AN: Hello Rushers! I'm back with another chapter. Big thanks to Rikku94 and Fireplanetz for reviewing the first chapter. I realized I did the math wrong and Logan turned 17 3 days before Kennedy was born, sorry for the confusion. This chapter has a flashback and I hope enjoy. Let me know what you think. I also have half of the next chapter written so review and I will post it soon! Please check out my other story Forgive and Forget! Also just to clarify Avery's nickname is pronounced "Ave" like "Dave" without the D. This chapter follows Logan finding out some bad news and how he copes with it. I'm excited for you guys to read the next chapter so review this to find out what happens next. Enjoy!

The past three and a half years of Logan's life had been more than he could have expected. He had become a father, which was something he never would have expected at the age of seveteen. He was also in a popular band and somehow found himself going all over the world. Four years ago if you asked Logan what he would have been doing the answer would have been simple. Graduate high school, get a hockey scholarship, study biology and then go onto medical school. Nowhere in that plan were the words fatherhood or fame. But as he walked into the studio he couldn't help but think he liked the way his life had turned out. Other than the fact he was never around for Kennedy, he couldn't really complain. But of course, his eyes were still damp and he his throat still felt raw from the tears he cried on the way over. As he walked into the studio he saw the guys sitting around.

"Hey Loge, Gustavo isn't here yet but he told us to start memorizing the lyrics." Carlos greeted as Logan shrugged off his hoodie. "What's up?"

"Not much, man." He gave a weak smile and took of his sunglasses, revealing his red eyes.

"Whoa, what's wrong with you?"

Logan just shrugged. His tactic for dealing with his emotions when talking to the boys was to be distant. He tried to even out his voice. "I just left Avery's."

Kendall and Carlos shared a sad glance with each other. While they were used to seeing Logan get upset about Avery and Kennedy it never got any easier for them to see him this way. James patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"I mean at least we're home for a few weeks." He reasoned. "You'll be able to see them more often."

"I know but it's still hard."

Kendall cleared his throat awkwardly. "How is she?"

Logan gave a small smile despite his bad mood. "Kennedy's good. She's in school now and she looks so much like Avery. I just hate leaving her. Avery's seems okay too but she looks tired."

"See cheer up, buddy she's going to be smart just like you." Carlos joked, trying to make him feel better. "And she knows you'll come back."

"I guess you're right." Logan conceded.

He just wanted to end the conversation as much as he loved his band mates they just didn't get it. Leaving for tour was hard for all of them. They all had friends, and Kendall and Carlos had girlfriends and people they loved. But it wasn't the same as leaving your own daughter behind. Their friends and girlfriends could visit them, come to shows and understood why they were gone. But Kennedy didn't get that all she knew was that her dad was leaving yet again. And even though he could never do it. He wished he could just move in with Avery and forget about Big Time Rush for a while and be a normal, happy family. Just like how it had been that morning.

"Dogs we have four weeks to finish the fourth album. And then it's the world tour. I want this done fast."

Logan glanced down at his lyric sheet. The new song was called Live It Up, and from what he could tell it was about partying. He rolled his eyes, he was wasting his time to sing a song about going out when he could have been spending time with Kennedy.

"Also I have some great news. Because I'm amazing, I managed to book extra dates in Switzerland, Italy, France and more dates in South America. Along with your already schedules dates in Indonesia, Japan, Hong Kong, and of course your Australian takeover. And to top it off you will be making your European Music Awards debut at the end of tour. Meaning that you dogs are going to be doing press conferences, meet and greets, acoustic sets at signings so the fans vote for you."

James' eyes were bright. "Extra tour dates where hot girls don't speak English? Sign me up."

"Dog, heel!" Gustavo snapped. "I didn't extend tour for four weeks for you to sleep with the locals."

Carlos and Kendall were also excited but Logan stopped cold. An extra mouth of tour? He was now going to be away for ten weeks instead of six. He had already promised Avery that he would be there for Kennedy's birthday. He would have been home almost a month before but now with the extension he would miss it by a week. The panic spread throughout his body and he felt sick.

"Four weeks?" His voice was hoarse. "We can't be gone for an extra four weeks."

"Why not?" Gustavo barked. "The North American tour was important but you need extend your international audience."

Logan rolled his eyes, knowing Gustavo wouldn't be sympathetic. He had been the one to propose keeping Kennedy and Avery a secret for the sake of the band. He swallowed down his anger and clenched and unclenched his fists.

"N-never mind." He sighed, shaking his head. "It's fine."

