Hangover pt 2 kiiiinda went big. Here's 5k words of Stupid Fish, tsunderes, what happened to the Angel War, and the PilOT4 finding out that 'get hammered and get married' was a trend last night.

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Evangelion: The Hangover pt 2

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Shinji paled a bit. "Um… Rei? Aren't you nervous about ah… 'Lieutenant Growlski' trying to… eat you?"

"He's fine as long as he gets his vodka," Rei said serenely.

Shinji eyed the bathroom door nervously. "What happens if he doesn't get his vodka?"

"Then he's not fine." Rei headed into the kitchen area and began to rummage through the cabinets. "Help me find some, Shinji?"

Shinji squeezed Asuka's hand one last time and went to help Rei.

"Do not get eaten by the bear!" Asuka called after him. She resumed searching for their keys or phones in the cushions of the suite's couch. She found her shirt from last night under the cocktail table. She picked it up, but wrinkled her nose at the strong scent of alcohol pouring off it. As if they'd needed any more confirmation that they'd done a truly epic amount of drinking yesterday. "Enough to get married to three people, but forget about it and the whole rest of the evening," she muttered.

Kaworu tapped her on the shoulder, presenting her with a set of fresh clothes. "I found your suitcase under some flung sheets. Still no sign of our phones."

She took the blouse, underwear, and pants with a nod of thanks. She had to pull her eyes away from the ring on his hand as she took them.

Kaworu's own gaze was stuck just as much on hers. She tried to ignore it as she started getting dressed right there.

"Asuka?

"Yeah?" She stepped into her semi-lacy panties and pulled them up. She was vaguely bemused to note they were the same blue as Rei's hair.

"Why me?"

She fastened her bra behind her and adjusted the straps. "What do you… oh, why are you wearing a ring too?"

He nodded. "You and Shinji, everyone's been expecting that for years, despite how often you two broke up and reconciled. And I can even see how much you and Rei really care for each other, even without my Sight. Rei and Shinji likewise. But… I'm the weird new one, the outsider in your little trio, the Angel… I mean, I know you're all my friends, and even sometimes a lover, but… do I really… am I worthy of this?"

Asuka frowned. "Ok, number one, none of us even remember how we went from 'celebratory drinking about Hikari and her gorilla' to 'let's all get tattooed and married', so I don't know what to say in the more immediate sense. Number two… you're not 'just a friend', Kaworu. Angel? You've been closer than anyone else to all three of us for years at this point. Number three…" Asuka tried to sort through her wildly confused feelings. Failing to come up with a coherent, articulable line of explanation, she fell back on a more base one, that had the virtue of being at least part of the truth. "You're good."

"Good?"

Asuka looked down briefly, then away from the still distractingly nude and very gorgeous Nephilim. "...in bed."

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"Bullshit! I've got years of practice on him, and I know he likes it," Asuka smirked. "There's no way you can even match me, let alone beat me."

"Hey, my first couple of boyfriends may have been more interested in notching 'I banged an Angel' on their bedpost and damn blogs than in really seeing me for me, but that is one thing I got out of all of them: I am the king of blowjobs," Kaworu countered. "And Shinji damn near ripped my ears off the last time you dared us to do it while you and Rei watched and cheered."

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

The argument had escalated to dueling practical demonstrations. Kaworu had needed a full minute just to uncross his eyes after Asuka finished him off. Asuka had yelled loud enough at her moment of climax Shinji had needed to cover his ears. Rei had merely smiled that wickedly content way she did when drunk and horny, and declared that the only means of truly settling the argument was for them both to do Shinji at once. Shinji's surprised 'guh-WHA?' had been stilled by Rei giving him her best coquettish look, with one finger on her lower lip.

Shinji had no complaints after that, only the repeated and mountingly fervent gasping of both their names. However, their heads close together had begun distracting them both into increasingly heated kissing between bobs. That had ended when Asuka had grabbed Kaworu by the back of the neck, pulled him on top of her, and demanded more... direct satisfaction, immediately.

