Dilemma


"Cas?"

"Yes." Castiel said, reaching up to pull the sunglasses off after looking up and down the street to make sure no one else was around.

Dean locked his eyes on Castiel's bottomless blue ones and stared, suddenly unable to think of anything to say.

"You look like you just saw a ghost." Castiel said, smiling slightly.

"I…um…well…yes. I thought so anyway." Dean stuttered out.

"I had hoped it would remain that way. You really shouldn't be around me. It's dangerous for you…and for me." Castiel said flatly, then took a long drag from his cigarette.

Dean looked at the forgotten cigarette in his own hand and brought it to his mouth, taking a long drag and wondering if the head rush was the cigarette or the realization that he was sitting here with Castiel after all of this time...smoking a cigarette.

"Dangerous how? You're a homeless dude. Nobody bothers you…at least not until last week."

"There are those that wish me harm after my um…rather unfortunate display of God-like powers. They have been following you off and on hoping you would lead them to me. I thought they had given up, but obviously I was mistaken." Castiel said, flicking the ashes off the end of his cigarette with an obviously practiced hand.

"Shit! How could I not notice? Who? Angels? Demons?"

"Angels, Demons, humans…I have encountered them all in the last few years. I came to the conclusion that the only way to deter them was to become the human equivalent of invisible…and no one ever takes notice of the homeless guy."

"So you are human?" Dean said, realizing that the only way he could be injured was if he was.

"I am…um…outwardly human."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, Dean, that I have…well…I guess you would say…disconnected from my Grace. It is still within me, but cloaked to prying eyes. A small portion is there if I need it, but if I use it my location will become visible to any Angels or Demons that wish to do me harm."

"So that's why we couldn't summon you? After we…well…you know…" Dean trailed off, uncertain if he should mention the ritual that ripped the souls out and sent them back to Purgatory.

"You nearly succeeded a few times, but I managed to return to my…lair…before you could complete the ritual. You failed to notice the blacklight paint when you were there, but the garage is well shielded against Demons, Angels, and Angel summoning spells."

Dean laughed with the sudden realization that Castiel had known all along that he was here.

"So you knew? That I was here, and that I visited your….lair? Um Cas…seriously? A lair?"

"That seems to describe it most aptly…it is certainly not a home. Yes, I knew from the moment I heard people talking about the Impala. Automobiles of that vintage are not exactly a common sight around here. My only uncertainty was whether we would cross paths, but I had to maintain my routine rather than try to avoid you or else others would notice."

Castiel shifted uncomfortably on the bench, wincing at the pain in his leg before snuffing out his cigarette on the sidewalk.

"You can't heal yourself when you are…unplugged?" Dean said, looking worriedly at Castiel.

"I am able to if I wish, however it is unwise since people would think it strange if I suddenly got up from a pool of blood and walked away unscathed. I think of it as penance for my…rather poor performance in the role of God. I seem to be better suited to the role of homeless guy."

"But that wasn't you Cas…it was the souls. We knew deep down it wasn't you, that's why we had to get them out. Sorry if it was painful."

"It was rather painful, but I needed your help so I allowed it."

"Gods need help?"

"They do when they are possessed by millions of tainted souls. I was unable to rid myself of them without your help. Thank you, Dean."

"And the poof into thin air?"

"I was hopeful that it would convince you that I was truly gone. I did not wish to bring any further peril to you, Sam, or Bobby." Castiel began to twirl the sunglasses in his hand and looked at Dean thoughtfully.

"Why can't we summon any other Angels?"

"The ritual you know only works on Angels that have taken a vessel. Since they have all returned to Heaven and are in their true form you will be unable to summon them that way."

"Why don't the prayers work?"

"I think they are just ignoring you, since you no longer figure into their Grand Plan." Castiel laughed and pushed himself up to a standing position.

"So, what now? You just gonna hang around here playing homeless guy?"

"I am contributing something to the community while shielding myself from my enemies. It is a reasonable solution."

Castiel leaned against the cart, obviously in a lot of pain. Dean could see fading bruises on his face and he groaned slightly as he shifted his weight onto his uninjured leg. If he still looked this bad after a week he must have been beaten up really bad.

"Until you get beat up in an alley."

"I believe humans call it method acting. It is of not of import. I will heal and it helps to complete the picture. If I am in a situation where I am in serious danger I can call upon my Grace, but as I said it would signal my presence to the other Angels and the Demons that might still hold a grudge."

"But why? Can't you just fake the limp? You can't be happy this way."

Castiel looked at Dean intently for a few seconds and then pulled another cigarette out. After Dean offered his Zippo again he inhaled deeply and easily let a few smoke rings float into the night air. He watched them dissipate and then turned back to Dean.

