A/N: So, second and last chapter! It's a bit angsty, but given the prompt, it just had to be anyways!
I kept it rather short, for once I didn't feel like writing pages and pages, but I hope you'll like it !
IMPORTANT: To the guest who posted a review saying paraplegic people can do basically everything they want, and that what is depicted in this story isn't realistic and all: first, I'm really sorry to have offended you, it wasn't my intention; second, this is a fiction, all of this is told from the characters' POV, not mine. I'm perfectly aware that paraplegic people can live as decently as anyone else, I just based this on Fang's personality and I don't necessarily think everyone would react equally to such a situation. Third, even though I have no idea what this feels like, I'm pretty sure the first thing you think about when finding out you're paralyzed isn't 'Oh it doesn't matter, I can still live a normal life'. It certainly wouldn't be for me, but once again, it depends on the person.
This is just my take on the prompt, and my goal really wasn't to offend anyone. I apologize to all of you who think this is far-fetched and unrealistic, to all of you who know far more about this tricky subject than I do. I must insist on the fact that this is a work of fiction, and it does not depict my personal POV of the matter.
So before reading, be warned that what is written here is not reliable, it's just how I think those characters would react and not my personal view.
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 2
Lightning had been watching over her for a few days. Exhaustion clearly showed on her face as she hadn't slept much, apart from the naps that imposed themselves when her eyes were too heavy to remain open. She had moved a chair from her living room into the bedroom, grabbed a comforter and decided to stay on that chair until Fang woke up. She hadn't eaten much either, both because she simply wasn't hungry, and she feared Fang might come to her senses when she'd be downstairs.
They had taken the huntress home three days after the accident. They had taken care of the injury, but found out – without much surprise, though – that she would never be able to walk again, nor sit properly, as a matter of fact. The spine had suffered too much damage and they hadn't been able to fix it despite their efforts. Lightning had yelled, threatened the doctors to get them fired, punched the walls, prayed and cried. But Fang's fate was sealed. She was bound to spend the rest of her life stuck in a bed.
Lightning rubbed her eyes with her palms with a sigh and took a look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It read 2:54 p.m. She had lost the notion of time and as she only slept a few hours whenever she felt compelled to, she even had forgotten what day it was. The accident happened the previous Saturday. It must be Thursday. Or Friday. She didn't care. Time didn't matter.
She brought her knees to her chest and her eyes lingered on Fang's naked legs. They looked so fine. Strong, smoother than silk. She couldn't believe they would never move again. Her eyes trailed up on her body, stopping a moment to stare angrily at the large, thick bandage around her waist, sad reminder of the horrible wound hiding under it. She knew it wasn't necessarily her fault, but Lightning blamed herself. If she had been more careful, if she had made sure that no beast was hanging around, this could have been avoided. She shook the thought away from her head. It happened. She would have to deal with the consequences, and she perfectly knew she wouldn't be strong enough.
Every time she tried to imagine what kind of reaction Fang might have when she woke up she ended up crying. Each scenario she made up could be summed up by Fang loses it. And she was convinced that it was exactly what was going to happen. How could it be otherwise? Fang would never be able to stay at home indefinitely, imprisoned between her own sheets. She loved hunting, she loved nature, she loved running and wandering aimlessly on the Steppe, spear in hand. There was no way she would come to terms with her condition.
Lightning's heart missed a beat when she realized Fang was starting to stir. She quickly undraped the comforter hanging loosely around her shoulders and knelt on the floor, grasping the hand clenching on the sheet. The huntress let out a ragged breath, her eyelids fluttering as tears rolled down on her temples and vanished into the tresses of raven hair.
'Hey sweetheart,' Lightning whispered, brushing her thumb on the back of her hand. 'Does it hurt a lot?'
Fang nodded lightly, the corners of her lips trembling as if she were about to burst into sobs. The soldier quickly reached for the glass of water and the painkillers she had prepared in advance and slipped a pill into her mouth.
'Here,' she said, bringing the glass to her lips, gently lifting her head to help her swallow. 'Careful…'
Fang complied with a moan, her hand reaching for Lightning's wrist. She took a deep breath and was finally able to open her eyes. She blinked several times before they got used to the sudden brightness, and she watched as Lightning put the empty glass back on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed. She couldn't quite remember how she got there, nor why her back was hurting so much. She knew there had been an accident with a Behemoth, but the circumstances were rather blurry. She remembered the pain, the grass tickling her nose, the fresh earth under her fingers. Nothing else.