After discussing the tour for a few more minutes they started to work on harmonies for the new song. Gustavo was currently working with Kendall and James on their lead parts. As he sat there he turned the news of a longer tour over in his mind. Avery was going to be pissed, she hated him leaving. He didn't like it either but it was always harder for her. She was the one who was taking care of Kennedy on her own. This was nothing new though, him constantly popping in and out of her life. Logan sighed, thinking back to the first tour. It had been years ago but the memory of leaving Avery was still in his mind.

July 2010

Logan's heart pounded nervously in his chest as he held onto to Avery's hand. Neither of them spoke but he looked over at her he frowned. Her tanned face was pale with morning sickness and her eyes were puffy.

"Hey, it's going to be okay." He whispered. "It's three months and then I'll be back."

Avery let out a small sob. "But I'm not even going to be here when you come home. I'm moving out next week."

Logan shook his head. There were boxes everywhere, all mostly packed. The two had spent the better part of the day finishing up her packing. Part of the deal he made with Gustavo was that Avery would move out of the Palm Woods and across town. In order to avoid them being seen together once she could no longer hide her pregnancy.

"I know. But I'll be there every day." He brought her hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. "Everything is going to work out."

"I-I don't know Logan. By the time you get back I'll be six months. You're going to miss most of it. And now my mom moved out and I have to do this all alone." Her voice broke and tears fell down her face. "I know it's the only way you can stay but the past three months have been awful even with you here."

Watching her cry made Logan choke up. He wrapped an arm around her and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I want to be there for you Ave." He nervously put his hand on her stomach, she was only three months but the beginnings of a bump were there. "I want to be there for the both of you. But I have to do this. You're not alone I swear. I'll call you every day, a-and we can Skype."

She shook her head and frowned. "I just don't know about this Logan."

"I'm trying okay? This is the best I can do."

"I know and I appreciate it, I do but I'm scared."

Logan hugged her tightly and rubbed her back as she shook. He blinked back a few tears as guilt consumed him. Everything she was saying was true. He was going to miss most of her pregnancy, which had already been rough. He knew keeping her a secret was a bad idea and he knew realistically she was alone, no matter how much he wanted phone calls and Skype to work. It was bittersweet really. He was excited about his first tour but was regretting the fact that he was leaving Avery to handle this alone.

"Please don't be scared. I know this is shitty but I'm coming back." He promised. "Then after that I'm not going anywhere."

She pulled back. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm never as far away as it seems."

Avery cracked a small smile. "Now you're just quoting your album at me."

"It's true though." He smiled sheepishly.

A knock made them both jump. Avery opened the door and gave Kendall a small wave.

"Uh Gustavo says we have to go soon." He gave Avery an apologetic smile.

"Okay, I'll be down in a minute." Logan got up to shut the door and turned to Avery. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She shrugged and folded her arms over her stomach. "You were always going on tour regardless of us."

He uncrossed her arms. "It doesn't mean that I don't feel bad though."

"You're supporting us." Her voice trembled. "I just don't want you to go."

Logan wiped his thumb under her eye. "I don't either but it's going to be okay."

Avery sniffled. "You should go."

He gave a small nod and kissed her, trying hold onto the moment. When they pulled back he crouched down in front of her. Remembering something he had read online, and leaned in towards her body. He reached out and touched her stomach again.

"I don't know if you can hear me yet or not. I'm going to miss you too, but don't worry because I'm coming back really soon. And when I get back everything is going be okay." He bit on his lip and frowned. "I'm going to miss your mom too but I'll be back. I promise."

He stood up and Avery covered her mouth as she cried.

"Please don't g-go." She whimpered, shaking her head. "Please Logan."

"Avery." He sighed, trying not to cry too. "I'll call you okay?"

She hugged him tightly and her body shook with sobs.

"You promise?"

He kissed the top of her head. "I promise. I'll call you every day, I promise."

She kissed him and stepped away from him. He sighed and picked up his two bags and put them over his shoulder.

"Bye Logan."

He gave her a sad smile. "Bye Avery. Take care of yourself."

Present – November 2014

"Logan? Logan?"

His head snapped up and he found Gustavo glaring.

"What? Sorry I zoned out."

"I said get into the booth and pay attention!"

Logan took his lyrics and walked into the booth and slipped his headphones on. He tapped his foot to the beat and tried his best to focus on the fans, this is who he was recording for, not the label.

"So you've got to live, live, live it up." He sang, getting into the song. "We have just one night so let's live it up."

The guys spent the better part of the morning working on the song. Even though Logan was in a bad mood he had to admit he enjoyed singing it. It was catchy and the fans would hopefully like it. Once Gustavo was pleased with the raw vocals he decided they could leave for the day. He had a meeting with Griffin about the tour and didn't want to spend the whole day listening to his "dogs" bark.

