Chapter 2: On The Brink (Of a Negotiation)
Three days had past since what Albus was now referring to as the 'incident.' He could barely contain his worry. His lunch break became a time when he would brainstorm ideas on what he would do.
How would he propose to his person? Would they even like each other?
Did they even have to like each other?
How much was this going to cost him?
The worrying didn't stop. At work he was so distracted he kept signing his name as Harry Potter, much to the amusement of his colleagues, but he couldn't think straight. He could barely breathe.
It didn't help that he was so behind on work his office was filled to the brim with stacks of parchment. The entire floor had cases upon cases just sitting there waiting for his stamp of approval. In all honesty he knew he didn't even have to read half of them but he was trying to convince himself that maybe if he didn't do anything he'd have to stay over the holiday season and he wouldn't have to face his family.
Why couldn't Piper had just said they had broken-up?
It helped the situation that the media hadn't seen Cecilia and Albus together in months. Plus, he had barely acknowledged her as his girlfriend in his letters home. He could have been dating just about anybody but marriage? That one was harder to spin.
A knock at the door caused Albus to look up from what he was pretending to read. Really, he had been staring at the same file for the past three days.
"Come in," he said quietly.
The door opened and Piper popped her head in, a bright smile on her face. Albus wasn't sure if he should take that as a good or bad sign. He waved her in and she closed the door behind her hurriedly, walking over to his desk with an even bigger smile.
She was wearing a canary yellow cardigan and a knee length grey dress. Albus was never sure of her fashion style.
"Yes, Ms. Meadows," he said tightly.
Piper narrowed her eyes but she didn't lose the smile making her almost appear like a maniac.
"Prepare to bow down to me. You're going to name your first born after me for this one."
Albus blinked. He wasn't expecting much though he couldn't help but relax slightly in his chair. He had hired Piper for a reason after all. She might have screwed up but she usually pulled through when he needed her the most.
Before she could say anything else a shout made the two of them jump in their respective chairs. He arched his eyebrow and put his hand up to silence Piper who looked pale but was ready to continue with what she had to say.
"KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME! I SHOULD HEX YOU OR HAVE YOU CHUCKED IN AZKABAN! FILTHY—"
"What the hell is going on? Handle that noise right now. I can't be bothered with some imbecile," he said tiredly.
Piper's smile was waning as she stared at him with worry. "Right away Albus," she muttered darkly, "but this discussion isn't over. You see it might not be ideal but—"
"PIPER! I'M LOOKING FOR PIPER MEADOWS! SHE'S TINY! I CAN FIT HER IN MY POCKET! OF COURSE I'M EXAGGERATING YOU DOLT!"
In seconds, Piper turned red and nervously shoved a hand through her curly hair. She eyed a stuffed blackbird behind Albus's desk and inwardly groaned. Sometimes she worried she would end up just like it. Its black feathers almost looked like they were ruffling as if to warn her of her potential doom.
Her brown eyes found Albus's green ones again and she smiled tightly.
"Not to worry Albus! Sounds like that's just my sister. Speaking of my sister—"
He scrunched his nose. "You have a sister?"
She gave him a hard look. "Of course I have a sister. I have two sisters. You send them flowers on their birthday," she said, trying to control the annoyance that was starting to seep through her words.
Albus sighed and mentally cursed himself, an apologetic look on his face. He really had to start paying more attention to Piper. Sometimes she just rattled on about her life and her family and he just tuned her out.
"Piper—"
She coughed and stood up from her chair, glaring at him. "Right away, Mr. Potter," she said coolly, smoothing out her dress. "I'll handle this right away for you."
Albus didn't appreciate the edge of anger that was normally in her chipper voice but he was in an equally bad mood and didn't feel like anything he would say would help the situation.
"Piper, come on. Just let me know what you had to say. Why were you so excited? Did you find someone?"
She didn't say anything. There was an awkward silence between the two of them as the door creaked slightly as it started to open.
