Episode 2, featuring Liu Bei/Sun Shang Xiang, Ling Tong, Zhou Tai, and hints of my weird urges for Hanzo/Kunoichi (only not really). Enjoy, and pleasepleaseplease review! :D/
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Episode 2: In which Zhou Tai has a dramatic monologue, and Sun Shang Xiang gets her way.
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"Shang Xiaaaaang~" sang Ling Tong, slamming the door to her room open, "the sun is shining, the birds are singing, breakfast is ready, Gan Ning is outta here, and you are still in bed--oh, wait, no you're not... Shang Xiang? Where are you? Are you naked again?"
Sun Shang Xiang was nowhere to be seen. Ling Tong scratched his head, confused, and then sighed. "Shang Xiang, where are you?" he demanded of the air.
Taishi Ci, looking far too cheery for this early in the morning, boomed, "she's in the study," from the hallway behind Ling Tong.
Ling Tong jumped. "Oh, hey, Taishi Ci, didn't notice you there--wait, the study? Shang Xiang?"
"I thought it strange," agreed Taishi Ci.
"Strange?" asked Ling Tong, "that's downright wrong!" He took off for the second floor library. In the back of the library were several studies--he skipped Zhou Yu's usual to the generally unoccupied last one in the row.
"No, that's not right, I sound stupid!"
Ling Tong beamed. There was Shang Xiang~!
"Shang Xiaaaang~" he greeted, "...uh, what's that?"
"A letter," answered Sun Shang Xiang, rolling her eyes, "I know you can't read, Tong, but come on!"
"Ha ha," laughed Ling Tong dryly, "who's it to, smartass?"
"Liu Bei," she said promptly, "I mean--Gan Ning! To make fun of him."
"Liu Bei?" asked Ling Tong, making a face, "why're you writing to him?"
"Well-I—" Sun Shang Xiang looked flustered—"I kinda--I can't let him send me all these letters and never get an answer, Tong, that's mean, and he really is terribly nice..."
"But he's Liu Bei, Lord of Virtue," replied Ling Tong evenly, "I thought you said you hated him!"
"No, Daddy said I hated him," answered Sun Shang Xiang, making a face, "when he's not talking about virtue and is complimenting me, instead, he's much more interesting!"
Ling Tong plucked Liu Bei's latest letter off the table. To his surprise, it was actually quite informal, and messy besides, rather like a casual note than a proper letter. And the wording was--well, frankly, it was fluffy. Ling Tong made a gagging noise as he dropped it back on the table. "The fluff," he whined, "it overwhelms!"
"Shaddap," said Sun Shang Xiang, picking it up and re-folding it, "I like it."
"You're such a girl," accused Ling Tong.
Sun Shang Xiang looked offended. "You take that back!" she demanded.
"Nope, I'm good," said Ling Tong lightly, "ew, Shang Xiang has cooooties~!"
"ARRRRRGH," groaned Sun Shang Xiang, before she flew over the table and tackled him.
"All right, children," said Lu Meng, loudly, from the doorway, "can we keep the lover's spats to the training grounds, perhaps?"
"EW," replied Ling Tong and Sun Shang Xiang in unison, as they had done through all of puberty.
"Yes, yes, sure," said Lu Meng, "why are you fighting this time?"
"Oh, y'know, the usual," answered Ling Tong, shoving Sun Shang Xiang off of his chest, "she got mad when I told her she was acting like a giiiirl~"
Sun Shang Xiang moved to tackle him again, but held herself back in favor of glaring at Ling Tong (and, after a moment, a chuckling Lu Meng).
"Whatever," she huffed.
"Oh, don't pout," said Ling Tong, rolling his eyes, "what are you, a Qiao?"
"I HATE YOU YOU JERK--" "STOP PULLING MY HAIR!"—"DON'T CALL ME A QIAO!"—"SURE, WHATEVER, SUN SHANG QIAO, GET OFFA ME!"
"CHILDREN," boomed Lu Meng.
Ling Tong and Sun Shang Xiang separated, sheepishly. "Ling Tong, don't be smug," scolded Lu Meng, "Shang Xiang, your father needs to see you. Said something about suspicious notes?"
"Oh, crap," said SSX, and scrambled off of Ling Tong, barreling past Lu Meng and jumping over a knocked-over pile of books behind the good-natured strategist.
Lu Meng looked confused; Ling Tong considered putting him in the loop, and instead settled for gathering up SSX's clearly well-loved letters (some of her favorites were disintegrating along the folds). He tied them together gently and pushed them into his battle sash, patting them gently. He danced around Da Qiao on his way out--she was sitting on the floor, a novel balanced on her knees. "Hey, Da," he greeted, cheerfully.
Da Qiao hushed him. "Don't say my name, Ce made Ranmaru my bodyguard and he's... zealous. I need to escape him for a bit," she explained, looking sheepish.
