Focused inspiration leads to fast updates. Such a wonderful thing. Pity it never lasts.

Enjoy!


The following visits were an odd mix of awkward moments and honest joy.

It started with waking up to the twins' up-close affection. They had hugged him enthusiastically, but while Harry had appreciated the gesture despite how uncomfortable it had made him feel, he had also been seriously confused.

Because, apparently, he was incapable of hearing a thing they said.

That, or there was something seriously wrong with their vocal cords. Their lips moved, but no matter what, he couldn't hear a single word, only wordless whispers that somehow managed to remind him of distant thunder and breaking waves. Not that Harry had ever been to the ocean, but during one of his biology classes their teacher had shown them a documentary about marine animals. The waves had been a constant through most of the movie and Harry had liked the sound. The thunder he knew from the countless storms that plagued this place.

"Sorry, but I have no idea what you're saying," he had told them, genuinely apologetic and just a bit disappointed.

For a moment Harry's disappointment had been mirrored in the twins' eyes – showing that they could hear and understand what Harry was saying – before their expressions had turned understanding.

Despite the annoyance that the handicap was, it did not keep the boys down for long. The twins' incapability of direct communication lead to some of the weirdest and funniest games of Hint in living history. Now that they were properly awake the twins had gone from sleepy to hyper, often tumbling over one another as they scurried to express themselves, which didn't improve the quality of their attempts. It was really hilarious, and most of the time Harry ended up on the ground, laughing his ass off.

Fortunately, the twins could see the humor in their failed attempts and they often ended up laughing right along with him.

Harry couldn't be happier. Was this what having friends was like?

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It was a warm day. So warm that Harry had decided to postpone any further raids on the basement, wanting to enjoy the nice weather while it lasted. With the Dursleys he was never allowed to relax outside.

At the moment, Harry was lounging in the sun and the twins were snickering and giggling, as if they had inhaled laughing gas and were now feeling the effects. He assumed it was because of the hat and the sandals. The hat was an old worn thing made of some kind of reed or bamboo, and it was frayed around the edges. The shoes were made out of some kind of straw rope, and pretty worn as well. He had dug them up just yesterday, and since the sun was quite bright today he had put them on, wanting to go outside without getting his feet all dirty again, hat tilted so it shaded most of his face. Both the hat and the sandals were too big for him, more fit for an adult really, and they probably looked pretty silly on him.

Though given the twins' reactions, there was no 'probably' about it. Was it really that funny?

Ah, well. It were handy things. Especially the hat. He kinda wished he had one like it in the real world; gardening during high summer was hell. The twins could laugh all they wanted, at least he wouldn't be the one getting sunstroke. He'd had that once, he wasn't eager for a repeat performance. Sunstrokes sucked.

The sounds of running footsteps disappeared into the House. Huh, seemed they had calmed down a little, if they were running around like that.

A few minutes later, the sound of giggles heralded the twins' return. Harry cracked an eye open, just in time to see something pink fill his vision with startling speed.

It landed with a splat.

Flailing, Harry needed a few seconds to unearth himself from beneath the garishly colored pile of fabric, hindered by the new additions to his outfit. The fact that the fabric was sopping wet told him exactly where the duo had found it. He scowled at the twins, who were almost rolling over the ground with laughter, their faces taking a distinctly reddish hue as they gasped for air. Harry rolled his eyes. Honestly, it was not that funny!

Heaving a put-upon sigh, Harry shook his head at the weirdness that was the twins' sense of humor while he picked up the sodden cloth. A closer inspection told him it was some sort of robe, the outside decorated with a pattern of flowers and leaves. It was large and undeniably meant for a girl. Maybe the previous owner of the House had been a woman?

Guessed he knew what the twins found so funny about dumping it on him. Silly hat, straw sandals, and girly robe, all way too big. Yeah, he could see the joke.

Harry sighed. He'd better hang it somewhere where it could dry. Maybe the basement would have something useful; Harry was pretty sure he had seen some kind of rack down there. Ignoring the twins' continued laughter with as much dignity as he could muster, given he still had his new hat and sandals on and his clothes were damp from the wet robe, Harry stepped inside.

