Chapter 1
"Pale fingers encircle my wrist
Their bony existence bruising my already aggravated skin
And I am pulled under-
Taken by a force I do not understand
And even less so, control.
And behind, I leave a figure-
An embodiment of something…
Something…
Something that isn't me
Something that never will be me.
For I am suffocating in the cold that holds me under this
Thing
This existence that is not me and never will be
But I am trapped
In the bony fingers that whisper puffs of cold inside me
And I struggle
Shiver
Shudder
And I gnaw and I fight
But my bruises are purple
And my lips are blue
And something has already taken my place."
I breathe in. The bitter air burning my nostrils and a cloud forming with each hot exhale.
I breathe in. Erratic. The cold burning my throat and causing a wet cough to escape from my mouth and I shiver as the ice washes over me.
Drowning me.
Crushing me.
Numbing me.
Inside this ice bath that I've remained since the death of my aunt. The bathtub filled with these ice cubes that render me to a slippery and shaking mess. The shock begins with my senses:
Touch screaming in the burning cold-
Scent strangely numb as the cold causes anosmia-
Taste overwhelmingly copper, my blood pouring over my tongue as I attempt to quell my touch's screams-
Sound, loud, cracking, ice-
Sight, I can't see at all. Eyelids shut, trying to hide from the ice water over my head-
My sixth sense, nonexistent. For I am too weak, too cold to ever be Spider-man again. To ever be me again-
My mind is stabbed with the pain of a brain freeze as I try to muddle my way through the sense of it all and I find myself attempting to washing my body, to relax my muscles, to feel normal; but the ice is melting all around me. And I can never be clean again.
I breathe in.
I can't breathe.
I haven't breathed since I've last seen May and sometimes my oxygen deprived brain believes that I can still hear her voice; and maybe, if I just hold my breath a little longer I can pretend that the pain in my heart is caused by the pain in my lungs and the blood pounding in my ears is the heartbeat of May. Still beating, and living, and breathing…
And why can't I breathe?
My stuttering lungs fail me. Over and over, and the hot tears that roll down my face freeze once they reach the open air, adding to the ice bath of my existence. And how am I supposed to get better when every object of my environment is aiming for me to numb-to shock myself into feeling nothing at all.
"You appear to be in distress, shall I alert Mr. Stark?"
My fingernails curl into the palms of my hands and I relish in the feeling of the warm, sticky blood trickling onto my ice cold skin. My fists begin to shake and I can't help but shove them towards my mouth to smother my sobs. My teeth gnawing on the bit of exposed skin on my index finger until the pain causes it to feel warm again.
"N-No, K-Karen, that w-won't be...n-n-necessary," I stutter between gasps and close my eyes against the unbridled tears as I slam my head into the concrete below. Once. Twice. Three times. And I let out a cry of anguish as I struggle to figure out what will crack first. My skull or the concrete roof beneath it?
"Your body temperature has been rapidly declining, calling Mr. Stark would be ad-"
"Karen, mute."
I breathe in.
I breathe in again.
My lungs feel like they will explode and the last thing I remember are warm hands lifting me out of the ice.
/Line Break/
"Peter...Peter…"
The soothing voice voice guides me towards consciousness and I open my eyes to find an image of Mr. Stark blurring into the blinding fluorescent lights behind him. I shut my eyes again with a groan.
"Nu-uh, we need to talk," the voice now-labeled "Mr. Stark" says-arguably less soothingly.
I groan again.
"There's nothing to talk about," I mumble, shifting my eyes down to the white hospital blanket below and I force myself to focus on the warmth spreading from the IV in my arm; piercing the once-thought impenetrable ice surrounding my body.
"Peter-"
I look up at him.
I breathe in.
"I found you on the top of a building, soaking wet and losing blood. Do not tell me that is nothing! You could of developed hypothermia! You could've died!"
Hypothermia. The state of having an abnormally low body temperature, usually caused by and aggravated by frigid water. If not treated, usually resulting in death.
But I've been in this ice bath for months now and I'm not dead. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm not dead. How long will it take me to die? When will I just die?
It takes all of my willpower not to rip the IV from me. I'm too familiar with the cold, I like the cold, I deserve the cold. And why does no one understand that?
"I'm just trying to help," he says.
And, don't you think I know that?
Don't you see that that's not what I want?
I live in the cold. I am the cold.
"And, I'm just trying to figure out when this all happened...I thought…"
What? You thought things were going well?
"Things were going great...until…"
Until you realized how broken I really am…
"And, Peter! I'm just trying to help."
Yeah? Well so am I.
Authors Note
Continuity who? I don't know her.
I'd consider this more of a chapter 1, the first being a prologue of sorts, and I think that I will continue with Peter's point of view, because as a teenager myself, it is a lot easier to write within the perspective of a teenager...even if I am writing him completely out of character, although I think of this story as a way for Peter to once again find his character.
(However, if Tony's POV is preferred, I could do that too...I enjoy the challenge, yet fear that I write them too similarly, so from here on out switching may get confusing…)
Thank you to everyone who has reviewed already! And you haven't (or if you have and would like to again) please review! The whole reason I write stories like this is for feedback so reviews are greatly appreciated :)
(I'm that nerd who used to ask my English teacher for extra creative writing prompts just so I could write more and I could have an outside opinion, so please, I'm desperate for attention)
Anyway, sorry for the very short and depressing chapter...I will try to write longer chapters in the future (however no promises for happier).
Also if anyway can help me figure out how to properly format poetry on this site? That'd be great
Thank you for reading, and please R&R
