"I don't know if I can." Reid had Haley cradled tightly in his arms as Hotch slammed the SUV door behind him. She had one thumb stuck deep in her mouth, the other holding onto the front of Reid's shirt. She blinked a few times innocently. Reid took a shaky breath and he eyed the doors. As far as he was concerned, she was the center of the world. Nothing else even came close to being as important as she was. He looked back to make sure that Hotch and JJ were still behind him. He didn't want to be alone when he left her behind.

"You can do it." Hotch gave Reid's shoulder a comforting pat. He knew the pain that Reid was feeling. It never got easier to leave Jack and Jack stayed with Jessica, who was family. He did wish that there was a way to help Reid with his anxiety.

"She's so small." Reid gave her cheek a stroke with his finger. He had spent almost twenty minutes carefully combing her curly wisps of chestnut colored hair this morning and another twenty picking out the perfect little outfit. Her warm, chocolate colored eyes were so trusting and innocent; could he really leave her here, all by herself? What kind of father was he if he just left her here to fend for herself without him to help her along?

"You can do it." JJ echoed Hotch. She remembered the first day, not being able to hold her baby in her arms whenever she wanted too. It was so difficult and Henry was luckily able to stay with his father most of the time.

"Ok." Reid shuddered as he opened the door, the sounds of crying greeting him. He clutched her tighter as they walked down a small hall, trying to ignore the two other sets of parents that were leaving their children. Room 24 might have been a torture chamber from the scathing look that Reid gave it as they approached. He took a small step back when, Ms. Gray, Haley's teacher, stepped into the doorway and gave him a wave.

"Hello again, Dr Reid!" She smiled widely. She remembered him from their first meeting a few weeks ago at the orientation. "Is Haley ready for her first day?" She beckoned him in, a silly, peppy grin on their face. "I'll give you a minute to say goodbye." She knew from experience that the first time that parents dropped off their children, they needed a few minutes to say goodbye.

"Thanks." His voice came out ten pitches higher than usual. "Daddy is going to work, but he'll be back really soon. I love you." He kissed her forehead tenderly then set her carefully down on the ground, making sure she was sitting securely. She had been a little later than most children at learning to sit up but the day care had said it would be fine. Ms. Gray said she would make sure to pay special attention to his daughter. She stuck her bottom lip out and held her arms up for Reid to pick her back up. When he didn't, she cocked her head to the side, confused.

"We'll see you at five!" Ms. Gray waved. "We'll have fun." She looked convincing and Reid nodded hesitantly. He saw the familiar wobbling of her bottom lip and the tears starting to form in her eyes and quickly left the room. They were only a few steps down the hallway when the familiar, high-pitched cry came from the room. Reid faltered in his step and turned back towards Haley, but Hotch and JJ stood in his path, barring Reid from access to the room.

"If you go back now, you won't ever be able to leave her." JJ said gently but firmly. Reid took a deep breath and almost barged through the two of them to get back to his daughter. The cries of his baby girl were like needles attacking his entire body and turning away seemed impossible. Suddenly, he spun around on his foot and basically sprinted down the hallway, JJ and Hotch looked after him sadly, knowing only too well how hard this must be.

- - - -
Reid stared at the picture he had of Haley on his desk. It brought a smile to his face when he thought of her first smile. He wished that he could just stay home with her for the rest of his life, but he knew better than that. He was luckier than most parents. Hotch had been incredibly understanding as his boss. They had definitely been getting developing an even closer relationship. "I'm going to get a sandwich, want me to bring you something back?" Morgan got up from his desk, stretching.

"Um, yea, thanks." Reid jumped, startled. He was thinking about how Haley was already pointing out to pictures in the books he read and was wondering how much of his memory she had gotten. She might not be able to walk yet, but he remembered that he had taken a little longer to walk. His brain had just been focused on other things. He smiled when he thought about the one time when his mother joked once that his brain was so large and heavy, it took him just a little longer to gain his center of balance and then gave him a hug.

