Ok, I realize I left out some important details. In this story all characters are as they are in the anime, just a bit more modern. Sesshoumaru and Kagome are not mates, which will be explained at a later time. I will also eventually explain why he left. Rin looks the same as she did in the anime, which I think is very similar to Kagome, the only difference is that she has a blue crescent moon on her forehead. Also, please do not continuously inform me that Sesshoumaru is OOC. I realize this, but in my eyes he's not COMPLETELY OOC. In my opinion Sesshoumaru is a very emotional person, it's just that he's not as vocal about it as some of the other characters.
Thinking of You
by Wicked Ang3l
Chapter Two: Moving On
Kagome looked down at the number and then looked at her best friend. Sango put a hand on her hip and tapped her foot. "If you don't dial it I will, then I'll hand the phone to you. One way or another you're going to do this."
Kagome pouted and Sango couldn't help but laugh. She looked like a little kid who didn't get her way. "Sango," she whined, "I don't even know what to say."
"You're being a baby. Now, like I said either you call him or I will!" Frankly she was getting tired of the back and forth.
"Fine! I'll call him, but I'm not talking to him."
"Okay, so you call and breathe into the phone, sounding like a stalker, and pray that he doesn't have caller ID. Now just call him!"
Kagome sighed in exasperation. She picked up the phone, dialed the number, and waited someone to answer. "Hello?" came a woman's voice from the other end and Kagome quickly flipped the cell shut.
"What?"
"A woman answered! What if he's like married or engaged and he wants me to be the 'other woman?'"
"You're overreacting. It's probably just a friend or something. Oh! Maybe he dropped his phone and she found it!"
"That's reaching a little don't you think? It's obvious that he is involved with someone and he was just looking for... I don't know, a booty call."
Sango opened her mouth to speak, but Kagome's cell phone started to ring.
"Oh my god, it's his number. What do I do? I don't know what to say. What if it's his girlfriend!?"
"Calm down and answer. All you have to say is hello."
Kagome nodded, took a deep breath, and flipped her phone open. "Hello?"
"Someone just called me from your phone, who is this?" a man's voice came.
"Kagome..." she answered.
"Kagome! I'm so happy you called! My sister said you called and then just hung up," Hojo said, sounding very happy that it was her.
'It was his sister,' she mouthed to Sango.
'Told you,' Sango mouthed back.
"Yea, I, uh, must have lost the signal. You know how these crazy cell phones can be. I was wondering," she paused and took a deep breath, "maybe if you aren't doing anything important tomorrow afternoon we could meet for lunch before I go to work."
"That sounds great! Any specific place in mind?"
"Not really, I mean, it's whatever you like I guess."
"Okay, I'll surprise you then!" He sounded like a little boy who had just receive a new toy.
"I like surprises. Well, I have to go, where do you want to meet?"
"Where do you live? I'll pick you up there."
Kagome panicked. She didn't want him to see the extravagant home she lived in. "I, um, well, we've been staying with my friend Sango so you can just pick me up here. I'll text you the address later."
"Okay, well, see you tomorrow Kagome."
The line went dead and she stared at the phone in disbelief. She was going on her first date in two years and she realized something. She had no idea how to act on a date. With Sesshoumaru everything had come naturally. She was herself, he was himself, and together they were perfect. When it came to real world dating, she was at a complete loss. The look in her eyes was a mix of excitement and fear. She was excited at the prospect of moving on with her life, but at the same time afraid that she was going about it the wrong way.
As if reading her mind Sango laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It will be okay. You're ready, you just have to be yourself and everything will be fine," she whispered.
Kagome shook her head and smiled sadly. "That's the problem. I'm not really sure I know who I am. I've never been a me before. There was always us, but never me, for both of us, or so I thought."
"Sesshoumaru loved you, but he's gone and you can't spend the rest of your life waiting for him to return."
"If he loved me so much..." Kagome's eyes turned angry. "If he cared as much as everyone says then how could he just walk out on our life! I loved him with everything I had in me, was it not enough? Were Rin and I not good enough? Every night I pray that he will return and in the that same statement I wish that he would stay gone because I don't face what truth he has for me. We were finally going to be mated, just like we should have been years ago. We have a wonderful daughter who loves her father and thinks the world of him. How could he walk away from that without even an explanation? I can understand walking away from me, we weren't mates, we were nothing, but his own child. I just don't get it. What did I do wrong?"
