Part Two
They say home is where the heart is,
but what a shame,
Cause everyone's heart doesn't beat the same
- Jesus of Suburbia~Green Day
Craig felt miserable. He didn't know what to do with himself. Kenny always came back. Eric and him both knew that.
He sat in class, holding Kenny's knife. He held it in his hands and remembered when they used it for the filthy sex they had. He could barely pay attention to the teachers mumbling voice. The entire world was crumbling around Craig, who was staring into his emotionless void while he thought about Kenny. His fingers moved over the knife. He knew he wasn't supposed to bring such an object to school, but he couldn't bring himself to put it down. Other than a few scars on his body this was really the only thing he had left of Kenny.
Craig remembered what it felt like to have the knife cutting into him while Kenny fucked him. It was painfully exhilarating. He remembered how the sharper end of the small weapon felt when it was pushed into him. What it felt like to have it slice at him. He wanted to feel it again. He wanted to feel Kenny again.
His body felt numb. He poked the knife into his finger tip. He could feel the small warmth of blood that he had drawn, but he didn't feel it. He couldn't feel the prick of pain that should be there. He could barely feel his lungs move or his body move. He leaned over so he could tuck the knife into his boot. He left it there and leaned forwards. Craig felt numb. He couldn't feel anything.
Craig walked through the school hallways in silence. No one noticed how horrible Craig was feeling, because he looked the same as usual. He looked like an emotionless brick that wasn't interested in human contact. Which in a way, he was. Craig walked to his locker and considered opening it. But instead he just pressed his forehead to it.
"Oi fag." Eric Cartman's irritating voice came from down the hall. Craig already knew he was talking to him. "Kenny's dead."
Craig sucked in a sharp breath. Eric was so close that he could smell the Cheesy Poofs on Cartman. Craig turned his head to look at the fat prick. Eric crossed his arms and leaned on the lockers beside Craig's with a smug grin. "His funerals this weekend." He smirked.
"What's it to you Cartman?" Craig nasally spat.
"Ohhh you know.. I have to go and mourn the death of my bestest friend.. It's going to be very, very sad. Very sad that he's dead." Eric's smirk made Craig feel sick. Craig stared at the other and sighed.
"Why are you telling me this?" Craig asked as if hearing about Kenny's death didn't bother him.
"Because you looooooovvvveee him." Eric cheekily drew out the word Craig despised.
"I don't love dead boys." Craig moved to walk in the other direction and away from Eric, but Cartman quickly ran around to jump in front of him.
"You love this dead one though. Because he's not coming back. So we gotta go bury him." Eric chuckled.
"Why are you so happy about this if he's your best friend?" Craig stared at Eric, his expression never changing. Eric just snickered and turned around.
"You're invited to the funeral." He said with a little huff. Craig breathed slowly to calm himself down. God he fucking hated that prick.
Craig didn't feel any better by the time he got home. He walked straight to his room and flopped onto his bed. His body was still numb. He couldn't feel anything. It reminded him of the first time he got high. His entire body numbed and he could barely feel himself. The only difference between the not feeling himself breathe then and the not feeling his fingers now was the fact that when he was high his body tingled. He could feel an excited rush and his brain showed him a world he had never seen before.
But right now all he felt was nothing. There was a black hole in his stomach that grew bigger the more his emotions were eaten by it.
He rolled onto his side. He started to think about what exactly was making him feel the way he currently was. It wasn't Kenny.. was it?
Craig went through a list of very possible reason as to why he would be feeling this way. He had been feeling shit about his parents neglect for a long time, and he knew it wasn't that. Sometimes drugs and alcohol fucked up the way he felt and thought. But he had been sober since Kenny was permanently dead.
That's when he realised Kenny was the reason. He didn't think he even liked Kenny enough for him to feel this empty without him. Craig reached into his black snow boot, pulling Kenny's knife down.
He thought about how he could also just kill himself.
Then he would be with Kenny forever.
But what if Kenny comes back?
What happens after death?
Would I even see him?
Would he even want to see me?
Craig thought deeply then tossed the knife to the side. He decided to at least attend Kenny's funeral before he made and stupid decisions.
❦ • ~ • ~ • • ~ • ~ • ❦
Kenny managed to avoid getting tortured. He tried to find a way out but he simply couldn't. He could hear Satan cackling in the distance and he crossed his arms. He was pretty sure that he was definitely on the devils good side. He helped him. But maybe coming down here so much was him asking for one too many favours.