Looked like he was going to have to raid the basement after all.

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Of course, Harry hadn't forgotten his plans to decorate the House properly. It took a couple of minutes for the twins to understand that Harry was serious about his intentions, but once they did they were more than eager to help. Even the three of them together couldn't carry the really big furniture, but chairs, tables, and the smaller cabinets were dragged up the stairs and placed in the barren rooms. The twins were quite insistent about the placement of some of the bigger pieces, and since Harry found he liked their choices he didn't protest much, even when they had to drag heavy pieces of furniture to the upper floors.

It took several weeks – man, was there a lot of stuff, good thing the House was big otherwise it would have ended up looking like Dudley's bedrooms – but finally they had brought up everything they needed to make the House look homely. Hands on his hips, Harry looked around, taking in the results of their clumsy decorating. It was a bit messy, but overall Harry was quite satisfied with the results of their efforts. All the items had seen better days, and most of them were damaged or broken in some way. But that was okay in Harry's opinion. The entire place was like that. It fit.

He looked at the twins and gestured at their surroundings. "What do you think?"

They smiled a bit timorously, their whispering voices carrying tones of joy and some sort of wishful sadness. Harry smiled back. He could understand their sadness. It was probably very nostalgic for them to see the previous owner's stuff around again.

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That night, Harry bore witness to a lifetime.

A man with long, curly hair laughed, two large swords in his hands. Steel flashed, danced, sang against one another, his own blades clashing against those of the brown-haired man as they trained. A name, rising through the fog of oblivion, as old and familiar as the man's face.

Shunsui.

Faces whirled past, like an endless stream of photos carried by a storm wind. Names, places, facts rushing past like water of a raging river; blurring, and wild, and intense like bright sunlight reflecting on roaring waves.

An old man, face weathered and scarred by the ages, beard a long, dignified waterfall of silver-gray. Narrow, wizened eyes, peering from under the shade of his long eyebrows, as words of unyielding righteousness fell from those ancient lips. Hands clasped around a cane that wasn't a cane at all. Fire crackling from within his elder's grasp, heat filling the air with punishing intensity. Names and titles drifting on the wind, like sparks from a bonfire.

Yamamoto-Genryuusai-Soutaichou.

Yamamoto-sensei.

So many people. So much that had happened. His mind was overflowing, and still the rushing stream did not stop.

The House within the landscape of his soul, whole and undamaged, inhabited by the two who had been at his side for centuries, their voices bright and full of joy every time he came to meet them. The two he knew as well as he knew himself, twins like the blades that were their physical forms. He knew them, their name spoken as easy as breathing-

Slowly, Harry's eyes opened. In the depth of his soul, he felt the twins stir.

The twins he used to know.

"I know who you are," he whispered dreamily to no one, consciousness still floating between dream and wakefulness. Inside him, he felt the twins sit up to attention.

Sougyo no Kotowari.

Harry slipped back into sleep with the warmth of his Zanpakutou's joy radiating through his soul.

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Harry sat at a worn table, a cracked tea set before him. How the twins had managed to get their hands on tea he didn't know, but it wasn't as if he cared about that.

The twins sat on the other side, faces unusually solemn, their eyes filled with a light that could only be happiness.

That morning, Harry had woken up with centuries worth of memories in his head, and none of them were his own. He was drowning in them, and not even the sanctuary of his Inner World brought reprieve. "Who am I, Sougyo no Kotowari?" he whispered brokenly.

The twins smiled at him. "You are our wielder."

Harry flinched. "You mean I used to be your wielder."

Sougyo no Kotowari shook their heads. "No. You are."

Harry looked away, eyes dropping to the cooling cup of tea clenched between his fingers.

The twins leaned forward, their hands touching Harry's, their expressions gentle. "We are here, aren't we?"

"I'm not the one you knew," Harry said, throat tight and eyes stinging. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't.

The Zanpakutou spirits nodded in easy agreement. "We know."

"I'm not- I can't- I'm not him, how the hell am I supposed to replace him?!" Harry demanded, hands nearly white from how tightly he was clenching them around his cup.

