CHAPTER2
Disclaimer: I did not create/give birth to/own Teen Titans. Honestly, if I did, I wouldn't be here now would I?
trickNtreat: 'Emotions are dangerous'. Lame as title right? Haha but I had to use it, Raven used it herself in the episode "Switched" right before she and Star had their real first bonding as friends.
Raven: Maybe you haven't noticed, but my emotions are dangerous. You may have my body (LOL!) but you know nothing about me.
Star: Begin sharing. :)
It was my AWW moment in Teen Titans. xD
----
Have you tried this before? Probably not...then you should try this, right now. Go stand in front of a mirror. Go on. I'll wait.
If you made it to the mirror without being attacked by the ungodly things littered on the floor, you should see yourself. If not, well, then you're an ignorant bastard and you're wasting my time.
Take a moment to try finding what went wrong today and what you could have done to change the situation or yourself. Think about why it went so wrong and...what the cause was. Yeah, yeah I know it's pointless and stupid for some and heck, then you've made me even more stupid for telling you all this, I would have been better off talking to that skeleton in my closet for all I care.
Sigh...and me. I'm just talking to myself here; in a dark familiar room I call my hideout. Thinking back on what happened in the dinning room.
Tofu flying everywhere, Starfire screaming on mute and those three on pause. Wouldn't that have been a sight to see on national TV on Christmas Eve. Teen Titans, their heroes frozen in time while it snows tofu eggs. Though I am curious how much they'd pay for it.
The Teen Titans. They know me as...what do they know me as? Courtesy of that annoying greenish over reacting vegetarian shape shifter, I must be a dark, unsocial, insensitive, impossible...what's the word?
For some reason, the word 'girl' doesn't seem to suit me. Maybe it's too innocent of a word for me.
But wouldn't they be surprised if they knew everything that goes around in my head. Yes, they would.
Wouldn't they be surprised if I introduced them to all the emotions I have, every single one.
I sometimes wish...that I could be just one-self. It sounds strange and maybe even stupid, but...not being driven by all the separate feelings, I could then control myself fully, just one whole being. And sort of, become free shall we say.
If something goes wrong, it triggers something inside me. Chain reaction, my realization; zero. That's what causes all the destruction when I feel either hatred, insecurity, nervousness or...
There was...there was this other feeling I discovered just today. When Star...uh-oh. The mirror's rising from its place. Calm down Raven. Breathe. I place the mirror back down firmly and sit on the edge of my bed.
Closing my eyes and swallowing a deep breath, I could admit even for a split second that the so called 'discovered feeling' isn't all that new to me. It was always there, I knew it subconsciously seeing as how much it bubbled over the rest of my emotions and how much more I had to suppress it to stay dormant.
I think...I think clearing my mind and getting rid of everything which happened today will be useful for me.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Oh no, that wouldn't be Raven.
I just...want to be my normal self again, or as normal as I was. That's all and I'm doing this for myself. That's it.
…maybe if I keep telling myself this, I could keep on fooling myself.
-
"Yo, what's up with Miss Herbal Tea?" Beast Boy complained as he scrapped off the last bit of tofu from his hair.
"I dunno. Could it be you?" Cyborg absentmindedly mumbled as he dusted himself.
"What do you mean, me?"
"Oh, nothing. It's just that you're always in her hair and pissing her off and-"
"I do not!"
"Right, you're enough to get me to boil, think what it might do to her,"
"It's not my fault she can't take simple jokes. In fact, she's the only one who can take a joke too seriously,"
"I think it's you who take joking too lightly,"
"WHAT! What do you know about comedy anyway Mr. Tin man, huh huh!"
While the fight broke out again, Star pried the knife out of the wall and stared at her reflection. She saw her face distorted in concern. "I do not understand, why is friend Raven so upset? Did I do something wrong?" Is she allergic to tofu eggs? Then is it not my fault for offering her such substance?
"No Star, it's not you," having heard her monologue, Robin approached her gently, "She has a lot on her mind. Well, more like 'in' her mind really. You have to know, it's not your fault, least of all," he looked over his shoulder to see the two going at it again, coughed and continued, "See what I mean? Raven's abilities are driven by her emotions, she needs to control it. And with those two around, it's hardly possible.