That didn't stop him from trying again. He walked to where he could hear Satan laughing and spouting bullshit about how evil and powerful he is. Kenny walked right up to him, tapping on his thigh.
Satan looked down, not caring much when he saw Kenny. "I already told you that you're staying with me here." Satan huffed.
"Oooorrrrr you could let me go back to earth. It'll be my last time. I promise." Kenny tried to reason.
Satan only shook his head before he chose to ignore Kenny. He turned back to the disgusting man who hung upside down. Kenny groaned in annoyance and decided to keep exploring hell. It was easy for him to find some kind of loophole that would take him back to earth. He wondered why his mother couldn't just give birth to him again. He just figured that she had run out of eggs or the ability to do it. She hadn't given birth to him again since Cthulhu died. He was confused and felt like shit.
He felt so unfinished. There was so much he needed to do in his life. The main thing that was pissing him off was how he left Craig. He remembered seeing Craig's face when he had found him. Craig's expression had changed for once. He looked scared and worried. Remembering that face made Kenny feel sick in the pits of his stomach.
Back on earth, everyone was preparing to mourn him. Craig was hesitant about attending the funeral, but he went. Not out of respect. He went out of his own selfish need.
Craig sat on a crappy fold out chair in the middle of the South Park cemetery. Everyone was silent. A few kids from class had attended, but a majority of the people there were all of Kenny's parent's drunken friends. The McCormick family gathered around Kenny's black coffin. Karen was trying her hardest to not cry and Kevin looked like he didn't give a shit. Stuart stood and read out a series of lies about how well he had looked after Kenny while Kenny's mother sobbed about her baby being too young.
It was a pathetic display. The funeral was pathetic. They barely gave Kenny any other funerals for his other deaths. This made Craig feel worried. Did burying Kenny now mean that he was officially at peace?
He ignored how everyone spoke with one another and ignored Eric's snotty comments. When the casket was in the ground and dirt was covering it, Craig stood up and pushed himself past the collection of people. He sniffled, hoping he wasn't actually going to cry as he stormed away from the funeral. It was all too miserable for his miserable self.
Later that night he waited for everyone to be asleep. He grabbed the dumb knife and left the house. The air in South Park was cold tonight. It was colder than usual. Snow was softly falling around Craig as he trudged back to the grave yard. His nose felt cold, so he rubbed it with his black gloved hand then kept walking. He had only been here once for Kenny's funeral today, and he already knew exactly where to go. Kenny's grave still had fresh flowers and bears and all kinds of things were still around it. The dirt was still fresh.
Craig walked up to the tombstone, being careful to not step over where the dirt had filled the hole Kenny was in. He looked at the words printed on Kenny's tombstone. He wasn't even surprised by the bullshit written there. He leaned down, using the knife to carve his own words into the corner of it.
Craig thought about death. What it would feel like to die. What it would feel like to not walk this earth anymore. So he sat down in front of Kenny's tombstone, moving the flowers to the side. He sat down, leaning back. He pressed his back to the cold concrete and let the snow fall around him. He held his arms out, pulling his sleeves out He looked at his cut and scar coated wrists and held the knife over it. He inhaled deeply, the cold air moving into his body.
He had made up his mind. He couldn't stand being here without him anymore.
❦ • ~ • ~ • • ~ • ~ • ❦
Kenny tried to find his way out. He didn't want to be dead yet. He felt guilty, towards the people around him and himself. He was regretting the decision he had made. He returned to where Satan was and crossed his arms. He had an idea.
"Satan.." Kenny said softly. "I want to try something." He said. Satan looked down and held his hands on his hips.
"Oh yeah? And what's that?" He grinned.
"I want to help collect the next soul that's damned to hell." Kenny smirked. "Just so I can have one more look at home." Kenny figured that he'd sneak out of this afterlife realm and somehow sneak back into the real world. Satan hummed in thought.
"Well… Okay. I guess you can. Someone just died. You can help get him. If you try anything funny I'll lock you up and burn you." Satan said as he walked past Kenny. The blond grinned with excitement. He was going to find a way out. He was going to go home. He wasn't even worried about Satan's threat. If his plan was to fail, then being locked up and burnt wouldn't be too bad. He had suffered through worse in his living life.