'Wha-,' she trailed off, her voice so hoarse she had to clear her throat several times before the words could come out clearly. 'What happened?'
'You had an accident,' Lightning replied softly, brushing away wild strands that fell on her forehead. 'Six days ago. You stayed at the GC camp three days, the doctors took good care of you. They let me take you home three days ago because there was nothing else they could do. From now on, I'll have to take care of you.'
'For how long?' Fang asked, shifting uncomfortably, knowing there was something bothering her, though she couldn't tell what exactly.
'I… I'll need to take care of the wound for three weeks,' she stated prudently, terrified to tell her the truth. 'And after that…'
Lightning bit her lip nervously and tried to fight the tears she felt coming. She wanted to say it in a way that wouldn't horrify the huntress, but it was impossible. She couldn't find words to make the truth less painful to hear. Fang would never accept it. She would never allow this, a life in a bed, trapped inside a house that would turn into a prison. And even if by some miracle she eventually would, she would never let the soldier take care of her day after day for the rest of her life. She was too proud and too stubborn for that. It was a dead end. Whatever she said, Lightning was bound to destroy Fang's life. And hers. Their life. Their couple might not survive this. The soldier shivered when she thought about their common future. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't picture herself living like that on the long term. It would be too hard. She had so many hopes, so many projects that couldn't come true anymore. Everything was crumbling, everything that gave her existence a meaning was shattering around her and there was no stopping it.
'What after that?' Fang insisted, furrowing her brow anxiously at the pink-haired woman.
'Oh Fang, I'm so sorry,' Lightning breathed, closing her eyes forcefully, tears coating her cheeks. 'I… Your legs… I…'
'What about my legs?' the huntress quickly asked, terrified by her lover's reaction. 'Light, what… Wait… I… I can't feel them…'
Fang's mouth closed as her face turned marble pale and her chest stopped heaving. She stared at her legs for long minute with wide eyes, listening to Lightning's soft cries sounding suddenly too loud for her ears. She propped herself on her elbows despite the excruciating pain the move awoke in her lower back, and extended a hand to pinch her thigh. She felt nothing. She pinched herself harder, dug and dragged her sharp nails on her skin. She saw the red marks, even a small pearl of blood appearing in one of the cuts her nails had made. Still, she felt nothing.
'I can't feel my legs,' she spoke again lowly, trying to move her toes without success. 'This is temporary. Right Light?'
She gave Lightning a hopeful look, eyes shining with pain and sadness. She shook her head briskly when no answer came and focused back on her legs in the hope that they might start to move if she wished hard enough.
'It's temporary,' the huntress repeated as if she wanted to convince herself. 'Of course it's temporary. I mean, it has to be, can you imagine, that would…'
'It's not temporary Fang!' Lightning cried out, wiping her tears with her arm. 'It isn't, okay? Your spine is crushed, destroyed, you're paralyzed, your legs are dead!'
For a moment, Fang stared at her lover as if the words didn't make sense when put together. They kept playing over and over again in her head like a broken record, and the more they echoed in her brain, the less sense they carried. You're paralyzed. No. That was impossible. She had misheard. Lightning was lying. Your legs are dead. It suddenly hit her with a titanic force. Her heart swelled painfully in her chest and the tie in her stomach was so tight it almost made her sick. You're paralyzed.
'No, no, I'm not!' she cried out in horror and shock. 'I'm not! I can't be! Fuck Light, I can't be!'
Lightning took a few steps back, crushing her palms over her ears, unable to listen to what Fang was saying anymore. She crouched on the floor, rocking on her feet, mumbling incoherent gibberish under her breath. This was worse than she expected. Much worse. She could still hear her despite her efforts, and every moan, every curse, every pant that flowed past Fang's mouth was a stab in her heart. She wanted it to stop, she wanted her to shut up, she wanted her to never have woken up. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't strong enough.
Her eyes shot up when she heard Fang hiss loudly in pain, and she watched her in dread, unable to make a move. The huntress had turned on her stomach and was now crawling frantically to the end of the bed, blood soaking the bandage. The wound was still fragile, and the doctors had warned Lightning that it needed to be treated with extreme care. She wanted to rush toward Fang and put her back into bed, but she couldn't move. She felt helpless. Fang's worse wound was not physical anymore, and there was nothing she could do to help her.