"Gotcha," said Ling Tong, "I'll be sure not to mention you to him, then~!" He sketched a salute at her and took off. Time to watch the Sun family squabbles. He almost felt bad, but Sun family fights were public, loud, and always kind of like a circus. When he got to the throne room. He sighed. Man, he'd missed the good part! Sun Quan looked rightfully outraged, Sun Ce looked confused, and Sun Jian—oh, Sun Jian looked pissed.
Ling Tong made a face when Shang Xiang started getting all teary-eyed and 'Daddy's Girl'. They were getting into the sap—and Sun Shang Xiang was going to get her way (as usual). He nodded easily to Zhou Tai as he loped out of the room, then blinked.
"Uhh, what's on your…"
"Wine," said Zhou Tai, short as always, "pardon me."
Zhou Tai had been on a search for clean pants for going on two hours now, to little success. Sun Quan had spilled wine all over his lap at breakfast, and despite his numerous apologies and attempts to mop it up with his sleeve, the fact still remained that Zhou Tai needed a new pair of pants to last the day. Too bad the ones he was currently wearing were his only clean pair (all seven other identical pairs had been covered in snake goop on a recent extermination mission to another one of those damn peasant villages. Who was he, Liu Bei? He got paid to make sure Sun Quan didn't trip into a vat of hot oil, not save peasants.)
He'd gone back to his quarters, hoping to find one pair not as stained as the others, but he'd been a moment too late. A zealous maid, probably looking to curry favor, had taken them off to be lovingly (?) hand-washed. So he'd knocked on the launderer's door only to discover his pants had never even been delivered. He'd been offered a pair of Sun Ce's pants, but they were four inches too short (and two inches too wide). He'd come across a frantic-looking Ranmaru, who'd offered him a pair of his shorts, but Zhou Tai had had to refuse (Ranmaru barely fit in Ranmaru's pants, and Zhou Tai had six inches and nearly one hundred pounds on the kid. No thanks.)
So now he was on the search for that maid (who, now that he considered it, had resembled Xiao Qiao. Oh, damn it all. Gan Ning's departing prank, perhaps?). Zhou Tai scowled (moreso than usual) and turned abruptly on his heel. He rapped sharply on the door to Xiao Qiao's sunroom, and was greeted with a cheery, "oh, wello, Zhou Tai! Ginchi and I were just doing calligraphy—well, she's doing calligraphy and I'm drawing, but shh don't tell, she'll catch me! …what happened to your pants?"
"I could ask you the same question," answered Zhou Tai, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Huh?" asked Xiao Qiao, lost, "I don't get it."
"I saw you snatch them," said Zhou Tai, flatly.
"Zhou Tai, that's mean," said Xiao Qiao, pouting, "I didn't touch them!"
Zhou Tai winced at the pitch; he sighed. "I don't suppose you've seen them?" he asked, tiredly.
"Have you tried the castle pennants?" asked Ginchiyo, from across the room, where she was calligraphing Xiao Qiao's name, "this sounds like that girl's work."
Zhou Tai knew exactly what she meant; he nodded evenly to Ginchiyo. "It certainly does," he agreed, "pardon for my interruption."
He stepped out of the room as Xiao Qiao loudly demanded who 'that girl' was.
Zhou Tai made it to the roof, eyeing the door as he didn't want to get wet flour on his head (again). He didn't see anyone, but—ah, yes. There were his pants. Zhou Tai rolled his eyes, reaching for the flag line to get the first of his six pairs of pants down from the ramparts.
…only he was quite sure he owned seven pairs of pants besides the ones he was wearing.
"Where are you?" he asked, finally.
Giggling, distantly, behind him—he didn't bother turning to look for her, used to his by now. "Out," he ordered, "now."
"You just have to take aaaaall the fun outta this, donchya?" grumbled Kunoichi, appearing from nowhere. She lifted his pants (they reached her shoulders, nearly, from the ground). "If you want these you hafta beg," she informed him cheerfully.
Zhou Tai's response to that was silent; Kunoichi squeaked when she found her wrist firmly in his grip.
"You learned that from dumb ol' Hanzo," she accused.
"Perhaps," replied Zhou Tai, with the barest spark of humor.
"Ooooh, I'm gonna get him for that," grumbled Kunoichi, "get offa me! I'm just a harmless little girl!"
"Pants first," ordered Zhou Tai, not perturbed in the slightest by this, "your grandstanding does not impress me."
"It never did, I dunno why I bother," agreed Kunoichi. She handed him his pants (but got the last laugh by stealing his hat).
Zhou Tai stared after her. He really did not want to be Hattori Hanzo at the moment.
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Hattori Hanzo didn't particularly want to be Hattori Hanzo at the moment, either. He'd been tasked with 'doing something besides training', and as such was sitting in a tree, reading a book on ninjutsu.
