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Disclaimer: You know the drill. So I don't own the book series.
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Chapter 2
Edward POV:
"Good to see you, Mr. Cullen, my name's Esme Masen." She got up from her seat behind her desk and walked towards me, proceeding to shake my hand. "Please sit," she indicated to the chair off to my left.
I nodded. Esme walked over to the chair next to me, which kind of shocked me. Usually most therapists sat behind their desks, with a legal pad and a pen ready to fly.
"So, would you rather be called Mr. Cullen or Edward?" Her voice sounded motherly, comforting and sort of soothing. You know…if that makes any sense.
"Edward," I replied quietly.
I started to play with the lower buttons of my pyjama top, trying to calm my nerves.
She smiled. I studied her for a bit and I figured she was probably doing her regular routine, the one she probably did with every patient. She looked like she was in her mid-thirties, almost the same age as Carlisle. She reminded me of those mothers you see on TV, the ones that bake cookies and do the all that goody two-shoes, housewife shit. She's basically the polar opposite of my mother, even on the surface.
"So Edward, I was reviewing you're files that the state sent over and it says you have extreme bipolar disorder, which sometimes causes you to act violently."
She looked up from her notes and put the pile of papers back on the desk, waiting for some reaction.
"Look, Edward, I know you won't open up to me on the first day because you don't know me. You know what, if I were in your shoes, I would do the exact same thing. I believe in trust, and with trust, a person has to earn it. I know it's not given right away."
She gave me a small smile.
"But I expect that after I earn your trust, you will truthfully open up to me. Through that trust we can help you control your anger and your emotions."
I just nodded.
"Besides these one-on-one sessions, you'll also be in our group session we hold daily. There you will hear from others, what they, too, are going through, and how they solve their own problems."
"Is that all then?" I asked.
"If that's what you want, then yes."
I got up and walked towards the door. "Look, I admit it, I have a fucked up life. I only have seven months here, unlike most of these psychos," I pointed to the door, "I'm not your pet project. So if you'll excuse me, I'd rather stare at a wall than talk to you about myself."
Before I left, I heard Esme's voice, "At least you're polite in telling me off Edward, so I take that as a good sign."
Smartass.
I walked past one of the rooms as I headed back to mine and heard sounds of a struggle. I stuck my head through the door and saw Bella, rocking back and forth in the corner. She was crying, shaking, and being held back by the tall, blond-haired guy. The two orderly oafs and Carlisle were huddled around her.
"Bella, you have to say something," Carlisle pleaded.
"Stop hurting me, daddy. I'll be a good girl," she wailed. I moved in a little closer and saw that she was hurting herself with a hairbrush, repeatedly digging it in and smacking it against her thigh. Bruises were surfacing on her skin, marring the flesh as one of the orderlies tried to wrestle the brush from her hands.
"I'm so sorry," she said, rocking methodically and repeating the same thing over and over. Her voice sounded almost child-like compared to her normal voice.
The brush was torn from her hand as she gazed up to me, but she didn't actually see me. It wasn't Bella. She looked through me, repeating her apology constantly to whoever would listen. When her eyes fell back down to her bruised leg, she began beating herself instead, inflicting pain and a long, deep gash.
Blood oozed from her wound, spreading quickly over her soft, porcelain skin. What was once beautifully pale was now sickly red.
"I'm sorry," she repeated again. Carlisle gingerly took a hold of her wrist that was smeared in blood and instructed the other orderlies to help lift Bella up onto her bed. They set her down, attempting to hold her back as she cried and repeated the same thing, again and again.
I could tell that Carlisle cared for Bella much more than a doctor should. He cared for her almost as if she were his daughter with the way he held her hand and tried in vain to talk to her, to calm her down.
I felt sick as I watched her like this, so out of it and destructive. Bella's tears slid down her chin and onto her pillow as Carlisle pulled out a needle, sticking her with some sort of medication. Her cleaned her up and wrapped gauze around her arm and leg, covering up the cuts and bruises. I looked back over to the corner in which Bella had been in and saw the tall blond guy pick up a tiny razor.
That's how she'd cut herself. With a razor.
I shifted my gaze to Bella once again, with blood smattering her clothes, all along her pants and the hem of her shirt. Her brown hair was sticking to her forehead and her big, doe eyes were now lifeless. It was like she literally became a whole other person.
Carlisle looked extremely tired and Emmett sat beside Bella, softly brushing his fingers against the top of her head. She kept mumbling incoherent words and her eyes continually rolled back inside her head.
Before she fell asleep, she looked up, staring at me for what felt like an eternity.
"Edward," she whispered, her eyelids fluttering, "save me."
Then she fell asleep, and everyone in the room looked at me.
Carlisle was the first to speak, breaking the awkward silence, "Jake, please escort Edward back to his room while I finish cleaning up Bella."
Jake just nodded and pointed for me to exit with him. Once we were out of earshot, I had to ask Jake what the fuck was going on back there.
Jake shook his head, not wanting to talk. "I'm just here to escort you back to your room, Cullen."
His voice sounded so robotic.
"Don't give me that bullshit, what the fuck was happening back there with Bella?" I all but yelled.
We came to my room and he escorted me inside. "She relapsed into one of her personalities."
"Oh," was my brilliant reply.