"I am…content. That is enough. I help people that need it and I am below the radar of those that would do harm to me and the ones I used to call friends."

"I'm still your friend Cas, you didn't stick around to find that out. You need friends. Friends that are here help when you need something. I know we let you down, but then we couldn't see beyond our own noses. I'm sorry for that Cas."

Dean stood up and moved closer to Castiel. Slowly he reached out, laying his hand on Castiel's shoulder. He couldn't think of any words that would speak louder than the gesture so he said nothing. Castiel tensed for a second and then subtly leaned into the touch.

"You also need that Cas…if you are going to be human. You need human touch. We all do. Please come home with me…with us. We were your family once…and we can be again."

Castiel closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath before abruptly drawing away.

"I have survived this long without it. My presence will only bring you harm. You and everyone I worked so hard to save. I imagine Sam is still rather upset with me…and Bobby. I don't think it's a good idea."

"Sam and Bobby are not a problem. They understand now why you felt you had to do what you did…and Sam has dealt with those memories and filed them away. I get why you feel that you have to hide yourself away, but if you won't leave with me will you at least stay with me at the motel until you heal up? Sleep in a nice soft bed for a few days? I can't leave you here like this. I'll never forgive myself if I do."

"Dean, I can't. Every moment I stand here with you puts both of us in danger. If someone sees me go with you then I don't know what might happen."

"Surely they have given up and moved on to other things by now. It's been almost two years."

"You haven't…so they probably haven't either. The ones who attacked me last week were merely humans that did not like some of the things I did as God. Next week might bring something more dangerous if the word gets around that they found me. I do not wish to endanger the people of this town…or you."

"Come on Cas, you clearly need help. We can help you…figure out exactly who's still after you and put an end to it. You can't hide forever."

Castiel sighed and looked intently at Dean. "I suppose you will hound me until I go with you, but I need to get these things back to the garage. I found some nice things tonight."

Castiel picked at the items in the cart idly, then pulled out another cigarette and perched it in his lips expectantly.

"You stay here. I'll go get the Impala and we can put them in the trunk. Don't move…don't poof…if you are gone when I get back so help me I'll track you to the end of the earth…got it? I'm not lighting another cigarette for you either…you smoke too much!"

"I was wondering if you were ever going to say anything about that. It's not like they are going to kill me and I had to have at least one vice to look the part."

Castiel laughed, a hearty human laugh Dean was surprised to hear. It was strange to see Castiel like this, but it suited him somehow. Like Stoner Cas of the future but without the drugs. Dean smiled and laughed along with Castiel, any remaining tension between them broken. Dean relented and offered up his lighter, watching as Castiel cupped the flame with his hands.

"Dude, I'm just glad it's only cigarettes after what I saw when Zachariah sent me to the future. I'll be right back. Sit down, put your leg up and finish that one before I get back. No smoking in the car!"

Castiel exhaled and let the smoke trail off in Dean's direction before sitting down heavily and pulling his leg up on the bench. Dean turned and quickly ran for the car, hoping that Castiel would still be there when he got back. He was still uncertain that his offer of help would be accepted.

After he got back to the car he got in and cranked it, listening to the low rumble of the engine and hesitating before putting it in gear. Castiel was right. If he rescued his friend from this situation he was opening himself up to dangers he had thought were gone. He was also putting Castiel in danger just by trying. The easy way out would be to just leave. Dean knew that Castiel would not think badly of him if he did…would probably breathe a sigh of relief and go on about the homeless guy act like nothing had ever happened, but Dean Winchester never took the easy way out of anything so he settled into the seat and drove back to where he left Castiel.

Dean half expected Castiel to be gone, but he was still sitting in the bench. He winced as he pulled his leg slowly from the bench and stood up…it was obviously bothering him more than he let on. Opening the trunk, Dean pulled out a ceremonial staff he had taken from the last witch he ganked.

"Here. Might as well put this to good use…the witch that used to own it certainly doesn't need it anymore."

"I don't need…"

Dean glared at Castiel and interrupted him, taking Castiel fingers and wrapping them around the stick. "You do need it. Don't argue with me. I know more about patching up bum legs than you will ever learn, so use it unless you are going to unleash some Angel mojo!"

Castiel opened his mouth to say something and Dean glared at him. His mouth snapped shut and he stepped toward the cart and started trying to turn it to toward the Impala.

"Nope, Cas. You get in the car. I'll do the heavy lifting. Just lie down in the back seat and rest."

After Castiel reluctantly leaned on the staff and limped toward the car and got in, Dean carefully stuffed the contents of the cart into the passenger seat. He then lifted the cart into the trunk, tying the lid down with a bungee cord. By the time he slid behind into the driver's seat he could hear soft snoring coming from the back seat. Dean smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. After all this time he had his angel back…now if he could just keep him safe.