"It's never-ending." Kira sighed as he sat down at his desk. The odd meetings with Ikkaku the past two days left him wondering if something was happening, or if it was just a strange coincidence. It reminded him of the few, rare meetings he had with Ichimaru before he became the 3rd Division's vice captain. He also had that same, weird feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he ran into the third seat.
And why did he bow to Ikkaku? He was of higher ranking; if anything, Ikkaku should have bowed to him. That wouldn't have happened, though, for the simple fact that Ikkaku didn't bow to anyone. "Ichimaru never bowed to anyone, either..."
Kira sighed again and let his forehead hit the desk. His thoughts had been plagued with memories of his captain ever since the older shinigami left. He had built up a little resistance-- he was able to maintain his composure throughout even the most painful of realizations and he no longer referred to Ichimaru as his captain-- but it was a long way until he could really forget about him.
He couldn't sit around all day and just think, though. There was still work that needed to be done and no one but him to do it; at least that part hadn't changed. Resigning himself to another day of paper-signing and folder-filing, intervened every now and then by a quick check on his squad and updates that filtered through, Kira set the first stack of parchment in front of himself.
Hours into his work with no complications, the blonde set his pen down and stretched. A few bones cracked and he decided that it was time enough for some sort of lunch. A quick glance out the window told him the sun was beating down on Seireitei from high up above. After several worried visits from Hinamori and few, more annoyed, ones from Renji, Kira had promised them both he would start eating more regular.
He had a terrible habit of working too hard and missing meals without even noticing it. The voice in the back of his head that wouldn't let Ichimaru go reminded him that his old captain never let him miss a meal without some form of punishment. Kira had always assumed it was because he cared, but at this point, he couldn't help but wonder.
Standing up to release himself from the prison of his office for a short while, Kira started slightly when he heard a firm knock on his door-- more work. Sighing, and immediately rearranging his schedule, he called out for the person to enter.
Ikkaku stuck his head inside the simple office, glancing around to find that it was about as boring as he had expected. When his eyes finally locked on Kira, he grinned at the surprised look on the blonde's face and raised a hand in greeting. "Yo."
"Ikkaku-san," Kira murmured. Reminding himself that Ikkaku was a lower rank than he and that he shouldn't back down to subordinates (a trait Ichimaru himself enforced very strictly), he stood up a little straighter. "Is something I can help you with?"
"Just wonderin' if ya had lunch yet." He leaned against the doorframe and studied Kira-- the more he looked at the lieutenant the worse he felt for him. His entire disposition echoed every kind of abuse known to man. To think that hadn't changed even after months of Ichimaru's absence was a scary thought. Being that monster's subordinate must have been a whole different breed of torture.
"I was just about to go, actually." Kira's eyes fell to the papers lying on his desk. Why was Ikkaku here now? He didn't seem as angry as he had earlier, but it didn't look like he wanted to apologize, either. And why was he asking about lunch? Whatever the reason, that feeling was stirring up inside Kira again and it made him uneasy. He shifted slightly under the other's intense gaze-- it felt just like Ichimaru was staring at him; judging him, deciding of what use he might still be for.
"Come on, then, what are you waitin' for?" Expecting the confused and surprised look he received, he chuckled. "Well, I was thinkin' about earlier and you probably didn't need to be yelled at like that just for running into someone. So, I thought I'd buy ya lunch to make up for it."
"That's thoughtful of you," Kira murmured, looking down again. His cheeks were colored just a tad as he shook his head. "I can't accept that thou-"
"I wasn't offerin'," Ikkaku told him, "I was tellin'. Now come on."
Not one for arguments, Kira nodded and quickly followed the departing shinigami out of the office and 3rd Division.
"A...picnic?" This was a surprise. Kira surveyed the scene in front of him: A baby blue blanket spread out on a plush patch of grass, littered with all sorts of food and a wicker basket laying askew to the side.
"Not my idea," Ikkaku grumbled, sitting down. Yumichika had thought it was perfect and though he tried his best to disagree, the third seat ended up setting out the picnic just like his friend had imagined it. He was sure the scene was beautiful or...whatever.
"It's really nice," Kira offered, a slightly amused expression on his face. Despite himself, he couldn't help but laugh inside at it. He knew Yumichika must have come up with the idea; was the vain man turning into a matchmaker or something? Perhaps that explained all the weird, seemingly unconnected, meetings.