"Reid, she's probably cooing and making everyone there fall in love with her." Morgan looked Reid directly in the eyes. Reid looked up, a little more hopeful than before. Morgan might put out the tough guy, player routine, but his heart had melted the first time he had been allowed to hold Haley. He had fallen for her big, open trusting eyes and enjoyed every moment that he spent with her. He hadn't felt that way since his mother had let him hold his baby sister for the first time. Hell, he'd even volunteered to watch her once when Reid made a passing comment about how empty his refrigerator was but he hadn't wanted to take Haley out in public yet.

"Thanks." Reid felt a little better. He just couldn't wait to be able to pick up her up and cuddle to his chest and take her home and rock her and maybe feed her some apple sauce, Haley's favorite. "I just, it's like half of my heart has been ripped out." He put his arms on his desk and put his face down in them, hiding his face from the office.

"Let's get lunch together." Morgan sighed. "Get your coat, I'll be right back." He paused, waiting to see if Reid moved, then added in a stern voice, "I'm not taking no for an answer." Reid sighed, leaving his face buried in his arms for another minute before sitting up. When Morgan wouldn't take no for an answer, he just wouldn't take no. He was slightly confused as he watched Morgan mount the stairs that led to Hotch's office. Morgan poked his head into Hotch's open door, knocking on the metal door frame lightly. "Can Reid and I have some time at lunch?"

"Sure, take all the time you guys need." Hotch waved them off, turning back to the huge stack of paperwork that he had to get done. He wondered if his ex-sister-in-law was capable of murder but if he didn't make it home at a decent hour today, he might find out.

"Leave some on my desk." Morgan said quietly as he stepped away. He remembered growing up with one parent and knew that even more minute with his parent had made a difference. Hotch sighed as he set a few aside for Morgan later, he hated to put more work on his agents.

"Pretty boy, I've never been in your situation and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I'm still here for you." Morgan said as the two sat in a comfortable silence in the park that was a few blocks from their work. Reid had been watching some of the children that were climbing around the play set, imagining their different physical attributes on Haley. One girl's brown hair fell to the middle of her back and had perfect tight pinwheel curls. Another was obviously athletic, even at her young age. He made a mental note to research the age that starting gymnastics was best advised. Haley could pull her legs up above her head and it fascinated Reid every time.

"I guess I just feel like I'm a bad father." Reid looked at Morgan. "I guess I just, I guess I see why my mom wanted to have a child, even though she was obviously not the role model mother." He looked slightly rueful as he watched a mother pushing her baby on a swing, making silly nonsensical noises each time that the swing came close enough.

"You're a great dad; I can see that already, you have nothing to worry about." Morgan said sincerely. He knew without a doubt that Reid was one of the best fathers he had ever met. Morgan couldn't believe how much Reid had changed since becoming a father.

"Thanks." Reid gazed off again, looking at the girl who had golden blonde hair that looked almost as though her mother had ironed it. She had on a pink dress that was covered in different shaped white polka dot. He wondered if possibly Haley's hair might lighten up as the years went on. He couldn't even begin to imagine the endless possibilities of what Haley might look like when she got older.

"Look, Hotch will wonder where we are." Morgan slid his sleeve up above his wrist and glanced at his watch. They had been sitting here for over an hour, "I'm always here for you." Morgan gave Reid a pat on the back as they stood up together. Reid would always be his baby brother.

- - -
It had become a routine, a still uncomfortable routine. He dropped Haley off but never stuck around to hear her cry. The teacher informed him every afternoon when he picked her up that Haley had cried again. It had been almost three months now and Haley still wasn't standing, even though Reid noticed two little girls had started to take wobbly steps in his daughter's class. He wasn't worried since he had taken Haley for a checkup and the doctor said it wasn't a big deal. Reid looked in the rearview mirror, smiling as he listened to the little girl babble quietly as she clutched the tiny elephant he she slept with every night her tightly to her chest.

"I miss you so much every day." Reid commented. He swore that she knew what he was saying. She gave a tiny nod and her cutest smile with her cavernous dimples as she pulled off her right shoe, a little quirk of hers, letting it fall in the seat next to her. Reid smiled to himself, music playing softly in the background, as he made his way through the green light, not seeing the car speeding towards them, the occupant looking down at their phone.