"Miss!" a voice shouted from outside. "You can't go in there! One more step and I'm alerting security! You'll be swarmed by Aurors!"
"Says who?" Another voice snapped back. "What are you hiding in here? Gold? Is he enjoying some afternoon delight with his assistant? My sister would never stoop so low! Hello, Piper!" The voice said with false cheeriness, slamming the door behind her.
Albus eyed Piper's sister as she entered the office. Her black denim trousers were ripped at the knees and her blue t-shirt was splattered with paint while her hands were covered in what he assumed to be black ink. As she waved to her sister and walked towards his desk he wondered if she smelled.
She looked like she smelled. As if she had been rolling around at a Muggle construction site all day.
"Albus, this is my sister Lenore."
Lenore rolled her brown eyes and threw her body haphazardly onto the empty leather chair next to her sister.
"We've met before. Pipes, you said you were having an emergency."
Albus snickered. The only person having an emergency was Lenore. A fashion emergency that is. He chuckled to himself and the two sisters stared at him as if he had gone mad.
Piper ignored him and turned towards her sister. They couldn't have been any more different. While Piper was dressed prim and proper, Lenore looked like she only owned the clothes that were on her back. They had the same brown eyes and hair but Lenore looked unkempt, like she rolled out of bed on a daily basis and that was the extent to her beauty routine.
"You weren't just supposed to show up here, Lenore. I'm working. Shouldn't you be at work?"
Lenore laughed and placed her feet on top of a pile of parchment on Albus's desk.
"You're the one that owled me three days ago in a desperate panic and you're aware I'm in-between jobs at the moment." Albus snorted and Lenore gave him a dirty look. "Work, what a load of crap, who needs it, am I right, Alb?"
Albus gave her a bemused look. Alb? What the hell was an Alb?
"Sorry, sorry. Let's call it a leave of absence to keep up appearances. More of their choice then mine if we're being honest. Not a big deal. Maybe I misunderstood you Pipes, I'll just join the others on the street and panhandle or something. I'll probably be bad at it and get chucked into Azkaban or worse—"
Albus scrunched his nose and squinted his eyes. "What's worse than Azkaban?" he questioned.
Lenore eyed him and grinned. "I could shack up with a former Death Eater. Some of those blokes are bloody old and deranged. I could be stuck with a mad wizard for the rest of my life—"
He snorted as he grabbed two pieces of parchment and used them as a buffer to push her feet off his desk.
"You'd be the mad wizard in this scenario."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm a witch, know the gender differences," she said, clapping her hands. "Well, alright then, if you don't need me I'm off."
Piper cursed as Lenore made a dramatic effort to get out of her chair and sulkily walk towards the door.
"Lenore, wait, we need you," she said in a whisper.
Albus gave Piper a horrified look, finally connecting the dots together. He gaped at her for a few seconds and finally said, "We do not need you. Piper, no!"
"Albus, it's not ideal but—"
He shook his head and tapped his fingers on his desk. "As much as I feel for the thing that has disrupted our conversation I'm going to have to say no. We have a crisis on our hands and she is not the answer to it."
Lenore arched her eyebrow and then crossed her arms against her chest, taking a few steps away from the door. "A crisis? Really? What happened? A Muggle saw a wizard pop out of thin air?"
"Third time today but that's not the point," Albus grumbled. He ignored her and turned his attention back to Piper who was fidgeting with the hem of her dress trying to pretend she was invisible. "We need a legitimate plan. This is one of the reasons I hired you. You always know what to do. How much money am I going to have to spend to get you to think clearly?"
He was mentally trying to calculate how much he was willing to spend to keep the charade going and to get Piper's sanity back.
Piper sighed. "If you're still going to lie to your parents then you're going to need someone that's not in a relationship. Someone that is trustworthy to the both of us. I'm still advising you to stop lying to them—"
Albus ignored her advice. "Why is she the one? Why is she the option? There have to be better options."