That Shinji and Rei had promptly attached themselves to her left and right sides only made it better. Asuka very quickly discovered a few things: Kaworu was a tender, skilled, and gentle lover, he never stopped looking into her eyes, and she really, really liked being under him with Rei and Shinji pressed against her sides, taking turns kissing her and teasing her breasts. She felt surrounded, the center of attention… and loved. Intensely, deeply, completely. Her three favorite people, with her, holding her, loving her…

She didn't want it to end.

But eventually she screamed her release into Shinji's mouth, and the morning came. She and Shinji were together again, and they didn't discuss the night before. Not in that level of detail.

But it still happened again a couple more times.

Per month.

She wanted more. But how do you say something like that?

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"You're... good. A good lover. And I like sex. How many… look, Kaworu, there's you, and there's Shinji. And that's it. That's all the men I've let touch me in the last… three years?"

Kaworu blinked at her. "What, really? Half the time you and Shinji break up, you're dating some new hot guy within a day or two. You… never?"

"Nope. Hell, more than half of them are just me trying to make Shinji jealous," Asuka admitted.

Kaworu started to smile. "That does kind of undercut the 'I like sex' justification. If that was all there was to it, you'd be all over them too. If it's just Shinji and I, that suggests…"

Asuka turned away, hiding her face. "Halt's Maul."

Kaworu's smile deepened. "You don't just sleep around, Asuka. You demand more than that. You only sleep with people you-"

Asuka spun back around. "I said shut it, idiot!"

"This isn't just about sex, is it?"

She punched him in the chest, lightly. "Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!" She punched him again. "You've been living with us since the end of the War, you're closer to us than anyone, even Misato and Kaji, and I know how you feel about Shinji and Rei. You make them happy, they like you too, and I'm not going to just… cut you out and leave you alone. So whatever crazy logic persuaded us that suddenly getting group-married last night was a good idea, for my part there's no way I'd… leave you out, alright? That's it." Asuka crossed her arms and looked away again. "Idiot."

She squeaked in alarm when Kaworu suddenly picked her up by the waist and spun her around in the air, grinning. "Aaack! Put me down, you lunatic!" Her head spun.

"I know this song!" he said. "I've seen it before!"

"What the Hell are you talking about, du Dummkopf?!"

He lowered her down and crushed her to him, kissing the side of her neck. "You used to sound like this about him. And I know where that went. So if… Asuka, you know what I am, what I nearly did before Rei and I found a way to mute the Call, and you still accept me. You may not be able to say it, but this," he pulled back and held up his left hand, "this says more than words ever could. This is the ultimate expression of acceptance and…" He closed his eyes, still smiling. "You said you 'wouldn't leave me alone'. I know how difficult emotional intimacy is for you. That you'd include me in… Asuka, this is the second most wonderful thing anyone's ever done for me."

Asuka felt her pride prickle a bit. "Second?" she pouted.

"Rei saving me from the Call narrowly wins."

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The alarms and sirens far above were inaudible at this depth, but Kaworu knew they were going off. Two Nephilim forcing open Heaven's Gate and entering the very heart of Terminal Dogma must have set off every alarm in NERV, even without the immense Pattern Blue signal their AT-Fields must have sent off.

Kaworu looked up at the titanic form hanging from the gigantic red cross before them. Even hanging mid-air on the wings of their AT-Fields, Lilith's true body still towered over them. The constant siren song of the Call was a hurricane-loud scream this close. Only the knowledge that this was truly Lilith, not Adam, allowed Kaworu to keep his will in control over his instincts. That, and his trust in his companion.

"Are you sure this will work?" he asked her.

Rei turned, giving him a perfectly blank look. Only the faint hint of steel in her eye told him she was just as intent on her goal as ever. "No. This will either work, cause you to explode, or trigger you into an irreversible overload state that will require me to kill you to stop. But I am confident the first is the most likely. You trust me, and are maintaining conscious control of your barriers. You retain the ability to willingly lower them. That and your half-Lilim body will allow me to manipulate and integrate sufficient Progenitor-material into your Core that the Call will be satisfied and silenced forever." She paused. "If you are still willing."