Sitting down, Kira helped himself to a rice ball and studied it. "Did you cook all of this?"
"What're ya sayin'?" Ikkaku demanded, pointing a chopstick at him. "I'm not a bad cook."
Raising a hand in defense, Kira quickly shook his head. "No, no! I didn't mean anything like that, I just..." He sighed softly and offered the other a faint smile. "It seems like a lot of work."
"Oh." He lowered the wooden instrument and shrugged. "It wasn't that big of a deal, and you know Yumichika. Once he gets his mind set on something..."
"It has to come out perfectly?" Kira guessed. An affirmative nod brought another chuckle forth from his throat as he bit into the snack. It was surprisingly good, though Kira scolded himself for assuming that just because Ikkaku fit the image of an un-talented brute didn't mean he was.
"Is it good?"
The question caught Kira off-guard and he nodded immediately. "It is." As if the pace with which he was going through the food wasn't enough of an indicator.
"Ya act like someone's gonna steal it." He had noticed, and it struck him as very odd. Kira didn't seem like the type to lose composure doing anything, especially eating. Wasn't he from some noble family or something? They always have weird manners.
"Sorry," the blonde quickly apologized, lowering a half-eaten apple from his mouth. "I suppose I was hungrier than I thought."
Small, grey-black eyes peered from across the blanket. "What did you have for breakfast?"
Kira hesitated. "Erm..."
"You did have breakfast, didn't you?"
"Not exactly."
"So you didn't."
"No."
"Why?"
The blonde gave a slight shrug. "I was running late and-"
"Late? For work?" Kira nodded and Ikkaku sighed. "How can you be late when there's no one to tell you what time you have to be there? Kira, Ichimaru's gone, ya don't have a captain anymore. You should live a little." He could tell by the pained expression on the other's face that he had said too much, but it was something that needed to be said. Kira couldn't live forever following the rules of someone who never thought of him when making them. Ichimaru only wanted an obedient, loyal servant and that's what he had turned Kira into.
It was disgusting, really, to see someone acting like that. He was loyal to Zaraki, of course, but only because his captain let him do what he wanted; Ikkaku doubted Kira even knew what he wanted, always thinking of how to please that Ichimaru bastard.
Sighing, the bald shinigami set his cup down and scooted over next to the lieutenant. He grasped Kira's chin and turned the sullen face towards his own. "He's gone," he repeated, a bit more softly this time, "and you should stop livin' like he's still here. He can't get to you anymore. He's long stopped thinking of you, so why should you still keep him in mind?"
Kira swallowed hard. All of the practice it had taken to keep his composure when Ichimaru was mentioned was shattered in an instant. Ikkaku had slammed through the delicate supports he had built for himself and it felt like a strong punch to the gut. Letting out a shaky breath, he looked down.
"From the day I met him, Ichimaru was on my mind," he began. "I could never figure him out and serving under him only confused me more. He always did little things that made it seem like he cared, but..."
"He didn't," Ikkaku assured him. "Would he have left if he did? If he saw you as anything worth caring for, he'd have at least told you what he was-"
"He did," Kira whispered harshly, his eyes shutting tightly. "He told me everything right before he left. About him, about Aizen...everything." He had also said that Hinamori would be alright, but it was obvious now that those were just false words of comfort to get him to agree to help them in their plan.
Faltering a bit, Ikkaku frowned slightly. Ichimaru had given Kira just enough to let him think-- let him hope-- that he valued his subordinate; that Kira meant something. Pairing that with Kira's naive and blind hope that his captain, the man he looked up to, would find a more permanent use for him in his life, Ikkaku realized just how twisted Ichimaru was and just how much damage he had done.
Unable to find any comforting words (he had never been great with words), Ikkaku did something very uncharacteristic of himself and reached out to tug the blonde into a hug. He felt Kira tense under his embrace, but held him steady until he finally relaxed. The fragile shinigami was silent, but Ikkaku could tell he was breaking down, losing all composure he had, and letting his false hopes finally crumble.
Sighing softly, Ikkaku placed a hand on Kira's back and looked off to the side, where his perfect picnic laid to waste.
Oh no, the drama! The next chapter will likely be the last one and...well, it's not a happy ending. But there's sex! Enjoy~