Piper said nothing as she got up from her chair and walked over to the door. She pushed Lenore gently aside and quietly walked out of the room, leaving the door open. Lenore was peering outside, watching her sister while Albus sat impatiently at his desk, waiting for a response, an explanation to this insanity.
Piper walked back in holding a large file in her hands and slammed the office door behind her. She signaled for Lenore to join her once again next to Albus. As she reached his desk she dropped the file in front of him and then sat down, crossing her legs and tapping her heel on the floor impatiently.
"This is a file of all the other options we have. I looked through our entire department because these are the only other women I trust since my friends are no longer an option."
Lenore exhaled loudly. "Is this how you set him up?" she questioned. She stared at her sister with a raised eyebrow and an impressed look on her face. "I don't envy your job anymore."
Piper muttered a half-hearted 'thanks,' and then slumped her shoulders.
Her friends were no longer an option? Albus wanted to scoff but in reality it seemed fare. Things with Cecilia hadn't exactly worked out and he had met most of other Piper's friends, they were mediocre at best.
"You're still here?" Albus said with annoyance at Lenore was once sitting cross-legged in her chair. "Marvelous. Alright then, what's so bad about these women? I'm sure one of them is a fabulous choice."
Piper shook her head and leaned forward. "You don't understand the process. Sure, they're all trustworthy and easy to control."
She paused momentarily, thinking back to when she first started setting Albus up with women. Cecilia had been the longest 'relationship.' When he first came up with the idea there were others, a date here, a date there, sure they didn't know he wasn't actually going out with them because he liked them, but if he could tolerate more than three dates there was a vetting process. A contract was signed up. A potential conversation was had. Cecilia had been the only one willing to sign. Though the others never said anything to the press because she had made it very clear that no one would believe them. Plus, she was a bit feisty and was willing to completely destroy their lives with the information she dug up on them.
"But this isn't the way to go about it. Besides, there are only four single women in this department."
He pursed his lips together in thought. "Four perfect options—"
Piper didn't mention the potential for a sexual harassment suit but you'd be surprised how many women wanted to date someone in the spotlight, even Albus, who was more of a hermit, just to get their name out there. It didn't hurt to ask. You just had to be very strategic about it.
She rolled her brown eyes and gave her sister a look. "This is an entire process. We'd need a contract, an entirely new one, and we also need someone to be remotely compatible and interested in you."
"The only way," Lenore said from her seat, "that'll happen is if he devotes some more time in a gym and does something about that messy mop of hair of his. Come on, green eyes, those can't be natural, eye changing spell?"
She grinned at his obvious discomfort. Albus turned a dark shade of red and balled up a piece of parchment on his desk, throwing it in her direction.
"Here's an idea. Why don't you leave and look for a new job because we do not need you."
Piper clapped her hands together loudly before her sister could respond, putting the attention back on herself.
"Lenore is the only option. We can't keep this up forever Albus. You need to find someone real. Someone to settle down with on your terms. Who cares about the media?"
He shook his head. "I haven't walked anywhere properly in a week because James started that fight with the Cannons reserve Chaser. Besides, I have no time for a legitimate relationship. Work is—"
"Work is work," she said with a sad sigh. Piper then turned to observe her sister who had gotten up and walked over to one of Albus's bookshelves. She was examining his stuffed cat that looked like it was ready to attack at any given moment.
"It sounds like you have deep seeded issues," Lenore said, poking the cat. "You're practically running your own dating service or bordello. I haven't decided which yet."
"Get back to me on that," Albus said sarcastically.
Piper said nothing as Albus started to pull out a photo of each girl in the folder. There were four nameless girls that he may or may not have seen around the office. He just didn't pay close enough attention to create a concrete image of each in his head.
Albus eyed each photo with a critical eye with Piper who was now standing by his side. Two of the women were blonde, one had orange skin and Albus figured she probably really enjoyed carrots. Another was a brunette and the fourth, well, she appeared to be six months pregnant.
Lenore appeared to the right of him and tapped the photo of the one with the orange skin.
