Part 2
At the sound of the door chime, Picard looks up from the computer screen on the desk in his ready room. "Come."
Gazing down, Picard is alarmed to find little Felisa Crusher standing at the door, hands behind her back. "Hello, Captain."
Brows furrowed, Picard rises from his chair. "Hello, Felisa. Is everything alright?"
Felisa crosses the room, bringing her arms around to hold out a large canvas painting of a blue-eyed, fluffy white kitten. "Yes, sir. I wanted to thank you for helping me and Nala out of the Jefferies tube. I painted you a picture."
Brows raised, Picard is taken aback. "Oh, well, uh…that's very…thoughtful."
Felisa extends her arms, presenting the painting with a massive grin.
Smiling awkwardly, Picard accepts the proffered painting. "Thank you, Felisa. It's lovely."
"It's a painting of Nala," Felisa points out as Picard examines the canvas.
"I see that," replies Picard, offering a half-smile.
"You could hang it up in here," suggests Felisa, rotating around to appraise the walls.
Biting back a protest, Picard nods, not wanting to offend the child. "Yes. That's a good idea."
"Captain, may I ask you something?" Felisa asks tentatively.
Looking briefly to his desk, Picard purses his lips. "Actually, I really ought to…"
"I was just wondering if you could take me horseback riding in the holodeck," Felisa asks sweetly as Picard sets the canvas on his desk.
Eyes dilated, Picard is caught off guard by her request. "Horseback riding?"
"I want to learn," explains Felisa simply. "My mom can't teach me. Wesley said you love horses."
Considering the request, Picard puts a hand on the corner of his desk. "I…I don't know, Felisa."
"Oh, please, sir! I really want to learn," begs Felisa, folding her hands in prayer. "I won't be any trouble, I promise. I learn very quickly!"
Lips curling into a tiny smile, Picard nods. "Very well. I'll have to run it by your mother first."
Pumping her first into the air, Felisa beams. "Yes! Thank you, Captain!"
Retrieving a PADD from the desk, Picard cannot believe that this child has somehow convinced him to give her horseback riding lessons. Perhaps it was her precociousness, the striking physical resemblance to her mother, or perhaps her bold attitude that she had evidently inherited from Beverly Crusher, but Picard had a difficult time telling this child no. "Alright. I'm meeting with the department heads in ten minutes. I can take you back to where you're supposed to be now."
Shrugging, Felisa follows Picard across the room. "I came from school. I usually go to sickbay after class and watch my mother and help her in any way I can."
As the door slides open, Picard glances back at the child in close tow. "Your mother said you're interested in medicine?"
Bobbing her head, Felisa smiles. "Yep. I'm going to be a doctor, just like her."
"That's a noble aspiration," remarks Picard. "You'll have to study and work very hard. Your mother is very intelligent and very dedicated."
"I will," Felisa states with conviction. "I'm going to be just like her."
PAGE BREAK
Lifting the girl off of the simulated mature riding horse in the holodeck, Picard cannot help but smile. "Well, what do you think?"
"Good," Felisa huffs, flipping her long braid over her shoulder. "But, we could do without the fake horse smell."
Laughing, Picard peers around at the faux stable and track. "I tried to make the program as authentic as possible."
"It worked," Felisa retorts, removing her helmet and wiping her forehead.
"You've done well for your first lesson," Picard remarks, striding toward the exit.
"Can we come back tomorrow?" Felisa asks hopefully as Picard calls to the computer to end the program.
Lightly laughing, Picard motions for her to exit the holodeck. "You're the spitting image of your mother. You've even got her attitude."
As they enter the corridor, Felisa appears confused. "Is that good or bad?"
Exhaling, Jean-Luc has to contemplate the child's question. "It keeps me on my toes."
Grinning, Felisa glances at the captain as they walk along the corridor. "Mom says I have to watch my mouth or I'm going to get in trouble."
"I would heed your mother's advice," Picard tells the girl teasingly, entering the turbolift.
"Am I like my father?" Felisa asks earnestly, following the captain into the lift. "You knew him well."
Taken aback by her question, Picard does not know how to respond. "I don't know."
"I never knew my father," Felisa tells him quietly as Picard leans his back against the wall of the turbolift.
Nodding silently, Picard notices her change in demeanour.
"He died right after Mom became pregnant," continues Felisa, peering over at Picard with wide blue eyes.