"You are not supposed to replace him," they answered with maddening calm.

"Juushirou was old and his time had come. We knew that would happen for centuries. No one lives forever," the twin on the left said.

"You are you," the other twin continued. "A new start. You weren't supposed to find us; none of us was supposed to remember our soul's past. That is what reincarnation is supposed to accomplish."

Two identical smiles, warm and gentle as sunlight. "But that you found us, and some of Juushirou's memories, changes little. Juushirou is still dead. Too little of him remains for you to ever be him, and we would not want you to be," the left twin explained.

Harry looked up, surprised. Involuntarily, his death grip on his cup eased a little. "Why not? He- Juushirou was-" He freed on hand and gestured at himself, expression pained. "-he was so much better than me." Old, and wise, and god, so strong. Even now he remembered Juushirou's unshakable resolve as he faced off against a man he respected more than anyone else for the sake of the justice he had sworn uphold, even if it meant shattering the very system Seireitei had been built on. His and Shunsui's calm, graceful acceptance of what they had to do as they faced their mentor's blistering fury. How could Sougyo no Kotowari ever prefer a weak little kid over that?

Sougyo no Kotowari growled, eyes glowing and a hint of their true selves shining through. Their hands tightened around Harry's. "You are ours. Juushirou may have been more experienced, but you. Are. Ours. And that is all you ever have to be." Their expressions smoothened, their more childish demeanor returning as their lips curved back into cheerful smiles. "Besides, it wouldn't be fair to compare you two. To neither of you. You deserve better than that, especially from us."

Harry wiped his eyes. And if his hand came back wet, well, no one needed to know. Sougyo no Kotowari kindly pretended they hadn't seen his move. He snuffled. "How come I remember so much anyway?"

"Juushirou was very old," Sougyo no Kotowari told him. "He didn't want to forget anything important, so for each memory he wanted to keep he created an item. By bringing the items here you absorbed the memories they represented into yourself."

Harry furrowed his brows. "You mean, the lock on the basement..."

The twins nodded. "The basement was were that what remained of Juushirou ended up after reincarnation. The water has been rising your entire life. If you hadn't found the door it would have done what the process of reincarnation hadn't managed, and erased everything inside forever. But when you opened the door, the basement became connected to your Inner World. The water will still rise and erase what is inside, but in the meantime you have the chance to recover what is left."

Harry paled. "The water erases memories?"

Sougyo no Kotowari smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry. It will stay within the basement. Sooner or later the basement will disappear with everything that is left inside it, since it is the only thing that is still truly Juushirou's. It doesn't affect what is yours. And though this house and the garden used to be part of Juushirou's mindscape, they are now part of yours, and the memories you've recovered are now yours as well." Their smiles turned mischievous. "Think of it as Juushirou's legacy. By your own actions, you are now his heir."

Harry was silent for a while. "What would have happened if I hadn't found this place?" he asked quietly.

The twins looked thoughtful. "We don't know. Your Inner World might have become something different, but no one really knows how much truly remains of it after rebirth. There have been theories that a soul has the same Inner World no matter how many times it is reborn, but other theories say that each Inner World is unique for every individual life because it is shaped during that life. No one can tell which theories are right because it is impossible to track a soul through reincarnation, or know what their Inner World looks like upon birth. If Juushirou hadn't been so old and powerful this place might not have retained its shape like it did."

Their expressions turned sad. "And for us... we would have forgotten Juushirou for sure. If you would have ever found us later on we probably would have looked very different as well. No Zanpakutou is the same."

Harry stared at them. "But... you are the same as in my- I mean, Juushirou's memories. You don't look different at all."

The twins nodded. "Yes. We think that is because you took us out of the basement before the water could finish. There are some gaps in our memories as well, but not nearly enough for us to lose our old shape."They smiled. "We'll probably change a little while you get older, but not nearly as much as we would have if you hadn't gotten us out."

Harry contemplated that. "Is that bad?" he wondered apprehensively.

They shook their heads. "No. It just is."

