K, no reviews...maybe I didn't get it right.
I was really proud of the analytical part. The bit with reading body language, I had fun writing it, as short lived as it was.

Try this bit of comedy. :)


Chapter 2: Building Up, Breaking Down

With the entire bath house 'a-buzz', things were beginning to get a little out of hand. If it wasn't someone being thrown into the hot spring out back, it was piggy-back fights down the halls. "They're busting up the doors!" Sakura said as she began gluing rice paper back to one of the many sliding doors.

"They're kids," Ino said, "Let them play," and closed her eyes. She was beginning to regret that huge mouthful of sake, it was beginning to make her nauseated.

Her inner Sakura raged on 'Where is that idiot?' she said, referring to Naruto. First it was Ino, then Temari and now Hinata, they seemed to be varying levels of drunk. He was tampering with the tea, she knew it. 'I'll gut him like a fish!' She composed herself, "They're only a few years younger than us, there's no excuse for this level of destruction."

Ino hiccuped, "Thas'the-few'yers that we had out on th'battlefield talking."

Sakura looked concerned. Not for anyone's safety, not directly, but there was something that she was bracing herself for: A confrontation. It wasn't often that she saw Ino drink, but when she did she picked fights. She did her best to guide the conversation. "Battlefield or not, they should still know how to respect others things. And weren't you the one complaining that they didn't appreciate your art?"

She held up a finger to correct her friend, but stopped short and laughed, "I did."

"You're cut off. Where's the other one?" she said, referring to Temari, she could tell she had more than one too.

"Mmm, not sure. She went in the kitchen I think," Ino pointed out.

Sakura knew this marked the girl's third trip in there. "Again, huh?" She abruptly got up and marched her way into the kitchen and laid her hands on Naruto's shoulders. "Get your ass out here and start re-gluing the doors with me."

Naruto's eyes flew open, "Huh?" he had been cut off by Shikamaru and was far more 'gone' than he should have been. "Hey, grab th-booze," he reached back into the kitchen as he was being dragged out from under his arms. He disappeared.

The bottle was hidden on a shelf that couldn't be reached unless you were out in the open. Not paying him any mind, Shikamaru said, "He doesn't need any more," and went back to the task at hand, boiling water. By this point the damage had been done, so he continued to make the spiked tea. The 'special' ingredient needed to be preserved. Shikamaru insisted that they open as few bottles as possible. "What if any of them have a medical condition? If any of them are diabetic this is going to mess with their glucose levels." His question was directed at Temari.

She looked at him with a totally blank stare, "Must you suck the fun out of everything? ...but that is a good point. We should tell them."

"Without hurting poor Hinata..." he thought. "..."

Naruto came back in, his head peeking around the corner. "I got away, hide me. The glue smells." He got on all fours and crawled into the cupboard.

"Whatever," his former apprentice was quite trying on his patients. "We need to tell the students there's alcohol in their drinks. Some of them don't know yet, and it may affect their health."

"...What if you passed around a note? That's quiet," he said from behind the curtain.

"Maybe," he began. "But that might get to Hinata... I know." Shikamaru went to work. He found some blank sheets of paper and a marker. He covered the sheets in a message. Only a sentence or two each, big enough to read from afar. Shikamaru stepped out of the kitchen and immediately spoke with his other chūnin colleagues, informing them of his plan, so they could act according. He knew one of the girls was blind, so he instructed the 'sober head' Sakura to let her in on the plan as well.

"Oh Shikamaru-saaan, how are you liking the tea?" said Hinata, who was half snapped, half a cup in. She was going on an empty stomach after all. Eating before a big function gave her an upset stomach and made her drowsey.

"I haven't had any yet," which wasn't technically a lie. He had some tea with sake, not 'just' tea. He did want to try a legitimate cup of tea before the night was out.

"You should have some tea with me," she said and removed a clean cup from the heating tray.

"Oh no, I just wante-"

"Nonsense, sit down and relax; you've worked so hard." She plucked a string that couldn't sing 'no'.