"Yes," Picard acknowledges solemnly.
"He was killed on duty," Felisa adds sadly, looking directly at Picard.
"Felisa," Picard says quietly, reading in her eyes that the child knows the entire history and needing to reach out and explain to her.
Grimacing, Felisa nods. "It's okay, Captain."
As the turbolift doors open, Picard is speechless.
Felisa walks out of the lift and Picard stumbles to follow her.
"Felisa, I am so sorry," Picard spits, struggling to vocalize.
Frowning, Felisa sighs. "Sir, I understand. It wasn't your fault. You had to make a choice. You didn't mean for him to die. He was your friend."
Walking along the hall toward the Crushers' cabin, Picard feels like his legs are bricks. "Felisa, that was one of the most difficult command decisions I have ever made. Not a day goes by that I am not tormented by the grief that I have caused your whole family." The truth is that he is usually not affected by the decisions he makes as captain. He had had to deliver tragic news to families before. The difference in this was that it was so personal with Crusher. Too personal.
Pausing outside the front door, Felisa offers the captain a smile. "We don't blame you, sir."
The child is attempting to comfort him, but Picard blames himself enough for everyone. He cannot even manage a reply as Felisa opens the door.
"Hi, Mom!" Felisa calls, running directly into the kitchen where Beverly is replicating a drink.
Whipping around, Beverly smiles lightly. "Hey, honey. How was horseback riding?"
"Awesome!" Declares Felisa, bouncing on her toes.
"You smell like you've been riding a horse!" Beverly laughs, waving her hand in front of her nose. "Go take a shower."
Rolling her eyes, Felisa takes the glass of water out of Beverly's hand. "It's for authenticity, Mom."
Chuckling lightly, Beverly notices the captain hovering around the front entrance. "Did you thank Captain Picard for taking you horseback riding?"
Gulping the water, Felisa walks over to the front where Picard is standing. "Thank you, Captain. I had fun today."
"I did, too," Picard replies with a half-smile as Beverly pads over to him. "I'll consult my schedule and we'll arrange a time for another lesson."
"Thank you!" Felisa calls, skipping off toward her bathroom.
Smiling, Beverly watches her daughter disappear. "She had a great time. Thank you so much for doing that."
"Of course," Picard replies easily. "Beverly…"
Looking up at his hazel eyes, Beverly notices his expression has changed to something more earnest.
Pursing his lips, Picard covers his jaw. "I didn't realize the children knew about Jack."
Eyes widening, Beverly steps closer to him. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I knew Wesley was there for the service and everything. But, I suppose I figured he was so young he wouldn't recall much. And,Felisa wasn't even born. Felisa knew all about the accident on the Stargazer," Picard explains in concern.
Surprised that the captain would not expect the children to know of their father's death, Beverly is bemused. "Of course. I talk freely about Jack. I want the kids to know who he was. If they have questions I try to answer as best as I can. I like to tell them little anecdotes so they can have a picture of who their father was."
"They know how he was killed. They know I was responsible," states Picard solemnly.
Face tightening, Crusher folds her arms across her chest. "I am not going to lie to my children. Yes, they know he was killed on duty. Yes, they know it involved your decision-making. No, they do not believe you were responsible."
Swallowing hard, Jean-Luc meets her fierce blue eyes.
"And, neither do I," Beverly whispers, reaching for his hand. "Jean-Luc, nobody blames you for Jack's death. You know that. That's not the message I've given to my kids."
Nodding, Jean-Luc gazes down at her hand wrapped over his. "I'm glad. That doesn't mean I am not liable."
Seeing in his eyes that he stills carries the burden of his culpability in her husband's death, Crusher sighs. "Is that why you didn't want me to take this post?"
"Perhaps," admits Picard, averting his eyes.
"Jean-Luc…" Beverly whispers, searching for his eyes.
Inhaling sharply, Picard straightens. "I better return to my quarters and get cleaned up. I'm relieving Riker in an hour."
Frowning, Beverly drops her hand. "Would you like something to eat?"
Shaking his head, Picard backs toward the door. "No, thank you. I'll review my schedule and let you know when I can take Felisa for another lesson."
Bobbing her head, Beverly traces his steps to the door. "Thank you."
"Have a good evening," Picard calls evenly, stepping out into the corridor.
Folding her arms over her chest, Beverly cannot fathom her captain's behaviour tonight.