He looked back at the far-off entrance to Lilith's chamber. Unit-01 and Unit-02 stood guard, their backs to the two hovering Nephilim, keeping SEELE's Evas at bay. The sounds of battle were growing stronger, the thunderous clangs and crashes of Evas in close combat eerily mixed with the unnatural roars and shrieks of the Mass Production Series.

He turned back to Rei. "In the face of such trust, how can I do any less? Proceed, Rei. We will win, or I will die. Either way, you will all live, and I will no longer endanger those I have come to care for." He opened his white shirt, revealing his bare chest.

Rei just nodded, and floated closer to Lilith's form. As she drew near, a bulge in Lilith's stomach formed, reaching out for Rei. But the First Child halted it with a raised hand. "No," she told it, "not now, perhaps not ever. This world is alive. Give me what I require to ensure it remains so."

The pseudopod of white flesh inched closer, narrowing. A sphere no larger than a plum formed at the tip and dropped into Rei's outstretched hand. The bulge then retreated, and Lilith's body was still once more.

Rei flew back to Kaworu, holding her hand out in front of her. "Open wide, Kaworu. It is time for Tabris to go to sleep."

The fragment of raw Progenitor screamed at him, the Call roaring in his ears, but it was wrong, wrong, not Adam, not-

Rei pressed it into his mouth, gently but unrelentingly. "If this causes you to explode, I apologize."

He swallowed it.

Rei's eyes flared like red stars, matching his own. She plunged her hand into his chest.

He felt his AT-Field scream, twist, distort… and She was inside him. Filling him. Changing him. He felt his Lilithian and Adamite sides clash, mix… and meld, bridged by the pure piece of Progenitor she'd fed him, then guided into his Core with her own AT-Field.

For the first time in his existence, the Call faded, faded… and stopped.

Rei pulled her hand out of his chest, and laid it gently on his skin. Her touch still made his skin tingle, but not like before. "You have not exploded. Good. The Forbidden Union has been achieved. You are now safe from the Call."

Kaworu smiled. The silence in his head was the sweetest music he'd ever heard. "Yes, I am. Now-"

Rei grabbed his shoulders and slammed her lips against his.

Eventually, she pulled back. "I have wanted to do that for weeks. That was even more pleasant than I expected. Now, let us go save our friends. We will discuss that more later."

"Guh."

She honked his nose. "Focus, Fifth Child. We have a battle to win, and SEELE to crush. You and I have risked much to reach this point. The others have risked even more to let us have this chance. Let us go redeem their trust in us. And then enjoy the fruits of victory."

He shook his head. "R-Right… trust. Thank you, Rei. For all of this."

"You may repay me later," Rei said, still as deadpan and cool as ever. "For now…" A pair of glowing octagons appeared at her hands, humming. "Let us go tear SEELE's Evas a structurally superfluous new behind."

Two more AT-Fields appeared near Kaworu's hands. "Ladies first."

The two Nephilim rocketed towards Heaven's Gate, outbound and down.

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"I mean, she did kind of save my life and the world with that trick…" Kaworu rubbed his head. "So… I'm equally glad to be her husband too."

"Thank Shinji for the idea," Asuka muttered. That had been a… difficult day. But watching her two friends come flying out of Terminal Dogma to help them fight off SEELE's last five Mass Production Evas remained one of her favorite memories. "He is the one that thought it up. My baka can be a genius sometimes."

"Now I'm your baka too," Kaworu grinned again. "And I can wait for you to say the words. I love you too, Asuka."

She turned red, then purple. "Stop-... I… you… GAAAH! Stupid Fish!" Asuka pulled out of his grip. "Go get dressed, you distractingly naked man! Shinji! Rei! Where are you?" Asuka pushed open the door to the bathroom. "Have you found-"

The bear in the bathtub waved a quieting paw at her, warning her not to disturb the deeply embracing couple near the sinks. He raised his new bottle of vodka and took a long drink.

