AN: Sorry for taking so long to update. Thank you to all my readers, who make me write even when I start making excuses to myself!
Disclaimer: I do not own DNAngel.
Chapter Two: Why?
"Satoshi…I-I'm sorry."
I felt myself reaching for her hand; I wanted to make her stop. Oh, please stop crying. My heart bled for her as she stuttered out an apology for all those years ago. I need to make her stop, I thought. It was my fault. My fault. This was all my fault.
My fault…
My fault…
I shot up in bed, my heart pounding out a frantic melody against my chest. I hit my alarm clock from habit and then realized it never had gone off. I stared at it for a second before I shook my head dazedly and rid myself of my dream. I knew it was true. It was my fault, but I couldn't say it. It hurt too much to think that I was the one who made her cry.
After about 20 minutes I got up, still feeling a little light headed, and got dressed. After throwing on khaki cargos and a t-shirt I left my apartment. I had already decided that it was one of those mornings. Yes, the mornings when I wake up feeling miserable before I even step outside. I let my feet carry me to my favorite diner, and entered without a hello. I knew these people, I came here at least once a week for breakfast, and, more often then not, I was here studying.
They greeted me with a cheerful good morning, but I ignored it resentfully.
"Good morning Satoshi-kun!" Her eyes glowed with cheer as she ran up to me, morning, after morning, after morning…
I shook my head. I would not submit myself to this. Not willingly. My waitress came over, same as ever. I ordered the usually toasted banana nut muffin and cup of water. The waitress gave me a hesitant smile, as if she thought I would attack her soon. I raised an eyebrow skeptically and she went away at once. Stupid girl.
My attention was torn away to a couple in the booth in front of me. They spoke in whispers, the girl letting out shrill giggles at her boyfriend's words. Without a word, she leaned across the table and kissed him.
I abruptly lost my appetite. I looked away from them and cleared my throat loudly. Daring to glance at them, I saw them unglue at the lips and the girl sit down looking rather embarrassed. Served her right. Maybe some people didn't want to be subject to her unbearable flirting.
"I missed you Satoshi-kun. Do you feel better now?"
Her hand strayed to my forehead, damp with sweat. My eyes closed as she touched me and I suppressed a small shudder. I did not feel better; I had been ill for a week and had made myself return to school. I had missed her…too much.
"Satoshi, you can't do this. You can't push yourself so hard."
Her delicate touch on my hand made my heart skip a beat, and she led me down the steps back towards my apartment.
I shook my head again. I didn't need to remember this. I didn't want to remember this. I left the money on the table without touching my breakfast and left, dodging looks from the waitresses. I wandered down towards the mall, not intent on doing anything in particular. Somewhere down in my gut, anger was boiling. An anger I had kept away, locked in my soul somewhere with my sorrow. See, I tried so hard after she left for college to hate her. I wanted to hate her for thinking I drove away Dark. I wanted to hate her for leaving. I wished so much to hate her; it would make her being away so much easier. But the truth is I couldn't hate her. Not one bit. So without anyone to blame, or hate, I began to hate myself.
Why did I tell her Dark-san was gone? Why did I refuse to go with her? Why did I kiss her? I felt my chest rising and falling with force. Why? Why?
Suddenly, something collided with me and I felt myself falling. A splitting pain shot through my head, as it connected with the pavement. I picked myself up, and looked down at the person on the ground.
"No…"
Risa Harada stood up, fumbling with her coat and brushing dirt off it.
"I'm so sorry, Sir. I…"
I felt her amber eyes connect with mine and saw a light pink settle on her cheeks. Her hair was tied back in the way she used to wear it, and her face looked soft as always right down to her candy pink lips… No!
"Satoshi!" She squealed in surprise.
"Why…" I whispered one last time and I turned around…and ran.
