Stage Two: Strife


Black Star wasn't sure whether a really annoyingly loud bell was off somewhere or it was just his ears ringing.

Whatever the case was, the sound seemed to amplify the initial silence that reigned in his mind immediately after hearing the news the likes of which he had hoped to never hear; the news that had floored him.

He was going to be a father because his girlfriend was pregnant.

They had just been careless—hardly, but at least by their standards they had—and she had conceived a child.

A child he had fathered.

It took some time and variations in the phrasing of the truth to let the thought sink in.

But when it finally hit home with him, the notion begot such a mad flurry of mental activity in his head that it might've been enough to make a lesser man get a headache.

He went through such a wide array of emotions in such a quick succession that it would've been difficult to give an account of each and every one of them if asked.

She was pregnant? How could she be pregnant? It was virtually impossible, wasn't it? They were making double certain that there would be no chance of that occurring.

It was a joke, wasn't it? How very ill-conceived of her, that silly Tsubaki—to try pull a prank as tasteless as that.

But looking at her expression, contorted in painful expectation and almost anguished apprehension he realized well that there was no way he could even for a moment fool himself into believing she was kidding him.

Even a blind man would've been able to see the seriousness etched deeply on her features in that very moment.

… So it was true – he was going to be a father.

He was going to be a father.

God, he was going to be a father

Saying that the mere thought made his blood run cold in his veins while at the same time feeling as though she had stabbed something large and sharp right in the center of his chest was a bitter understatement. There wasn't a comparison that he could think to make that could perfectly convey the feeling he experienced upon fully realizing the depth of her announcement.

He was going to be a father…

How was he supposed to react to this kind of news? Start prancing around with happiness? Break down and cry for all he was worth? Scream and rage against the unfairness of whatever chance had decided to play this kind of cruel trick on him? He couldn't pick just one reaction because each lacked something, each sounded incomplete to him, incapable of fully portraying his current mood.

He was vaguely aware that Tsubaki had called his name but he couldn't be bothered to react to that prompt either. He had just allowed the thought to truly sink in but he couldn't even begin to think what kind of expression he had to put on in front of her now.

He couldn't even look at her in the face for so many reasons that made his already mixed feelings mesh together in a bigger yet mess.

He was angry with her for one, but at the same time the tiny voice in the back of his head called to his attention that she couldn't have got pregnant alone; that it was his fault as much as it was hers.

So he was angry with himself as well. He was dejected and speechless. He was shocked out of his wits and utterly taken aback by how it had even happened, how it was possible for this to have happened in the first place.

He was a man who had surpassed the deities and his halo should've appeared over his head a long time ago, which was why he detested feeling completely powerless about anything.

And yet he could not help it now. He was powerless to change what had already transpired, he couldn't take things back and go back to how they were before these notions of children and suchlike had come into the picture.

He was going to be a father and he didn't even know how to feel about that, not to mention doing anything about it.

This was definitely not going to end well, he just knew it.


After she'd dropped the bombshell all Tsubaki could do was watch the myriad of emotions play just beneath the surface of the shocked look his face had frozen into.

She waited anxiously for him to stop at just one and she did so with bated breath, her heart hammering mercilessly against the cage of her chest. It felt almost as though his next words would be her verdict—whether she would live or die.

He was her judge and for once, she felt anything but secure about this fact, if some of the feelings that crossed his features were any indication of what was going on in that head of his.

Tsubaki reckoned she couldn't have felt more ill at ease even if her life depended on his decision.

She waited half-patiently and mostly apprehensively as he mulled the thought over but the minutes passed and the shocked expression did not come down from his face. He continued staring blankly ahead with unseeing eyes and she started to worry that he might have gone into a stupor.

"Black Star?" she tried tentatively but he did not react to her voice at all.

She felt her heart sinking in her chest. He was definitely not taking this very well at all.

After what felt like an eternity he got up from his seat in the chair and she felt she had to give him credit for being steady on his legs since it seemed this kind of information had completely blindsided him.

He stood but still refused to even look at her, his gaze wandering in the distance and with his eyes still unfocused.

"I'm… sorry, I… I really think I need to think this over before I can even react to this kind of news…" He had opened his mouth as if to continue but maybe thought better of it because he didn't add anything. His jaw set firmly, his sightless eyes still pinned in the distance.