Just keep repeating to yourself, it's NOT your fault. Raven's not gonna slaughter you or anything because you did absolutely nothing wrong. Understood?"
Slightly brightened Star smiled and replied, "I understand Robin,"
"Good. Now, I'm sorry but could you clean the last bit of this muck? I think I'll have to get Cyborg and BB to sign a peace treaty," Robin mirrored Starfire and smiled, kindly asking a favor.
Star nodded once, still with the same warm smile. "Consider it done!"
-
After clearing the debris in the dining room, Star headed for her own room for a shut-eye when she noticed Raven's door along the way and absentmindedly stopped in front of it. Was that maybe a tiny bit of guilt rising?
'What should I do? What should I be doing?'
Starfire nervously stood in front of Raven's bedroom, ready to confront the door.
'I am going to be okay. Robin has told me so, Raven will not slaughter me because it is not my fault. Not my fault. It is not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. My fault. My fault...huh? Eek! Raven, please do forgive me!'
Star rocked back and forth in mid air and anxiously bit her nails before deciding and raising a fist to hammer the door.
"Something wrong, Starfire?" at the precise moment, before Starfire's fist made it to its obstacle, Raven opened the door and stared calmly at her temporarily frozen visitor.
Star stared at Raven with wide eyes and a hand bent over her head, ready to hit the door. To sum it all up, a very VERY ridiculous pose.
Silence passed and came doubled. Still neither of them broke it or started up a conversation.
Raven gave Star a weird look and said, "Well, aren't you gonna say something or are you here to sing me a Christmas carol?"
"Oh, I am sorry Raven, if I am disturbing your daily routine and interfering or being a nuisance to you in anyway and-"
"Star,"
"Yes?"
"Just get to the point. Ah, and if you were going to ask how I knew you were out here," Raven added as Starfire was about to ask just that, "I heard that last sentence, something about me forgiving you...what ever that's about I have no idea. You really shouldn't go blurting out your private thoughts,"
"Ah! Yes, I am here to apologize for before. The knife did not impale me in the temple by another two inches, so you do not need to feel guilt nor responsible. I ask for your forgiveness on making it hard for you to concentrate on your...um...in your mind,"
Star bowed low courteously and hoped. Hoped that friend Raven will forgive her for everything or anything she might have done wrong against her in her lifetime. She wanted to remain as her close friend.
Instead, a sharp silence came in waves and over whelmed Star. Then it broke it; Raven's cold hard voice.
"Is that all there is? There is nothing to forgive. Now, forget about everything, go get some rest and leave me alone,"
With that, the door once again was closed, leaving Starfire to stare at it in bewilderment for a few seconds. Somehow, she felt worse than before. And all these events resulted into only one thing.
One very crestfallen Starfire bobbing towards her own room.
-
All the while, Raven stood on the other side of her door. Facing it, she leant her forehead against the door and heaved a sigh.
Her insides churned. What the heck did she go and do that for? Why not go hug her, smile and tell her it's not her fault, which is entirely true, and like they say, kiss and make up?
Well now, that wouldn't be sour old Raven who'd preach 'keep emotions in check', 'self-control' and 'think things through before doing anything even if it is just telling a friend it was all her fault and not hers'. That couldn't be a 'Raven' thing to do.
Raven closed her eyes and slid a hand down the door, 'Forgive me Star...this is for your own good.'
-
The surrounding atmosphere was intoxicated with nerves as Raven entered the dining room the next day. She made her entry as if nothing chaotic went on the day before and sat at her usual spot, with the usual gloomy expression; the expression that said nothing in the world was important and worth noticing.
She opened her fading aged book as usual and started to read idly while the rest of the team gazed at her way.
Beast Boy took turns in looking at the rooted team beside him and the reading Raven and chose it was the right moment for his statement, "I guess...it's safe to say all's well and back to typical.
Now, who's up for breakfast? I'm cooking!"
-
I am ever so anxious. I do not wish to be on friend Raven's bad side. Nobody wishes to.
