A/N: People wanted me to continue this and I'm feeling inspired, so here you go. I've no idea what I'm doing with it. It will likely remain a collection of Force Bond drabbles: no central plot, overloads of angst, sexed-up pining and quiet moments of fluff if you look hard enough.
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She awoke one night to what she was sure was him sitting with his back to her, simply just... there. But before her eyes could adjust, he was gone, a ghostly shadow fleeing the sunlight. Another morning while with Poe on a mission to negotiate terms for financing their cause, she'd felt a shock of pain through her knuckles. It traveled along her wrist and all the way up into her shoulder. She'd attempted to mask her expression, but Poe caught the tightening of her jaw. The pain only abated hours after the negotiations were complete and curious bruises darkened her skin, but her hand remained tender days afterward.
Tonight she sits with Rose in companionable silence, her hands folded in her lap, her hair sweaty and frazzled. Rose opposite her toys with her necklace, the old boots she wears worn thin. The maroon pullover does little to conceal her injuries she obtained from another escape from the First Order's clutches. Finn had been furious, but what are they if not defiant fools willing to sacrifice.
What is it about us that makes us so willing to meet the sword? Rey muses. Why must we be the ones to make the stand alone?
Rose winces as she adjusts her shoulder.
"You should go rest." Rey murmurs glancing over at her.
"No. I'm not leaving you by yourself tonight." she replies bluntly.
Rey averts her eyes, glaring at the console beside her. "I'm fine."
"You always say that." she counters. "Finn might not call you on it, but I will. Something's troubling you."
"We're all troubled Rose."
She shakes her head. "Beyond that. I'm not blind, Rey."
And she thought Rose would be the least troublesome with her questions. Ironic... like so many things in her life, she supposes. On the dunes of Jakku life was simple, an endless loop of survival she came to appreciate. How could she not? To disregard it meant death. Simple. Basic. Hunger had been her constant companion then, her sole purpose. Now...?
"Rey?"
She looks up, finding Rose's shrewd eyes assessing her, filing away even the most minute facial change. Rey swallows dryly, plastering a smile on her face she knows Rose won't believe, but it doesn't matter. "I'm fine, Rose. Really," and before Rose can oppose her she gets to her feet. "I'm actually a little tired, now. You should get some rest, too."
Rey never stops, Rose's stern tone as she calls her name following her all the way to her quarters.
The door slides down behind her with a hiss and she's finally alone. The glass window before her shows a vastly lit city, magnificent and glittering against the night sky, but she finds it overwhelming. She'd rather sit in the darkness staring up at the stars. There is a true city, she thinks. An endless land of possibilities and planets never before charted. How many nights has she looked up to those stars and wished... so many things.
Changing into her nightwear, she collapses onto her bed, not even bothering with the ratty quilt to protect her from the abnormal winter cold of this place. The Skywalker lightsaber glints at her from the table across the room, its two halves summoning an ache in her heart. They look so lonely, so violent in their separation. She turns away, facing the wall.
Sleep eventually finds her, but it is as restless and churning as the sea.
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.
She dreamed of him again, making it the third time this week and they are only getting worse. A part of her wonders if he can feel them, too. She blushes at that. The dreams are only pieces, jagged reflections of a whole, but each time he comes closer... or maybe she does. It's never clear, only the feelings are explicit. And they are slowly suffocating her.
Finn comes up from behind and hugs her shoulders. "You're really quiet."
Rey attempts a smile. "Just tired."
The silence between them grows heavy before he replies. "We've made the right choices, Rey."
She nods, but isn't entirely convinced. The path she has chosen holds no doubt, but the journey feels incomplete. There is a part missing. A someone. She shakes her head and squeezes Finn's hand reassuringly. "It's not about the right choices. It's about living with ourselves after it's over."
His arms tighten around her. "You can talk to me, Rey. Everyone can tell, you know."
Rey pulls apart his arms and steps away to face him, smiling awkwardly. "It isn't something you should worry over. I'm fine. Besides, we have bigger problems."
"Rey-
"Finn! I need your help with something." Poe abruptly bursts into the room. "Come on, man!"
Finn departs with a conflicted glance back at Rey and she sighs, but not quite in relief.
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Minutes tick by. They feel longer than they should, longer than the day before, and the day before that.
The broken lightsaber stares up at her pitifully and she covers it back up with its cloth. The fractured kyber crystal rests in the palm of her hand. Where do I go from here? We cannot keep up this endless fighting. What's the point of all this? There must be a middle ground. There has to be. She closes her eyes as her fingers furl around the crystal halves.
