Surprise, it's a new chapter!
So I didn't know if I was going to continue this story or not when I published the first chapter, but there was such a positive response that I've decided to continue. I don't know exactly where I'm going to take this story, I have a bit of a plan, but it may branch away from that. I also don't know how regular updates will be, but I'll try and update as often as I can.
Also because I hadn't originally planned to write more than one chapter, the end of the last chapter doesn't begin till the end of this one. I'm not entirely sure about it, but y'know I wanted to include what was happening with Alicia in the time that was missing from the last chapter.
Trigger Warning: Mentions rape.
Alicia found she couldn't sleep, as had become her new normal since that night exactly a week ago. She couldn't even close her eyes, not without seeing his face above her anyway. So instead, she stayed up for the rest of the night watching TV until it all became the crappy TV adverts. Then moving on to watch whatever her Netflix account was recommending to her. She was just going with the motions though, not actually registering what was going on around her. Eventually though that distraction wasn't enough. So she got up to shower, despite her hair still being damp from her last one.
So she found herself sitting there in the bath, whilst the scalding hot water showered over her delicate flesh. She watched her skin begin to turn bright red, but still didn't move, she wanted to feel clean again, and she didn't, not yet. Inside she wondered if she'd ever be clean again; he had tainted her, and she would have to learn to live with that.
She didn't know how long she stayed there like that. But by the time she got out, she'd scrubbed away around 17 layers of skin. She put on the same clothes she'd taken off to get in, she'd only put them on before that a few hours before anyway. She went back down and made some tea, placing it on the coffee table in the living room. She realized that their was light already beginning to shine through the gaps in the curtains. She sighed, disappointed, that she hadn't been able to force herself to get any sleep. Whilst also glad for the light, it made her feel safer, more secure.
She picked up her phone from it's place plugged in charging and looked at the time 7:23. She had a shift scheduled to start at half 8, but quickly wrote out another message to Connie. The same one she'd been sending her everyday; explaining that she still felt 'unwell', though they both knew better. She hated that she couldn't go to work, it was her job, and she loved it. But she couldn't bring herself to see him again. It was bad enough for Connie to have seen her in the state she was, she didn't want anyone else to. Her split lip had begun healing, but was still obvious to any trained medical professionals. While the bruises on her shoulders and lower neck had turned an unattractive shade of purple. That wasn't what worried her though, if anything would give her away, it was just how she was acting. She was not a victim, she repeatedly tried to tell herself, but deep inside she knew she was. And she was acting like it to.
She was aware she wasn't herself, she felt like a weak broken down version of herself. She should have gone straight back to work, it would've kept a sense of normality in her life. She didn't know how she'd react to seeing Eddie though. Especially when she knew he would be acting as he normally did. He'd be everybody's best friend, the nice friendly doctor that everyone loves. She couldn't bare to see him like that, to see all her friends treat him like he'd done nothing wrong. And she was almost certain Connie would want to talk to her, and she definitely didn't want to talk.
So she sat on the sofa in her new house, and lazily ran her fingers through her tangled wet hair. The sound of the rain pelting against the windows overpowered the quiet TV. So she sat lifelessly listening to the rain. she briefly considered going into the kitchen and downing the bottle of wine she had in there. But a voice in her head reminded her that alcohol was what had landed her in this situation. And with that harsh thought she stayed put. Sitting there completely alone, as she wanted it.
Connie looked down at the crumpled piece of paper in her hand. She'd written Alicia's new address down, but still wasn't sure if she should just show up. No matter how good her intentions. She hadn't been able to speak to Alicia properly since she left her house, only getting texts back when her calls went to voicemail. She couldn't help but worry. She knew that she hadn't spoken to the rest of the team either. Both Robyn and Elle had asked her about Alicia, and she'd lied to both. She was clearly isolating herself and Connie wanted to try and bring her out of her shell before she completely ostracized herself.
Without Grace around she found she often projected her maternal instincts onto members of her team. Though it was subtle enough that she didn't think anyone outside of herself noticed. She would find herself being more lenient, and supportive than she would have been before. And now she'd seen Alicia as she had been that night, she was having to stop herself from getting involved. She wanted to help her, but she appreciated that Alicia needed to feel ready before that could happen.
She decided that she'd call Alicia a few more times today. If she didn't answer she'd go round to her house once her shift was over. At this point she just needed to talk to her. She had let this go on as long as she could, but she needed to intervene at this point. She shoved the paper in her pocket and picked her phone up from her desk, and tried to call Alicia again. Unsurprisingly, getting no answer.
Alicia's body shivered against her cold bathroom floor. As she distantly heard her phone buzz from her bedroom. How did she end up here? She struggled to open her eyes and find her surroundings. Trying to ground herself back in reality. But both she and her reality had changed. Her cheeks were slightly more hallowed out. Her clothes were looser than they had been two weeks ago. Her eyes were haunted and had dark rings underlining them, her lack of sleep haven taking a toll. And she no longer had a sense of optimism about her. She subconsciously dug her long fingernails into her pale forearms. As she thought of what she'd let him do to her, even when he wasn't there.
She was falling apart here, on her own. Her thoughts sprung to Connie; surprisingly. The clinical lead who was normally the coldest woman in the ED, the only woman who had seen her in her wrecked state. She called her everyday, and Alicia would watch it ring out, but not answer. Then she'd text explaining that she was 'ill', even though they both knew it was a lie, before turning the phone off so she couldn't reply.
Eventually though she managed to sit herself up. Grabbing onto the edge of the bath for support. Fighting back a bout of dizziness which she assumed was down to lack of nutrition. She couldn't remember the last full meal she'd had, she'd just been snacking every now and then.