'I'm gonna show you', she heard Fang mutter, seeing the tanned woman tightening her hold on the sheet. 'I'm gonna show you I can walk.'
Lightning winced when Fang fell with a loud thud on the carpeted floor, a cry mixed with a sob escaping her lips. The soldier covered her mouth with trembling fingers, tears springing from her eyes, her muffled whines covered by the sound of Fang dragging herself toward the door.
The huntress knew Lightning was right. She knew her legs were now lifeless. But she couldn't accept it. She didn't want to listen to her reason yelling at her to stop this madness, and crept toward the door in spite of the blood she felt seething in her lower back and the excruciating pain spreading from the wound, as if it were flowing in her veins.
After long seconds of torture, she finally reached the door and grabbed its edge forcefully. She could feel Lightning's eyes on her. She wouldn't give up. Slowly, she dragged herself up, the weak muscles in her arms screaming in protest. She finally grasped the handle of the door, a shiny layer of sweat covering her forehead. The bandage was now too soaked to absorb any more blood, and the red liquid started to drip from it, drops running down her thighs. Fang bit her lip forcefully when she realized it was useless. She couldn't stand up. Her legs were too heavy and her arms too frail.
She released the handle after holding onto it for a few seconds, and collapsed back on the floor with a scream of rage. She started hitting the floor with her fists, crying out a never ending flow of insults and ended up hissing and moaning when she propped herself on her forearms, involuntarily arching her back. And that was when Lightning reacted. She rushed towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders forcefully, tears streaming down her cheeks. She backed away with a gasp of surprise when Fang slapped her with all her strength, leaving a burning imprint of her fingers on her face.
'Don't fucking touch me', she spat, looking at her with dark, menacing eyes.
Lightning rubbed her cheek on fire mechanically, as if she hadn't quite realized what Fang had done. A slap. A single slap. If it were only for her, Lightning would have asked for a dozen more. She felt so guilty for not having supported Fang from the beginning. She should have stayed by her side and reassured her, told her it was going to be okay. She had dropped that bomb that led to the destruction of her life, and then she let her deal with it alone. Thinking she was not strong enough was not an excuse. Fang wasn't strong enough either. They were both on the same boat. They needed to help each other. That was their only chance.
'Let me help you,' she whispered, reaching out for her once again.
'No,' Fang replied with a growl, feeling the pain grow in her lower back. 'You're not helping me for this. Nor for anything else. Just go away.'
'But Fang…'
'Lightning!' the huntress cut furiously, her fingers digging in the carpet. 'Don't you realize what helping me means now? It means you're gonna have to do everything for me. Prepare my food, help me shower, help me dress, and that's only the fun part! I can't even sit properly for fuck's sake, it hurts, my back is all knackered, have you even thought about how fucking awkward it's gonna be when you're gonna have to take me to the bathroom? Not that fun anymore, yeah?'
'Listen Fang…'
'No, you listen!' Fang hissed through gritted teeth, her whole body shaking with sobs. 'I don't want you to see me like this. Please, I don't want you to see me like this. Don't look at me. Just go, please.'
She buried her face in her arms, exhausted, ashamed, the pain having an undesirable effect on her nerves. Lightning swallowed hard, her guts twisting with guilt when she realized Fang was right. They had shared a lot of things together, but they still had their private little garden… Now, all of this gave a whole new perspective to the concept of privacy. There were limits she wasn't willing to cross, but if she really wanted to help Fang, she would have to. A lot of things were never going to be the same, she would have to adapt to this new life, but one thing was sure: she would never leave her.
'We'll figure something out,' she said softly, daring to take Fang in her arms. 'But for now I need to take care of this.'
'Don't,' Fang breathed feebly, weakened by the loss of blood. 'Let me die.'
Lightning ignored her, perfectly knowing she wasn't in the state to struggle, and laid her gently on the bed. She reached for the bag of medical supplies the doctors had given her before going home and took out a stack of compresses and bandages, a bottle of surgical spirit and a pair of scissors. She pulled her panties down a little, and as Fang didn't react, she wondered where the paralysis stopped. She couldn't know if she hadn't felt it, or if she just didn't care anymore. Both cases were awfully depressing. She carefully cut the old bandage that had turned red with all the blood, and poured some surgical spirit on a compress. She started to clean the edges of the injury – which didn't look as bad as the first time she saw it, but still was really ugly – and she sighed in relief when she realized the bleeding had stopped. She made sure that Fang wasn't suffering too much, then applied a few compresses on the gaping wound and wrapped a bandage around her waist, from her hips to her navel, and then a second one to make sure everything would hold in place. Then, she grabbed clean panties in a drawer, took off the dirty ones and wiped the stains of blood on her thighs and bottom away.
