Three days had passed since Dan had returned home to the Loft. Rufus had made frequent appearances, but he was often occupied elsewhere, only really stopping overnight and taking no real interest in Dan's well-being since his unexpected divorce.
With Blair in Paris with Eleanor, and Nate busy with Lola and The Spectator, he didn't really have anyone to share his thoughts with. Not that Blair would be at all concerned, it seemed she had pushed Serena away almost as hard as he had done;
Get out, take your things, I want you gone.
This led Dan to arguing with himself, was that for the best? Should he have acted differently? It hardly mattered anymore, because he couldn't change what he had done.
Eating breakfast, lunch, then dinner alone at the table in the Humphrey residence was getting quite repetitive. Today had blurred into yesterday, and that into the day before. As he ate the last spoonful of a microwaved ready meal he had prepared for his dinner, his phone began to vibrate. Picking it up, he could see it was Georgina, and automatically rejected her call, which added to the 11 other missed calls from the previous two days. It wasn't as if he was regretting the decision to write a novel, more that he didn't know quite what to say or write. The anger and betrayal that he had felt when he agreed to his deal with Georgina seemed to have reduced, leaving him torn with what to do. However he knew that the novel he had first written was not the full truth.
Setting his cell back down on the table next to him, Dan stood up and went over to the kitchen to put his empty bowl on the surface.
Just about to return to the comfort of his bedroom, his eyes were drawn back to the surface. Sitting there almost like a pair of looming eyes, were his pair of tickets to Rome. His flight left two days from now but he was more unsure than ever if he would actually go to the retreat. It seemed a shame to use just one, this was supposed to be his immense summer getaway with Blair and now, that was ruined. This again forced himself to think about Blair's departure and his utmost stupidity; in what world would she choose him, Lonely Boy, over Chuck Bass?
His success? More.
His reputation? Superior.
His wealth? Larger.
The title 'Lonely Boy' seemed extremely suitable at this moment.
However he knew now who he would choose to take with him on that retreat, to spend the summer with. If only he'd had the sense to realise before it was too late.
Within three days of complete disconnection from society, Dan had begun thinking over his novel. At first he was sure how much he longed to betray, to exploit the Upper East Side. Or so he had thought, now he wasn't sure how much of that was true...
'The moment Jenny and I ventured into the world as an Upper East Sider, the moment our lives changed- and not for the better.'
The first line Dan had drafted for his novel was staring at him from a piece of note paper. Right now he wanted to scrawl repeatedly through it with a marker pen. His opinion had never differed so greatly than it had now; of course it hadn't always been positive but in ways he had never been happier. He only wished he could have it back, he hoped desperately that some sense of normality would be restored after summer.
The black-tie events, the family breakfasts, the Gossip Girl blasts.
Just as he screwed the piece of paper containing that sentence into a tight ball, Rufus Humphrey entered through the door, a sense of purpose about him.
"Oh, Dan I wasn't expecting you still up..." This accusation was based on some fact, Dan had scarcely been surfacing from his bedroom, only for necessary food supplies.
"I was just eating Dad, and doing...some thinking."
"Aren't you supposed to be going to Rome soon?"
"Tomorrow, but I'm not sure that I'm going anymore. Too much on my mind."
"Don't you think that would be a wasted opportunity? It would be good for you Dan."
"Y'know, I don't think its what I need, there will always be other opportunities right?" His father stood opposite him, clearly unimpressed by his news. "How are things with Lily?"
"Me and Lil are having some issues still, but yes, were working through them. I guess this annulment was a bit of a surprise on us both-"
"I still think you should fight for her Dad, she was the one person you ever really loved and you're just going to admit defeat and give up?"
"This isn't the time for your opinions Dan, it wasn't working for a long time, its over. I'm not even certain we're talking about me and Lily anymore. Maybe you should think about going to Rome, I think you need to get away," he said as he strode into his room, shutting the door forcefully behind him.
"I thought he said it wasn't time for opinions?" Dan muttered over his breath. It furied him that his father wasn't even going to try with Lily, he'd give everything for another chance with Serena even though he didn't deserve it.
As he walked over to his bedroom door, ready for another night of endless thoughts, he paused and returned to his cell phone abandoned on the table. He opened a new SMS, texting Nate:
"Hey man, can we talk tomorrow? Its important."
He pressed 'send", before replacing it back on the table where he had picked it up from.
'Lonely Boy set to travel to Rome alone on his trip or not? Come out from under that rock you're living under in Brooklyn, you can't hide from B and S forever. Rome? Will he won't he...xoxo'
Throwing himself onto his bed, his hands thrust behind his head and a deep sigh leaving his lips. He began to stare out of the window, not quite tired enough to sleep. His eyes fixed on the fire escape, where Vanessa would appear spontaneously, and often inappropriately. Dan was saddened at the thought that another of his friends; at times his best friend, at times his lover had been driven away by the schemes of the Upper East Side.
His thoughts turned to the decision awaiting him. Go to Rome alone, or not at all. He couldn't help thinking that maybe Rome would be good for him, maybe he needed the time away?
Or maybe it would just distract him from the harsh reality that he would have to face inevitably.
Finally about to slip into unconsciousness, Dan found his mind wandering, back to the wedding reception of Blair and Prince Louis.
'I love you Dan Humphrey. Always have, always will.'
And his eyelids drooped, sending him into a temporary peace