Indeed, she has told me that 'there is nothing to forgive', but I do still feel somewhat responsible. I have not taken my eyes off from viewing her ever since she has entered from the corner of my eyes.
She looks so alone and most melancholy. I cannot apprehend how or why anyone could become what she is. Just stationed there, so isolated. The same book held in her hands, but her eyes do not read. Her face is present here in this room, but her facial expressions are not.
I wish to do something. Anything. I wish to be on Raven's good side. Everyone wishes so. But I wish the most above all.
Robin was wrong. This matter is my fault.
-
"Damn it BB! Can't anyone ELSE do the cooking around here?"
"My dear Cyborg, don't blow any fuse. At least not around here, you'll ruin my tofu-"
"Don't you say nothing more! I'm sick of smelling, tasting, hearing about or seeing that 'tofu' crap. Anyway, who died and made you the permanent cook?"
Raven rolled her eyes almost automatically and resumed to her book. 'Are these arguments REALLY necessary?'
"What I don't get is, how come you never put anything to your mouth except disgusting meat. I mean, think of the poor animals. It's animal abuse dude!"
"Well, if you want to protest against it, go tell it to someone in the parliament who cares to listen and who can actually stand your 100 percent non-butchery-policy cooking,"
Turning a page, Raven answered herself, 'I guess so,'
Just one of those I-care-about-you-but-I'm-showing-it-my-own-little-way charades which Raven thought was really pointless if the point wasn't taken in their-own-little-way. How immature. Though that thought did a back-take and stung her as a hypocrite, which she decided to ignore.
Her concentration had worn off ages ago. She just had the book in front of her so that it looked like she had something to do. Meaning, then no-one could come up to her and start a conversation, because when Raven was with a book, it meant: I'm busy, go annoy someone else. So, it was merely an excuse for not wanting to converse or socialize.
She couldn't concentrate. She tried yesterday; she used all the free time on meditating and the hour before that, and the hour after that and so on. None of them were successful however.
She didn't understand why or how that was possible when all she did in her time was just that, but something in the back of her head told her that it had something to do with the nice little unexpected exploding event of the previous day. Also, with it came Starfire. Raven would push her out to the back of her head like always, but then Star's silhouette just creep back into her thoughts. 'What IS wrong with me...'
"Um, friend Raven?"
Slowly lifting her head from the cover of the book, Raven looked up at something she wasn't expecting; Starfire. Raven was both a bit annoyed and surprised at the same time. She thought she wouldn't even look at her way after the way she treated her the last time they talked one on one. That was the unspoken plan. But nonetheless, she answered her. "Yes?"
"Er...if I am not of any interruption, I have brought something for you to digest this morning. And with this plate of breakfast, please do try to accept my apologies altogether," Starfire hung her head, screwed her eyes shut and literally shoved the plate into Raven's face.
'Apologies?' Raven was bewildered for a moment and stared at the plate underneath her nose containing tofu, cereal, eggs, half hydrated porridge and up at the girl offering it.
Out of nowhere, anger boiled in Raven. Who the hell was she to be accepting apologies from someone she ought to be apologizing to? Raven, she was the one who caused her, Starfire, to feel guilty at nothing—and yes, her little emotional problem did count as nothing apparently. She couldn't let herself to accept her apologies, or any apology for that matter.
AND why did this girl had to be so nice? Raven already told her it was not her fault, or any of her business, but she kept budging in and making it seem as if it was only obvious to feel guilty and responsible for something she had no blame for, what-so-ever.
Raven couldn't stand this. This just had to stop.
"I thought I told you...that it's not your fault!" Raven flung the plate in front of her out of Starfire's grip with the back of her hand while her eyes glowed white menacingly. The plate bounced and skid a good few yards away from them, spilling out the contents everywhere as it slid along.
Starfire's wide eyes were filled with anything remotely relating to hurt, rejection and...rounding back to hurt.
Raven couldn't stand it.
She was causing Starfire pain. For no reason. What-so-ever. And it all came out the wrong way, out of control.
"But-"
"NO! Stop being like this. I'm fine. Can't you see? This is not, your, FAULT!"