The right twin tilted his head. "As a matter of fact," he started, "It would be weird if it was bad for you. You did receive a lot from Juushirou, and your souls are, in essence, the same soul, so similarities in Zanpakutou should be expected."

"Of course," the other twin continued, "no matter the similarities, you are not the same person. But you are really, really young, and Juushirou's legacy is very big, not to mention you only just got us out. So right now, Juushirou's influence is... stronger? Hasn't run out yet?" The twins shared a look, before shrugging.

"We'll change. We know we will," they said, and the conviction in their voices relaxed something within Harry's chest that had tightly coiled in on itself the moment he'd realized that his own spirits still belonged to the person he once used to be. He fought against the involuntary brimming of his eyes. He didn't want to cry, really, but to know beings as powerful as Sougyo no Kotowari wanted him, even though they were used to so much better... something burned in his throat, and he swallowed heavily.

Sougyo no Kotowari just continued talking, as if they hadn't noticed Harry's struggle. Harry felt unexpectedly grateful about that. "Your soul is still reshaping itself, and your power hasn't even awakened yet. Believe us, even now, we and this world reflect you. Not Juushirou. But it will take time, and growth, and learning about yourself and the world around you, before the differences will become clearer."

Harry bit his lip, taking deep, steadying breaths as he considered everything he had been told. Then, after several long minutes in which Sougyo no Kotowari waited with seemingly infinite patience, he nodded. "Okay."

The twins blinked. "Okay?"

Harry nodded, confidence slowly returning now he had made his decision. "Yeah. I guess I once was Juushirou, and I guess I've got to live with the memories I've... inherited from him. Though you could have stopped me from taking so many," he muttered, a bit cross.

Sougyo no Kotowari had the decency to look guilty about that. "You already had quite a few lying around, so we thought you already knew. It was not as if anyone was gonna miss them if you took them for yourself."

Harry humphed, but his heart wasn't really in it. It was not as if his connection to Sougyo no Kotowari had been good enough for proper communication anyway. A few days ago he hadn't even been able to hear their voices, so it was not as if they could have explained why he should reconsider decorating the House with the items from the basement.

Plus, from what he had seen in the memories, Ukitake Juushirou had been a great man, who didn't deserve to be forgotten.

Harry swallowed, and nodded once more. "I'm going to keep his memories," he told them, sounding more certain than he really felt. He was still afraid of losing himself in the memories, but at the same time he didn't want to forget what he had seen, or lose the things he'd gained from them. "I'm not him, but I hope he wouldn't have minded. And maybe-" he bit his lip, nervous, "-maybe one day I can be as good as him."

Sougyo no Kotowari smiled, approval and joy shining in their eyes as they rushed around the table to hug him. Embarrassed, Harry refused to meet their eyes.

None of them mentioned how desperately he returned their hug. For the first time in his life, he had friends. Partners, who once belonged to someone else, but who wanted him – him! – as their new companion. Who would remain with him until the day he died, so he'd never, ever have to be alone again.

Gaining them might have come with consequences he didn't foresee, but he could cope with centuries of memories if it meant he'd be allowed to keep the spirits. If it meant he could keep his friends, and his sanctuary.

Harry closed his eyes and buried his face in their warm shoulders. His resolve hardened. Yes. For them, he would cope.

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The next day Harry found himself back in the same position, though this time they were all a lot more at ease. For now, he had decided to ignore the issue of how many memories there were, and how it felt like his head was going to burst at the mere thought of having to remember them all. Even now they were a blurring, headache-inducing ocean of images and knowledge.

Instead, he focused on something that had been nagging at him. "You know, I was wondering about something. About what you guys said yesterday."

Sougyo no Kotowari nodded for him to continue, clearly curious about what it could be.

Harry bit his lip, trying to think of a good way to phrase his question. Absently he traced the grain of the wood of the table. "You said all items represent memories. But how does that work?"

The twins smiled, eyes lighting up with eager enthusiasm. "It is fairly simple. By creating items you create an anchor for your memories. By sorting the items it is easy to put a proper order to the memories. And if you don't know anymore what item represents which memory, all you have to do is press your skin against it – hand or forehead work best – and concentrate on wanting to see what they represent. That way you can directly watch the memory they are connected to."