She didn't know what to make of this so she just forced a smile that hurt to plaster on her face as she nodded.

"O-Of course! T-…Take your time."

He nodded numbly at that and muttered something unintelligible about needing some fresh air before he walked out.

Tsubaki watched his retreating back, with his shoulders rigid with tension and heart in disarray. She felt a stab of sympathy for him and reproached herself half-heartily for putting him in such a predicament. But at the same time she couldn't really make herself truly mean it.

Not when she had wanted for this kind of thing to happen for a while now.

That did not mean to say she had purposefully forgotten to take her pill that time. No—she really did just forget it, because she was cluttered with work and personal things to take care of and in the whirlwind of daily going-ons she had completely forgotten to take the damn thing on time.

To think that it would have been enough to let her conceive from the person she loved more than life itself…

She placed a hand lightly on her perfectly flat stomach and smiled to herself. It truly felt like a miracle to her, that the gods had heard her prayers and granted her wish despite all odds.

She hoped her strike of good fortune continued because, judging by the expression on his face, it would need another miracle to make Black Star come to terms with her pregnancy.

Something told her though that everything would turn out fine and they would come out the better from this trial of their relationship.

She believed it would make them happier.

She truly did believe it, even though her heart was heavy in her chest with the distinct feeling of dread welling in the pit of her stomach.


Black Star trudged slowly down the street leading away from his home. Home—the apartment he shared with Tsubaki for now some eight years or so. Home – his castle. Home – the place he adored with all his heart and soul and looked forward to going back to after a bad day.

His home – once his sanctuary, now a place where the air felt stifling and where his brain went into overdrive.

How could she have got pregnant, he couldn't even…! He shook his head to rid it of this train of thought. No; pointing fingers wasn't going to do anyone good. It wasn't productive and it wasn't even remotely helpful. What was done was done. It was too late for wishing things were different now.

All that could be done was move on, figure out what to do in the future.

The future, huh… It had always been a concept he'd found difficult to wrap his mind around, seeing as how he was an individual who lived strictly and always in the here and now. What kind of father of his child would he be if he couldn't even do something as simple as have a clear eye about the bigger picture, about what should happen in five, in ten years?

He heaved a great sigh and sat on a table of a café, burying his face in his palms. This hadn't been supposed to happen. Not now, not ever. He had never thought it would happen so he was completely unprepared with what he should feel like about it, how he should take it, what he should do about it. He could go on and on for forever why it was a bad idea to make a father out of him and he couldn't come up with even one reason why he should be.

But he loved Tsubaki. By all those deities he had surpassed, he loved her and that was what was making this whole situation so difficult. He wasn't sure how he'd be able to function without her but if he stayed with her, he would stay with the boy or girl they had conceived.

And that was something he wasn't sure he could allow.

His fingers weaved into the azure spikes of his hair, his gaze wandering the street in dejection.

While he was staring in space, a family of three crossed his vision—a small boy being carried on the shoulders of a grinning father, the mother by their sides laughing and talking merrily. For a split second, his mind projected himself and Tsubaki in that same picture and he could see it – a happy family for the three of them—him, his beloved and their child.

But the moment he blinked the image faded, the family passed him and he exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

What the hell was he even doing? Who was he kidding?

… What was he going to do now…?


When a few hours had already passed by and he still hadn't returned by dinnertime, Tsubaki was starting to get worried. She was already starting to get hormonally unstable and any sort of worrisome factors were very unwelcome if she valued her mental state but there was nothing she could really do.

As just waiting and fiddling with her thumbs became too much for her to bear, she decided to do something useful with herself and start preparing dinner while her lover mulled over the news she'd served him.

She'd had the feeling he didn't want any kids but they had been together for five years now. She wasn't a teenager anymore and she wouldn't be considered "young" for much longer either. Now was the perfect time to have a baby, biologically and economically speaking—they were in the prime of their lives, they both had good jobs so money wouldn't be an issue, they loved and trusted one another deeply, thus providing a great environment for a child to grow – what else needed there be?

She'd noticed that when Maka got pregnant, he had been really supportive and happy for their long-time friend and Soul. He'd boasted about what he could teach him, if it was a boy, or the things he could tell her, if it was a girl. So it wasn't that he disliked children—hell, he got along better with children than with adults, he had proved that with his stay at Shibusen as a teacher. So why he was taking this as badly was a complete mystery to Tsubaki.