Defeated, he nodded with a look of guilt, a look he was sure Hinata would pick up on. She didn't. 'Dammit,' he thought. After drinking the whole thing he mobilized his plan, "Hinata, this night is turning out unusually well. I wanted to know if you had anything to say to the group. I know it can be hard for you to speak up sometimes."

"I got this," she smiled and laid a friendly pat upon her friend's shoulder, "B-but thank you, that's so sweet, really, thanks. You're awesome," she gave him a single arm hug and then stood up. "Excuse me, can I have your attention?" she said flawlessly, "I wanted to welcome to the first annual bathhouse-tea-a-thon. It just keeps coming!" and she continued, dramatically gesturing as she did so; drawing attention to the craftsmanship of the building and the hot spring out back.

While this was going on, Shikamaru held up various, easy to read, messages for the masses. They went in order as such:

Pretend I'm not here.
Please read these silently!

The tea is cut with sake, 1:1

You can keep drinking if you want.

Don't tell Hinata!
She'll panic!

Enjoy your evening.

The last card was dolled up with some pleasant looking symbols like smiles and a thumbs up, curiosity of Naruto and Temari. At the end, Hinata was none the wiser and the crowd cheered. Over the months of training with the Chūnin instructors, they had come to love Hinata. Each of them respected the request and kept Hinata in the dark just a little while longer.

Meanwhile, "I can't believe that worked," said Temari. Her potential other half entered the Kitchen again, holding his heart in his chest. "I can't get over that. Amazing."

He shrugged, "I'm a thinker."

"Praise? For yourself?" she held back laughter. "Feeling 'relaxed' are we?"

He blushed, "Cut it out, I'm still made of the same thing as everybody else. Alcohol affects me the same way it affects all of you."

"Shame it dosn't make you dummer."

"You jut-juts...just-haben't had e'nuff," said Naruto, muffled, from somewhere in the room.

"...wait a second. You aren't in the same spot!" Shikamaru truly wasn't dulled by a few sips. The place Naruto initially crawled in was suspiciously far from where the sound of his voice was coming from currently. He pulled back the curtain where the sake was at first store and saw Naruto with a straw hanging out of his mouth. The other end was going deep down into the bottom of the bottle. "I found him Sakura!" Shikamaru yelled.

Naruto leaned his head out, "Sell out!" he declared with a jilted tone.

The kitchen door opened with a crack and a bang, "I said your ass is helping!" she remarked and dragged him out of the steamy kitchen.

Shikamaru pilfered the bottle from Naruto's hand as he was pried from his hidey hole; he had been betrayed by his only friend in the whole wide kitchen. "We're only missing a neck of the bottle. He's not getting anymore for a while." He laid the rogue bottle next to the nearly empty one. He was sure Sakura would put him in a place he couldn't do any more damage, to the inventory or his liver.

"You did need one more bottle to finish off the mix. That's why I didn't stop him." Temari drank the last gulp of her drink and laid the porcelain cup on the stone counter top. It made an audible 'klink'.

He took note of the noise, it was one that could have been avoided, one Temari knew displayed poor manners. He interpreted this as a signal for attention: 'I want to let you know, I'm done my drink.' He looked over to the only girl that ever peaked his interest. "How many was that? Two."

She nodded, her head light from the delicious 'imported tea', "-plus the drink I had from the bottle; creepin' that number on up, to three." Her weight was shifted to one side and it made her hip stick out. She wore her casual kimono, rather than the formal one, it was loose and easy to sit down in comfortably. Even with the heavy piece of clothing, her curves were very distinguishable.

Temari had been beating around the bush with him for years now; it was time to find out the truth about how she really felt towards him. Shikamaru knew that within the animal kingdom this behavior was called a 'presentation'. Taking note of the gesture, he continued, "You can only process one drink per hour," he said, "That's two, too many." This 'party' slash 'tea ceremony' had been going on for an hour, and he was accuratly counting how much each person had.

