replied.
"It was my fault, Boss. I mean, yea, she jumped the gun and it totally pissed me off at first. But she shouldn't have been in that position in the first place. Every new agent is going to be edgy in that situation. With any other newbie, I would have kept them with me and sent McGee around back. She was nervous and I just didn't see it. She's always so controlled. It's easy to miss the signals with her sometimes, ya know? But I know her. I should have seen it. I mean, hell, it was the first time she's drawn her gun since she's been back. I should have been more careful with her, Boss. It's just weird trying to think of McProbie as the more experienced agent and Ziva as brand new. I mean, because it's Ziva, Boss, ya know? It's Ziva. But she's not the same. We're not the same. It's like everything is upside down now."
"Ya think? So tell me what you are going to do about it."
"Treat her like a brand new agent and hope to hell she doesn't kill me for it."
Although he had laughed at Dinozzo as he snapped his phone shut, the situation really wasn't funny. Having Ziva back on the team was hard. He knew it would be but he may have underestimated the challenges the team would face. Dinozzo wasn't the only one who needed to change his view of the team dynamics. Gibbs had misinterpreted the situation himself and he wasn't used to being wrong. A year ago, Ziva moving without waiting for a team leader's signal would have meant only one thing: defiance. And she would have had a damn good reason for it because she knew the value of following orders. Eli may have let her get away with showing disrespect in an office setting but he sure as hell wouldn't have let her jeopardize a mission by not following the chain of command. And if Ziva had defied orders, she would have passionately defended herself and her reasons. She has never been one to hold back her opinion when she believes she is right. Somalia certainly hadn't changed that. And when Ziva made a mistake, she always owned it. And that is what has his gut so worked up right now. Ziva is not responding to the situation the way he expects. She has not even attempted to defend her actions to either him or Dinozzo. Her report simply states that they moved in and took down the suspect without shots fired. Normally, if she had messed up, she would have come to Gibbs and tried to make it right. At the very least, she would have tried to explain herself to him. Abby would say something was "hinky" about the whole thing and Gibbs's anger had almost caused him to miss it.
Unfortunately, knowing that did not change what Gibbs needed to do. Getting Ziva to talk about what really happened out there meant he was going to have to push her to the point of desperation or she would just try to bury it like she always does. And getting her to see herself as a probationary agent without feeling devalued was going to be a challenge as well. Making her let go of the guilt and shame she carried from her past as an assassin had been had been difficult. Unfortunately, it was only the first step in her transformation. She was going to have to accept that both she and the team itself had been forever changed by the events of the last six months. She lost everything she knew of herself in Somalia and she is desperate to at least get her place on the team back. However, she needs to understand that part of the team or not, she still has a family that loves her and will never desert her.
Sighing, Leon Vance dropped the case reports from Gibbs and his team back on his desk. He already had a full day of meetings scheduled and it looked he needed to add another one with Gibbs. Ziva David was just into her second week as a probationary agent and she had already screwed up. Vance has no intention of interfering with whatever method of discipline the lead agent chooses. However, he wants to be sure that Gibbs knows all his options. Gibbs needs to be prepared for the possibility that Ziva might not be able to cut it as a special agent. He hopes it won't come to that. The girl has been through hell and he genuinely wants to see her succeed.
Since rescuing Ziva from the desert, Vance and Gibbs have formed a somewhat surprising alliance. Both are equally determined to keep Eli David out of his daughter's life permanently. Vance had watched Gibbs's progression to that point with amused interest. He never once doubted that the former marine's feelings for Ziva would eventually rival a grizzly protecting its newborn cub. He had seemed unsure when they first found her but Vance suspected Gibbs was guarding his heart. He had been deeply hurt by Ziva's disloyalty and lack of trust. It wasn't until he realized how diabolical her father truly was that he had fully forgiven her. You couldn't fault the man for his initial reaction. He'd lost his only child under the most tragic of circumstances. Whether he admitted it or not, he used his team to help fill the void in his heart. Consequently, it left him vulnerable to deep hurt when Ziva chose her father over him. As Vance had listened to Gibbs give Ben-Gidon the message for Eli to stay away, he remembered thinking maybe there is a little justice in this world after all. A deserving father had lost a cherished daughter and a reprehensible father had nearly destroyed his. Now the hurting father and daughter at least had each other.
