2
As a note, I will attempt to be more open with talk of emotion in these entries. It is not natural for me to even be writing these thoughts down, but if Doctor Stevens asks, at least I will not have to lie to her about it.
Our first orders have been seen to without a problem, and we are en route to the coordinates for the second order we have been given. Things are going smoothly aboard the ship.
This is not the first time I have been a crew member on board a starship. It is, however, the first time in which someone is trying to make me a friend.
It is not working. Though, considering it is the Captain trying, I am wondering what would happen to my position if I was to reject him that friendship outright. I am the First Officer aboard this vessel, and therefore I am supposed to be close to the Captain.
Being close to Captain Kirk would be a lot easier if he didn't touch me so often. He slaps my back, he pats my shoulder, and he looks over my shoulder as I am trying to work at the science station. It is a constant distraction to me, and he doesn't seem to realise that.
I talked to Doctor McCoy about it earlier today. I know that the two of them are friends, and so he was the most logical choice to go to with such a problem. His answer was not what I was expecting, nor was it helpful.
He told me that Captain Kirk was a person who touched as a sign of friendship and acceptance. That it wasn't in a way that was meant to make me uncomfortable, but to make me feel wanted, needed.
The only thing all this unnecessary touching is making me feel is the desire to strangle him once more. If he truly wants to try and make a friendship with me, which in itself makes me confused, he could respect my constant attempts to get him to stop what he is doing.
I cannot seem to tell him this out loud. My position as First Officer may be held in question if I do, though if it is, I am sure it will not affect my other duties as Science Officer. I would still be wanted as a valuable member of the crew. It relieves me to know this.
Doctor McCoy thinks if it is annoying me this much, I should tell him to back off. His words, not mine. I am not sure of the exact meaning. The Captain is fine where he is, as long as it is not touching me.
How am I supposed to tell my Captain that something that he does in a sign of acceptance is in fact not acceptable to me? And if I did, would it stop the constant assault upon my person? I don't think he realises it is an assault upon me. At least he hasn't tried for skin contact. He at least knows that much about Vulcans.
Maybe Doctor McCoy could tell him in my place?
I am conflicted. I need to meditate on this.
