A/N: Howdy there! I just wanted to write something fun.
Ruby: Lily's best friend. Completely and totally in love with Sirius.
Gemma: Ruby's twin. Completely and totally in love with Remus.
James: No frikin duh.
Lily: Oh come on peoples.
Liam: Oliver Woods's dad.
Rebecca: Luna Lovegood's mum.
Andrew: Luna's dad.
Bella: Arabella Figg's daughter who for unexplained reasons doesn't know her father and likes to be promiscuous. Goes to Hogwarts.
Sirius: Sirius.
Remus: you all know and love him.
Peter: known in this story as Worm head.
Matthias/Isobel: two people who are basically interchangeable but live in the same house and have the same hand writing. Sorry.
All teachers: all teachers from HEA (Harry's Era Approximately)
Hermione: Hermione.
Ron: no it's really Ron.
Harry: Emotionally confused!!!!!!! JK, sort of.
Fred/George: also interchangeable and have the same handwriting as Matthias/Isobel.
And now! On with the show.
To Whom It May Concern:
I recently woke up in the company of a half naked James Potter. If any of you can explain this I will be eternally grateful. To those of you who will suggest that I got there by my own means, you will be severely punished upon return to school at the end of next month.
Thanks for your time. I wish to have this message back by tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Lily Evans, who is Royally Pissed just FYI.
87878787878787878887878
Dear Ms. Evans,
I am sorry to hear of the predicament you landed your self in.
Dumbledore
P.S. you can't punish me. I'm a teacher. (Sticking my tongue out)
8989898989898989898989898
Dear Lils,
THAT SUCKS DIRTY DOG DICK!
I hope you kicked the sod.
I unfortunately don't know anything.
Tell him to piss off for me if you're still around him!
XO,
Gemma
810810810810810810810810810810810810810
Dear Ms. Evans,
I regret to inform you that since Mr. Potter is not part of the Slug Club, you shall have to be removed from said Slug Club. Truly sorry, but I don't solicit to promiscuity.
Sincerely, (as much as this pains me to say it)
Professor Slughorn
8118118118118118118118811811811811811811811
Dear Harry's mum,
We don't actually know you, but we do know your son. He kicks ass and you should be proud of him. Oh. James isn't so bad. You should really try to get him to send us his stuff. He has good jokes. And if he sends them to us, he can insure that they will be sold and made good profit of in the future, since that's where we are from.
#99 Diagon Alley
London, UK
Please and thank you,
Mr.s Fred and George Weasley.
81281281281281281281281281281281281281281281281281282
Dearest Fred and George,
WHO THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU?? DON"T EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN!
Lily
81381381381381831381381381831831838
Lils,
Did you shag him? Was he any good? I'll bet he was a god.
Good luck!
Bella
814814814814814814814814814814814814814814814814
Lily,
We are eternally sorry you got kicked out of the slug club for this.
And while we're on the subject, we'd like to apologize.
Sorry.
Anon.
81581581581581858158158158158158158158
Dear 'Anon',
If I ever find out who you are you are more than dead.
Sincerely,
Lily.
816816861816816816816816816816816816816816816816
James,
WTF MATE?
Pad
817817817817817817817817817817817817817817817817817817817
Pad,
We live in the same house, on the same floor in basically the same room. Why on earth did you send the owl? You don't have laryngitis anymore.
Prongs
818818818818818818818818818818818818
Prongs,
Your point?
Pad
819819819819819819819819819819819
Prongs, Foot, Wormy one,
COULD ALL THREE OF YOU STOP FLOOING MY HOUSE!!!! IT IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY NUTS!
Moony
820280820820820820820820820820820820820820820820820820
Athena,
Lily woke up naked with James. What do we do?
Albus
821821821821821821821821821812
Albus,
So what? We do nothing. Stop calling me Athena!
Minerva
822822822822822822822822822822822822
Lily,
You were fully clothed when you woke up with James, right?
A very concerned party of four.
82382382382382382382838238238238238288238238238238328
AVCPOF,
Assuming you are Ruby, Liam, Rebecca and Andrew, yes I was fully clothed.
He was missing both trousers and pants.
And could you tell Bella to piss off?
Lily
824824824824824824824824824284
Dear Ms. Evans,
I am not a teacher. I am a fellow Hogwarts student who was born in 1979. I recently found myself in a similar position. I woke up fully clothed with a naked-from-the-waist-down Harry Potter. But you see, you are supposed to wake up with James because if the two of you never get together, the guy I woke up with wouldn't exist you see.
So I'm sorry if this is freaking you out, but you should give James a chance.
Hermione Granger
8258258258528288525828585858282858282888282885828
Dear Professor Trelawney,
I am concerned. What do you know about Fred Weasley, George Weasley and Hermione Granger? They claim to be from the future. Help me.
Lily Evans.
826826826826826826826826826826826826826826826
Miss Evans,
I'll do a reading and get back to you in ten years.
Trelawney
827827827827827827827827872872827872
To Whom It May Concern:
Trelawney SUCKS!
Don't take her classes and bite her if she tries to touch you.
Lily
828282828282828828828882828828828282828288828
Dear Lily,
WELL SPOKEN! TRELAWNEY SUCKS DIRTY DOG DICK!!!!
Gemma and everyone else you sent the mail to.
8298298298298298298298829829829829829829892892892
To Whom It May Concern:
Gemma says: Blank Sucks dirty dog dick, way way way…. too much.
Help.
Lily.
8308308308308308308308338038038038038380380383
Lily,
I agree,
Madam Pomfry
831831831831831831831835151311
Madam Pomfry,
Your name isn't derived from the French name for French Fry is it?
Sincerely,
The Marauders.
832832832832832832832832832832832
To the Marauders,
Crawl in a hole and die.
Poppy
834834834834834834834834833483483483483468
To whom it may concern:
MADAM POMFRY IS AFTER OUR HEADS!! HELP!
The collective marauders.
8358358358358358358358358358358358358
Dear Marauders,
That sucks!
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.
83683683683683683683638836836836836836
Dear Harry and Ron,
WHO ARE YOU?
Marauders
8378378378378378387383
Our business,
Harry and Ron
83883883838383838383
James,
You deserve to have three people head hunting you.
Evans.
839838983983898389839838983898389
'Evans'
James is currently disposed so I will answer his mail; this is one of my favourite pass times!
Who is the third?
Love,
'James'
840840840840840840840840840840840840840848408
Evans,
Please ignore what Sirius said. Who is the third?
Potter
841841841841841841841841871848184184184184184148114841841
Potter,
Die.
Evans
84284284284284284284284284284284228424
Everyone,
I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND!!!!
Bella
743843843843843843843843843
Bella,
You've had many.
TMI
Everyone
844844844844844844844844844844844844844844844
Bella,
I thought you agreed not to tell everyone!!!
Frank
