Monday Morning

Dan yawned and awoke, looked over at the clock. He jumped as he saw that it was already 6:15- he was late getting up. Jumping out of bed, he ran over to the closet and hurriedly dressed before running downstairs.

"Sorry, Nat-"

He stopped in his tracks, and could have sworn his jaw dropped to the floor. Someone was already standing in the kitchen with Natalie.

Himself.

I must be dreaming still, he thought. He pinched himself- no, he still felt the pain. What the hell was going on?

His senses dawned on him seconds afterwards- he needed to get out of the kitchen. If either his other self or Natalie saw him, they would surely think something was gravely wrong. Well, something obviously was. But he needed to figure it out himself.

Quickly as he could, he tried to run out of the room. Too quickly, in fact: he saw what was about to happen a second before it did; he lost his footing and fell forward, bracing himself to crash against the table. He couldn't help it- he cried out-

But the crash never came. He looked up: he was laying under the table on the ground. But he hadn't felt himself hit anything. He chanced a glance at Natalie and his other self- they noticed nothing.

What? he wondered, before trying something else. He reached out to touch the legs of the chair. His hand went right through.

"No, dad. I'm good," he heard Natalie say.

"Are you going early to practice piano?" His own voice came next... this sounded strangely familiar.

"Um, duh. I do that, like, every day."

"I knew that. Don't be so snippy. I'll see you after school." Dan watched as other Dan leaned over and kissing Nat on the cheek.

"Right."

"Bye, sweetheart."

"Whatever, dad."

Oh my... he thought, understanding. It was Monday morning. Again. Only this time, he was a phantom. He remembered asking for a chance to understand Natalie... could this be it?

Without waiting for any more time to go by, he ran after Natalie and- with only a moment to spare before she started driving, jumped right through the door and into the back seat of the car with her.

He watched his daughter fiddle with the radio for a few minutes before giving up. The ride was uneventful- seemed like just a regular ride to school.

When they arrived, he followed her as she went to drop some of her books off at her locker (he still tried to hide whenever she looked in his direction- he couldn't fathom the fact of being invisible). But she did not make her way to the piano rooms. Instead she just sat by her locker, reading a book.

Slowly, figures began filling the hallway as kids trickled in for school. But why wasn't Natalie practicing?

"Natalie!" a voice called, and Dan turned round. Ugh, he thought. It's that Henry character.

Natalie looked up, saw who it was, and promptly shut her book and stuffed it in her bag, and then stood up and turned around without another word.

Good girl, thought Dan. You know who's the right kind of company.

But this twat didn't give up. He just walked right up to Natalie and grabbed her arm, getting her attention.

"Natalie- what is up with you lately?"

"Henry- just leave me alone-"

"You haven't talked to me for, like, a week-"

"That's because you're being weird. Do you think I want you hanging around me, ruining all the fun? I'm going through enough without you making it more difficult, Henry," she spat out.

What was she talking about?

"Well, excuse me if I don't want to sit and watch you kill yourself at those damned clubs every night-"

"I'm not going to kill myself- stop being melodramatic-"

"You don't even know what you're on half the time, Nat! You very well could end up dead. I just want to help-"

"Well, you're not! My mom's in the hospital getting electrocuted every single day. And you think I care what the hell I put in my mouth?"

Henry just shook his head, looking angry.

Dan didn't want to hear any more of this- Natalie was doing drugs? Ok, he had suspected as such... but it sounded like she was taking Di's old pills. How had he missed that? What if she really did kill herself?

He couldn't even think about it. What if, in trying to keep Diana alive, he lost Natalie?

"At least let me come next time," Henry said.

"Not if you're going to rag on me the whole time," she warned.

He shook his head. "Just so you can have a ride home," he said. "How've you been getting home lately?"

"I've been driving."

Dan felt like he was going to throw up.

"Natalie!" he yelled out involuntarily, before remembering she couldn't hear him.

"You've been- when you're like that?" Henry stammered out. "Did you go last night?"

"You know what? I'm sick of you doing this. Like it's not all yourfault I'm like this anyway!" she practically screamed out. She didn't even look embarrassed as people around her stared. Henry took a step closer and lowered his voice.

"Natalie- I never wanted you to end up like this," he said. "Please just let me come with you- I won't say anything, I promise! I just want to make sure you're safe."

She shook her head. "I'm sick of people actinglike they're taking care of me. First my dad, now you- I don't need this. Just leave me alone!" she said, grabbed her bookbag, turned, and left. Dan was about to follow when he heard Henry say something to himself.

"Don't forget- you used to ask me to come with you. So it's not like I don't know where you'll be tonight... passed out or something..." Both Henry and Dan shuddered.

