Chapter 2: Here's to the End

There was no use in telling what happened during the two weeks after. There were no feelings. There was a lot of blood and there were a quite a bit of scars that would never vanish −mentally and physically.

Mom put me on suicide watch after about two days after the incident where she found me in a bloody tub. I wasn't eating or sleeping or really doing anything except thinking and this was bad because soon, I came to the reasonable conclusion that it was my fault. It was my fault. If it weren't for me, she wouldn't have gotten on her stupid bike and the stupid car wouldn't have hit her. This was one hundred percent true. I couldn't eat anything, not because I didn't want to or because I was starving myself, but because everything tasted like blood. This was because of the cuts I left in my mouth from unintentionally biting much too hard on my lips or my cheek. Whenever I tried sleeping, there were no nightmares, but every time I lay in my bed, it felt like something or someone was strangling me.

Daily, I would slit my wrists because it was the only pain I could control and it felt better and… less painful. One day, U was going to carve her name into my chest, right where my heart was, with a knife so she'd always be there and I'd never forget but unfortunately, my mom saw me doing it and took away everything sharp. She even hid the kitchen knives. So until this day, there is JUL carved into my chest.

The day finally arrived. I was hoping I would have made it back to her by this time but I obviously wasn't trying hard enough….

I looked at myself in the mirror, bare naked and full of scars. I looked repulsive but those were the sacrifices I'd have to make if I wanted to see Julia again before I turned 90. I put on my boxers and undershirt and instantly looked better… healthier. I put on my long sleeved tux and shoes. My eyes weren't blood red for a change because I actually got some sleep last night. Not in my bed but in my bathtub. I slept in a tub of water, hoping I'd drown but to my disadvantage, like all my other attempts, I lived. I really wasn't looking forward to this day. This was the end. This was her funeral.

I closed my eyes and inhaled. The smell of rust and salt lingered. The smell of blood. That smell lingered for the full two weeks and I strongly doubted that it'd ever go away. I drudged slowly down the stairs and once I got down, I saw my mom in a black gown, just right for a mom, and silver heels. She was just putting in her earrings when she saw me enter.

"Oh Eli, how are you feeling?"

"Same as everyday." I said with my lifeless tone

"Meaning: depressed?"

I nodded and walked over to the kitchen where my dad was chugging a glass of water. He was dressed in a black suit with a red tie. I didn't even know my dad owned a suit. Being a shock jock, formal attire was never really necessary.

"Where'd you get that outfit, dad?"

"Had to borrow one from Uncle Charlie. Look good?" he declared as he strutted around the kitchen in it

"Ha, yeah dad. Looking great." That was the first time I'd laughed in a long time.

My dad looked happy to see me laugh. I was too.

"Cece, you ready?" he asked my mom

"Yes, let's go."

We got into the car and begun out silent journey to the church. Once we reached, the service was about to start. People were all dressed in black and a contagious mournful feeling lingered throughout. We took our seats in the third row, right behind closer and more important family and friends. During the service, Julia's sister, Libby came and scooted beside me. She was a very pretty girl with big blue eyes and light brown hair but nowhere near as beautiful as Julia. Libby was about fourteen.

"Hi, Eli."

"Hello, Libby."

"Wow. You sound terrible."

"Yeah, that's kind of what happens once you go into a state of depression." I snapped.

She snickered and remained silent. The service went on and I couldn't stop staring at Julia's beautiful face in the open casket beside the altar. Mrs. Forester said something unintelligible and I ignored it until I felt my mom nudge me on the shoulder.

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"Now one of Julia's former friends, Elijah, will come to the stand and say some words." She repeated, and looked at me whist doing so.

I had totally forgotten that Mrs. Forester asked me to say something about Julia. I walked up to the stand, completely unprepared and hesitantly took the stand from Mrs. Forester. I had to do it off the top of my head.

"Um... friends, family, strangers, I was asked to put together some kind of words to make a meaningful speech about Julia. I couldn't think of anything to describe how much she meant to me. So I decided to explain to you all how she made me feel. When she spoke, it was as if her voice was the only sound in the world. The sound of her voice made me feel whole. When she looked at me with her stunning hazel eyes, I would sometimes get lost in her beauty. When she gave me even the slightest touch, my heart rate would speed up so fast that you'd think I was going into cardiac arrest. I loved her… so much that there are no words. I'm sure some of you have felt this way before as well. But the difference is your significant other probably knows how much you love them. Julia never knew just how much and she never will. May she rest in peace."

I waited until someone took over the stand and then walked back to the pew. While I quickly wiped the tears from under my eyes, I felt several palms patting my back and my shoulder softly. Was that supposed to be comforting? Well it surely wasn't.

Once the service ended, we all followed the priest to the cemetery where she was to be buried. I clutched onto my mom while we watched her bury six feet under. I had the urge to go in after her but my feet planted on the ground. The dirt covered her up as the tears continued to stream down my face.