Satan took Kenny to a special area of Hell that he hadn't seen before. Satan looked down at Kenny and pursed his lips. "I don't trust you." He said as he grabbed a blindfold and headed over to Kenny.
"Woah we're not close enough for those kinks yet Satan.." Kenny chuckled and waved his arms defensively in front of him. Satan just rolled his eyes and put the blindfold on Kenny.
"I don't want you to see how the portal to the human world is activated." Kenny listened to Satan's words and shrugged as the blind fold was put on him. He wouldn't need to find a way to sneak out. This would be his last time in hell until he was an old man with saggy balls and a saggy Craig by his side.
Kenny could feel Satan dragging him somewhere. Then all the heat from hell cooled around him. He could feel wind blowing in his face and Satan was chanting something in another language. Then the blindfold was removed and the wind had turned to snow. Kenny blinked his eyes opened.
"Why are we here?" Kenny asked as he looked around. Satan crossed his arms and pointed to the area where Kenny had been buried.
"Go collect the human soul." He demanded. Kenny looked up at Satan with a confused expression.
"I don't know how," Kenny whined. He shivered slightly from the cold. South Park felt colder.
"Yes you do. Hurry up." Satan irritably sighed.
"Isn't Death meant to do this?" Kenny crossed his arms and asked.
"I'm covering this one since he's in Argentina." Satan's deep voice growled. "I thought you would be grateful I'm doing this one since it was near your home." Kenny felt a little disappointed because he wanted to see the Grim Reaper without being scared of him. He was hoping to form a bit of a Deadpool-like relationship with him.
"Fine.. Sorry, thank you." Kenny huffed as he turned to go and look for the dead guy. The cemetery was empty and there were no signs of human life. He walked around and then saw someone slumped against a tombstone. Kenny walked over to the person, looking back at Satan. He was a good distance away. He could probably run home and away from Satan. But he was not only curious about who was dead here, but something inside him made him feel drawn to the person. He walked to him and knelt down.
Then Kenny's dead heart dropped.
Craig looked so pale and lifeless. Blood oozed around him. Kenny looked down and noticed that the blood from his wrists had melted into the snow. His breath hitched and he stared at Craig's corpse.
"No fucking way." Kenny gasped. He hesitantly moved a shaky hand towards Craig. He looked at the tombstone and saw his name, which made his dead heart ache. He leaned forwards and grabbed Craig, pulling him into a tight hug. He sniffled and tried to hold back his sobs as he held Craig's limp body. What was the point in sneaking home if Craig's dead body was in his arms? There was a small light that caught Kenny's attention.
His eyes opened and he watched a bright light come out of Craig's body. Kenny shuffled onto the newly shovelled dirt, still clutching Craig's dead bloody body. The light moved and floated over to Satan who was behind him now. Kenny looked up at the devil then looked ahead of him. He saw his knife was covered in blood and he noticed the carving that was made with Craig's handwriting;
'Fuck you Kenny. I love you.'
Kenny looked at what Craig had written. He sucked in a deep breath then heard Satan tut from behind him.
"We need to go now." He said as he captured Craig's soul. "His life is being traded for yours. Go home." Satan said. Kenny barely had time to register what was happening.
"B-but- wait- I can't- he is my home. I can't be here without him." Kenny panted. But when he turned around, Satan was gone and he was all alone on top of his own grave with Craig's dead body in his arms.
❦ • ~ • ~ • • ~ • ~ • ❦
Kenny found it difficult to continue his life. He tried to die again so he could go back to Craig. He knew where to find him. But he failed. He couldn't kill himself.
He woke up in his house. He felt empty. He walked to his lounge room and looked around.
"Morning Kenny," Karen sighed. She had her eyes glued to the T.V. She didn't even respond to his appearance. He was used to this. No one noticing he was back from the dead. No one noticing that he had died and now he was alive. He was used to people forgetting. He didn't mind this time though. His mind was too occupied with the thought of Craig for him to actually care.
"Morning.." He said as he walked to the kitchen fridge. He pulled one of his father's beers out. He cracked it open and leaned against the shitty refrigerator. He took a sip from the drink and looked down. He realised that this wasn't worth it. But he was stuck with this forever now. He sighed and continued to drink.
If home is where the heart is,
Then we're all just fucked.
- 27~Fall Out Boy