"There you go again with that 'smart' thing," she stated. Before she could huff at him for not having a good time, she felt her personal space filled. Her eyes briefly locked with Shikamaru's, only to wander again, "W-what?" she said with a heavy red flush.

"You can do what you want to, it's not my business. Though, I'm curious as to why you want to drink so much." He watched her reaction closely, it was excited and shocked. She didn't turn any limb away from him, this showed him his intrusion wasn't totally unwelcomed. Her arms did grip one another and she did break eye contact, a sign of anxiety, shyness. After a second of processing, he backed up, realizing that the location they were in wasn't suitable. "I guess you're right," he said abruptly.

When she was again granted room of her own, she looked shocked, again. But that wasn't an indicator, it was the tightened right cheek muscle, irritation. Again, her actions delivered more of a message than her words did. "What do you mean I'm Right? I didn't say anything."

"You got tense; I imagine because this is a public room, high traffic." He was right.

"...maybe...did you..." she swallowed what felt like gravel, which was actually the back of her throat. "...could we meet up later...I know there are a few private rooms," her face was glowing pink, "I mean they have a single bed-table! A single table, for a couple to drink-couple of people to drink tea." It seemed the sake tied knots in the tongue.

He snickered as he watched Temari head for the door, the Freudian slips were hilarious enough, "Sounds great. I'll brew some real tea for us; I think I saw sweet buns back there too," he said referencing the pantry out back.

She gave him a smile and pulled open the door leading down the hall, where Naruto had been exiled to. "You might not want to put too much effort into this, people may think it's a date." She slipped through the door with only enough room for her body. One final indicator she was interested, the door brushed her bust on the way by, drawing attention to it. Them.

He sighed, not too sure of what he had initiated. "I hope she doesn't drink any more," he spoke to himself, or so he thought.

"Who?" Naruto asked. A white bandana now adorn his forehead. His narrow slitted eyes peered at his friend with suspicion. "Wass'sat Tamari~?"

Not expecting him back so soon, he panicked, "Would you go away," he snapped at him.

"Cool it," Naruto held up a hand, "I'm here for the sake," he expected that asking nicely would work; to his surprise, it did.

"Take it and go," he said and tore the lable off and dumped some tea in the top, to at least give it a tea smell. "Go," he jammed the bottle in Naruto's hand, "Tell her we burned this batch, that makes it too strong."

"This is why we keep you around. Yer'the idea guy," with that line of praise, he took his spoils and headed back out to find a housecoat, he was beginning to feel the need to sport some flare.

Hailed by Naruto for such an act, he felt he had reached a new low. Shikamaru watched his one big mistake of the night walk away and realized, "If things go awry, I'm the harbinger of my own doom..." He had to dedicate himself to not only spending some time alone with Temari, but now to make sure Naruto didn't make the evening go up in flames. Be it literally or otherwise ('otherwise' being the more likely of the two [but the first scenario wasn't completely out of the question]). He glanced the mix Naruto concocted for him. It sat, cold, in his cup. Then he looked to the remaining sake in the non-pilfered bottle, it was nearly gone. He had given Naruto the full bottle, so he needed to crack a new one. He did so in disbelief; they would notice if he changed it now. With equal parts of each liquid, it was ready.

He brewed some actual tea, he boiled enough for two. He left the community tea pots on a hot plate and took the tea and buns for he and Temari. He took the time to hide the remaining bottles behind some pickles in the pantry, feeling it was kind of funny doing so. "Pickled." He concealed the bottles then grabbed the tray he prepared. He left to find the tiny tea room with Temari inside.

In the corner of the room, the mochi pestle wiggled. It teetered some more and the top popped off, revealing a pair of deep blue eyes, with the onset of a drunken red cheeks. "Heh heeeh-heeh, hhhak," he inhaled a dry piece of rice that wasn't cleaned off. He toppled out of the container, gasping for air while he chocked on the hardened grain lodged in his vocal cords. "I taste blood!" he rolled back and forth. After that ordeal, the sake went missing.


How was that?