"Really?" Harry looked down at the table they were sitting at and promptly pressed his hands against it, concentrating hard on the feel of old, polished wood against his skin.

Work. Boredom. Endless hours and mountains of paper, a river of ink to finish them all-

Harry yanked his hands back, giving the polished top an affronted look. "What the hell did he do here?" he asked, distaste coloring his voice. Thought for a moment, about what on earth would require that much paper. Maybe that thing one of the older kids picking up their younger siblings from school had been complaining about... "High school homework?"

The twins blinked at him once, and then toppled over, laughing. Despite his confused prodding the remark had them in stitches for a good twenty minutes. Only afterwards, red in the face and gasping for air, did they manage to explain his mistake. They burst out in laughter again when he flushed red in embarrassment.

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Harry was systematically emptying the basement. Now that he knew what the items represented he couldn't, in good consciousness, leave them to be destroyed by the water. Even if the mere thought of gaining any more memories terrified him down to his bones. Juushirou had been a good man. He deserved better than have his legacy destroyed just because Harry wasn't comfortable with inheriting it.

And so he worked, grim and scared, but nonetheless determined to see things through. Sougyo no Kotowari dutifully followed him on his self-imposed quest, helping him search below the water's surface for items they had missed when they were decorating. Harry had the feeling they approved of his determination. Their warm support gave him the strength to open door after door, and walk the stairs countless times to deposit their findings in the ground floor rooms.

They couldn't take everything. Some of the items were simply impossible for Harry to move even with Sougyo no Kotowari's help, because they were either too big, too heavy, or simply had a shape that would not fit through the trapdoor. But every item they could bring upstairs, they would, even if it was damaged to the point it was hard to tell what it used to be.

It was going quite well, until on the the fifth day, they reached a door that was quite different from the rest. It was an old thing, worryingly thick and heavy compared to the other doors, with several bolts and some suspicious, rusty-brown stains on it, as if someone had splashed it with bad paint.

The sight of it sent a shiver of unease down Harry's spine. "What do you guys reckon is behind this one?" Harry asked, biting his lip in indecision. He had wanted to save every memory he could, but this door made him reconsider that resolve.

The twins cast a look at the door, their expressions serious and cold in a way that increased Harry's unease tenfold.

"Bad memories," they replied, voices echoing with icy certainty.

Harry frowned. "What kind?"

The twins turned to him, their grim expressions ominous in the dim light of the lantern. "The kind he wished hadn't been real. Of pain, and grief, and losing people. Of his illness, and how much it hurt him and the people he cared about. Of fear and despair, and nightmares turned reality. Juu was old and has witnessed many bad things during his life."

Harry contemplated the door and Sougyo no Kotowari's faces, and decided not to open this one. He didn't want to know what someone as old and strong as Juushirouwould consider so bad he wanted to keep the memories locked away.

Sougyo no Kotowari offered him grateful smiles, as if they had guessed his decision. "Shall we go clear out the next one?" one of them suggested.

Harry nodded, tearing his eyes away from the menacing door. He swore he would keep his curiosity in check when it came to that one. It was one thing to open doors when you didn't know what was behind them; it was downright stupid when you knew whatever it was would be bad. He was perfectly content without memory-induced nightmares, thanks. He already had enough on his plate with the normal ones.

"Yeah," he said. "Lets."

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"What is that?" Harry asked, pointing. They were in one of the last rooms. This one contained a lot of big stuff. Massive cabinets made of solid wood, beautifully carved sculptures almost two times as tall as Harry himself, and heavy bureaus that each probably weighted as much as Uncle Vernon.

But he wasn't pointing at those. In the middle of the room was a small dais. On it rested a massive stone wrapped in heavy chains, and that was what Harry was pointing at. A massive, polished stone, chipped and scratched like everything down here. It reminded Harry a little of the standing stones of Stonehenge, but shaped like a... well, oddly like a very elongated egg, with the narrow end pointing towards the ceiling. Briolette, one of Juushirou's memories told him the shape was called. It was also a lot smaller than the standing stones. As in, it was only a little taller than Harry, and narrow enough that even at its broadest point it would easily fit within the circle of Sougyo no Kotowari's arms. In the shadows it glittered like a piece of midnight.