Shinji couldn't answer Asuka's question. Rei had his tongue.

Asuka cleared her throat, subtly. Then not so subtly. "Ahem. Rei, what are you doing? I thought you were just giving ah… Lieutenant Growlski some more vodka to keep him pacified, then coming back to help us search?"

Rei slowly broke the kiss, a very pleased smile on her face. She finally looked at Asuka. "I am doing science."

Asuka gave her a flat look. "Science."

"I am experimentally verifying the question 'Is kissing your husband different from kissing your lover?' I am happy to report the answer is 'Yes, it is substantially better.'" Rei's eyes twinkled with anticipation. "I would now like to proceed with the next subject of investigation on the list, 'Is kissing your wife different from kissing your lover?' Based on my experiments so far, I have high hopes for further positive results."

Asuka bit her lip. Damn it. Rei's kisses were literally and figuratively divine, but is she let Rei get her hands on her, it would take them even longer to get out of the suite and start finding out some answers. "Um, Rei, I really do hate to say this, but we have to, uh… postpone that experimental series until after we figure out exactly how we, ah… reached that status."

Rei's expression dimmed for a moment, but her lips curled back up into a small smile just as quickly. "Ah, I see. Yes. Well, as a good and obedient wife, I will of course obey my beloved's wishes."

"Glurk," Asuka replied. "I… damn it, you little minx…"

Rei patted her on the cheek as she squeezed past Asuka. "Yes, dear. I will still hold you to your promise to help me into my clothes."

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Some more cleaning and hotel suite archaeology unearthed their luggage and got the others dressed. Their cell phones turned up wrapped in aluminum foil in the freezer, for some reason. Misato and Kaji didn't answer theirs when called. There were several waiting text messages from her, all incoherent babble or random mashes of characters. The couple of voicemails were much the same. The last message was hours old, too. Giving up on that for a moment, Asuka shepherded her gaggle of hungover spouses out the suite door and down to the hotel lobby in search of possibly a taxi.

Well, not so much shepherded as led from in front. Asuka did find some moderate amusement in realizing that all three of the hungover people behind her were probably staring at her arse. Or possibly her new tattoo. Either end pleased her ego in nice ways.. and a deeper part she was still hesitant to examine too closely just yet. It was too near the part that wanted to wildly freak out over waking up married to not just her intermittent boyfriend, but two additional friends as well.

Fortunately, she found a ready-made distraction waiting for them all once they cleared the elevators and reached the first floor, the bings and hubub of the casino floor filling the otherwise quiet lobby. Sitting at one of the tables spilling out of the restaurant just off the lobby's front hall was Hikari Horaki, looking very smug, and Touji Suzuhara, looking like he didn't know if he wanted to scream or start giggling madly.

Asuka blinked in surprise as Hikari spotted them and waved them over. Her friend looked... different. Very different. Besides the cat-who-ate-100-canaries smile and the way she was radiating ALL THE SMUG. Hikari had maintained her girlish pigtails for a long time, even most of the way through high school. Even after they'd finally faded away, Hikari had always kept her hair tightly restrained in a severe ponytail. But now, for the first time any of them could recall, Hikari's brunette locks were unconfined, a glossy waterfall of rich chestnut hair spilling down all over her shoulders.

"Hikari, good morning. You look, um... nice?" Shinji said, confused.

"Ohhh, and I feel even better, Shinji, thank you," Hikari said warmly. She took a slow, contented sip from her cup of coffee. "I feel great. I feel unleashed."

"Ah...why is that, Horaki-san?" Kaworu inquired.

"Because my darling Touji and I are not stuck on third base anymore," she said smugly. "And it was fantastic!" She hummed a happy little tune to herself as she took another sip of her steaming coffee.

"You did? Wait, what happened to 'no sex before marriage'?" Asuka said.

Hikari did giggle this time. "Oh, don't you remember?" she said, shaking her head. "We did it! It's not Horaki anymore, that's why! It's Suzuhara, finally!"