"Cullen, you keep forgetting that Bella is not your average girl. She's has problems...more so than you. I've seen that way you look at her, and the way she looks at you, but that's all it will ever be. She's not some girl you can fuck and then ditch. Just leave her alone for your stay here and we won't have any problems," Jake stated.
He didn't let me reply before leaving my room.
I walked over to my bed and rubbed the back of my neck. The image of Bella huddle in a corner with blood dripping down her arms and legs scared the shit out of me.
What scared me the most was that I didn't want to run away this time. All my life, all I did was run away from my problems, hoping that they would disappear. But something was different. Even though I knew Bella was messed up and wasn't ever going to be one hundred percent, there was something about her that called to me. It was like she was my own personal brand of heroin and I needed to see her to get my fix.
Bella's POV
My head felt like it was about to explode. I looked around and saw that it was no longer day but night. A sudden dull, stinging pain was running up my arm. I looked down and noticed both my wrists were tied up in gauze. I rather felt than saw the bandage that was wrapped around my leg.
Fuck, I did it again, I thought.
What scared me the most was all the attempted suicides. I never remembered anything. I didn't know what I did to hurt myself so badly.
I glanced up to the clock on the wall, noting with tired eyes that it was past two o'clock in the morning.
Damn, I was out the whole day.
I saw that Alice was asleep; I assumed she had to take some sleeping medication to get her to conk out. She was probably worried sick about me. I cracked my strained neck and tried to find a more comfortable position to fall back to sleep, but nothing seemed to work.
I shifted slightly, gasping as a foreign hand moved to cover my mouth.
"You're finally awake," a deep voice breathed in relief. I jumped slightly as he spoke, but quickly gazed up, locking onto deep, emerald eyes. "It's me," he assured, "Edward."
I blushed because of my late-night visitor, but it didn't matter. My embarrassment was soon masked by a comforting peace that I was craving.
"Don't scream, kay?" he asked. I nodded my head as he removed his hand, disappointed that he was no longer touching me. Edward sat on the end of my bed, looking down to his hands as they rested in his lap. We were quiet for a few minutes but it wasn't awkward, it was nice. The silence was comfortable.
I eventually sat up, feeling that pull towards him. I scooted over to his side, brushing my thigh with his. I would have given anything to be inside his head, to know what he was thinking. I felt his warm touch as his thumb gently caressed my bandages, and I rested my hand on his thigh, shivering when he touched my skin.
"Does it hurt?" he asked.
I shook my head and whispered, "No, just numbing."
He just nodded, his thumb still running over my bandages.
"How are you feeling?" His voice sounded so scared. Why, though?
"I'm okay," I answered. He looked like he wanted to say something else but nothing came out. "What about you, cat got your tongue?"
He looked at me, bewildered.
You're an idiot, I thought.
"I know stupid joke," I muttered to myself. "God, sometimes I have this word vomit and things start coming out that makes no sense. Oh, no now I'm just rambling…"
I closed my eyes, wanting to disappear into some magical black hole. Why was I always so nervous around him?
Before I exploded out of sheer embarrassment, I felt warmth and mint on my lips. My eyes flew open as Edward's mouth covered mine, and I didn't know what to do. It wasn't like I'd ever dated in my life. How could I?
I felt something deep in my belly, something tingly and warm. It was the strangest sensation and I vaguely wondered if this is what Alice had been talking about.
And then, before I could register what I was doing, I started kissing Edward back. I had no clue what in the hell I was doing, but I knew it was beyond anything I'd ever felt in my life. His hand ran gently up my arm and figuring that was the 'thing to do' I did the same, following Edward's slow pattern.
His lips were soft like velvet and moist. It wasn't anything too crazy but sweet and gentle. Then I felt him add a little pressure to my arm and a small hissing sound escaped my lips. Then my sudden bliss was taken away.
"Oh fuck, did I hurt you?" he asked in a hushed whisper. "I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry," he panicked. I could feel his weight leave the bed and I stood abruptly, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek to his chest.
"No...stop," I pleaded, running my hands up his back. "It's okay. I'm not hurt."
Edward kept rambling about being sorry for hurting me and I rolled my eyes, grabbing his face in my hands and guiding his gaze to mine.
"Edward, look at me," I demanded.
His eyes met mine and they were pained. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered.
I gave him a small kiss on the cheek and smiled at him. "Edward, you could never hurt me."
I wrapped my arms around him and led him back to my bed. His head was resting in my lap while I played with his crazy, untamed hair.
"I was so scared seeing you like that earlier," he whispered. "There was all this blood and you looked so out of it." He pressed his face into my uninjured thigh and kissed my hip bone through my pyjamas. I sighed quietly as I tangled my fingers into his hair, sweeping the unruly mane back and forth in every direction.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Edward, I have no control of my body when I'm like that," I said quietly, "I can't remember what happened."
I think the words did little to comfort him.
I felt him hold on to me tighter. "Please, don't leave me, Bella," he begged softly.
"I promise," was all I could say.
He just nodded and kept repeating that I've promised. We stayed like that for a while before he went back to his room, much to my dismay.
I don't know what happened. I met him two days ago and now I've promised him never to leave him.
The strange thing was that I couldn't help but feel lonely as soon as he left.
So sorry for the lateness! I really have to thank my Beta reader, AcrossTheSkyInStars, for putting up with me. She's really great at what she does and I'm lucky that she helping me out. Thank you all for you who review and alerted this story it really means a lot seeing that people actually reading my stuff. So please review!