She'd been careless when she went to him, her rash optimism clouding the more rational seat of her brain. She should have known better. Ben wasn't ready and now look at the outcome. If only she'd considered the aftermath of what killing Snoke would do to him. She had been impulsive, foolish, and in her own disappointment she'd wounded him. Snoke had been right. Through her lack of wisdom, she took the bait, but even Snoke couldn't have foreseen this tragedy. His mark on Ben remains, regardless. The evil bastard.
Setting the crystals back into their housing, she proceeds to the fresher for a shower. Steam fills the room, warming the air and fogging the vanity before her. She stands for a long time merely listening to the sounds around her, feeling the steady hum of life, death... the other in-between.
The other.
Balance.
She shimmies out of her pants and grabs the hem of her shirt, turning as she does so to hoist up a towel from the lower cabinet with her foot, but she stops, the air around her siphoning into a vacuum of silence and she knows. Goose-flesh blankets her shoulders and everything lessens until there is only the steady hum of that familiar sound. His sound. Her breath catches in her throat as she drops the hem of the shirt, embarrassment suffusing her cheeks with red.
He stands before her, his eyes darting up to her face in surprise. His lips are red, too, blushing red.
"Do you mind?" Rey's voice cracks and she snatches the towel up with shaky fingers to wrap around her middle.
His eyes change then, lids drooping lazily and mouth parting over a restless tongue, working behind his teeth. "You were thinking about me." he offers blandly, his eyebrow ticking up.
She doesn't understand the suggestion in his tone, but she doesn't either. "Well, I'm not now and I need privacy."
He tilts his head, the bags under his eyes so very heavy. "This isn't exactly something either of us can control."
No need to argue him there. "Can you just go out into the other room, or... something?" Why did he have to catch her like this? Her nipples harden as her senses heighten without her volition and she bites her lip, hard. Her shirt is thin... too thin.
His stare drifts down as if hearing her thoughts and the burning whiskey of his eyes darkens to a wild, churning abyss. Her heart accelerates.
"Please leave." Thankfully the firmness of her voice has returned.
He glances back up to her, slowly. A curious animal suddenly possesses him, a dangerous and primal creature. She senses it like an oppressive moonrise through the pulse of their connection, drowning her with dark promise, and she steps back defensively. Heat stirs below her navel, working her throat and tongue, but her mouth is too dry to swallow.
"You can still come to me." his voice grates like steel forged in fire and his chin shivers, lips deepening in color.
She stares, transfixed. "Ben..."
His lashes flicker and he reaches out blindly, taking a staggering step forward.
Rey recedes, her back coming flush with the wall behind her. The steam of the room is so cumbersome now, suffocating. She has to remember to breathe.
Ben's chest rises and falls with ragged breaths. She can hear them now, echoing around her, willing her legs to press tightly together, curling her fingers into the towel covering her until they are bone white. No. This is too far, too far. She clamps her eyes shut, pushing against his presence with all her might.
"Don't!" he whispers frantically, close now. "Rey, please!" A hand ghosts along her shoulder, electric against her skin as it travels up her neck. Bare skin. No gloves. She can smell him, his scent a signature mix of leather and an underlying musk. Selfish. Rough. Wanton. "Come to me, Rey."
Her heart hammers, a frantic bird trapped behind brittle ribs. "No."
"Please." he beseeches her, his raw desperation weakening her knees.
"No." she trembles.
His fingers press against her lips, opening the seam of her mouth. "Look at me, Rey."
She turns away, defiant, but he surprises her, planting a chaste kiss at the nape of her neck. Her eyes snap open. Neither of them move. He exhales, his breaths moistening her skin and his teeth so close. She dares to turn to him and he lifts his head. Their noses brush. She can taste his heat in the air, his want. A shocking revelation curls from the depths of her stomach into her chest and she inhales a gasp. I can bring him to his knees... I already have.
It's an ancient and powerful feeling, an understanding that livens her blood like lightning to a storm. She closes the distance between them, their lips a mere beat away from each other-
And Ben suddenly jerks backward. Rey blinks, gaping at him in confusion. His eyes dart from her to something behind her and anger sharpens his features until he looks positively monstrous. Kylo Ren. No, not something behind her. Someone. And on cue, his expression swiftly seals shut, all the fire in his eyes dying. Only darkness there, now.
"Ben." Rey whispers.
His shoulders stiffen remotely, but that is the only indication he gives her. Then, he fades.
She lingers against the wall for a long time, the water running cold before she finally tip-toes into the shower.
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