"James, new Battlesmash game at your place?" Kendall asked grabbing his key

"Obviously." James and Carlos were halfway out the door. "I will destroy you all."

Carlos stopped and turned around "Logan are you coming?"

"Yeah." His voice was distant he was staring down at the poster of the tour dates. "I'll meet you guys there."

Logan looked over the tour dates, panic welling up in his chest. He was going to be long so much longer than he planned. They kicked off the world tour in just a month, they were all missing Thanksgiving. While that sucked Avery was going to her parents in northern California, so hopefully Kennedy wouldn't miss him too much. He would be home for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the day after. The guys were just staying in Europe, but Logan was taking a flight home the day before in order to be there. But the tour ended January 27, a little more than a week after his daughter's fourth birthday on the 17th. He frowned, out of all the holidays and special milestones he missed he hated himself for having to miss her birthday.

"You know you do get a day off every now and again, right?"

Logan jumped, thinking he was alone. He turned and found Kelly staring at him with compassion. While she initially agreed to keep everything a secret she saw what Gustavo didn't or chose not to see. She saw how much the lies and pretending were taking a toll on Logan. She hugged him from the side.

"I know it's just Kennedy's birthday." He cleared his throat. "We'll be in Europe."

Kelly looked down at the dates. "When is it?"

"January 17th." He smiled faintly, it was three days after his. "I won't be there."

"We're in Germany that day. Logan I'm sorry."

The young dad ran his hand through his hair, exhaling loudly. "It's not your fault."

"Hey one day she'll understand."

Logan hated that. Whenever he was upset, that's how people would try make him feel better. She'll understand? What was there for Kennedy to not understand? Her dad was never around she never saw him and it made her sad. It was all pretty black and white. But he wanted to be polite.

"I guess so. I'll see you later Kelly."

From the beginning of their friendship the guys had dubbed Logan as "the smart one". Which most of the time was true he was book smart and other than failing to use a condom that one night, he had turned out alright in the end. Which is why once he got to James' he declined a controller and tried to figure out a way to make everyone happy. Most importantly he wanted to be there for Kennedy's birthday, but he also didn't want to upset the guys, Gustavo or the fans.

"Guys we're going to Europe." James had paused the game and was talking excitedly. "I love Europe. The girls, the accents, the girls!"

"And this is why you're last relationship failed." Kendall joked.

"Hey I'm not the settling down type. Anyways we can drink in every country we're going to and because this is the first time we're going as adults, no supervision!"

Logan scoffed at James' excitement. "Well I'm glad you're excited."

"Damn Logan, what are you brooding about?" James asked, completely unaware of what was going on. "First thing we're doing when we touch down is getting you wasted and laid."

Logan stood up, all of his anger spilling out. The words falling out of his mouth faster than he could keep up with. "I don't want to get wasted or laid. I don't want to be gone an extra four fucking weeks."

"Oh. Is this about Kennedy?" Carlos winced slightly. "It's only an extra month."

"I'm missing her birthday!" He was shaking now. "I'm going to be in Germany I already told Avery I would be home. It's not fair. I love this band and touring but I can't keep missing out on stuff."

James rolled his eyes. While he had met Kennedy a few times and loved her sometimes he didn't realized just how hard this was on Logan. He was too invested in his problems and what he was doing.

"In case you haven't noticed, Kennedy only exists because you were in this band and in LA. I know it has to fucking suck but you have a job to do."

"And it's my job to be her dad too! I'm not even allowed to go out in public with her or it will ruin the band's 'image'. I have to keep her hidden away like she's something to be ashamed of."

Carlos stepped between them. "Logan, listen she's not something to be ashamed of. You're her dad and you want to be in her life. It's just that we were starting out and it wouldn't have looked good."

His face was growing warm. It was like they weren't even listening. "I understood that then and I do now. But we're putting out our fourth album, we also couldn't date publicly or be seen a womanizers when we started, but look at us now. You and Kendall have girlfriends that you go out with and James is hooking up with someone new all the time. How is my own kid something I have to hide?"

"Maybe we can figure something out." Kendall offered. "Talk to Gustavo so you can go see her, or cancel the show."

His bandmates all reacted differently to Kennedy and Avery. Carlos was interested but was never too involved because he never knew what to say. Kendall seemed to side with Logan most of the time, helping him find ways to see her and James cared but never gave it much thought, thinking of them as a threat to his career.

"You think so?"

