The snow was stained red with blood as she stared down at the corpse, the head lay three feet away from the body.

"Very good Kitten," his voice whispered in her ear. His arm was locked around her waist and his lips pressed against the back of her neck.

"That was quick, compared to what I wanted to do to him." She walked over to the head and picked it up. "I have to take this back if I want to get paid,"

Alex woke up with Tobey shaking her.

"Wake up, we're almost there."

"Arg." Alex got up and stretched like a cat, glad she'd entered the world wearing her robes. Why had she dreamed about him? She missed him, but that had been years ago, another life time.

"Sweet dream?" Tobey asked. "You had a smile on your face."

"A dream about an old friend," she said vaguely.

"I forgot, you were a vampire right?" It was the first time he hadn't looked scared about what she used to be.

"Yeah."

"How old are you really?"

"Somewhere closer to forty," Alex confessed.

"So, how did you become a slayer?" Tobey asked.

"I-I was hunting them on my own, a professional hunter found me and brought me in."

"Who turned you? Into a vampire, I mean," Tobey asked but Alex stayed quiet. "Sorry, I suppose it's personal."

"Yes, it is." She said sharply and she stood up. Tobey kept quiet and followed.

There were more boats than usual crossing the lake that year, probably due to all the "newcomer" sues. And unfortunately, there was one of them in the boat with Alex, Tobey and Sirius.

"My name is Jessica Penelope Katherine Emma Alexandra Bella Rosalie Alice Esme Claire Aro Renee Leah Jane Billy Jacob Renesmee Black!" she chirped. She had "curly onyx locks" and "eyes like the summer sky." Her kitten Starr was black with a white star shaped marking on her forehead.

Alex was moody and quiet, staring ahead.
"Are you here alone?" Tobey asked Jessica. She shook her head.

"I'm here with my twin brother! Edward Jasper Emmett Carlisle Jacob Sam Quil Embry Seth Paul Charlie Phil Billy Harry Ron Severus Albus Sirius Black. Our mother was French and we're transferring from Beaubatons..."

That was funny, given her flawless American accent.

"Would your father be Sirius Black by any chance?" Alex asked, without really looking at her.

"Uh ha, mama explained it all to us, how he was really innocent."

"Uh huh," she gave Tobey a look.

"How was your old school?" he asked her.

She started sniffling.

"There was this teacher, he was really nice to me even though I got bad marks. He wanted to meet me in private, he said he'd thought of a way for me to get better marks, and he said I could get better marks if I slept with him, what I said no he...eekkkk!" She shrieked as Tobey pushed her into the lake. One of the Giant squid's tentacles rose out of the dark water and snagged the splashing girl, pulling her under. There was silence and one of her disembodied arms rose up to the surface.

"Good work Tobey," she said absent mindedly.

"Are, are you alright Alex?" he asked.

"Oh yes, I'm fine."

Alex was moody throughout the sorting, though she noted some of the sues, including "Harry's long lost twin sister" and the infamous "American exchange student" amongst others.

Alex was sorted into Slytherin while Tobey was placed in Gryffindor as planned. She was sitting next to one of the new arrivals. She had Shining platinum hair and the beautiful innocent face of an angel.

"Hi, I'm Alex." She greeted her with a fake smile on her face.

"Hi!" she chirped back in a voice so sweet it resonated throughout the ages. I'm Draco's sister."

Oh good god she's one of those.
"What's your name?" Alex asked sweetly. "I'm afraid I missed it during the sorting. I was um, too busy checking my hair."

"Totally, you don't want your hair to get messed up! I'm Gwendolyn Mary Poppins Alice Rosalie Bella Swan Julie Andrews Simba Narla Esme Dumbledore Malfoy!" she seemed only too happy to tell someone her "super special" name. "I might come from an evil family, but I'm really not that bad."

"Then why are you in Slytherin?" Alex asked grumpily, she could feel a headache coming on.

"Because my brother is," she battered her lashed with "framed her stunning emerald eyes edged with silver." "I really wish I could be in Gryffindor with Ron!"

She could never understand why girls went for him, especially since Ron had been a bit of an arse in the books. Well so was Malfoy and that didn't stop them.

"What about you?" Alex asked a Goth/Emo sue sitting across from her. Her beautiful raven locks and her piercing crimson eyes caught her attention.

"I'm Persephone," she told Alex in a dark voice. "My full name is Persephone Raven Esmeralda Dark Wolf Riddle."

What the hell? Alex thought. Are these writers even trying anymore?

"But you can call me Persephone, or Raven."

Alex turned to the guy beside her when "Raven" started talking again.

"My life has been nothing but darkness and pain, and I've been cutting myself since I was four." Then she narrowed her eyes. "Not that I'm telling you anything, mind your own goddamn business!"

"You need to smile more!" Gwendolyn chirped. "I know! I'll sing you a happiness song!"

Gwendolyn's angelic voice rang as she sang a high pitched note, and several small birds perched on her arms Snow White style.

"Can I kill her?" Raven asked Alex.

"Not here, too many people around." Alex told her. "Then you get arrest and then there's this whole big hassle. Trust me."

"I'm Arnold Roberto Gerald George Harvey Satan Evil Dude Smith," the emo guy sitting on Alex's other side introduced himself. He had shaggy black hair and nail polish. He continues talking in a monotone voice. "I also cut myself. My life has been a bottomless pit of pain..."

"Are you guys related?" Alex asked Raven. She nodded.

"He's my cousin."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Don't worrrrryyy, be happpyyy!" Gwen continued to sing. For some reason, no one else at the table noticed.

"This is going to be an interesting year," Alex muttered. She glanced across the table and saw Crabbe made a face before spilling half of his pumpkin juice down his shirt.

Wait a minute, she thought. Mary sues never seemed to both with Draco's bodyguards, they always seemed to mysteriously disappear in sue stories. Could they be any help? Maybe while everyone else was acting out of character, they were among the few people to keep their heads because Mary sues never bothered with them. Not that they had a lot of brains to start with. Even Jk Rowling didn't seem to pay much attention to them...

Gwen started singing "always look on the bright side of life" from Monty Python's Life of Brian, while Raven and Arnold gave her murderous glares in between moaning about their "horrible darkness pain filled lives."

"Arg, kill me." Alex muttered into her hands.

"And reeemmmemberrrr that the last laugh is on yooooouuuuuu!" Gwen put her hand on her shoulder.

Suddenly Alex had a very bad feeling.

Dammit Mac owes me big for this.