This was already too much, and school hadn't even started yet.

But it was too good of an opportunity to let slip by. He ran after Natalie.


He found Natalie in her science class, and the school day passed relatively uneventfully. Well, uneventfully if you didn't count Dan finding out that Natalie had failed almost all her assignments and tests from the previous week, and had neglected to do any of her homework. He was more confused than ever- this was not like her at all.

What could it be? Di had been sick for years. Why would it just start affecting her now?

In english, Natalie had an assignment to write down whatever she was feeling. The teacher promised not to read it, but that they should just get their feelings out. Dan couldn't help it- she would never know he read it over her shoulder.

Invisible. That's me; the invisible girl. No one ever sees me these days, except the occasional confused teacher who asks me if something's wrong because I've never failed a test before.

Oh, yeah. And Henry. He notices me. Well, a hell of a lot of good that does. He can't actually help me. I used to ask him to come with me to get high and stuff, and for awhile he did... Until I didn't want to do pot anymore, and I wanted to sneak into the clubs. OK. I'll never say this to him, but I get it. I know what I'm doing is supposedly more dangerous than pot, and that the clubs in the city aren't exactly the safest places... But you know what, I don't care anymore. I can't take this shit my life's become, and this is the only way I can deal with it! I know I shouldn't be doing it... does he really think I want to be? But there's no other way for me to feel ok about myself...

And what kills me is dad doesn't even know. He's so preoccupied with mom's treatment that he doesn't notice a thing. Or maybe he does, and he just doesn't care.

Dan couldn't stand to read more. He looked away for a minute, before losing his nerve and continuing to read.

So for some reason I know what I'm doing wrong. I just can't stop.

Henry says he loves me. But well, so does my dad. The funny thing is, I know rationally that they do, but every time Henry tries to 'help' all he's doing is making me unhappy. And my dad doesn't try to help at all. And God knows mom can't handle anything but taking care of herself. But I can understand that- yeah, it sucks to have a mom who constantly wants to see someone else when she looks at you, but at least she has an excuse. Dad isn't mentally ill, and I still feel like I can't measure up. Because whenever I fuck something up, I'm still not as fucked up as mom. And she's all he cares about.

And the real reason I don't want Henry coming with me isn't because he tells me to stop- well, that's part of it. It's because I know he's right and yet I still can't listen to him. But I know that he'll come find me and bring me home just like he's done every time I've texted him all throughout last week.

This is getting ridiculus. When will dad notice? Is that what I need to stop?

But what I'm most scared about is that even though I know it's wrong, I'll never be able to stop.

What if this is a new habit that I'm forming? What if I'm... hooked?

But for right now, I can't think about what's really going on. I can't think about mom, I can't think about how much I'm fucking up. I just need to get through the day, because if I look back, I won't make it.


Dan wished, now more than ever, that he could talk to Natalie. She was a different girl than she'd ever been before- one who scared him. And he knew that she hated him for it, and blamed him. And he couldn't help agreeing. If he'd spent more time with her, maybe she wouldn't have ended up like this.

He shuddered when she ate her lunch in piano practice room at school, obviously just to be alone. She didn't touch a key the whole time. After school, she avoided them entirely.

People he recognized as being her friends from middle school and years past just walked by her without saying hello- but he didn't think that was recent. He'd been trying to deny it, but he knew that she didn't feel comfortable having people come over. Tha had to have sobotaged a few friendships. The only person who'd gone out of their way to talk to her all day had been Henry. Dan still didn't know if he liked him; he remembered what Natalie had yelled at him this morning: "Like it's not all your fault I'm like this anyway!" What had he done to lead her towards this wretched life she was leading?

He couldn't admit it, but he also thought it was easier to blame Henry than to blame himself.

After school, Dan went home with Natalie and watched her take out her homework, only to ignore it. He watched her ignore her buzzing phone, the caller always the same. She took some food out of the freezer and heated it up- he realized when she'd said she made her own dinner that that might have been the only thing she'd been truthful about all day.

He relived himself coming home, their brief and cold encounter. Then he followed her up to her room.

It looked the same as it had last time he'd looked- on the surface. But he watched as Natalie moved pillows and books and opened drawers, all revealing hiding places. Stashes.

As it grew later and later, he watched as she took a pill, and then another, and then another, until she finally stuffed some extras- so many colorful little beads that they looked like M & Ms- into her purse and left the room.

He realized his other self had only just retired when Natalie slipped out of the house.

How could he have been so stupid? He ran after her, jumping in the car, wanting to yell at her and bring her back inside, but knowing her couldn't.

At first he thought he could never trust her again- how could she betray his trust this way?

But then he realized that- although that was true- he deserved every bit of it.

All the while they were speeding down the highway.