Kendall nodded. "I mean yeah. It's her birthday you can't just miss it."

"What? We can't cancel." James was indignant. "That's one of the last shows before the awards. We have to all be there, we need the votes I want to win."

Logan clenched his jaw. "You want to win, I don't care. I just want to spend the day with my daughter. Just one day, that's not too much to ask."

James shrugged. "She'll be what, three? It's not like she'll remember."

"She'll be four actually and yes she will. She remembers every time I promise her I'll call or be there to see her and don't make it. She sure as hell cries whenever I leave like I'm never coming back."

"Still?"

"Yes still!" He snapped at him. "Today was the first time I saw her in four months. She told me I was gone too long and asked me why I didn't—" His voice cracked as rubbed at his eyes. "She asked why I didn't live with her and when I left she begged me not to go."

"Fuck, Logan." James was embarrassed now, trying to apologize. "I'm sorry. I get it she's important to you."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Save it. I'm just going to go. See you guys later."

He slammed the door and took the stairs up three flights to his sixth floor apartment. Now that he was alone he allowed himself to get mad. He kicked the table and let out a yell. Why was having a daughter such a bad thing? He knew becoming a teen dad made him a statistic or whatever but there were teen parents out there. Just because he was in a band he had to hide? He wasn't ashamed to be a dad. He had made a mistake and owned up to it. Of course the looks of pity he received from his friends when he'd come home after a late night of Kennedy's crying when she was first born annoyed him. And when he was still allowed to go checkups with Avery he noticed how the older women and nurses' would look at the two of them with sadness. But he didn't regret becoming a dad, so why hide it?

Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his phone and the drawing Kennedy had made. He smiled at it. No matter how many times he left her, Kennedy still loved him and that was important. He hung it up on the fridge and took a picture and sent it to Avery.

Tell Kennedy that I love her and that I like her picture.

Avery responded with, I will she's napping right now.

How was she after I left?

Same as usual she cried and asked if you were coming back.

Leave it to Avery to never sugar coat anything. From the beginning she had a bad habit of being passive aggressive to make Logan feel bad.

I'm sorry. He typed back.

Yeah I know. You're always sorry.

Well I am, I don't want to leave you two but I can't just not go to work. It wouldn't be different if I had a normal job.

Yes but a normal job you come home from at the end of the day Logan. Not four months later.

He rolled his eyes. Technically she was right but he didn't want to admit that.

But I'm here now

And yet we're texting not talking in person

Logan loved Avery he did. She was funny and beautiful and had given him a daughter. But sometimes he had hated how she made him seem like a bad dad. He already felt that way all the time and he didn't need her to remind him.

Fine I'll be there in a few minutes.

Avery sent him the eye roll emoji.

Oh for fuck's sake. Don't come over here.

Why not you said we should do this in person and I want to spend time with her.

Not twice in a day. It took me forever to calm her down. I don't want her to go through that again.

I have the right to see her you know

Logan could tell Avery was irritated with him. Her texts came quickly and were to the point.

Yes Logan, you do. But you should be smart enough to know that you shouldn't upset her twice in one day. She's a baby and can't handle that.

She had a point but it irritated him that she made him look like the bad guy. Maybe he was, but he felt enough guilt already.

You're right. I love you.

I know I am.

That made Logan sigh and frown. He had feelings for Avery, he always had but she rebuffed them because he was never there and didn't want to set herself up for heartbreak. She had to be strong to take care of "the child you keep hurting" she would say.

Fine tell Kennedy I love her and I'll call her tonight and see her tomorrow.

Ok.

He knew better than to respond to that. If Avery was frustrated with him now he could only imagine how she would react to finding out that the tour was extended and that he wouldn't be home for Kennedy's birthday. While he understood that she just wanted to protect their child it still hurt being shut out their lives at times. But he saw her side of things too. If it was the other way around and he was the one to take care of her he wouldn't want Avery coming and going too much either. Logan left his phone on the counter, his conversation with her becoming a lost cause. He sat on the couch and shut his eyes.

His mood had shifted so quickly today. This morning had been so good, seeing his baby girl again and spending quality time with her made him happier than anything. Leaving her again had been but hard but now that he knew he was going to be gone longer, everything felt wrong. Kennedy was his proudest accomplishment. Obviously he had been terrified at the prospect of being a father, but as soon as he held her he knew that he loved her. Becoming a father just days after he turned 17 was less than ideal but that didn't matter, he had to take of her. He was proud of the success he achieved with Big Time Rush of course, but his family was more important. He was trying his best to make Kennedy proud and felt like he had been doing a good job at a young age. But thinking about his texts with Avery and the fight they got into this morning he wasn't so sure that he doing as well as he thought.