Sougyo no Kotowari's eyes lit up upon seeing it. "Ooh, this one! We've got to bring this one up!"

Harry gave them a flat stare that somehow managed to convey the sheer depth of his incredulity. It was quite a feat. Just to make sure they got the message, he vocalized it as well. "You've got to be kidding me."

The twins shook their heads, their smiles blinding. "This one," they explained, "is not a memory. This one is what remains of Juushirou's power. As long as it is chained you won't be able to access it, but we have to bring it up! It will be very useful!"

Harry gave them a dubious look. "Just power? Like... a manifestation of his reiryoku?"

The twins nodded excitedly, their eyes sparkling with what were no doubt all kinds of ideas about what they could do with a potential power source at their disposal.

Harry frowned, and reluctantly cast a considering look at the massive, no-doubt heavy-as-hell piece of rock. "Do we have to?"

Sougyo no Kotowari's expressions softened. "Yours is a powerful soul," they replied. "Would be, even without Juushirou being your previous identity. But your power is very young while his is steadily fading. With this, even if your own power has barely formed yet, you will at least have the option to learn the Spirit Arts, if you ever need them. We know how to connect it to your own reserves. It would give you enough of a boost that with practice, you would be able to use the Spirit Arts even when you're still alive. If Hollows ever start to come after you, you might need it."

Harry picked at the frayed edge of his shirt, hesitant to accept any more of Juushirou's legacy. The memories were giving him more than enough of a headache already.

Sougyo no Kotowari gently pulled the fabric from between his fingers. Sincerity rang in their voices. "We swear to you that it will not have any adverse effects. It is..." They paused, searching for a proper comparison. "It is like an empty battery. It allows you to store energy. The more energy you can store, the more energy you can expend when you need it."

Harry bit his lip. "Only energy storage?"

the twins nodded.

Harry took a deep breath. "Okay," he said. And then, with a bit more conviction, "Okay. If you want to, we can try."

Sougyo no Kotowari hugged him. "Thank you."

Harry gave them a quizzical look. Why were they grateful?

With a smile, they explained. "You will be safer this way." They giggled at the flat look they got for that. Harry thought he could take care of himself quite well. They grinned. "We can't help worrying, sometimes," they added.

Harry felt heat creep up his face. Well... that was a first. His family never worried about him. What the hell was he supposed to say to that?

"L-let's get started already," he replied instead. "This thing is probably going to take the rest of the day. This will be such a pain."

The twins laughed and followed eagerly. Harry's face still felt too warm to look them in the eye. Instead he focused on the stone.

His prediction was spot-on. Dragging the thing upstairs and outside took many, many hours, the majority of them filled with curses about bloody rocks being heavy. But in the end, Harry had to admit it was satisfying to see the thing standing outside, proudly in the middle of a sickle-shaped bed of small white stones. What had seemed simple, somewhat-translucent black rock had turned into dark smoky gray in the sunlight, spots of starlight blue-and-green glowing within its depths like distant lightning.

Despite the sweat and pain it had cost them to get it there, it was absolutely beautiful.

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Of course, the satisfaction didn't last.

"Why do I remember so clearly?" Harry gasped after a particularly vivid dream. Screams and monsters, and the fear that there were more of those masked creatures than he and his team could slay. Harry had thought he could handle the memories, he wanted to, but every time they rose to the forefront of his mind it made him feel as if he was losing himself, little by little.

Sougyo no Kotowari tilted their heads. "You may not have made these memories yourself. But they are your heritage, paid for with misery and effort, and everything else that lead you to find them. You may not have made them, but they are yours."

"I feel like I'm drowning,"Harry whispered, hating the fear in his own voice.

Hands touched his shoulders, offering comfort without words. "It must be scary," they agreed, understanding shining in their eyes. "Don't be scared. They are memories. Watch them, learn from them. But they can't drown you as long as you hold on to who you are."