Too bad Sun Shang Xiang and Ina Honda had decided that they were going to have their daily girl-talk thing right beneath him. He'd love to just leap from this tree (perhaps off of a cliff? It had never killed him before but he could certainly try) and go elsewhere, but sadly Ina had her father's instincts, and Sun Shang Xiang had violence. Lots of it. Hattori Hanzo was a smart man and an excellent ninja. As such he saw no reason to guarantee suicide.
"And then that idiot Ling Tong decided I was acting like a girl," complained Sun Shang Xiang loudly. Ina looked appropriately annoyed and patted her arm awkwardly before Sun Shang Xiang burst into a loud diatribe about how much she hated boys her own age at this very moment. (Ina looked miffed that Sun Shang Xiang hadn't said all boys. Hanzo made an amused note in his book. That would make Tadakatsu happy (he supposed).)
"Yo, Hanzo~" hissed Kunoichi, cheerfully. Hanzo glared at her.
"Why're you spying on teenage girls?" she asked, and readied herself to yell at them—"O—oi,fdkgkf!"
Hanzo didn't move his hand from her mouth. "Shut up," he said, firmly. He glared her into submission and removed his hand, slowly, giving her the evil eye.
"No, really, why're you spying on teenage girls?" asked Kunoichi, squatting on the branch and reaching for his book distractedly. She flipped through it casually, fighting back a really loud laugh at the little stop-motion comic he'd drawn in the corner (Keiji stabbing Sun Shang Xiang).
"I have no desire to reach my end killed by shrieking, hormonal teenage girls because they can't pick a better spot for their bitch session," answered Hanzo, dryly.
Kunoichi snorted. "The great ninja Hattori Hanzo, defeated by someone who isn't even a ninja… that'd actually be kinda funny."
"Perhaps to you, you vapid little vixen," replied Hanzo, through gritted teeth, "please return my book."
"You're no fun," replied Kunoichi, pouting, "didja teach Zhou Tai that move he used on me earlier? The wrist grab?"
"Perhaps," replied Hanzo, with the barest flicker of amusement.
"Oooooh I hate you both," said Kunoichi, scowling, "but I got Zhou Tai's hat so it's all good~ what should I steal from you?"
"Nothing more, you little thief, you've already made off with half of my kunai, I'm sure," replied Hanzo, patting his weapons holster—"ah, three quarters."
What kinda amateur do ya think I am, Nene or somethin'?" grumbled Kunoichi, "oi! You have all of mine, gimme those back, Hanzo!"
Somewhere in this scuffle the two of them had managed to forget they had Sun Shang Xiang and Ina sitting beneath the tree; as the light-hearted stealing contest evolved into a full-blown sparring battle, the two teenage girls reached for their weapons. Hanzo cursed under his breath when he saw Ina aiming for him, and leaped out of the tree, flickering very obviously into and out of sight before the fight continued. Ina relaxed; Sun Shang Xiang looked confused.
"Hanzo and that… girl… are once again testing their skills," explained Ina, "I could hardly stand in the way of their training."
Sun Shang Xiang nodded, comprehension dawning. "I still can't believe she's a ninja," she commented, "she's so… loud."
"Hanzo has raised similar objections," agreed Ina, "however her skills speak for themselves; far be it from me to pass judgment on another warrior for the sake of appearance alone."
Sun Shang Xiang glanced down at herself and nodded agreeably. "You're right," she said, "so, anyway, back to talking about daddy and this bull-headed insistence I stop talking to Liu Bei.
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"FREEZE," boomed Zhou Tai, in the middle of the clearing.
Hattori Hanzo and Kunoichi flickered into view, locked in a kunai battle.
"My hat," demanded Zhou Tai, simply.
"Don't wanna," replied Kunoichi, cheerfully.
"Return my hat," repeated Zhou Tai, slowly, "I have had the day from the deepest pits of hell and I refuse to let it continue to be ruined by a barely pubescent teenage girl with an attitude problem when I already deal with several of those daily. I do not think you understand quite how much anger I suppress on a daily basis. I am the personal retainer of Sun Quan. That in and of itself is taxing enough. Add onto that that I am one of the few entirely responsible, spectacularly capable, and not capable of getting seasick generals of Wu, and I am a very busy man. Today I spent nearly six hours looking for my pants, and then once I found them, fetching them from the castle ramparts and washing them by hand, because lo and behold placing them on the ramparts made them targets for some terrible bird-pooping game. All thanks to you, young lady. And what do I have to say for it in end? Eight pairs of dirty pants. And no hat."
Kunoichi blinked.
"My hat, please," said Zhou Tai, levelly.
"Yeah," squeaked Kunoichi, tossing it to him, "bye?" She disappeared.
Zhou Tai snorted. God, but he hated brats.
