Why couldn't I say it? She wondered the moment the door closed behind him. I love you. It wasn't that difficult, was it? And despite her stubbornness to admit it, she knew that it was true. The thought had passed through her head more times than she could count during their conversation.

A part of her wanted to call out after him, at the very least to tell him not to go just yet. But she remained silent, letting out a heavy sigh and heading for the kitchen to pour herself another well-needed scotch.

She spent a moment or so waiting, hoping that the door would open, knowing it was ridiculous and useless and that was it. Whatever chance she had was gone, for tonight anyways. And she supposed it was for the best, after all, nothing good ever did happen after 2am.

It was almost three.


Robin lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying desperately to fall asleep. It should've been easy. She had practically collapsed down on her mattress about an hour ago, her weak body crumpling into the duvet. The minutes felt long, the room was silent. The only exception was the quiet sound of the ticking clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

She shut her eyes, taking in two deep, heavy breaths, trying to suppress all thoughts of earlier. Waking up, the previous morning, in his bed, hearing him say that it was what he wanted every morning to be like, running away, wishing she hadn't, his soft lips pressed against her forehead only about an hour ago… It had been one of the longest days of Robin's life.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

She didn't want it to end. It didn't feel right this way. A day like this wasn't supposed to end with him walking out, telling her it was okay. Robin stared longingly at the phone, tempted to punch in his number.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

She pulled herself from the bed, unable to take another minute of hearing nothing more than the sound of that damned clock, mixed in with her drunken thoughts. Robin was out of her apartment before her mind had caught up as to why. She found herself hailing a cab, climbing inside, with her thoughts so muddled all she knew with certainty was that rationality had nothing to do with a single one of them. His address fell out of her mouth before she bothered to stop herself.

Time rushed by the entire way there; somehow she managed to keep her mind occupied. It was when she ended up by the door to his apartment, hand ready to knock, that she snapped back to reality. The thoughts she had been trying to suppress overcame her. She tried to turn away, but for a moment it seemed that she, as well as time, was frozen.

It was one of the longest moments of the night.

The absolute longest, for Robin, had been earlier.


"You're almost as messed up as I am." Barney had answered her simply, yet honestly. She could see the near-desperate look in his eye. Robin was sure that she was the only one who could see it. Sure, the rest of the gang knew he wasn't always the emotionless, stoked-on-life player that he pretended to be. But she was the only one who understood, who saw him for all of who he was, and loved him for it.

And she did love him. "Cared about him as a friend" didn't cut it. No. Robin Scherbatsky was hopelessly, irretrievably in love with him.

The feelings were mutual. It had taken her until that precise moment for it to really sink in. He knew her, and he loved her, for all of who she was.

It terrified her.

Robin offered nothing in return other than a weak smile.


Her hand came to meet the door, which then opened a lot quicker than it should have.

It's after four. Barney probably should have said. "Hi."

"Hi."

There was a silence that was not in the least bit awkward. It was the first moment that day that was long because they wanted it to last. They just looked at each other, with love and lust and relief. Barney had been lying awake, thinking about calling her since he had arrived home after leaving her apartment. Robin was just shocked that he had actually opened the door. She wanted to kiss him, but she knew she had to come clean first.

"I love you" is all she wanted to say, but the words refused to come out. Instead, she rushed over to his couch, falling deeply into the leather cushion.

"You think there'd be anything on TV at this hour?" Robin asked casually, reaching for the remote.

"I doubt it, but you can check anyway." He laughed a little. "Don't you have a TV at your place?"

"Not one that takes up an entire wall." She responded, refusing to pull her eyes away from the screen.

At four in the morning? He almost asked her, but stopped himself; he didn't want to give her an opportunity to ask why he had obviously already been awake.

It took about twenty, idle minutes of flipping through the same programs, none of which either of them ever cared to see, over and over, barely stopping on each one long enough to see what it was, before Robin hit the power button.

"What are we doing?" She sighed after a moment. "I mean, what am I doing? Because you came through for me; you ended your relationship with Nora, you left all those rose petals…" her voice trailed off.

"Robin," Barney turned to her, "it's okay. Really."

"You always come through for me." It had taken Robin ages to come to that conclusion, but she knew it was true. Maybe it just wasn't in the big, monumental ways that belonged in those ridiculous romance flicks she always caught Ted watching. She didn't care for those kind of things anyway. Barney came through for her in much more genuine ways. He always did these little things: sending her on the Super Date he wished he had given to her earlier, getting her back on her feet when Don left her for Chicago. He was the one who pulled them together in the first place. Robin remembered how terrified she had been, burying her feelings beneath more lies than she could count. He had been scared too, but was always so willing to take that leap with her. That was the biggest way he had come through for her, the biggest way that anyone had ever come through for her.

"I don't-"

"Always." She stopped him. "And I just keep running away from this. Then I run back, only to run away again, and then, here I am." Robin glanced around at his apartment, missing the time when she would find her way here almost every night, when she could kiss him and sleep with him freely, without all this extra confusion. She hated this part. "I'm tired of running, tired of putting myself through this shit. I'm tired of putting you through it all too. You always come through for me." She repeated. "So, now, I think that it's my turn."

She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together enough to finally come clean. "I don't regret sleeping with you." Robin admitted. "I should, but I don't. Just like I don't love Kevin." I love you. slipped through her mind. She ignored it. "This whole thing has been so unfair to him, and yet he's been the furthest from my mind. I guess that makes me a horrible person."

"You're not." He said quickly, reaching to place a gentle hand on her arm.

"I hurt you too, you know? I'm sorry. It just took me so long to catch up. I'm such a mess."

"Well," Barney said a few seconds later, "for what it's worth, so am I."

"Yeah, I guess you are." She turned to him, straightening his tie and leaving her hand behind to pull him a bit closer. "A really, really hot one, but still a mess."

"Then that makes two of us." He could tell what she was doing, but wasn't about to try and resist. He leaned in further.

Their lips touched, their exhaustion seeming to ever so briefly escape them as they were pulled back to the night before. It had been fierce and passionate. Unforgettable. No matter how much time they spent apart, or, in their case as two commitment-phobes, together, the magic never seemed to fade.

"I'm breaking up with Kevin tomorrow." Robin said quietly, immediately after pulling away. "I mean, whether or not you still want to do… whatever this is between us, because I'd understand if you're done with me after-"

He shook his head. "I'm never done with you, Robin."

"Good." She smiled with relief, "because I'd much rather be a mess with you than be a mess without you. I'm going to break up with him tomorrow. I want to do this right."

"For real?" Barney asked, hand still behind her neck, buried in her hair.

"For real." She answered, nodding softly.