Sango pulled her now sobbing friend to her chest and brushed the hair away from her forehead, just the way her mother always had when she was upset. "Everything happens for a reason. You can't beat yourself up because he left. You need to stand up and move on to prove that you are strong and brave and that even though you are a little broken you can make it through this and be a stronger person in the end."
She knew Sango was right. If she could get through this then she would make it through anything. She just wasn't sure she could make it through this...
--
"Mommy, can we go get ice cream today?" Rin asked as she bounced around on Sango's couch.
"Not today honey. Mommy has a... meeting," Kagome replied as she put a movie in the DVD player.
Rin wrinkled her nose. "A meeting on a Saturday?"
Kagome turned to her daughter and put a hand on her hip. "Yes, a meeting on a Saturday, then I have to work at my other job."
"That's stupid."
"Rin Takahashi! What have I told you about using that word?"
The little girl sighed. "That it's a bad word and I shouldn't use it."
"Exactly, now mommy has to go get ready for her meeting. Sit here and watch your movie and I'll be done by the time it's over."
"Okay."
Kagome walked through the kitchen and toward the bathroom. "You know at some point you're going to have to tell her that you are dating her teacher," Sango whispered from her spot leaned against the counter
"I am not dating her teacher, I am having lunch with him," Kagome said defensively.
"Oh really and that doesn't constitute as a date?"
Kagome put her hands on her hips. "If it does then we are not dating, we are going on a date."
"Whatever, you're still going to have to eventually tell her the truth. You can't let her go on forever thinking that Sesshoumaru is going to reappear and things will go back to the way they were. Even if he did decide to come back I doubt things would ever be the same."
"I'm not ready to tell her. She's still too young."
"So... what happens if things get serious with this guy? What will you tell her then? 'Oh it's okay honey, daddy might still come back and somehow we'll find room for him in our dysfunctional family.' That won't work and you know it. The longer you hold off on telling her the harder it will be for her to accept."
"You sound like my mother."
"Maybe that's what you need right now. You seem so hell bent on making Sesshoumaru come out smelling like roses. Is it because you are trying to protect Rin, or is it that you are trying to protect yourself?"
Kagome glared at her friend. "Get off my back. What I choose to tell or not tell my daughter is none of your concern."
"You don't want to go there with me Kagome," Sango warned, her eyes beginning to narrow angrily.
"Oh don't I? Everyone seems to know what's best for my daughter. I get so tired of people telling me how to raise her!"
Sango stepped away from the counter and came inches from her friend. "Who took care of her when Sesshoumaru left and you couldn't even get out of bed? Who helped you when you didn't even have the money to put food on the table? Who takes care of her, no charge, so that you can pay your bills? Don't you ever tell me that I'm not allowed to be concerned about that little girl. I have done so much for both of you and if this is how you're going to repay me then get out and don't come crawling back to me when your life is in shambles and you can't even pick yourself up off the ground."
Kagome wiped her tears as she leaned against the wall and dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry... I don't know what's wrong with me lately."
Sango kneeled in front of her and pulled her into a hug. "You're going through a rough time. What you and Sesshoumaru had was dynamic and to move on from that, to give up on him coming back, can't be easy. I understand that things aren't going to be okay for you for a while, but I promise you will get to a point where the only place left to go is up. It won't hurt forever."
"Are you sure? Everyday that I wake up to an empty bed my heart breaks. I want him to come back and I would give up everything to have him here with me. Am I wrong to go out and date when I still feel this way?"
"No, you have to start somewhere and if that means going on a few dates despite still having feelings for Sesshoumaru then I say go for it. If you don't get out there and into the world you will never be able to move on with your life. You can't spend everyday praying that he returns because you're just going to end up even more hurt in the end. I love you Kagome, you're my best friend and my sister, but I can't keep helping you hold things together."
"I know... It's just so hard, accepting that he's never coming back. It's like before I knew he wouldn't, but I could still hope and now... I feel like I'm throwing that hope out the window."
Sango sighed. "Maybe that's what it's going to take to finally move on with your life."
--
"So... what made you decide to become a teacher?" Kagome asked nervously. They were sitting in a fancy french restaurant, which was pretty well empty since they had just missed the lunch rush. She had figured out that he liked to be called Hojo instead of Akitoki, which was a name passed down through his family for generations. They had talked a little about Rin and even less about Sesshoumaru. Most of the conversation had been about him and Kagome preferred it that way.