'I don't think that's the proper context to excite me,' Fang commented, her voice muffled in the pillow, barely audible even in the silence of the room.
'You… You felt it?' Lightning asked, slipping the clean panties on.
'Nope,' she replied with a sad laugh. 'But seeing you take my underwear off tends to stimulate my imagination.'
That draw an unexpected smile on Lightning's face – a weak smile, but a smile nonetheless. She sighed deeply and helped Fang lie on her back, before lying next to her. She rested her chin on her shoulder and looked at her face. It was still pale, she had dark circles and her eyes lacked their usual sparkle. She truly looked devastated. It felt as if it wasn't really her anymore, and it made Lightning profoundly somber.
'I don't want to live like this,' Fang stated lowly, closing her eyes as if she wanted to escape reality. 'I can't. I'll be like a Chocobo kept in a cage. Happy when its master is here, and sad the rest of the time.'
'Because to you, I'm a master now?' Lightning asked softly, tangling her fingers in her wild mane.
'If you decide to do this, yes. You're going to feed me, wash me, pat me on the head when I'm down. I feel like a dog with a leash around its neck. This bed is my kennel, you're my master and I can only go where you want me to go. We… We can't be together anymore. Not as a couple. We can't be. Not after you've seen me like this. What we had… It's lost.'
Her voice broke and Lightning watched silently as new tears appeared in the corner of her eyes. But those tears didn't reach her. She would never swallow that crap.
'It's not lost,' the soldier stated firmly, cupping Fang's face. 'Fang, I love you, and I don't give a damn about how you look right now. We just… We need time to adjust to all of this, that's all.'
'No,' Fang shot back angrily, shaking her head to chase the hand bothering her. 'We won't adjust. No more romantic dinners, no more cuddling on the couch, no more sex. Everything we used to do as a couple, we can't do any longer. And do I need to remind you how I get when I stay inside for too long? Remember the time I lost it because I had to stay at home for just two days straight? Can you even imagine how it's going to be after months? Years? Do you think you'll be able to bear with me once I'm going to turn into an obnoxious bitch?'
Lightning remembered that day perfectly. She had been sent on a mission for a few days, and had asked Fang to stay at home because she expected a very important call. When she had got back home, the huntress was angrily pacing back and forth in their living-room, she had reduced a cushion of the couch to pieces and had managed to break their television – from what Lightning understood, Fang had slammed her hand a bit too hard on it when she had found out the documentary channel wasn't working. And when Lightning had informed her that in the end, the call had been directly transmitted to her, Fang had thrown an impressive temper, and had ignored her completely for almost a week.
The soldier knew Fang was right. She knew how the huntress could get when she was angry and until that day, she had always done her best to avoid her when she wasn't in a good mood. It happened rarely, but she had understood that staying away from her when she started glaring at things and people was the best thing to do. The accident would have many more consequences than just the paralysis. Fang becoming a sour woman, shooting insults and hurtful remarks all day long was one of them. Lightning having to take care of basically everything while listening to her spiteful monologues was another.
The pink-haired woman hesitated a moment, aware that it would require a lot of patience, will and mental strength to endure Fang's behavior. She didn't know if she'd be able to put up with her lover growing more and more venomous, day after day. Maybe it would be too hard. Maybe Fang would push it too far. Maybe their relationship wouldn't survive. But she had to try.
'I'll bear with you as long as you bear with me, sweetheart,' Lightning whispered softly, aware that Fang was on the verge of falling asleep. 'Because I'm not leaving, and I'm going to take care of you. Call me a bitch, hit me, hate me if that can make you feel better, but I'm staying. We'll make it through together. We're going to take it step by step. I won't let you down, so please, don't let me down either.'
Fang nodded lightly, Lightning's words piercing through the fog of exhaustion. She didn't know if she'd be able to live like this for more than a few weeks. Maybe it would be too hard. Maybe she would be too despicable for Lightning to stay. Maybe she wouldn't even survive. But she had to try.