"You got married last night?" Shinji asked.

"Yup! You were all there! You don't remember either? You were my husband's," Hikari trilled the word, "Best Man, Shinji! You were my Maid of Honor, Asuka!" Hikari seemed about to burst into laughter. "Well, I suppose we all had been drinking a bit. That's how we went from a 'celebrate our engagement' party to 'hey, it's Vegas, let's get married right now!'" She laughed. "I am soooo happy Misato made that suggestion! Five years of waiting! I don't think Touji and I stopped until dawn!"

"Seems to have been a trend," Kaworu muttered quietly. Rei poked him in the side, smiling faintly.

Asuka and Shinji shared a glance. Yup, this was all Misato's fault. "You look, ah... very happy, yes," Shinji said. He looked at his friend. "Uh... Touji looks... a bit more in shock."

Touji finally blinked. He'd been rather still, though the remaining crumbs of breakfast in front of him showed he'd definitely eaten quite an array of food from the buffet. His gaze slowly drifted to Shinji. "I... I'm definitely married... and I think I'm pregnant."

Shinji stared back in confusion. "Ah... what?"

"I am so pregnant..." Touji said vaguely. "I'm probably going to have triplets. Three little girls..."

"Touji, you're the guy," Shinji pointed out.

Touji shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Hikari screwed me into submission. I never had a chance. She wins, forever. I get to have the babies." He blinked again, a little more focus returning to his eyes. "Holy shit, I am so married." He smiled up at them.

"I really wish we could remember last night," Asuka grumbled. "I knew this was Misato's fault."

Hikari looked at all of them. "None of you remember? Wow."

"We do not, Hikari, no," Rei said quietly. "You do? Can you tell us more? There have been... developments that we urgently desire more information about."

"Like what?"

"Er," Shinji said. He took Asuka's hand and raised it. "I think your impulse put an idea in our heads. We seem to have gotten married too."

Hikari's eyes widened. "What, you got married too? Without me there?! Asuka, I've been waiting for you two to stop playing games and get together for good for five years, and you're telling me I missed it?" She hesitated, lips pursing in thought. "Ok, I guess some of that is my fault. Touji and I did leave the instant we could, and we left you all there. I know the idea was in the air, since Misato wouldn't stop making jokes. And we were just a little tipsy..."

"Hikari, we were all so blind drunk none of us can remember anything. I think that's a bit more than 'tipsy'," Asuka said dryly.

"Good thing the staff there didn't notice or say anything!" Hikari giggled. "Once Misato pointed out we could be married before midnight, it sounded so wonderful neither of us could stand waiting any longer." She sighed happily. "And it is. I'm so sad I missed you two getting married, though! I've been waiting for that to happen since we were fifteen! Everyone could see it! I'm so happy for you two!"

"Four," Rei said.

Rei's soft statement was lost in Hikari's tsunami of romantic cheer. Hikari put a thoughtful hand on her chin. "Well," she began, "Since I wasn't there, I'm guessing Rei was your Maid of Honor, Kaworu was Shinji's Best Man, and Kaji gave away the bride?"

Kaworu snorted. "No, I was not the Best Man."

Hikari looked confused. "You weren't?"

"No. I was the groom," he said, smiling despite still looking rather green around the gills.

Hikari's confusion deepened. She looked at Touji.

He shook his head. "Don't look at me, hon. You know exactly where I was. I'dda been proud to be Shin-man's Best Man, but..." Touji's brain finally caught up. He slowly wobbled his stare around to Kaworu. "Wait, you were the groom? I thought it was Shinji and Asuka that got married?"

"They did," Rei said, a little louder than before.

Kaworu raised his left hand. Beside him, Rei did too. Their matching rings sparkled.

Hikari covered her mouth with both her hands, but still squeed loud enough to be heard anyway. "Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod you had a double wedding?! That's even better! You two are so cute together! I can't believe we missed all this! Did you get a video? Tell me there's a video!"