The Nakatsukasa heiress hoped that she was right and he was just feeling a bit anxious to be taking this long to respond to her. Because if that wasn't it and there was a different reason for his reaction—or lack thereof—to her pregnancy, things could not go as smoothly as she wanted them to.

She had just finished setting the plates full of food on the table and she was starting to feel anxiety stirring in the pit of her stomach again but before she could experience another minor panic attack, a peculiar noise drew her attention. She heard the door of the apartment open and then softly click closed, announcing Black Star's return and successfully quelling most of the anxiousness in her.

He strutted slowly in the kitchen, his feet dragging. The fact was unusual and very untypical for her lover's walk – it made the worry well in the young woman yet again but she did not comment on it. Instead, she waited for him to speak first, to see what he would do.

He didn't sit on the table—he opted instead for leaning his back against the doorframe, staring into space with his unfocused emerald gaze. His significant other swallowed thickly and fidgeted with her fingers, awaiting his verdict on the matter.

When a couple minutes that felt like a lifetime passed and he hadn't breathed a word yet, the pressure was beginning to be too much for her to handle.

"Did you… decide anything?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper, beads of sweat forming on her brow.

Black Star shrugged noncommittally, his face disturbingly void of emotion.

"What's there to decide? It's a done deal, isn't it?" That was the first time he lifted his gaze to lock it with hers. She instantly felt like a heavy load had been dropped upon her from the way he fixed her with those penetrating eyes of his.

She knew she had absolutely no reason to but under his scrutiny she felt guilty. His stare made her shift her weight from foot to foot, finding neither position comfortable enough.

"You're really sure that there is no mistake in this? You really are pregnant?" he asked her coolly, his voice unreadable. She nodded slowly and he exhaled a heavy breath through his noise. "I see," was all he uttered after she confirmed, making the last chance of having to avoid this null and void.

"I suppose it is a 'done deal' like you said, but… I wanted to hear what you thought about it, how you felt about this." Her voice was tiny and shy, as if speaking any louder would make whatever he'd arrived at after thinking things over take a turn for worse.

Black Star shrugged his shoulders again, his eyes drifting to the floor at her feet.

"I can't do this," he said bluntly with his voice hollow.

"You can't… talk about it?" she pondered aloud, her forehead scrunching up in wonder. "All you need to do is voice the things that you already figured out in your mind and—"

"No, I can't—" he cut her off but his words failed him. "I can't raise this child."

When he had come into the kitchen, Tsubaki had been worried but optimistic about what the result of their conversation would be like. After his last statement, those hopes melted so quickly that she was the one left staring blankly in space.

She could feel horror and hysteria encroaching in the back of her mind, waiting to pounce on her. She stood her ground though, refusing to believe in her denial that she was hearing the subtext of what he was saying.

"W-what?" she stuttered helplessly and if the situation had been any different, she would've slapped herself mentally for her incompetence. But right then, she really felt utterly gobsmacked and she doubted she would've managed a more intelligent response to his announcement even if she'd tried. "What… do you mean…? 'You can't raise a child'…?"

Her voice was starting to tremble. Her hands were, too.

Black Star turned his head away from her.

"I know how you feel about kids so I couldn't ask you to abort—" Horror smeared across her features at what she was hearing. "—but I can't raise this child with you either. I love you and I want to be with you but I can't… I can't be around this kid."

She hadn't even felt when her eyes had welled with tears, not to mention when they had overflowed and began cascading down her sides.

Black Star swallowed thickly, the words heavy on his tongue.

"I'll stay and help you with everything you'll need through this pregnancy but once the kid is born, I'm going to take the post in Oceania Shinigami offered me a while back."

The horror and hysteria that had been waiting for the right moment to strike? They had found it.

Tsubaki couldn't breathe.


A/N: And here's the next chapter, within this week, as promised. I hope you like the cliffhanger. xD Any questions you might want to ask, feel free to do so. And feedback makes for a happy writer, which in turn means more chapters, so, yeah, I strongly encourage that you not only story alert this thing but at least say what you think could've been better or what you think there should be more of. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and see you next chapter! :)