As Raven emphasized the last word of the shouted sentence, everything in the room was engulfed in black energy and started to vibrate and shudder. Then before it was too late, Robin came rushing in and grabbed Raven by her shoulders and gently shook her, "Whoa, Raven. Stop. What's going on here?"
All of a sudden, the whole room they were occupying fell silent and the dangerously shaking objects were also silenced. Beast Boy was trying to get loose from Cyborg's iron grip, while trying to beat him with a wooden spoon in one hand before Raven's outrage froze everything. It was a strange kind of deja vu.
"You alright? Both of you?" Robin turned from Raven to Starfire while Raven slowly turned her back on them and pulled her hood up.
"Yeah, we're alright-" Beast Boy started but was cut off by Cyborg's nudging elbow followed by a loud whisper forced through his clenched teeth.
"Shush, he didn't mean us, you embarrassment to Mother Nature,"
"Hey! Look who's- ak!" Beast Boy started to object, when the nudging elbow again cut him off.
Not at all influenced by the violation she just received from Raven, Starfire moved for the said girl a step and placed a hand on her shoulder with a soft, "Raven? Are you...alri-"
Raven jerked her shoulder out of Starfire's grip and said coldly without turning back to face her, "I said, I'm fine,"
With that, Raven floated soundlessly to the door, her head hung just a bit, enough to cover away most of her face, and her emotions, feelings.
"Raven..." Starfire gazed after her with sad eyes, with her hand still out stretched where Raven's shoulder was present just a few moments ago.
"Raven," a stronger and firmer voice sounded and stopped Raven from continuing on through the exit, "I don't know what just happened here, and I won't ask if you don't want to explain,"
A moment of sheer silence poured over them until Robin continued his speech, "Just remember, we're all friends here. We won't hurt you or criticize you for who you are. We know you well enough, as our friend and teammate. If you need help, just ask for it. Okay?"
Raven turned her head just slightly, her face still well hidden, nodded only barely noticeably and continued through the opening until the door closed behind her and shielded her out of everyone else's sight.
Another quick moment of quiet came and the next, everyone heaved a sigh. Either of relief that there wasn't as much damage or mess as last time or just out of worry.
Star made the first movement and went up to the upended plate on the floor Raven has so carelessly and effortlessly flung away. She bent down to pick it and the now inedible food up. All the while, she said not a word. 'Raven...what did I do so wrong to upset you so? What is happening to you?'
Robin came and stood behind her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, just like what Starfire had done to Raven.
"You okay?"
Without turning around, she replied weakly while staring into the messy plate in her hands, "Yes...yes, I am unhurt. I shall manage. It is...alright,"
"I don't know what's suddenly got to her, but I think she'll be okay. Just give her some space,"
"But..." Star trailed off hopelessly, unable to understand anything.
Beast Boy finally got himself loose from Cyborg and voiced, "Dude, it's one of those phases she's going through. She'll be fine,"
"Let's just hope it's nothing too big," Robin half whispered and gave Star's shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting it go.
Cyborg scratched his head in confusion and said, "Man...I've never seen Rae go loose like this. Never, not even in battles, not even the one with that Dr. Light. She wasn't herself then, but…this time I'm sure there was nothing freaky possessing her. She kinda surprised me, what with the, 'This is not, your, FAULT!' Now, what was that about?"
Beast Boy followed pursuit on scratching his head and added, "Yeah, I didn't know she could actually do long talks."
-
trickNtreat: I realized...in most RavenxStar, Robin and Raven are rivals and engaged in a fierce war, also/or Raven is almost ALWAYS depressed/heart-broken/cries nonstop/grieves because she can't express her feelings for Star. And if she somehow does, Starfire just HAPPENS to return the feeling. Robin's ditched and crying in a corner somewhere. Or finds another girl to drool over. Poof, suddenly a happy ending:D
I'm not flaming nothing, but I guess I just want something original. Different. So that's why this fic is here. (shame I have to write it…)
Hope nobody here has any objection to that. Though I really can't say, seeing as I'm still an amateur plotter.
