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Giovanni

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Tonight I am too tired to make the journey to the show.

"Christabella, inquire of the magician if he will dine with us this evening."

"As you wish, Signor."

"And, Christabella, be careful." The pretty Italian smiles before kissing my cheek.

"Signor Giovanni, I am always careful." She smiles again before breezing away into the darkness, turning down the small pathway towards the lights of the circus. I watch her from a window until she and her lantern disappear into the darkness. With a soft sigh, I turn back to my chair and sit down, open the paper and begin to read.

It will be at least two hours before she returns with the magician.

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Erik

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"Signorina, you wish for me to accompany you home for dinner with you and your patient." I ask the girl before me who responds with a sweet smile before taking a small step towards my gangly frame.

"Yes. I was requested particularly to bring you to dinner tonight. Unless, you have another engagement?" Her eyes widen slightly as if she is concerned about interrupting anything. She is truly the sweetest girl I have met in my travels. Sweet and unassuming yet with courage to boldly address me.

She imagines I have other plans with another human! She must be naive as well to imagine such a thing!

"I am free tonight." I marvel at my own choice of words. I declare I am free yet I am the most bound man in Italy. It is almost comical!

"Wonderful!" Her eyes appear to light up though that alone confuses me. Typically, people do not seek me out and invite me to their homes. If I was still a child in my teens, I might have feared what this pretty maid and her patient had in mind for me but, now, as a grown man I fear very little.

It would be nice to taste another's cooking.

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Erik

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As the girl and I approach the house, my heart rate increases and my hands turn clammy.

It was the house.

My old master's house.

The girl notices nothing odd about my behavior so I convince myself, as I did before I considered entering Italy and going near Rome, that Giovanni is likely dead by now. No mason lives to the age he must be to still be living here.

No, Giovanni is dead and this new owner won't know me. I shall not have to face the anger and hatred from the only man who was a parent to me.

We walk through the small gate, her heels and my boots ringing on the paving stones as we approach the wooden door. My hands still sweating, I begin to wonder if I should have simply excused myself politely or abandoned the girl on the road. Dread washes over me as she unlocks the door and gestures for me to follow in after her.

Nothing has changed.

The furniture and decorations remain as they always have. Even the scents washing over me are the same. Memories long locked away rush through my head.

Giovanni bringing to his house for the first time and my undisguised terror. My fear he would harm me.

Our lovely evenings by the fire when I had finally gained enough courage to seek him out.

The night I ruined his life.

She slips off her long coat and hangs it on a hook before turning and accepting my hat and cloak from me, placing the object next to her coat.

"If you will excuse me for a moment, I shall find Signor to tell him out guest has arrived." I fidget with the edges of my suit hem, uncomfortable to the extreme in this place. She disappears for a few moments, returning after announcing me to the owner.

"He is in the drawing room. I will fix some supper and fetch the both of you when it's done." She gives me a nice smile and leaves towards the kitchen.

I gather my courage and step into the drawing room, clearing my throat to alert the occupant to my presence.

An elderly gentleman rises from his seat and turns to face me, speaking as he does,

"Good evening, Signor Magician. It is a pleasure…" His next words die before they leave his mouth as he sees me.

"Moi Dio…Erik."

All my fears have come true. Every panicked thought that passed through my racing mind has occurred as I find myself once more standing in the drawing room where, thirty years previously, I was a welcomed inhabitant. Now, I feel I am no more than an intruder, unwanted and despised.

"Forgive me, Sir." I gasp as I see my old master's face looking back into mine, disbelief written in every wrinkle of his old face. "I shouldn't be here." I whisper before bolting for the door I just entered moments before. I can't face him! I can't bear to hear the words from his mouth that I had flogged myself with for these three decades.

"Erik! Wait!" I freeze just outside the drawing room. Not because of what he said, such words could be used even in anger. But, because of how he said them. Where is the fury? Where is the hatred? Where is…dare I say…the disgust? They are what he should feel towards the murderer of his favorite daughter. Yet, his words are filled with desperation, kindness.

I feel tears welling to the surface in my eyes.

"Please, Sir, let me go." I whisper, feeling more like the young lad I was when I left than ever before. I am scared. I want nothing more than to run. I don't belong here anymore. I lost that. I shouldn't have come at all the moment I saw the house.

"Erik?" His voice is softer as I hear him rising and approaching me. I could run in a moment but I feel rooted to floor. Giovanni walks around me and stands before me and, despite my being taller than him, I feel small before the man who might have been my father had I been boy instead of a freak.

Slowly, almost as if not to scare me, he reaches up and touches my mask's cheeks. I close my eyes and hang my head before him, ashamed.

"You're not an illusion. You came back to me, son." Tears are running unheeded down his cheeks and I pull away. I don't know what to say or do. Where is everything I expected?! Why do I still receive the title 'son'! I don't deserve it. I ruined all chances of that. I ruined everything about his life but he still pretends to be happy to see me.

"Please, sir, don't pretend." I say I pull away from him. Such falseness is worse than the painful truth. "I will leave. You need never think of me again." I try to reassure him before side-stepping him in an attempt to reach the door.