She slowly made her way towards her bedroom. Throwing on some leggings, she was almost certain she wore the day before too, and a loose hoodie. As she was putting the hoodie on, her phone sounded from the bedroom, and she stumbled over to her bed picking it up. She noticed she had 2 missed calls and 2 messages from Connie, as well as one from Elle. Who had also messaged her a few times over the past two weeks, trying to check up on her. She would explain it away every time though, saying she had a chest infection. She'd shut herself away from everyone. Connie, Elle,Robyn Bea, even Ethan, though he seemed preoccupied, had all tried to contact her. But she'd lied to each of them, till they left her alone. She wondered for a few moments why Connie suddenly needed to contact her so badly. She'd been respecting her space up until now, why change today? She briefly worried that Connie had told Elle what she'd seen, but quickly pushed that thought aside. If Elle knew, she was almost certain she'd have called a lot more.
Why was she letting him control her? Why was she letting him keep her away from her job, a job that she loved. And her friends, that she was so close to. She was submitting to him, letting him control her, even when she hadn't seen him in person, for so long. Why?
With a sudden bout of courage she didn't know she still had in her, she jogged down the stairs. Grabbing her jacket, checking her keys, phone and her bank card were in her pockets before leaving the house. The cold breeze hitting her for the first time in two weeks as she walked out. Wrapping her jacket tighter around herself, and crossing her arms across her body. As she set about on the twenty minute walk to the hospital, she wondered what she would actually do when she got there.
"I was raped," The words tumbled quietly from her mouth in a blur. Connie wouldn't have even heard them if it weren't for their close proximity. Alicia kept her eyes focused firmly on the ground, unwilling to look up and be forced to see the pity on her bosses face. It was strange to her though. Even though she'd been terrified of revealing her secret, she felt relieved. As though a huge weight had been taken off her shoulder, and she was finally able to breathe freely again. After a few moments of silence only interrupted by Alicia's heavy breathing Connie firmly but not unkindly spoke her name. Alicia obeyed the unspoken command and finally looked up from the floor to her Boss's face. It wasn't as she feared covered in pity and sympathy. There wasn't even any shock but instead just a deep seated anger, though it wasn't directed at her.
"You already knew?."
"I assumed, I had hoped I was wrong though." Connie nodded. Even without her years of medical experience, when she'd seen Alicia and the way she was acting that night, it was obvious.
"You were terrified, had bruises, didn't want to be touched, we've both seen it before." Connie added when Alicia looked at her questioningly. She seemed satisfied with the answer though and nodded wrapping her hands around her upper arms.
"It's so different when it's you though, y'know?" Alicia explained.
"We give them pamphlets, ask them if they want us to call the police, tell them it wasn't their fault and then we send them home. Home to what though?" Alicia questioned, thinking aloud.
"Then again maybe it's just me. After all I let him-" She started before she looked up at the ceiling, trying to organize her thoughts as she spoke. Connie didn't speak seeing that she needed to get it of her chest. The corner of her lips were pushed slightly down and slightly parted.
"Clearly I'm just weak, I couldn't stop him then, and even now I'm letting him control me." Alicia looked ashamed as she spoke. Connie simultaneously felt a bout of rage towards the man who had done this to her young doctor. And compassion for Alicia who was clearly being pushed beyond her limits.
"No. No, you are not weak. You coming in here and talking to me about this, it's one of the strongest things I've ever seen. You survived Alicia, you are here proving every single day that he did not break you." Connie insisted her maternal instincts kicking in. She felt fiercely defensive over the young woman, who no longer seemed to want to defend herself. She placed her hand on Alicia's shoulders, her head tilted slightly to the side as she tried to establish eye contact. Alicia initially tensed at the contact, but didn't move away from it. And once she let her wide eyes look up at Connie and register it was her, she relaxed into it.
"Have you thought about setting up an appointment with a counselor?" Connie asked realizing that Alicia really did need some help. Before her situation deteriorated any further. Alicia laughed sarcastically before she abruptly stood up from the chair, nearly knocking it to the ground as she did. She paced back and forth from one end of the office to the other.
"I could barely talk to you, and you already knew anyway. Elle keeps calling and I just ignore her, and then text her, the same with Bea and Robyn. Even Ethan called, and I lied to them all. There's no way I could talk to some stranger!" Alicia immediately vetoed the idea, she didn't even know how she was talking to Connie.
"You can do this Alicia, you can get past this, you can get justice, I know you can." Connie said stepping directly into Alicia's path.
"Funny.. I don't."
xEmmaJonesx Thank you so much, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.❤
Guest Your wish is my command, hope you liked this.❤
Catherine4 I agree, it was a lovely scene, it's lovely to see the softer side of Connie shown, and I'm really glad they included it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter too. :)
WritingisArt20 Thank you so much for you message and your review! I really love your stories, and you taking notice of my story really encouraged me to write another chapter! I hope you liked this chapter. XO
Princess-Rose-Ozera Thank you so much, I'm glad you like it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)
Poppet2002 Ask and you shall receive, I'm glad you like it so far and I hope you liked this chapter as well❤
WorldOfMyImagination I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reviewing :)
livingdeadgirl440 Thank you for saying that, hope you enjoyed this chapter as well❤
Keila Thank you, I'm continuing (As you can see, haha) but updates may not be very regular. I love fics with Connie's softer more maternal side being shown, so we'll hopefully see that develop. :)
Also just a little note I'm looking for a Beta to help with this story, so if any of you are interested then please just DM me. :)