"Well, I always loved school and learning. I was a bit of a nerd growing up, actually I still am. I knew when I was just a child that I wanted to help other people have the same love of learning that I do. That's why I chose to teach younger children. Their love of life in general is untainted by the ways of the world and they put their all into everything they do. I would love to teach more advanced curriculum, but older kids already have it set in their mind how they feel about learning and life. If I can teach just one child to have the love of learning that I do then I have reached my goal. Actually I think your daughter is that student." Hojo smiled at Kagome and she smiled back with the pride only a parent could feel.
"I'm very glad she's interested in learning. She get's it honestly, her father loves learning! I never understood it, but he could sit for hours in his study reading history books and he'd sound like a little kid who just got a new toy when he'd tell me about what he'd read." Her eyes had a far away look and the smallest smile graced her features. Suddenly her eyes darkened and she dropped her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sure the last thing you want to talk about is her father."
Hojo gave her an understanding look. "It's okay. It can't be easy having him suddenly leave like that."
"It wasn't. Actually I was a pretty big mess when he left, I couldn't even get myself out of bed and Sango had to take care of Rin for me. I think it was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, but I'm stronger for it."
"That's good. We haven't talked much about you. Where do you work?"
"I work for Kaede, she gave me a job when I finally picked myself up off the floor. It's not much, but it's a paycheck."
"And your other job?"
Kagome looked away. "I don't talk about it. I'm kind of ashamed."
He nodded. "There really isn't anything to be ashamed of as long as you aren't doing anything illegal and you're only doing it to better your family."
"I guess." Her eyes were sad. "I still just wish I could do better for my daughter. I wish I was able to give her everything she wants."
"That's the wish of all parents, but to be honest, even if you could give her everything you would still feel like it wasn't enough. Rin has everything she needs and that's what truly matters."
Kagome looked away as she fought back the tears. "Not everything..." she whispered softly.
His hand on hers startled her. "I know this must be hard for you and I thank you for giving me a chance. Any man who could walk out of a family like the one you have is crazy. You have a wonderful daughter and you are a wonderful mother to her."
"I wish I could see myself through your eyes. I feel like I must not be good enough if he could just walk out and never look back."
Hojo squeezed her hand. "Don't ever doubt your worth. I'm so sorry that he has made you question your value and I just hold the hope that someday I can make you see how worthy you really are."
Her eyes glistened as she looked into his. She searched for any hint of a joke or a lie and seeing none she smiled. "I remember a time when I could hold so much hope. Thank you for the lunch, but I really must be getting to work."
He nodded. "I've really enjoyed our time together and I hope that you have too. We should do this again sometime."
"I'll check my schedule, maybe next time we can make it dinner and a movie."
"I'm holding you to that Higurashi."
Her smile broke a little, but she turned quickly so he couldn't see. Sesshoumaru had always called her Higurashi unless he was being serious. She cursed as the tears spilled and once she got outside she ran. She ran away from her feelings, away from Sesshoumaru, away from everything. She didn't know where she was going, but her mind kept telling her she wasn't far enough away, she wasn't running fast enough. The city flew by her and people glared as she bumped into them, but she didn't care. Her body screamed at her to stop, but her mind told her to keep going. She barely heard her cell phone ringing and ignored it. Right now she didn't know what was fueling her, but she couldn't stop. Her heart pounded, threatening to explode. Her breath was ragged and uneven. The sweat was running into her eyes and she had no concept of time. She didn't know how long she'd been running, but suddenly her body started slowing down. When she couldn't run she walked. When she could no longer walk she collapsed and heaved, trying to breath.
People looked at her like she was crazy, but nobody stopped to help. Once she could finally breath she sat back and looked around. The tears came swiftly and silently when she realized where she was. This was the park that Sesshoumaru had taken her to ask her to marry him. She looked at a couple cuddling on the same bench he had led her to that day. She wanted to scream at the girl to run while she could. That love was a curse not a blessing. And that without it, life isn't worth living.
--
Angel: Ok, kind of an abrupt ending I know, but time is short these days. I work 9 hour days and still have to find time to be a mother, wife, friend, and writer. I do hope that you all understand. Barring any serious interruptions the next chapter will be up in about two weeks.