"She's out," Albus said gruffly, throwing her photo to the side. "This one too."
Lenore whistled. "Ah, I see you're a brunette guy. Really? It's shocking in itself that you like women though I'm not entirely convinced if you have to go through all this trouble to find the one—"
Albus and Piper ignored her, moving closer to each other.
"Are you really going to go with the pregnant girl?" Piper asked quietly. "That'll have the papers talking and your parents will never let you break-up with her. I suppose you can tell them she cheated on you after a row and you're trying to work it out. The child may or may not be yours."
The pregnant girl was shifting from foot to foot, hand on her belly in the photo. For a second Albus wondered how Piper exactly got these images but thought best to keep it a mystery. He nodded in agreement with Piper and placed her photo in the 'no' pile with the two other women.
"Our final match," Lenore said, trying to get the ball rolling. "What's her name then, Piper?"
Piper crossed her arms against her chest and leaned back slightly as Albus and Lenore waited for her to respond.
"Felicity," she said with slight hesitation, willing herself to not laugh.
"Merlin, sounds like the name of a bad Muggle daytime show character. Will Felicity finally give it up to Ben? Let's find out in another five years!"
"Muggles," Piper said with annoyance, "don't talk about those things in the daytime and would you please just shut-up Lenore. You're not helping your case." She was losing her patience and quickly.
"Felicity sweetheart, I'm looking for someone to escort to the winter formal," Albus said, snickering, before the two sisters could continue bickering.
He examined the image of Felicity before him, scrutinizing the way she stood, without any confidence, shoulders slightly slumped forward. She had blue eyes and brown roots while the rest of her hair was blonde.
"An escort?" Lenore said with a snort. "Witch Weekly and the Prophet will eat this up. Looks like I'll have some money in my Gringrotts account this Christmas."
Albus's eyes popped open from worry and he turned towards Piper who was nervously humming to herself.
"Piper—"
"She's joking," she said quickly. "She's only joking. Right, Lenore?"
Lenore shook her head already bored with the conversation. "But think of all the galleons I could have. Then you can finally quit this job and stop complaining about your self centered boss."
Piper turned a deep shade of red and fidgeted with the hem of her dress, which was difficult as she was standing up.
"Lenny! I don't say that Albus, I swear. She's making it up."
Lenore shrugged. "I wish she did. She could have at least told us Albus Potter is gay."
"I'm not gay," he said defiantly. "And if I was it wouldn't be an issue."
"Right, if that's what you say Potter, I completely believe you. If you're not gay then I can start a rumor you're addicted to smutty magazines and have them stashed underneath your bed."
"I do not have—"
"The way you're blushing almost makes me think it's true."
Albus cursed in his head, he was blushing, he was as red as a tomato.
Lenore's eyebrows rose as he sat there in silence and nervously squeezed the back of his neck. She smirked and then started to giggle while Piper gave her an amused look.
"You do, don't you? That's disgusting! Merlin, what are you, a teenager? I can't wait to alert the presses the youngest Potter boy has dirty magazines hidden underneath his bed. Ah, make it even juicier, stashed underneath his floorboards! A hidden compartment and everything. Oh, the humanity!"
"Piper!" Albus bellowed. He was so red Piper was convinced he was about to pass out from embarrassment. He never shouted that much. If he did it wasn't normally directed at Piper.
"Lenore, stop," she said in warning.
"Maybe Felicity will work out," he said to himself. "Well…"
Lenore scoffed next to him. In truth he knew it was not going to work out with her. He already lacked enough confidence of his own. He didn't need his fake girlfriend, fiancé, wife or whatever she was going to be to crumble under the pressure. His green eyes angrily locked on Lenore who was smiling at him triumphantly.
"So, does this mean I've got the job? I'm the future Mrs. Potter?"
Albus grabbed his throat in a panic. He could feel the bile rising in his throat. He was close to retching. The mere thought of her as Mrs…for the love of Merlin.