Thinking about Eli David was never the best thing for the NCIS director's blood pressure. Vance knew his rage at the Mossad director had caught Gibbs a little off guard at first. How did the man expect him to feel? Vance was father himself. He had never judged Eli for turning Ziva into an assassin. He understood the world the Mossad director lived in all too well. Glancing at his own daughter's picture, Vance imagined that in similar circumstances he might have been tempted to do the same. If nothing else, it provided her some means of protecting herself in very violent world. Eli David had learned the hard way that you could lose a daughter to that violence even if you kept her away from the fight. His youngest child, Tali, had been innocently shopping when she had been the victim of a suicide bomber. Knowing that had given Vance a certain amount of compassion for the Mossad director in the past.
Vance even somewhat understood Eli placing Ziva on the team that went after Saleem. The terrorist was a dire threat to Israel and Ziva had been one of his very best operatives. The "sharp end of the spear" as Eli had called her a year ago. The part that enraged Vance, however, was that Eli had not stopped the mission once it fell apart. Then he left Ziva to die without even attempting to rescue her. When Dinozzo and the others had narrowed down Saleem's new location, Vance had immediately passed the information on to Eli. Yet, Mossad had done nothing with it as far as Vance could tell. The whole "NCIS found her first" line was complete bullshit. There was no way Mossad didn't have the intelligence to get there much sooner. Even worse, Eli had known all along that Ziva had made it off the Damocles alive and had gone to Saleem's camp to complete the mission. Eli had let NCIS believe Ziva was dead rather than just missing. He did so knowing that Gibbs and his team would have been willing to do anything to help find her. A father who truly loved his daughter would have been desperately begging for their help.
Vance's internal rant against the Mossad director was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was followed by the entrance of Gibbs. Vance cut right to the chase. "You're here to see if I read your case reports. Looks like you've got an insubordination problem with your new agent. Decided what you're going to do about it yet?"
"Not entirely convinced it's insubordination, Leon. Thought so at first but there may be more to it than that."
"I got that vibe from Dinozzo's report too. He owned it instead of blaming her. He's turning into a hell of leader. He doesn't see himself that way, though, does he? Thinks he needs you. That was my motivation with the agent afloat position. I was trying to develop his confidence, give him some independence."
"Not the way Dinozzo's wired, Leon. He needs to be part of a team. Relationship means more to him than position. When it's time for him to step up, he will."
"When's that gonna be Gibbs? When you retire?"
"Maybe. Maybe sooner. Nothing wrong with him taking it slow if that's how he wants to do it. I'm more worried about Ziva right now. Gonna have to push her a little to find out what's really going on. You up for playing bad cop this time, Leon?"
"Depends on how bad. I'm not threatening to send her back to Mossad if that's where you are going with this."
"I would never do that to her, Leon. Besides, she'd call that bluff. There is no way in hell I'd ever let Eli have her and she knows it," Gibbs scoffed. "Just threaten her with a permanent administrative position. Something that keeps her here but not as an agent."
"That I will do. And just so you know. That isn't outside the realm of possibility. Keeping her safe from Eli and making her an NCIS agent are mutually exclusive. I've checked with an immigration attorney. We've got enough evidence from the Cryer investigation to make a strong case for granting her political asylum. She doesn't even have to be an NCIS employee to stay in the U.S. On or off your team, you can still protect her. I'll support you on that no matter what."
"I'm not giving up on making her an agent, Leon. Knew it wasn't going to be easy to bring her back. For any of us," and with that, Gibbs was out the door.
As Gibbs headed back down the stairs, he thought about Vance's assessment of his senior agent. He agreed that Dinozzo was growing into an exceptional leader. There was no one else he would want backing him up with the challenges they were currently facing. Selfishly, Gibbs hoped he was retired before Dinozzo decided to take his own team. He would never stand Dinozzo's way if he decided he was ready before then, though. Gibbs entered the bullpen as Dinozzo hung up the phone. "Dead petty officer in an apartment in Georgetown, Boss," Dinozzo informed him.
The others were already starting to gather their gear as Gibbs barked instructions. "Dinozzo, you're driving. David, sit down. You aren't going anywhere. You are back on desk duty until I say otherwise."
