A/N: I've been meaning to write this one-shot ever since I mentioned it in the epiloge of 'Chapel of Love'. I thought it would be easier not to include the D/W scene that happened before, that's why I requested Bye11 to write it for me. (If you haven't read her fic 'Goodbye, my friend' yet, do it now!) It was hard enough to write this one though, so you might need a tissue while reading.
Special thanks to shelovesshoes for the second opinion. 3
Disclamer: I don't want this to happen on the show, but I still wrote it, don't sue me.
The Longest Chapter
She is alone in there for the very last time. Will went home a short while ago, leaving his glass on her desk. They shared their last Scotch as law firm partners, which made the taste of the drink even more bitter. They didn't want it to be their last goodbye, they didn't even say the word. But she asked him to leave her alone, so she can say goodbye to the place.
She has already had her stuff, along with the painting from her personal collection packed and transferred to her chamber in the Michael Bilandic Building. Her office is almost empty and it breaks her heart that she'll never call it her own again.
She sits in her armchair at her desk for the last time and the emptiness starts to overcome her. She looks at the bouquet of dark red lilies she got from her coworkers, which means to show their appreciation and wish her luck, along with the elegant pen with 'Justice Lockhart' engraved on it and the small golden gavel as a good luck charm. She almost feels tears forming in her eyes as she thinks of what the gifts represent, when she hears footsteps on the corridor. She knows it can only be one person and the rhythm of the steps verifies her thoughts. Soon she can see him through the side door as he walks to the open one and steps inside.
"Hey," she smiles at her husband, the only person she can look at like that right now. The only one in her life she doesn't have to say goodbye to today or any day. They belong together, he is her family now and they are happy, even if at this moment she only feels sadness inside.
"Hey," he greets her in a soft voice and looks at her silently from the other end of the office.
"Is it too late to change my mind?" she asks a question both of them know the answer to, and he doesn't even reply at once, but she can see the solidarity in his eyes.
"It's never easy to say goodbye," he slowly takes a step closer, giving her the time and space she needs.
"I just didn't expect it to be this hard," her voice trembles, as she feels the tears in her eyes again, but she knows she has to hold them back, not because of him, but because of what this office represents. It belongs to the fearless Diane Lockhart, who is the worst enemy on the battlefield of law. She doesn't allow people to see her with her guards down, in fact he is one of the few people she's ever let close.
"I know," he nods, getting one step closer to her and she starts to accept what his presence means.
"We should go home," she tells him, without moving an inch.
"Just take your time," he says patiently, still a few steps away from her.
"I'll never be ready, so we might as well go now," she sighs and slowly emerges from her comfortable chair.
"Okay," he says understandingly and waits until she walks up to him, seeking the closeness of his body, the comfort, which he offers right away in a form of a warm hug. One of the many advantages of being his wife is that his arms are always there to hold her when she needs to be held.
When they pull away from each other Kurt places a soft kiss on her forehead then turns to her desk.
"I'll take these," he lifts the bouquet and the gift bag and walks out the office, leaving Diane alone to say her goodbye.
She looks around one last time and without leaving time for memories to flood her mind she steps outside and closes the glass doors before she walks away to follow him to the elevators.
When her gaze meets her name on the wall, her throat gets dry again. She is sure it will be taken down the next day and the thought alone causes her enormous pain. It doesn't matter that she'll be Justice Diane Lockhart when she takes her oath in a few days, it won't console her for the loss she's suffering that night.
This firm has been her life for decades, she's worked hard to get to the top and stay there and even though there were times it seemed like she could lose everything, she always ended up winning in the end. She leaves as a winner tonight, but she feels the loss of something much stronger. A significant part of her life won't be there anymore when she steps into that elevator, and it will be hard to substitute the emptiness it will leave behind.
As she's standing there, eyeing the wall, she feels his arm around her, holding her and not urging her to move forward. He knows what's going on in her head, how difficult it is for her to say goodbye. He must remember the day she said goodbye to him and chose her firm instead. And now she is giving up the very same thing that meant more to her than love back then. She's aware that the new job – no matter how prestigious it is – will never give such a meaning to her life.
If he wasn't with her, she probably wouldn't be able to leave now, her legs wouldn't obey her. She has never felt this weak in her life. She doesn't want to go, she wants to stay. Screw Springfield, the governor, the judgeship, everything. She belongs here, this is her home, no other place will ever feel that way.
Lockhart&Gardner. The two names next to each other mean an era, that ends too soon and she knows that it's all her fault, because it wasn't enough for her, she always wanted more. And now that she has the next step of her career within reach, she's hesitating, because she knows that once she moves forward there will be no way back.
"Let's go," she says firmly, realizing it's already too late, she's already walking on the road of no return, changing her mind is not an option anymore, no matter how tempting it seemed for a few seconds.
They step inside the elevator and Kurt takes her hand, giving her a comforting squeeze, while she's watching the numbers go down on the panel next to them. In the garage they walk to his car hand in hand and sit it.
"The longest chapter of my life has come to an end," she says with her head down, hiding her face from him and she soon feels his hand on hers again.
"But a new one is starting tomorrow," he says encouragingly and she finally lifts her head to look at him.
"I know, let's go home," she places a kiss on his cheek to show him she'll be fine, because she will be, she has to be.
But later that night when she's lying next to him, she cannot hold back those tears anymore. They come and fill her eyes and they prove to be unstoppable. She hides her teary face in the pillow and tries to silence her crying, but it only gets worse, until she feels his firm hand stroking her back gently.
She has never needed anyone's presence and support as much as she does that night. She has lost something she's worked for her whole life, of her own choice and she knows she cannot regret it the next day or any day. But tonight she's allowed to shed some tears and be grateful that on this new path of her life one thing is already given. She won't have to take it alone.
