A/N: Hello again! I'm not sure if I'm going to be updating the entire thing or not, but I just might wait a little in between posts, it all depends. In any case, I'd just like to reiterate that this is meant to have all the song lyrics in it, and they sort of move with the characters/story. I'm also going to be trying to keep these chapters shorter than the epic-length ones that I've been writing lately.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Winter Song

Chapter 2: What I Am

Philosophy

Is the talk on the cereal box

Religion

Is the smile on a dog

Oh, I'm not aware of too many things

I know what I know if you know what I mean

"What I Am" by Edie Brickell & New Bohemians (The Ultimate Collection)

Xander Harris and Willow Rosenberg had been best friends for ages, in the tiny little town of Sunnydale that they called home. They both hated it in their own way – Xander despised how stifling it was, how everyone knew everybody else and you never had any secrets because your neighbors felt so entitled to know everything about you. Willow, on the other hand, hated it because of the ignorance – she was an extremely smart girl who was probably the only Wiccan/Vegan/environmentalist/feminist/social rights activist/bisexual within 100+ miles of Sunnydale.

They had both been making plans to escape it as soon as they graduated since they hit the age of ten. Willow was going to have an easier time of it than Xander, though, considering that colleges had been attempting to woo her with varying degrees of success since she had entered ninth grade in junior high school.

Xander Harris was the only son of Tony Harris, who was the pastor of Sunnydale Baptist, the largest and most successful church in all of Sunnydale. His mother, Jessica, had given up her dreams of being a nun to follow her crush and marry Tony after she had been volunteering at a local AA meeting. Tony was recovering from a three year binge and was saying that God had purposefully stopped him from dying of drink to preach the Holy Word.

They were the holiest of holier-than-thous in all of California, and Xander was more than expected to follow in their footsteps. It had been the talk of the entire town when little Xander had put his little foot down and flat out refused to be bussed out of Sunnydale to go to a parochial school in Oxnard. His parents had allowed him to go to normal school on the agreement that he take extra religious classes and help teach at church every Wednesday night.

He was not technically allowed to associate with Willow, but they turned a blind eye as long as he was inside school. They had absolutely no idea that Xander hated their religion, resented the way that they had forced him to grow up, hated that he was the only school that had an excuse to not attend any science classes lest Sunnydale High receive a lawsuit, and spent many nights sneaking out his bedroom window to meet Willow at the Bronze, the tiny little nightclub that Sunnydale housed. Parents (many times led by Tony and Jessica) had attempted to shut the establishment down many times but there had been such an outcry from anyone 25 and younger that they had been forced to abandon the idea.

Xander figured that they should have been more grateful that he wasn't going out to the city limits to hang at the wharf and party at the Fish Tank, the rankest bar in town.

According to the plan of Xander's life, he would be sent away from Sunnydale as soon as he turned 18 to a Christian college where he could study to take over his father's position. His parents had bought him a place in class when he turned fifteen, and that had been his birthday present that year. He had absolutely no choice in the matter, but they never took that into consideration – how could any son of theirs not want to leap at the opportunity? He could take over his father's church and lead the flock, marry a decent girl and have a big family.

Truth was, Xander had a pretty open mind when it came to anything. He'd learned from his parent's judgments and oppression and repression how valuable a skill it was to be able to value the differences in other people, and yourself. His parents didn't want to know what other religions were about, but Xander had spent hours at the tiny Sunnydale library reading up on them all.

In his humble opinion, God was an ambiguous figure that came to people in a variety of shapes and sizes. What Xander believed was that as long as the 'god' that you worshipped told you peace on earth and goodwill towards men, then that was still god. It was only when people killed over their beliefs that things went wonky. He figured that God was probably a woman.

He also read a lot of science (and Willow instructed him in some of it, too). It was the gay thing that really hung him up, because he'd talked Willow through some times when she'd been attacked for it, too. He'd asked his parents about it and his mother had gone white and his father had ranted for about fifteen minutes about "faggots" and then turned it into his sermon the next Sunday. Xander had been shaken at the sheer amount of vitriol that had spewed from his father that day and decided to never ask about it again.

Still, despite everything, Xander loved his parents, as most people do. He took the trash out and he mowed the lawn and cleaned the tacky Christian ornaments that littered the flowerbeds. He wasn't the brainiest type but with Willow's careful tutoring he at least ranged from low C's to mid-B's. He did his homework and when he did sneak out it was only after his parents were asleep so they wouldn't worry.

Otherwise, his friends would have to come to the front door and talk all about Christian study groups whenever he went out so his parents would let him. They never knew that Willow was his best friend for life and he didn't tell them. He'd made a habit of not actually revealing himself to anyone but Willow. He was comfortable with repression, with fitting in the lines and trying to play peacemaker with everyone.

He figured that it all would have stayed that way if it wasn't for two things: the new girl in school, and by extension of the new girl, him.

A/N: I would just like to reiterate: THIS IS NOT MEANT AS AN ATTACK ON ANYONE'S RELIGION, just a criticism of one particular branch of Christianity (evangelical). Please keep in mind that this IS fiction, and should not be taken too seriously.

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