"What? Why? For how long?" Ziva asked.
"Why, Ziva? Because you disobeyed a direct order yesterday, that's why."
"And how long is this punishment going to last?" Ziva said, clearly upset.
"Until I'm convinced you are gonna follow orders. You could have gotten yourself or one of your teammates killed yesterday," Gibbs explained. As he turned to leave, Gibbs heard Ziva slam her stuff back down on her desk. "Lose the attitude, Probie."
"Great, now we're back to doing extra work. Loving this, Boss," Dinozzo griped as they entered the elevator. It was Dinozzo's subtle way of letting Gibbs know he didn't agree with him disciplining Ziva.
"I just said she was sitting at a desk, Dinozzo. Didn't say she couldn't work. Pile everything on her you can." Seeing Dinozzo's mischievous smirk, he added, "Not your personal stuff. I better not find out you sent her after your dry cleaning."
"Yes, Boss," came the subdued reply.
Vance waited until the elevator doors shut and then walked down to the bullpen under the guise of returning the signed case reports.
"Good morning, Special Agent David. I read some interesting case reports this morning. I also understand that you're back on desk duty for the time being. I have a very low tolerance for insubordinate agents. We have an opening in the intelligence unit analyzing terrorist chatter. If following orders is problem for you, I imagine your skills could be very useful over there. Just because I refuse to give you back to Mossad doesn't mean I have to let you be an agent." Without waiting for a reply, Vance turned and headed back to his office.
As Ziva watched him leave, her hands began to shake. It was just as she had feared. Vance didn't really think she could make it as a special agent. Last week had been almost perfect. She finally felt like she was part of the team again. It was the closest she had come to actually feeling good in months. How had things gone wrong so fast? It was just one stupid mistake but once Gibbs knew the truth, there was no way he would back her up against Vance. After all the obstacles she had overcome to become an agent, now her position was in jeopardy over this? Ziva fought back tears, grateful that no one was around to witness her near breakdown. She had given up everything to be part of this team – her family, her friends, and her country. The team was all she had now. If she lost them too, she didn't think she could survive it.
An hour later, Ducky made a deliberate pass through the bullpen on his way back from the crime scene. Just as he had hoped, the others had not yet returned and Ziva was alone.
"Ah, my dear, how are you? I heard a nasty rumor that you are back on desk duty," said the kind doctor.
"It is true. I am once again stuck behind this desk," Ziva replied, looking very glum indeed.
"You don't seem as angry as I might have expected. Does this mean you feel it is deserved?" Ducky gently asked her. He was hoping she would tell him her side of the story. Jethro had naturally been tight-lipped about the situation. In contrast, Anthony had given him quite the earful on the subject. The senior agent had an interesting take on things to say the least. But then again, the young man always was one to surprise you. He only hoped Ziva could see how much they all wanted to support her through this difficult transition.
"If by deserved you mean that it is Gibbs's response to my actions, then the answer is yes," Ziva replied. It was an ambiguously worded statement intended to answer the question while revealing absolutely nothing about how she really felt.
"But you don't agree that the response is appropriate, I take it?" Ducky asked but before Ziva could answer, the elevator dinged signaling the return of the rest of the team. He quickly told Ziva that he would have tea waiting if she wanted to talk later and left for the morgue.
Later that afternoon, Ziva's meticulous analysis of the dead petty officer's phone records, credit card statements, and whereabouts for the past two months had yielded evidence of a potential secret affair with his commanding officer. Since Tim was still upstairs helping Abby process the petty officer's laptop, Gibbs had taken Tony to pick up the commanding officer for questioning. A few minutes later, Ziva had looked up to find Tim standing at her desk. "Want to take a coffee break with me?" he asked.
"I am not sure I am allowed to leave my desk for that," Ziva replied with sarcasm.
"I won't tell if you won't. They had to go all the way to Baltimore to pick that guy up. Even with Gibbs's driving, we've got at least half an hour before they make it back through rush hour traffic." As they walked to the elevator, Tim couldn't help but tease her. "Tony's right, you know. You're getting much better at sarcasm."
"Yes, sadly, Tony is often right about many things but it is best if we do not tell him that, yes?"