"Logan, you in there?"

Logan pushed himself off the couch and answered the door.

"Kendall, if you don't mind I just want to be left alone."

"You're always alone." He rolled his eyes as he invited himself in and sat on a stool in the kitchen. "Come on, I know you're upset."

"Great detective skills." The brunette muttered.

"I just wanted to come say that the Carlos, James and I are sorry. We know how much you love Kennedy and how badly you wanted to be there for her birthday."

"I appreciate that but it's not just her birthday."

"What do you mean?"

Logan didn't know where to start. "It's e-everything Kendall. I've missed so much of her life. I missed her first day of school because we were across the country, I've missed watching her grow up, I hardly know her. And I know being a dad makes things more difficult and I knew it was going to be hard with the band, but not like this." His voice caught in his throat. "And now we're extending the tour and Aves is all already mad enough at me."

"Why is she already mad? I thought you two were getting along."

He unlocked his phone and handed it to Kendall, letting him read the texts they had sent each other.

"That's not all." Logan continued once Kendall was done reading. "Every time I go over there I leave her some money. I left $100 on the counter, because I felt guilty for being gone for so long. Well I came out from helping Kennedy get ready and she kept trying to give it back to me and she said money doesn't replace you. Which I know it doesn't it just feels like I should."

"I mean you want to support them. It makes sense."

"That's not how Avery took it." He rolled his eyes. "She brought up how I never see them and how I have to keep them a secret. And now I have to be away for an extra month and I don't know what to do."

Once he finished explaining himself he realized his hand were shaking and he felt sick. Thinking about his shortcomings as a parent always made him anxious, on the point of a panic attack at times.

"Shit. Just breathe." Kendall said, trying to relax him "Logan it's going to work out. Avery's probably just tired. She knows you try. You seem like a great dad. You're constantly on the phone with Kennedy or Skyping her, you're doing a good job with everything going on. I know you can't see her and the hurts but she loves you."

Kendall got up and took her drawing off the refrigerator and slid it in front of him.

"Look this is adorable. And she has to love you, you are her dad after all. The guys and I hear you on the phone and I've never heard you so happy. So Avery is gonna be pissed off that you're gone but that won't change that you love her."

Logan nodded. "She does make me happy. They both do. I just feel like a bad parent. She cries every time I leave, every time. She did today even though I'm going over there tomorrow."

"Fuck you feeling like a bad parent, are you kidding me? You got some girl pregnant and were like what 16? Most guys would have walked away, especially if they had a chance to be famous. But you stayed and are making the best of it. Anyone would be lucky to have Logan Mitchell as a dad. I mean, you're probably going to make her read to death but hey, everyone has short comings."

"Shut up, she loves books." He laughed, his mood lifting slightly. Kendall was always good at cheering him up and making him feel better about the situation. "Thanks for coming I appreciate it I really do. I know you probably had plans with Jo."

"Don't mention it. I wasn't going to let you sit here and sulk all day." Kendall said, punching his shoulder. "And we'll figure out her birthday."

"I'm hoping I can at least Skype her but the time zones are different."

"We have time. So can I see her? I know you took pictures."

Logan smiled and pulled up the pictures from earlier. He looked over Kendall's shoulder as he swiped through them. Smiling at the sight of his family. Kendall stopped on the pictue that Kennedy took of her parents.

"She's beautiful." Kendall was smiling too and then raised his eyebrows at Logan and smirked. "Avery looks good too and like she's blushing I might add."

"Shut up no she's not." He rolled his eyes, his relationship with the mother of his child was a sore spot. "But yeah, they're both fine."

Kendall went back to one of the pictures with all three of them. He squinted at it and tilted his head.

"Well." He said, as if he had been thinking about it for a long time. "Luckily, she looks nothing like you. But she does have your smile and your eyes which on her are totally adorable."

Logan turned red, he was proud of his daughter. "She looks just like her mom."

"See there's a smile everything is going to be fine. I promise."

Logan nodded. "I know. I just want what's best for them."

"And you're going to give them the best. Eventually you'll be able to be a normal family."

"I know. I can't bury them forever." He said looking down at the picture of the three of them. "I won't keep them a secret forever. I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of all of this."

AN: Well this turned out longer than I intended it to. I hope you thought this was as good as the first chapter. The next chapter will deal with a complication with Logan and Avery. How did you like the flashbacks? I'm really excited to write the next chapter. I have a good idea for it. Do you think Avery is being fair? What do you want to see? Please review. I updated fairly often when I get reviews!