Asuka rubbed her face with her hands. Her head throbbed, and not just from the hangover. Explaining this to her best friend was hard enough. She couldn't wait for all the fun it would likely entail to explain it to everyone else she knew. On the other hand, she was actually looking forward to explaining it to her faithless father and that slut he'd picked up before her mother was even in the ground. Scandalizing him with her own happy and lusty marriage sounded wickedly entertaining. She wasn't a filthy cheater. She was honest and sincere and needed them and was never going to lie to any of them...

Wait, what was that? She shook her head. Focus, Soryu. "I... I hope there's a video, too. Some explanation for this would be nice. Since it's even more complicated than you think, Hikari."

"Hmmm? How? I mean, I'm happy for all four of you."

"We didn't have a double wedding. We had one."

Hikari blinked at her. "I don't-"

Rei stepped up between Asuka and Shinji, pulling Kaworu along with her. Making sure he was tucked in right behind her, she let go of Kaworu long enough to snake one arm around Shinji's waist and lay her head on Asuka's shoulder. "We got married," she declared softly but firmly, a tiny smile on her lips.

All four of them held up their left hands.

Hikari's eyes bugged out. "You got... wait, all four of you? Together?! How the Hell did that happen?"

"We were hoping you could tell us," Kaworu said. "None of us remember even leaving this hotel. The working theory is that this is all Misato's fault somehow. What you've told us seems to bear that out."

"It, ah... I guess it is?" Hikari visibly struggled to collect her wits. "I can't believe all four of... um, alright. Well, we were all here, drinking, having a wonderful time, when um... Touji and I got a little excited. I mean, yes, we'd been planning this official engagement for almost two years, but really having it happen was... we couldn't help it. I told Touji I hated the wait. Misato said I 'needed to get fucked, in the worst way', and when I told her that nothing was going to make me break my promise to my mother to wait until I was married, she pointed out this was a city famous for 24-hour no-waiting wedding chapels. It... sounded like the greatest idea ever, at that point."

"I think it was the 'Romulan Ale' Misato had us all drinking," Touji mumbled. "I think that stuff was powerful. I think I would have agreed to just about anything at that point, as long as Hikari kept kissing me. I dunno what was in that stuff, but once we started drinking that, everything got reeeeeally fuzzy."

"So I said 'let's go!' And we all went! We found a jewelry store a few kilometers away, hit the downtown county office for the license, found the chapel a few kilometers on, and Misato organized us into a wedding party!" Hikari giggle again. "And ta-daaaa, one hour later I was Mrs. Hikari Suzuhara!"

"So how does that explain us?" Shinji asked.

Hikari shook her head. "I have no idea. You were all still single when I left! Touji and I departed right after the official said 'man and wife', because I have been waiting five damn years to be properly married so I can finally fuck my husband, and I was not waiting one second more than I had to." Her eyes went misty. "So worth it."

"Was Misato-san still there with us too, when you left us?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, she and Kaji were there, laughing and cheering the whole time."

"Was this the establishment, Hikari?" Rei said, producing their sheaf of marriage certificates and receipts from her handbag.

Hikari took them and shook her head in amazement. "Yes, this is it. The Chapel of the Flowers. We used the Crystal Gardens chapel." She handed Rei back the papers. "I take it you're heading there now to... find out what happened?"

Rei nodded. "Yes. We will have to be circumspect, however. If the Chapel staff become convinced we were intoxicated beyond ability to remember at the time they performed the ceremony, they may be forced to determine it was invalid," she said calmly. Her voice hardened. "I do not wish this to happen."

Touji rubbed his eyes. "You... want to have this be a thing? I mean, you're not going to, uh... fix it?"

Rei tapped one slender finger on the tattoo under her eye. "No. I have been marked and claimed and held, as have they. We are bound, hearts and souls, by love and by will until the end of us all." She looked contemplative for a moment. "Also, I do not wish to give up the pleasure of Shinji's enormous co-"

Kaworu clamped a hand over Rei's mouth. "Compassion. She was going to say compassion," he improvised.