"Yea, definitely don't need to boost his ego. So…if you think he's so wise, why didn't you follow his orders yesterday?" Tim asked. When she didn't reply, he continued. "You know, I never told anyone about this but Tony was really there for me when that undercover cop died and everyone thought I was responsible. I was ready to quit NCIS and he convinced me that I could make it as an agent."
"What did he say that was so helpful?" Ziva asked. Tim had obviously piqued her curiosity.
"Um…I can't exactly tell you. And none of your Mossad tactics to try to get it out of me either. I promised him I would never tell. It was about his early career, though. You know Gibbs was pretty cool during that time, too. He actually apologized for not being there when they questioned me. And he didn't give up on me after I screwed up."
"You did not screw up, Tim. We proved that it was a clean shoot," Ziva responded.
"I'm not talking about that. It was afterwards when we went to pick up the dirty cop. He drew his gun on us and I hesitated. If it hadn't been for Gibbs, I'd be dead. Man, he was pissed but he didn't write me off. Just said if it ever happened again, I'd be off his team. He gave me a second chance, Ziva," Tim explained.
"Yes, well, I may be out of chances with him," Ziva said in a flat voice.
Wow, she's really scared she's going to lose her place on the team over this, Tim realized. Yet, she hadn't once tried to defend what she had done. It is because she can't defend it, he realized. That must mean it wasn't intentional. That never would have happened a year ago. He had always been envious of how calm Ziva remained under pressure. He wondered if she even realized how much she'd just revealed to him by what she hadn't said. He doubted it. She rarely allowed herself to be that vulnerable to anyone.
"You know, if you were really out of chances, you'd be off the team already instead of just sitting on a desk," he said trying to encourage her. She remained silent, though, so he changed the subject and began telling her about the exotic porn sites he and Abby found on the petty officer's computer.
By the end of the day, they had the petty officer's wife in custody. Her husband had tried to come clean with her about his double life and she had flown into a rage and killed him. As usual, Tony tried to take credit for solving the case.
"Open and shut. Just the way I like them. I must say that was some stellar investigating by yours truly. The way I managed to trip up the wife…"
"Before you go getting all cocky, Dinozzo, you might want to remember it was actually our newest Probie who broke the case."
"How do you figure that Boss? She sat behind her desk all day." Tony knew where Gibbs was going but he played along anyway. He figured Ziva could use the encouragement.
"Those two were pretty adept at hiding their affair. It would have taken us days to figure it out if it hadn't been for all her digging." Gibbs cast a sidelong glance at Ziva and caught a brief smile before it faded. He hoped his encouragement would make her more comfortable approaching him. He wasn't disappointed. As soon as the others left, she was in front of his desk.
"I was a valuable contributor to this case today, Gibbs," she said.
"That's what I said Ziva. It was good work," he responded.
"Perhaps it was good enough for me to return to field duty?" she questioned. There was the Ziva he had been waiting for all day. The one that was bold enough to go after what she wanted. In all honesty, it was going to be that strong will of hers that ended getting her through this. However, she had to know it wasn't going to be that simple.
"It's not about working hard, Ziva, or your investigative skills. I need to know you can be trusted to follow orders in the field. You can start convincing me of that by explaining why you didn't follow orders yesterday."
After a long silence, Ziva finally spoke, "I do not have an answer, Gibbs."
"Come back when you do. Until then, you're still on desk duty."
Without another word, Ziva grabbed her stuff and practically ran to the elevator. Gibbs knew she didn't have an answer for him because she wouldn't lie and she wasn't ready to tell him the truth either. Damn, he had been hoping she would be able to trust him more than that. Maybe having Vance threaten her position as an agent was backfiring on him. He was tired of second guessing himself with Ziva. Sighing, he wondered if maybe it was time someone who had no say regarding her place on the team tried their hand at playing good cop. Ducky had mentioned his conversation with her earlier. The doctor thought he might have been able to make some progress if they hadn't been interrupted. Gibbs decided he would find a reason to send Ziva down to the morgue tomorrow and alert Ducky that it was okay if he kept her there for awhile. In her early days as a liaison officer, Ziva had often sought Ducky's wisdom on relating to the other members of the team. In particular, she sought his advice when she felt she wasn't succeeding with Gibbs. Maybe she would do it again.