"Erik, you'll do no such thing." He says firmly, laying his hand on my shoulder as my back faces him. I stop and my head and shoulders droop.

"Isn't that what you want? I wrecked your happiness! She meant everything to you and I took her away." Perhaps a reminder of what happened will refresh his obviously senile brain. Perhaps now he will understand he hates me.

All I hear behind me is a sigh and a few soft words,

"Come back with me to the drawing room. We have much to talk about." I vacillate between following him and running for my worth back to my dark tent. I decide to follow him with the concession that no matter what was spoken between us, I would be gone before morning.

He would never have to face this nightmare again.

I follow him, hanging my head, unable to look into his eyes. He retakes his seat by the fire and gestures for me to sit opposite him. I, again, hesitate before accepting his offer and sitting on the edge of the chair. My gloved hands twist together as I wait to hear what he has to say.

"Erik, you believe you murdered her, don't you?" I nod once.

"Is that why you fled?" I nod once more. I hear a sigh from my former master and I feel the horrible sting of tears wetting my eyes.

"I killed her. I proved what I was, what I'm sure you believed I was when you first met me. Didn't you know I was more than a thief?" I look up at him. "You knew I was Death's apprentice! You told me as much when you offered me your apprenticeship. I should have done the right thing and refused. Nothing good comes of breaking an indenture." I am no longer apprenticed to that harsh master. No, I have become that master. Giovanni could never understand the burden I carry. I am no long the poor urchin he picked up off the streets.

I am the Angel of Doom.

The taker of a multitude of lives.

"I knew you had likely killed before you and I met. I am also not under the delusion you haven't killed since our parting."

"Then why don't you let me leave? Surely you want me gone?" I rise to my feet.

"Do you really want to leave so badly?" Giovanni questions. I pause for a long moment before glancing towards the fire flickering in the fireplace.

"I don't belong here anymore. I don't deserve this anymore." I remember how wonderful that year was that I spent with him. He became the father I had always wanted. The father I had needed. I had deceived myself into believing I belonged in the lovely Roman house. That I belonged with the Roman mason.

"Why do you say that?" He asks as he stands up and lays his hands on my shoulders. I look at him in disbelief.

"I told you! Are you so old you forget? Erik killed her!" I pulled away from him and begin to walk to the door, my heart sinking and shattering. I will leave and never come back to this place. As I cross the threshold of the drawing room, I hear his voice speak once last time,

"I killed her."

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Giovanni

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I stand there before the fire, verbally acknowledging what I did for my misguided son to hear. He stops. I turn to face him, a few long tears streaking down my cheeks.

"I killed her and in doing so lost so much more than my favorite daughter. I lost my only son as well." At this, I sense Erik breaking emotionally. His eyes fill with tears and his jaw and mouth give away the expression beneath his mask. A couple swift steps bring him back to me, only to have him fall at my feet, rocking and sobbing.

I think nothing of my old bones and slowly kneel in front of my sobbing boy. He will help me up when I need it. Gently, I pull him into my arms, laying his head on my shoulder, no longer seeing the man who walked into the drawing room but seeing the boy who never healed.

Erik cries until he can cry no more. I say everything that I have kept back for thirty years. I call him my son, declare how much I love him and repeat over and over again how I never hated him for my own error. After a long while, he goes limp against me, exhausted from the emotions running rampant through him.

"Come now, son. I think you need some rest." He looks up at me, his golden eyes bloodshot.

"Of course. May I come back?" He asks and I look at him curiously.

"Come back?" I echo, demanding an explanation.

"Yes. May I come back tomorrow?" It is then I realize what he means. He believes I am asking him to return to his home in the circus.

"No." I say and watch the hopefulness drain from his eyes. Quickly, I amend my statement. "No, because you're not leaving. You may stay here. Your room is still as it always was. I never had the heart to dismantle it. I have even kept it clean." Erik stares at me, unable to comprehend.

"Didn't I forfeit all of that? Don't I have to do something to pay? What do I have to do to earn it back?" I decide it is not worthwhile to discuss such a matter on the cold floor.

"Help me up, Erik, and I shall explain." Erik says not a word, merely rises and grasps my forearms, pulling me to my feet. I stand in front of him and lay my hands on his shoulders. As I look into his eyes, I smile softly. The young boy I remember from thirty years ago is there, begging his father to show him. He is lost and wants nothing more than someone to hold him and tell him everything will be all right.

"Erik, you didn't earn any of the things I gave you. They were gifts. I haven't retracted my gifts. As for paying, you have nothing to pay for. I forgive you. You're still my son despite everything." Erik nods, I believe more out the inability to fight anymore. He is too tired to argue.

"Yes, sir." He says as he looks at me. I begin to address the subject of 'sir' but change my mind. Tonight is not the time to discuss his past or that title. There will be time later.

"Come, let me take you to your room." Erik nods again and I show him down to the cellars once more where his bed and room are. I give him a final hug and pat on the back before leaving him to himself. But, I cannot feel confident that he will be there when I wake in the morning.