Chapter 2: Olympic Past
Eight years ago – Rio, 2016
"Haru." Rin was shaking him. "Come on. Wake up, damnit."
With a soft groan, Haru tried to push Rin away. "I'm fine," he mumbled, his cheek pressed against the smooth, black tile of the bathroom floor. Hell of a place to wake up—curled up between the tub and the toilet in yesterday's clothes. Damnit. He felt like shit. He'd drunk how much? Haru blinked against the blindingly bright light in the room, his fingers curling around Rin's wrist while the world spun behind his eyelids.
"Tch." Rin grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him into a sitting position with his legs out in front of him, braced upright with his back against the tub. "What the fuck happened to you? I was looking for you all night."
"I said I was fine." Haru rubbed his throbbing forehead with one hand. "Just…stupid."
Rin was crouched over him, a blurry form in a gray T-shirt, black warmup pants, and sandals. The arms that clutched him were tense; Rin was scowling at him with a mix of anger and irritation on his face, but those fatigue-shadowed eyes were worried.
Haru dropped his hand, glancing aside. "How'd you get in here?"
"The door was open."
"Oh."
"Where's your roommate?"
Haru glanced at the bathroom floor on the other side of the toilet, where he'd last seen Kawamura. "Dunno. What time is it?"
"Early." Rin's face clouded, his voice quieting. "No one could tell me where you'd gone or who with. I looked everywhere." Rin sat back against his ankles and Haru's knees, exhaustion taking over on his face.
"I was here the whole time," Haru said as Rin's hands fell away from his shoulders.
"Why'd you leave?"
He wasn't going to answer that. The party had gotten out of hand, but clothes flying and watching random people drunkenly hook up wasn't why he'd needed to get out of there. "Get off," he mumbled. "I need to take a shower."
Rin's crimson eyes rolled towards the ceiling, annoyance flashing across his face. "Like you can even stand on your own right now."
Haru didn't fight or protest when Rin helped him to his feet, bracing him against the sink.
Rin pushed Haru's warmup jacket off his shoulders. "I'm surprised you're still in all of your clothes. Weren't they all over you last night?"
"They tried." Haru pressed his lips. "I didn't like them touching me."
Rin paused in the middle of pulling off Haru's T-shirt. "But this is OK?"
Because it's you. "Yeah." Haru closed his eyes briefly, his head still pounding. He lifted his arms obediently as Rin tugged the shirt off over his head.
But when Rin touched his waistband, he inhaled involuntarily. Rin's fingers leapt from his skin.
Damnit. Haru looked away, warmth burning in his cheeks. "I'll do it." He peeled off his own pants, stripping down to his swimsuit.
Rin snorted as he reached around the glass wall to get the shower going. "You're still wearing that?"
Haru glared at him. "Like you're not wearing yours?" He pushed his way past Rin to the shower, but his body was still fighting him. Stubbing one foot on the wooden mat in front of the tub, he stumbled, nearly pitching into the wall head-first.
Rin's arm shot out, catching him. "Good grief…" A growl of exasperation left Rin's throat. "The buses leave in less than an hour."
"No one said you had to be here," Haru said, clutching the edge of the glass wall to steady himself.
Those crimson eyes narrowed in a brief glare; then Rin was shucking off his clothes one-handed—everything except the ankle-length black and red swimsuit he was indeed wearing.
Haru just sighed as Rin ducked under his left arm and wrapped an arm around his waist, helping him climb into the tub. The warm spray soaked their hair and ran in rivulets down their bodies.
"What were you thinking? Fucking yourself up this bad?" Rin's grip tightened around his left wrist.
Haru tensed, walling himself off emotionally as images of last night flashed through his head. Rin, on the couch, laughing and flirting with four members of the United States women's swim team. But the words spilled from his lips before he could stop them. "You spent the night with them? The Americans."
Rin blinked, looking at him. "Those girls? No, we just talked. They were waiting for the rest of my team. Not me."
Right. It sure looked like that when they were taking turns climbing into your lap. Haru pulled away. He was steady enough now, bracing his hands against the wall of the shower, letting the water run through his hair, down his back.
"Haru. …That upset you?" Rin paused when he didn't answer. "Don't tell me you're jealous."
Haru's eyes widened. Was he? But he knew the answer. He hadn't gone off to drink himself into a stupor for any other reason. Seeing Rin like that, with those girls…did something to him. How did this happen? When did I decide to fuck everything up and start feeling something for you?
Sighing, Rin leaned against the glass wall next to Haru, folding his arms. "It's disgusting. All the bed hopping and heavy drinking. Athletes not caring what they do to their bodies." He lowered his voice. "Using each other like it doesn't matter. Like it doesn't mean anything."
