Dean sits upright in bed, tears fall down his cheeks as he remembers what happened last night. He quickly wiped them away so Sam wouldn't see. Dean looks over at Sam, realizing that he is still sleeping he smiles. Dean heads out to grab breakfast, leaving Sam alone in their hotel room.
Sam wakes up and quickly looks around, Dean isn't there. He sees a note on Deans bed and reads:
Hey Sammy went out for some breakfast so dont worry, bitch
"Jerk"
Sam throws the note away and looks at Deans bed, then he moves the blankets around, looking for the scarlet puddle that he saw last night. He lifts up the pillow and sees that scarlet turned a deeper shade of brown. A tear rolls down his cheek. Realizing that his brother was hurting, not just outside but inside too. Why hadn't he said anything? Did I do something wrong? What the hell am I supposed to do, should I talk to him or leave him alone? Well If I don't talk to him he might get worse.
These thoughts raced through Sam's head. He fixed Dean's bed and wondered what it felt like when Dean cut himself. He also wondered what Dean used. Sam searched around and found a knife in the bathroom. Sam's hand was shaky as he brought the knife closer to his wrist. He gasped as he pushed down and then dragged it across his wrist. Sam was surprised to find that there was a sweet release that came with cutting. All the pain building up from his dads death had disappeared. He watched the blood drip down his arm and onto the sink, the scarlet red seeming bright on the white sink.
"Sammy what the hell are you doing!"
Sam spun around and saw Dean standing in the doorway. A shocked expression on his face. And all same thought was "Well fuck me"
Dean
"Sam I-"
Dean saw the blood dripping onto the sink, his favorite knife in Sam's hand, the deep cut in his arm dripping scarlet down his arm, he was shocked speechless. He would've never expected his little brother to hurt himself. Then Dean remembers the blood on his sheets and he started crying as he realized it was his fault that Sammy had done that.
" Come on Sam lets get you cleaned up."
"You aren't mad at me?"
Sam's voice was hoarse, Dean figured he was crying. Dean led Sam out of the bathroom and onto his bed.
"Why would I be mad at you, You probably already figured it out it but I do the same thing Sammy"
"Im sorry Dean"
"Im sorry too Sammy"
Dean wrapped his arms around his brother, careful not to hit his wrist. Dean whispered in Sam's ear" Please just promise me next time you'll talk to me first." Tear rolled down Dean's face and he cried on his little brothers shoulder.
"Dean, I-I just wanna know why, Why do you do it?"
"I just, hang on we still gotta fix up up"
Dean takes out his first aid kit and get out bandages. Then he gets a towel and wipes off the blood from Sam's arm and dabs a little at the cut making Sam wince.
" It's okay Sam I now what I'm doing, Hell I could be a professional at this with how much I do it."
Hearing that made some tears well up in Sam's eyes and he blinked them away.
" Dean why do you cut yourself?"
"It helps me deal with the pain, Dad's death, when I couldn't protect you and had to make a deal with the crossroads demon to bring you back to life, I almost killed myself when you died Sammy, It hurt so god damn much."
Dean began to cry and Sam hugged him again, Dean inhaled and was surprised at Sam's sweet scent. Dean didn't know what to make of it, so he pushed Sam away.
" Dean whats wrong?"
"Nothing, you just...smell good"
Sam's face turned a little pink at this .
"Sam why did you cut yourself?"
"I wanted to know how you felt, what it was like."
"Dammit!"
"What, Whats wrong?"
"I knew it was my fault." Dean said in an angry tone.
"I'm sorry Dean, I never should have cut" Sam wraps his arms around Dean again in a hug. This time Sam smells Deans heavy scent and Sam wonders why he never noticed it before.
"Dean it isn't your fault."
"Feels like it is."
"Dean show me your wrists and arms"
"Your not gonna like it."
"Show me"
"Well here goes nothin"
Instead of rolling up his sleeves he took off his jacket and his shirt, revealing cuts all on his stomach, chest, arms, wrists, and shoulders. Sam ignoring the fact that he though Dean shirtless was kinda hot, began crying, the tears pouring down his face.
"Dean... I..."
Sam was crying, he ended up hugging Dean while crying on his shoulder, and Dean cried into Sam's chest, the sweet smell of Sam filling his nose. They cry for a little bit, then then end up falling asleep in each others arms.
…..