"You're insufferable," he said halfheartedly, the will to fight leaving him. "Piper, just get her out of my office and once you're done throwing her out on the street where she so rightly belongs come back and we'll discuss the terms of your position because after what I've seen today…"
"Lenny," Piper whispered harshly, "apologize."
Lenore groaned and slumped her shoulders. She bit her lower lip, pulling skin, as she prepared herself to do what her sister demanded.
"Fine. I'm sorry you're so insufferable and pathetic," she said dramatically.
Piper cursed loudly, startling the two. It was completely out of character for her.
"Lenore Meadows, that is not a proper apology. Have you completely forgotten all of your manners or should I owl Mum and let her know how you have acted today?"
"Just do us both a favor and leave," demanded Albus. "I'd chalk her up to a lost cause if I was you," he said to Piper.
Lenore rolled her eyes and then licked her lips, trying to buy herself some time.
"Fine. I'm sorry and I'll leave but first you have to tell me how much."
Albus furrowed his brow and gave her a questioning look. "How much for what?"
"The job, you dolt."
It was Piper who spoke first. She jumped in her spot and shook her head rather violently, curls bouncing dangerously around her head. Albus and Lenore both stared at her with worry that her neck would snap in two.
"No. No way. This was a bad idea to begin with. You're not going to be his fake girlfriend. You can't even get along for two seconds. All of my—our," she said, correcting herself as Albus gave her a hard look, "work would be ruined. Just go to my flat. Christopher is at work. We'll figure out a new life plan for you later," she said feverishly.
She ignored Piper and stared directly at Albus, ready to make her case.
"I'm a brunette," she said, twirling a piece of curly hair. She bit her lip as the lock of hair got stuck in a knot because she hadn't brushed her hair in awhile.
"Thanks to a hair changing spell," Piper deadpanned.
Lenore gave her an incredulous look. "I'm a liar and a good one unlike you," she said with a grin. Piper couldn't help but grudgingly agree. "My sister can control me somewhat, unlike anyone else you hire who could go off at a moments notice. Plus, if you don't include me in this I'll go to the press as an unidentified 'close friend' and out this entire scheme of yours."
Albus sighed and fell back into his seat, hands covering his eyes. An unemployed degenerate who had no place to live was blackmailing him.
"You're willing to put your sisters career at jeopardy for this?" he questioned tiredly.
"I'd be great for your image," she continued, ignoring his question. "Albus Potter and the mystery brunette. Have they been dating in secret all this time? What happened to Cecilia Thornback? Albus Potter in love with Gemma."
He raised his eyebrow in amusement. "I thought your name was Lenore."
She grinned. "I will be whoever and whatever you want me to be. Call me by a pet name. Change my identity. Heck, make Piper my mother for all I care."
"Hey!" shouted Piper indignantly. "I'm only two years older than you! Besides, that's just odd and we would want you—I mean, the person we choose, to retain as much of their true identity as possible."
Lenore grimaced, her sister was proving to be a difficult obstacle to overcome and she's the one that had wanted her in the first place. Albus was quietly soaking the information in his chair, trying to weigh the pros and the cons.
"Come on Potter, just say yes," Lenore pleaded. She actually really needed this.
A source of income.
Some entertainment.
Albus glanced at Piper who was giving him a hard look but was silent. He knew she was mad because she wasn't putting in her input but she wasn't shutting her sister down entirely either. It was after all, her idea to begin with. Maybe she was tired. Albus was tired too.
Of life.
Of reality.
He sighed in defeat. Lenore grinned and stuck her hand out towards him.
"So Potter, are we doing this?"
He paused for a few seconds to mull things over once more. She wasn't attractive, at least to him. She would need a lot of work in a short period of time but he was in a bind and at least her loyalties ran with Piper. Piper would be the one to lead her along the route of survival.
He extended his hand and roughly shook hers. "Call me Albus," he said grudgingly.
Inside Albus Potter's office, a pact was made and a fake relationship was formed.