Haru straightened, turning slightly, the water pounding his shoulders, flowing liquid across his skin. "That's the point, isn't it?"
Rin didn't look at him. When he spoke, his voice was barely loud enough to be heard over the hiss of the water. "I don't want my first time to be like that. Cheap. Meaningless. With some stranger."
Haru's hands clenched at his sides, watching Rin's lips move, tormented by the thought of that mouth running over the bodies of those girls. He turned his head away, the words coming out bitterly cold. "So get to know them first. Fall in love."
Hands grabbed his arms, shoving him against the slick shower wall; the air rushed from Haru's lungs.
"Don't, Haru." Rin's fingers bit into his skin. "Not you." Damp strands of wine-colored hair stuck to Rin's face, falling in his eyes but not hiding the turbulent storm of anger and hurt Haru saw there.
Haru blinked, his heart thudding in his chest. "Not…me?" Rin's earlier words echoed in his ears. I was looking for you all night.
Rin's eyes widened, his grip faltering. There was a flash of fear on his face, as if he'd said something he hadn't meant to. A blush scattered across his cheeks and he immediately drew back.
Haru caught Rin by the elbows, an impulse he couldn't stop. This couldn't really be happening. He was dreaming or something, though the nerves doing cartwheels in his stomach said otherwise. With his heart pulsing in his throat, he tugged Rin back against him, certain this moment would never come again. Still, he hesitated with their faces close together, giving Rin the opportunity to push him away—
He wasn't sure which of them crossed the distance first, but their lips met beneath the warm, incessant spray. It was a soft clash of mouths with the water running down their faces, hands grasping each other's arms. When he tightened the embrace, Rin didn't pull away. Instead, wet fingers curled against the back of his neck, threading through soaked strands of hair. With that one kiss, everything in Haru's world changed.
A loud knock and the pointed clearing of a throat broke them apart. "Nanase, we gotta be downstairs in ten!"
"I know," Haru called back, breathless and pissed.
Kawamura's footsteps retreated into the room.
Rin's flush had darkened, his expression stunned with an undercurrent of apprehension. His hands fell back to his sides as he drew deep breaths.
Haru turned off the water, his mouth and skin still burning from their embrace. "I'm not drunk anymore, Rin. I did that on purpose." He shook the water from his hair. Meeting his friend's gaze, he laid it all out on the line. They were both leaving after all—there wouldn't be any more time. "I think I've wanted to do that for a while."
"Haru…" Rin's eyes widened momentarily. Then his face clouded. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.
Haru moved past Rin, carefully climbing out of the tub and snagging a towel. He felt Rin's gaze follow him as he dried off and left the bathroom.
Four years ago – Tokyo, 2020
As the night wore on, Haru slipped away from all the celebrations and mayhem. He and his three teammates were national heroes for claiming gold in today's medley relay on home soil, but as soon as the initial rush of victory faded, reality cast its shadow over everything in Haru's world. Rin was leaving tomorrow. Again.
He made his way onto the roof of the Olympic Village building his team had been housed in, facing the northwest, watching the steadily blinking red lights that topped every skyscraper in the Tokyo skyline, the glowing lights of Tokyo Tower, and the shifting of colors on the Rainbow Bridge to the west, all against a dark indigo sky. The reflections of the lights danced in the ink-colored water off Harumi wharf, where the village was located. His feelings hadn't changed exactly; rather the intensity of his emotions towards Rin surprised him. But that only made saying goodbye more and more impossible. A humid evening breeze ruffled his chlorine-laden hair, the panels of his warmup jacket. There were benches up here, dotting the paths and greenery that snaked between camouflaged HVAC units and other building utility accesses. A safety fence ran along the edge of the roof, high enough that no one would drunkenly fall over it—a good call by the village designers.
Haru curled his fingers into the linkages of the fence, leaning his forehead against the back of his hand. He tried not to think about tomorrow, but the more he tried to avoid it, the more his mind fixated. It seems like all we ever do is say goodbye.
Footsteps intruded on his solitude—familiar ones. Rin had found him. Since when did you get so damned adept at appearing and disappearing from my life?
"Haru."
He straightened from the fence, but didn't turn.
Rin approached, stopping a few feet from him. "You've been distant, Haru. Lately."
Haru looked down at the water, at the skyline's reflection across the placid bay. Have I been? It wasn't like he'd been intentionally avoiding Rin, but…
"It's something I did."
He closed his eyes. No, that wasn't it at all. It was nothing in particular Rin had done. Or, at least, nothing that Haru could fault him for.
"Haru." Rin's hand landed warm on his shoulder.
He flinched away at the sudden pulse of longing and fear and resentment that he felt. It was an automatic reaction; he hadn't meant to—
"That's what I mean." Rin's words came out quietly, strained.