"But... they shape so much of what I am..." And those words themselves felt like betrayal. Harry knew he didn't speak like this. That was Juushirou.

Sougyo no Kotowari shrugged. "As do parents. As do family. As does everything we see and experience in this world. Does that mean we are our parents? Our family? The world itself, and all it contains?"

Harry huffed a dry laugh at that last one. "I'm not the Soul King."

Sougyo no Kotowari flashed him a pair of quicksilver grins. "Neither are we. And neither are you Juushirou. Every single moment in our life we are influenced. What we do with that influence, and how we allow it to change us, that is what defines who we are."

Harry bit his lip. "But it isn't normally like this. Juushirou... sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in his influence, in his memories, and- What if I forget myself?"

Sougyo no Kotowari cupped his face with their hands. "Then we will remind you. As often as it takes to bring you back." They smiled, wry and a little sad. "We'll admit that other influences are less direct than Juushirou's, but that doesn't make them any less real. You can choose who you want to be. If nothing else, then at least be assured of that."

Harry felt tears threaten to fall. "But how do you know what's real? How would you know what is myself? Half of the time I can't even tell the differences between him and me, and- What if I get influenced so much I become like him?"

Sougyo no Kotowari blinked surprised green at him. "You think it's bad to be like Juushirou?" one of them asked.

Of course not! Harry wanted to shout, but the words died in his throat, because- Because he was scared of losing himself, of becoming different from himself because of the memories. But... he had already changed, and Juushirou had been so brave, and clever, and strong. Respected and loved. He had been everything Harry wanted to be himself.

What is it, that I am so afraid of?

"Why are you scared, Harry?" Sougyo no Kotowari murmured, echoing his internal conflict. Their weight was warm pressures against his sides, their arms holding him as he shivered between them. But their eyes held a challenge.

Do you dare find out what frightens you? Do you dare face your fear?

"Are you scared of becoming something that isn't you? Or are you scared of becoming something youknow you aren't right now? Are you scared of living up to expectations you cannot meet, or are you terrified of knowing someone so well that you might become a lot like him?"

Realization dawned like the rising tide, cold and inexorable. Harry forced out the words. "I am... scared that when I make a choice, it will not be me choosing, but the memories. That one day I'll wake up as Ukitake Juushirou, and not as Harry Potter."

"And do you believe that will happen? That you will become a puppet of the past?" Green eyes burned like copper flames, daring him to find the answer. "Do the memories truly hold that much power?"

Harry's head hurt. He didn't know.

Do they?

"...No." It was but a whisper, but somehow Harry managed to force it out. Speaking it out loud allowed some measure of strength to return to his body. "No... movies and stories, I know them-" like he knew the storybooks Dudley had discarded; read so often he knew every word and image by heart, almost as if he himself had been the one to write them, "-but they are... they are not me."

He looked at Sougyo no Kotowari. The twins looked back, steady as the endless breaking of waves on the shore. They smiled. "Then all the choice that remains," they murmured, "is whether you want them to be, one day."

Harry stared at them, and to his eternal embarrassment, felt his eyes brim with tears. "Do you think I will be able to?"

The twins smiled, radiant as the first sunlight spilling over the horizon at daybreak. "Why on earth would you think you wouldn't?"

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Of course, merely knowing your fear didn't solve anything. Getting over it required much more than that. But knowing what it was made it easier to handle. Of all the fears people face, the unknown is the worst. Only once the source of the fear is known, you might be able to do something about it.

Which was another Juushirou-thought. Harry tried to ignore them whenever they popped up.

But that doesn't change that it's true.

Well, true or not, fears should be confronted when you were ready. And Harry couldn't feel further from ready if he tried.

Knowing his fears were not really rational didn't abate the fact that he felt like he was drowning every time he tried to confront them. So he tried not to confront them. He couldn't. He- He wasn't strong enough-

Arms wrapped around him. True to their word, Sougyo no Kotowari pulled him back every time he threatened to get lost in his own head. "It's okay Harry,"They assured him. "Juushirou didn't gain his captaincy within a year of entering the Academy. Strength is built slowly, to make sure it won't be lost in the fire of battle. Take your time."

