Cry of soundless words. Chapter 2
Samantha Moore
I tossed and turned all night only managing to get about 15 minutes of sleep, my stomach hurt and my head pounded from what seemed as the worst headache I've ever had. Dad left the house around 2 in the morning and hasn't gotten back yet... It's 7:14 am and the sun is rising penetrating through my window. I need her. I need my mom; I winced as I pulled myself from bed not realizing how hard my dad really did kick me. I grabbed the phone off my dresser and dialled my mom's number.
Pick up, pick up...
"Hello?"
"Mom"! Is all I say and I break down crying all over again, tears falling down my face even though I thought I had already cried them all.
"Blaine..."? Is all I can hear from my sobs
"Blaine honey... What's wrong?" I wipe my face with the back of my hand being careful with my swollen eye.
"Everything, everything is wrong mom"!
"We'll tell me... Sweetheart please stop crying" mom whispers over the phone
"I need-yo-u...m-om" I cry harder, trying to ignore the pain throbbing throughout my entire body, "please come get me"
"I can't...Blaine just tell me what's wrong"
"I can't go to school any more, dad hit me again last night and I'm... I'm scared!" I shout between cries
"I don't know what to say..." I could hear that she was tearing up, " if I had all the power I would make it all go away, make the pain and sadness just disappear but I can't, I know it's hard and I know your just trying to fit in but people they will never change, you will have to just learn t-"
"Learn to ignore it, I can't!" I interrupt her
"Blaine, this thing with you-"
"You mean being gay!"
"Yes being gay... It's something you'll just have to learn to overcome... I'm sorry there's just nothing I can do to help"
"Mom please..." I beg her
"I'm sorry... I... I have to go... My boss is calling me, I love you" and with that the line was dead just like my heart.
I just sob into my pillow, those few words crushing my chest making it hard to breath "learn to overcome" begin gay isn't something I can just overcome, it's who I am and I wish she would understand that. I know she loves me and I know she always will it's just all in the same note she never wanted to have a gay son, ever!
My body aches, my head pounds I feel as though I'm really drowning, stranded in the middle of nowhere, I've decided to give in. I can't tread through the stormy water anymore, I have no energy, no more will power to fight, and if making the decision to end my life is cowardly then so be it. I decided to follow through with my plan, I wanted to make sure I left some kind of mark in the world and that when I did finally end my life those who lived with such hate and cruelty towards me might feel something, anything in regards to my hurt and my loneliness. So I wrote a suicide note. Not just any suicide note but rather one containing specific reasons for why I committed suicide and I would set it right next to me as I hung myself from my closet, the room I should have never left.
So I did just that I wrote and I cried, I wrote and I screamed while I cried some more.
May 17 2011 the day I came out to my parents, the day my mom left and the day I ended up in the hospital will now become the day it all ends... May 17 2013 just two days away
I hear a knock at the door...Shit its Kurt... I completely forgot he was coming over today. Papers are sprawled all over my bed and my alarm reads 1:00 pm Sunday.
"Just I minute I holler from upstairs...Dad!"...oh my god is he still not home
I quickly throw on a clean t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and run downstairs.
"Sorry about that, come on in," I say gesturing Kurt inside.
"Oh that's okay, I'm a little early"
"Can I get you something to drink I just need to head up quickly and finish getting ready if that's okay with you," I say catching a glance of his eyes, god I never realized how beautiful they were... Crystal blue
"Um sure, I wouldn't mind some water" he smiles glancing around the room
I grab him a glass of water from the tap and run upstairs to get ready. I comb back my hair and gel up a little flip in the front, my hair shines in the mirror form the product that holds it in its place. I brush my teeth and head back into my room being sure to clear all my papers from my bed, ones which I would never want him to read, stacking them neatly under the piano sheet music to "Against all odds" by Phil Collins, and I meet him downstairs.
"Sorry About that-"
"Oh my God… What happened?" Kurt interrupts staring at my face with such sincere eyes.
"Oh this…" I say as casually as possible, pointing to the large purple and yellow puffed patch lining my eye " I um... I sleep walk and well I was sleep walking and ended up falling down the stairs and the rest is self-explanatory"
"Geese, I didn't even notice until now… some fall!"
"Yah well….um so do you want to work in my bedroom, it's a little more comfortable up there," I glance around the house disgusted at the empty cans of beer and the dust bunnies coating the floor.
"Sure," Kurt replies
So Kurt follows me upstairs and we begin our brainstorming for the glee club, we come up with some crazy ideas and some amazing ones but in the end we scrap them thinking they would be worth nothing to complete in the end.
"I have no idea what we should do!" Kurt exhales
"What if we just stop thinking and let the ideas just come to us you know, let them create themselves" I say hoping we can redirect the topic to something else, I'm edging to get to know him, he just has this thing about him that I can't describe, a kind of closeness.
"Okay what do you want to talk about?" Kurt asks
"How about you tell me a little about yourself, you know about your family and such… I don't know just tell me about yourself," I say hoping I'm not sounding to pushy.
"Well I guess I'm your cookie-cutter picture of a loner who speaks when he should have kept his mouth shut. I live with my mom and dad who scope out my every actions and investigate my entire life, urging to fight my every battle and, I have a younger sister who seems to be about 1000 times more popular than I am, but I guess that's the price you pay when you live in Ohio, one of the most anti-gay communities in all of the United States….Oh and I love chocolate, the colour blue and If you haven't yet grasped it…I'm gay," Kurt smiles simply spilling everything out to me, a guy he met only a few days ago.
"I… I have a question….How can you be so open, and so confident even when people they are so cruel?" I ask
"Well I don't really know…I guess all I could say is that I live by a kind of code that nobody can ever use you against you unless you let them…. Basically they can't kick me down for being gay because I won't let it happen. I know there are still those times where there is nothing on this planet that can make their hurtful words go away, but you just have to remember who you are and that there is nothing wrong with you… I'm not sure what else to say…Now I have a question for you…. Why do you ask…Why did you really transfer to Dalton Academy?"
"Um…Wel-"I begin but am immediately interrupted by my dad as he slams the front door closed hollering up at me
"Blaine! Get down here!" He shouts
"Sorry I'll be right back," I look at Kurt, horrified by the entrance of my Dad