No, I— Haru looked at him.
Rin's face was shadowed by the strands of wine-colored hair that fell in his eyes. Haru's chest tightened at the hurt he saw there.
"It's not…" But the words died inside him. How could you tell someone that he had become your world? How could you tell him that it ripped your heart out of your chest, whenever you were apart? And that tomorrow would only begin another painful separation that you couldn't bear to face? When the pain was so bad you couldn't even enjoy right now…that every moment you spent together just made it worse?
Haru didn't know how to say all of those things. It wasn't that he wasn't willing or didn't want to… He'd never been able to express those things. The turbulent feelings inside of him didn't have words. It was pictures, longings, and wishes locked deep inside—burning and bursting inside him. But it couldn't come out—not in words. Haru stood there, facing Rin, paralyzed by the emotions coursing through him. He never expected to feel this way; that the four years since Rio would've changed things this much.
Tiny wet droplets hit his cheeks—not rain. Am I…crying? It surprised him—he felt no tightness in his throat or sting in his eyes. Yet…
Rin's eyes widened. "Haru." He stepped close, warm hands clasping Haru's shoulders and shaking him gently. "Tch. What are you crying for?"
Haru squeezed his eyes shut as longing surged through his frame. "Rin…" He reached up, desperate fingers encircling Rin's triceps and pulling. Their noses bumped in jarring fashion before their lips met. Haru felt Rin start with surprise at first…then relax.
When Haru drew back, loosening his hold, Rin sighed.
"You idiot." Rin slung one arm around Haru's neck in a headlock, drawing him close. "If you're gonna miss me, just say so."
Haru shook his head as much as Rin's hold would allow. I can't.
Rin said nothing for a few moments. Haru leaned against him, listening to the lapping of the water in the bay; a boat's horn sounding off in the distance. The pain inside started to ease, just a little—
"…It's not gonna be forever, Haru. The World Championships next year—"
His throat closed that time. Haru pushed Rin away and turned—
But Rin's hand wrapped around his wrist. Haru's eyes went wide as he was yanked and then shoved, his back hitting the fence at the edge of the roof.
Rin trapped him there, pinning his wrists against the fence, one foot wedged between Haru's, giving him no place to escape to. "Damnit, Haru." Rin's gaze pierced him. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me—"
"It's not enough!" The words erupted from his throat, exploding from his heart and not from his head. "Why don't you get it? It's never enough." Seeing you only a little. He twisted his hands, breaking Rin's hold—
But Rin planted a hand square against his chest, instead. "Tell me, then, Haru." Rin lowered his voice. "What's enough?"
Haru's eyes first widened, then fell. Enough was…so many things. So many wonderful feelings and wishes stuffed inside him—
Rin kissed him that time—a firm, demanding press of lips. Haru's fingers curled into the fence, his anger unraveling, a sigh he couldn't contain sounding deep in his throat. When it was over, he couldn't breathe. Rin's hands clutched his arms, just above the elbows. That crown of burgundy hair bent, the top of Rin's head bumping his chest.
Rin's breath was warm, his words mumbled against the fabric of Haru's shirt. "Tell me what's enough."
Haru drew a hard breath and exhaled slowly. "Ordinary things. Mornings. Evenings. Swimming just because we want to. Cooking, running along the beach. Coming home to someplace that's ours—" His voice broke on that thought, the momentum of words coming to an abrupt halt. "…I don't know. Future things. Forever things."
Rin straightened, astonishment in his eyes. "Haru…"
Haru looked away. His face burned beneath Rin's scrutiny.
Fingers caught the edge of his jaw, turning his face back. Rin's expression had become a smirk. "Haru…did you just propose to me?"
Haru's hands twitched against the fence, his lips parting, his eyes growing wide. Had he just?
Rin snorted a little, but Haru gathered himself. He wouldn't take back those words. Instead, he stepped forward. "Yes."
Rin's face blanked with shock, the wind slicing through the strands of his wine-colored hair. For a moment, his mouth gaped… Then those crimson eyes glistened with emotion. "Haru…" Rin crashed against him, arms engulfing him. They slammed into the fence, causing it to shudder and ring slightly.
Rin held him so tightly it was hard to even breathe. "Haru, let's promise," Rin said, his face buried into Haru's hair. "When we're both ordinary, I'll come home. To you. To us."
Those words melted him. Haru drew a ragged breath, grasping Rin to him, watching the lights of the village, the Harumi waterfront, the Tokyo skyline, all blur into streaks of color as his eyes burned.
"Deal?" Rin drew back, his crimson gaze searching Haru's face, bright with apprehension.
Haru slanted his mouth over Rin's, the pain of tomorrow drowning beneath the warmth welling inside him—the promise of someday. "Deal."