Rei pried his hand away. "Kaworu's too." She too looked smug.

"We're not 'fixing' anything for at least 96 hours after the fact," Asuka pointed out. "No divorces or annulments allowed in that time frame, according to the same current law that even allows for the four of us to be married in the first place."

"But we fly back to Japan in-" Hikari started to say.

"We know," Asuka cut her off. "And that's without touching on the fact we still don't know what the Hell we were thinking, or how," she looked at Rei, who was now snuggling up against Kaworu's chest, still smiling smugly, "opinions are divided on if we even want to... 'fix this'. And as Rei pointed out, we've all got each others' names tattooed all over us."

"What, really? All of you?"

Asuka felt dainty, familiar hands take her by the shoulders and turn her around, putting her back to Hikari. Rei's hand then grabbed Asuka's shirt at her beltline and pulled it up. "Yes," Rei said, "Observe. Is it not beautiful? Shinji and Kaworu's are over their hearts."

"Rei!" Asuka tugged her shirt back down and spun back around to hide her back. "Don't just go flashing me at Hikari, her gorilla, and everyone else in the lobby!"

Rei did manage to look contrite. "I am sorry, Asuka," she said apologetically. I am just giddy at the prospect of showing off our marks to everyone. You are all mine." She turned Asuka's head enough to kiss her softly. "As I am yours."

"Gleeble!" Asuka protested.

"Wow... I... I didn't know you were that close, Asuka," Hikari said, flushing red.

"The Red Demon and Rei Ayanami are kissing. I think being married has affected my brain," Touji said vaguely. His eyes glazed over again. "Hikari, can we go back upstairs and be married again some more?"

"I... maybe we should go with them? I mean, we didn't get our video either," Hikari said. "Either way, I'm going to have to lean on you. After last night, my legs are more wobbly than flan in an earthquake."

"How did you get down here, if so?" Kaworu inquired.

Hikari smugged again. "My strong and virile husband carried me down from our room for breakfast. Bridal carry, in fact."

"Hikari is cuddly," Touji nodded. He smiled agreeably at everyone.

"I think you literally fucked his brains out, Hikari," Asuka smirked.

"Don't need brains. Being married is awesome. I am so pregnant," Touji... argued?

"Touji, buddy, I assure you, you're not pregnant," Shinji tried. "You are anatomically ill-equipped."

"Then we'll have to try harder. I want Hikari's babies."

Kaworu patted Shinji on the shoulder. "I think he's still in shock, Shinji. Just let him be happy. It's not as if we all don't feel nearly as, ah... unmoored from our normal states of mind this morning, no?"

"I... guess? I don't know. I feel weirdly... at ease," Shinji said, covering Kaworu's hand with his own. "Because I've got you, Rei, and Asuka, I think. I'd be flailing all over if I didn't."

Kaworu smiled back and started to lean in for a kiss. He hesitated at the last moment, looking the question at Shinji if it was ok to do this in public.

"Gott, you two are so cute..." Asuka murmured. "I mean, ahem! Let's get a taxi and go find out what happened! We've got a mystery to solve, Misato to track down, and then we blame her for all of this mess." She paused. "Finish that kiss first, though." She coughed into her hand. "Please."

As Shinji and Kaworu happily obliged her, Rei turned to Hikari. "You are taking our situation far more calmly than I feared you might, Hikari. I was concerned you would find our unorthodox status... objectionable. You do have a bit of a reputation about strictness over 'traditional values'."

"You mean I was a raging prude who once blew up at the impropriety of Shinji and Asuka merely living together?" Hikari smiled. "Well, two things, Rei. First, however weird it might be, you're all as married at Touji and I, and that covers a lot of 'sin'. Second, I am so mellow right now I'm nearly Zen. I might get more uptight about it later when I come down, but I promise I'll try not to. But right now, I am fine."

She finished the last of her coffee and patted Touji on the hand. "I think you'll have to carry me to the taxi stand, dear. Let's go help them find out what happened to them last night after we left."