An Evening to Remember
Act II
Scene I
Over at the Swansons' house, the telephone rang. Bonnie answered it.
"Hello?" she said. "Okay, just a second."
She called Kevin. "Kevin honey, there's someone on the phone for you!"
"Coming!" Kevin replied. He ran down the stairs to get the phone.
"Hello?" said Kevin.
"Hi," said a female's voice with a sultry tone. "Whatc'ya doin?"
"Is this who I think it is?" asked Kevin.
"You know it's me, baby" said the voice. "And I know it's you…Big Brawn Bones."
"Ooh, I can see it now; me, caressing my palms over your rocky abs. And you, grabbing my smooth soft buttocks while we lock lips. Sweet warm love on this cool winter's day.
Oh baby, you're making me so hot. Hot! Hot! HOT!"
The voice broke down into hyperventilation, and a loud scream. When she recovered, she asked, "How does that feel?"
"Goodbye" said Kevin. He hung up the phone.
As he walked away, Bonnie was curious as to what just happened.
"Who was that?" she asked.
"Wrong number," answered Kevin. He shuddered.
Scene II
Back at the Griffins' house, Meg was sitting with Chris and Stewie on the couch. The two brothers were trying to watch TV, but Meg was itching to ask them a question.
She cleared her throat and spoke up, "So I'm meeting Kevin this evening."
"He's a bluff," Chris blurted.
"Shut up, turd!" Meg snapped back, nudging Chris on the shoulder.
Then she asked, "I need to know what to make for dinner?"
"What are you going to make for Kevin?" Chris asked.
"I'm asking you, retard!" Meg said annoyed.
"Oh," Chris said. "I don't know."
Meg sighed exasperatedly with a palm to her head. She almost forgot she wasn't wearing her hat.
"Listen Megan," Stewie spoke up, "guys tend to favor meat. No matter how big or small your meal is, the main course always has to be something that perks up the flesh and bones."
"You really think so?" Meg asked.
"Absolutely," Stewie added, "You like your men big and strong, right?"
"Yes," Meg answered.
"But of course", Stewie added, "you're not going to find that out from a verbal survey, let-alone from a baby."
"You're right, Stewie," she said. "I should get started right now! Thanks."
She left the couch and went for the kitchen.
Chris and Stewie quietly watched TV together.
"Do you ever get the feeling that people can talk too much?" Chris asked Stewie.
Stewie replied while trying to focus on the program, "Shhhhhh…"
Scene III
During the morning, Meg studied some cookbooks. She first decided to start with some appetizers.
She found a couple recipes for fruit salad. She chopped up some apples, pears, and bananas, gathered some grapes, sprinkled some cinnamon in one cup, honey in another, and made four different types of salad.
Next was the main course. Meg studied a few more recipes. She got started preparing some rice. Then, as the pot cooked on the stove, she prepared another pot of string beans.
As the two pots were cooking, she prepared a baked chicken. It took a while to get the correct seasoning. When she needed a carrot, she couldn't find the bag of baby carrots she saw earlier.
Then, she saw Stewie walking in the kitchen with a half-empty bag of carrots.
Meg swiped the bag of remaining carrots,
"Hey!" Stewie said,
and dressed the chicken up, along with some salt, pepper, butter, chopped peppers and onions. She then placed the chicken in the oven, as the pots of rice and string beans finished cooking.
Later, Meg took the chicken out the oven, and placed it on the stove to cool off. She was putting the finishing touches on her dessert, buttered scones, before placing them into the oven.
By that afternoon, Meg had prepared an entire meal for her dinner date with Kevin. She was sprinkling some cinnamon on her just-finished scones.
After she was done, she wiped the sweat off her head, and wiped her hands with her apron. She then removed her apron and went to bathroom to freshen up.
When she was done, Meg took the time to dust the dining room table off. She then placed a tablecloth over it, and began placing the food on the table. She even took out a couple special dining glasses and placed next to them a bottle of sparkling apple pop. Everything was finally in place for her date.
While Meg went into the kitchen to wash her hands, Chris tried to sneak into the dining room. He tip-toed very quietly.
He reached over for a scone…
WHACK!
"Ow!" yelled Chris.
Meg hit his hand with a spoon.
"You'll get whatever is leftover after my date," Meg said. "Now get!"
Chris left.
Scene IV
After a while, there was still a couple hours left until Kevin's arrival. All that Meg needed was her hat.
Lois came out of the basement with clean laundry. Meg dug into the basket, and retrieved her hat. It appeared warm and thick, having just come out of the dryer. She assumed it would cool off, so she placed it on her head.
Lois noticed the dining room table, all prepared for Meg's big date.
"Wow Meg, you really went to town with this dinner date" said Lois.
"Thanks, Mom" said Meg.
"Why don't you dress up for your date?" Lois suggested.
"It's not necessary," Meg said. "It's just a dinner date, not New Years' Day."
Lois shrugged her shoulders and went off to iron the clean clothes.
Meg figured that after a long afternoon, she deserved a nap. She went to the couch to relax.
She sat on couch, thinking satisfactorily to herself about the fruits of her labor.
Then she crossed her arms.
"Is it me, or is it getting a chilly?" Meg thought to herself. She wasn't even wearing a sweater.
But just then, something very unusual happened on her head.
Her hat had not cooled down, but had seemed to inflate. This phenomenon progressed for a couple minutes, until it seemingly deflated.
But more was about to occur. The hat drooped on the back of her head, and slowly covered Meg's ears and all of her hair. Meg was trying to make sense of this situation. She tried pulling the hat off, but the hat seemed to be stuck. She struggled for a short while, then just gave up and tried to ignore it, hoping to would resolve itself.
But the problem didn't stop there. The hat continued drooping downward, along Meg's back. Some time passed, and it was down to her buttocks.
By then, Meg was getting worried. How was she going to explain this to Kevin?
She sat on the couch with her legs crossed, trying to get her mind off of it by reading a magazine. But just then, the hat had wrapped around her butt, and was inching its way onto Meg's legs. Meg again tried to pry the hat off, this time with her feet. But that didn't work. Soon, her feet were stuck on the bottom rim of the hat, and she stumbled onto the living room floor. Meg then got desperate, and tried using her arms to free herself. That turned out to be a mistake, because the top part of the hat then consumed both of her arms, while the bottom half finished up on her legs. The hat worked its way up Meg's waist, then her chest.
A while later, all there was left was Meg's bewildered face…
…inside a strangely enlarged hat.
