2
I looked at the platter before me.
I recognised the Big Boy's Fancy Snack, the Sugar Bombs, the Instamash…
What I didn't recognise was the skewer of meat.
I held it up. "What is this?"
"Nutritious is what it is, now eat".
I took the first morsel of meat into my mouth and chewed.
I chewed some more.
I chewed even harder.
I gave Jonesy a bemused look.
"How in hell do you eat this"?
Jonesy laughed.
"Yeh it's tough. But it'll keep you going".
"What is it"?
"Iguana bits".
"Iguana? Where in the hell do you get Iguanas from in…"
I stopped short, realising that I still didn't know where I was.
"New York?", Jonesy finished for me.
"New YORK"? I spluttered, Iguana meat flying from my mouth.
What the fuck am I doing in New York?
Jonesy looked at me with curiosity.
"Well, where did you think you were?"
"Still in Alberta" I cried out.
"Alberta, Canada?" Jonesy looked at me like I was crazy
"I don't know any other Alberta's"
I did some quick math (which I was surprised to find I could still do, along with geography)
"Alberta is about 4000 miles from New York, so it'd take a month to walk that in a straight line. If I deviated at all its probably more like two months".
"Well I don't think you were doing much walking", Jonesy muttered.
"And why is that?"
"Because from what I could see, you were loaded up on Buffout. You fell off the wagon. Litereally."
"What does THAT mean?" I demanded.
"You were literally on the back of a wagon, being pulled by a Brahmin. You…" Jonesy paused.
"I what?"
"You were in the company of slavers. They didn't seem to notice you'd fallen away. Katie, they dumped a little before you fell off. Guess they had no more use for her. I tried to get her to come with me to keep her safe, like I did wit' you but she was scared and just took off".
I chewed my Iguana bits in silence.
I'd nearly finished my meal when Jonesy spoke again.
"I ain't never seen no-one from no vault before".
"Vault?" I asked.
"Yeh. The romper suit with the number on. I've heard stories so I know that be what they wear in the vaults but I ain't never seen no vault dweller myself."
"What stories?" I had an inkling I was going to regret that.
"You ever hear of the Lone Wanderer"?
I had. The guy was a legend.
Apparently he'd taken on the world in order to find his dad and together they were finding a way to purify the water to stop it being irradiated when the guys dad had died.
"But that's just legend", I added.
"Legend is a made-up story that starts with the truth".
I eyed Jonesy with a newfound respect.
"Hey", he started, "I is educated!"
I gave a single snort of a laugh and finished my meal.
When we'd finished eating, Jonesy told me the rest of what he knew about the slavers.
Apparently, there were at least five of us on the cart.
I had to find them.
I also wanted to find my sisters killers and make them pay.
I also still wanted to know where the hell someone would find iguanas in New York. They didn't exactly come up very much in Canada from what I knew.
"Let's just say there are ways of getting Iguana Bits and they are plentiful", Jonesy said cryptically.
I shrugged. I didn't have the heart to follow it.
I outlined my quest to Jonesy.
"Man, you crazy! If the Raiders don't split you open, the Slavers will tear you're head off. I mean, look. Raiders are so jacked up on booze and chems, you could walk right up to them and they'll laugh they're asses off until you put a bullet in their heads.
Or else they could decide to shoot you in the ass and laugh their heads off. You got a 50/50.
But Slavers? If they recognise you as having got away, they'll just kill you. No chat, no questions, just 'BOOM'. And if that ain't enough, the Slaver you were with were led by a Super Mutant called Mack. And those are some mean SOB's. Tough too. You got about as much chance of getting revenge on them as I have in getting to the moon."
"Thanks for the confidence", I murmured.
"Oh you think I should make it all flowery and nice for you?" Jonesy raised his voice. "That's just the Raiders and Slavers. What are you gonna do about the Legion? Or the other Super Mutants? Or the Mirelurks in Old New York Bay?"
"The what?"I had never even heard of a Mirelurk.
"Or the Ghouls".
"You gotta be pulling my leg"
"Deathclaws?"
"Now I know you're making this shit up".
"Oh really?"Jonesy raged at me.
He suddenly looked around, checking no-one had been attracted to the noise.
He looked at the ground and blew a breath out, calming himself down.
He looked at me with such conviction it felt like I was gonna burn under his gaze.
"A'ight", he nodded fervently. "Come on. I'll introduce you to someone.