Dragging his mind out of memories of masked monsters and flashing steel, Harry closed his eyes and breathed the comfort in his Zanpakutou offered.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

To distance himself from Juushirou's memories, Harry did what Juushirou had rarely ever had the time for.

He played. Forgetting his burdens as he reveled in the simplicity of games.

Sougyo no Kotowari eagerly accommodated him, proving that their childish forms weren't without cause. Many, many days were spent rushing through the House and Garden, screaming and laughing as they chased each other or a faded red ball they had found among the pile of items from the basement. Harry felt kinda bad about playing with one of Juushirou's memories like that, because it was probably really disrespectful, but the memory connected to it was from one of the few times Juushirou had beenable toplay when he had been young. Sougyo no Kotowari assured him that its shape was no accident.

Their assurance had made Harry feel a bit better. Surely Juushirou would have made it something else if he really hadn't wanted anyone to play with it?

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

As the months passed, ignoring Juushirou's legacy became easier. The memories were always there at the back of his head, but with Sougyo no Kotowari's help it became easy to keep them at bay. It was the difference between standing on the shore with the waves crashing against his legs, and lying in the water with only a distant strip of land in sight. They still brought him off balance, but at least they could no longer drag him under until he had no idea which way was up anymore.

It became easier to laugh, and the games they played were no longer just for the sake of keeping ancient memories at a distance. While in the real world the Dursleys treated him more and more as their personal slave, in the safety of his Inner World Harry experienced joys of childhood he had never expected to have.

Even when he wasn't meditating, he and Sougyo no Kotowari played. Those games were more subtle, and their most regular opponents were the Dursleys. Staying away for as long as possible after school, hidden away somewhere where Dudley and his gang wouldn't find him so he could spend more time in his Inner World. Messing up on purpose so he would get locked up in the cupboard early but would not receive more than a slap over the head, while at the same time taking care to keep his Aunt and Uncle from catching on to their ploy. It was challenging, but also fun in a way his life never had been.

And whenever they spotted a Hollow, well, Hide and Seek was a normal children's game. Harry knew better than to confront them in a Human body; Juushirou's memories were very clear about how much it would be suicide to try. It was far safer to just dodge them and leave their extermination to the professionals. As long as Sougyo no Kotowari helped him hide his reiatsu he had very little to fear from the masked creatures. After all, they rarely bothered with Humans who appeared to have no reiatsu at all. Spotting one was more thrilling than anything else, like spotting a wolf or a bear in the wild. They were dangerous, but also Not His Problem, no matter how much he wished to get rid of them. Sougyo no Kotowari was very firm about that.

Worryguts, both of them. Still, Harry felt relieved whenever a passing Hollow didn't even show the slightest interest in him. Those things were scary. How Juushirou could make it his job to fight them he didn't know. Playing Hide and Seek was infinitely better.

XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX(xxxx)XXX

Months turned into years, relatively carefree despite the extra memories in his head. And after three had passed, his eleventh birthday brought a surprise that made it clear, once and for all, that he was not Juushirou.

… Maybe the talking snake should have been a clue?

Harry gaped at the unknown giant, and for once Sougyo no Kotowari were too dumbstruck to say anything.

"I am a what?"


I had planned to make this fic lighthearted. But then my brain got tangled in the serious identity crisis a kid suddenly confronted with centuries worth of memories should suffer. Thus this got a bit... darker than I intended. Heh. Oops?

I'm also skipping a lot of time. Of course, I could try and think of scenes to fill the years between gaining Juushirou's memories and his eleventh birthday, but right now I can't come up with anything, and I kinda want to keep this story at least shortish. Remember, it was intended as a oneshot. Which means the plot (if you can call it that) is incredibly simple. You don't need a lot of extra scenes when the plot is simple.

Anyway.

Given that this chapter contains some of the most emotionally heavy scenes I've ever written (at least so far), feedback would be very much appreciated.