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Chapter 2 – Immortal Nightmare
Vampire Bella POV

Previously

I'm screaming your name inside my mind hoping you will hear me but still I hear nothing, as the other voices grow louder. The only person I want is lost to me and as I scream in agony and writhe in pain. The darkness engulfs me finally taking me down, and the burning surrounds me and courses through me I scream your name one last time to save me.

Four Years ago- August 16thth

The burning, and excruciating pain slowly begins to fade away and I begin to become aware of the noises around me, like the sound of the ocean lapping against the shore, the breeze rustling in the trees, and the sound of birds' wings flapping, in flight. I can smell the salt of the sea, and other smells I can't identify. But the only thing I can concentrate on is the struggle of my thumping heart, all the while the heat burns up my limbs and surges towards my chest. I let out another ear piercing scream, as the agonizing pain grows and swells in intensity. I can hear hushed murmurs in the distant; in a different part of the house. I know somehow I am alone. I hear a scuffle and violent hissing and growls as someone tries to come in. But as another wave of heat scorches me and I wail and attempt to move, my body feels weighed down. Only my mouth feels free as the scorching heat burns out. My heart gives one final loud agonizing thump, as it falters over its last heartbeat, in my now fully altered body. As the horrifying realization suddenly and sharply dawns on me; I'm dead. Well not quite, but I may as well be- because I'm now something I don't want to be- I'm now a vampire. I get vague flashbacks to that night when Edward came back and- and changed me. My eyes fly open and I am momentarily stunned by the details of everything, but a noise alerts me to danger approaching and I drop instinctively into a crouch, as Carlisle knocks and enters the bedroom, his hands raised in a stop sign but I recognize it as his attempt at a show of peace. Slowly behind him appear Esme, Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice, all looking sullen and unsure, as I hiss at them. But it is the last figure who rushes through the door to greet me, and looking relieved and happy that makes my carefully strung wire snap as I hiss and fly across the room in a blur towards him. I move so quickly I am surprised and in awe of myself. I smash into Edward, making a noise similar to a loud clap of thunder, as Esme cries out, and I am suddenly pinned around the arms by both Emmett and Jasper who struggle to keep me in place as I struggle to escape their grasp intent to finish my task and kill Edward.

"You son of a bitch" I snarl at him like a feral, rabid animal, I hear several collected gasps.

"Emmett, Jazz let me go. The only one of you I'm gonna kill is HIM", I roar as their grip only tightens. "Unless you all knew he planned this? Alice-"

"No! Bella! We're here because-"

"A moment please, Alice. Edward, I think right now you should leave. As we warned you Bella isn't ready to see you-"

"I can assure you as soon as Emmett lets me go, I'm going to kill you Edward. How dare you! You knew I didn't want this! You knew I wanted to go home!"

"To that dog! We just got married and you were going to leave me for that mutt! Bella you're my life-"

"Edward! I can't stand the sight of you! Look at what you did to me? Why? Why would you do this?"

"Because you were going to leave me for that immature, volatile DOG, Bella! We had only just got married and you were planning to leave me! And to add further insult, you weren't just getting cold feet! No! You were going to leave me, run out on the vows we just made in front of our families and friends for a mutt! Bella you're-"

A feral snarl echoed from behind Edward, "I suggest you disappear Edward before I make Em let Bella go, and I help her dismantle your ass! You selfish Son of a Bitch" Rosalie sneered, stepping to stand next to me and Emmett.

Alice looked at Edward and then crossed the room to stand next to me and Jasper.

"Alice!" He exclaimed in betrayal.

"I'm sorry Edward, you know I love you and you're my brother, but Bella is also my sister, and well- even if you didn't know she had changed her mind about being a vampire, you should have waited. You didn't even ask her. I can't forgive you that. I'm sorry", I looked up as Alice, turned and clung to Jasper, her body shaking with the tears she couldn't shed. Jasper looked pained with the emotions in the room, and with the desire to hold his mate, but unsure whether to trust me enough to let go, knowing I was growing more furious the more I looked at Edward.

I hated Edward but I couldn't take his family from him, and as I looked at Esme and Carlisle as they looked between Edward and the rest of their children surrounding me, no longer to protect Edward, but against him.

"No, I'll go. I may hate you for this Edward but I won't take your family from-"

Just then, Carlisle's phone rang, he looked at it, and his face furrowed in confusion. He looked up at us all as we paused, "It's Sam. Hello-"

"The treaty is void. We got the news about- about Bella. If any one of you or she returns to Washington or tries to contact anyone- especially Charlie or Jake- we will find and kill every one of you. Got it Leech! Tell that selfish bitch she has devastated Jacob and Charlie, even Billy and Emily are besides themselves. She is literally dead to all of us. Don't bother coming for the funeral. You're not welcome".
As his words echoed out from Carlisle's mobile and the full realisation of them hit me I screamed in agony. He had stolen my human life away from me, but now he had also made sure, I could never go home. He had ripped my family away from me, without a second thought for me or them.

"Sam-" Carlisle started but Sam had already hung up.

My eyes flared wildly around to look at an apprehensive Edward, "Look-" he started, but Emmett released me. I flew through the air, roaring in fury and agony. I grabbed him in a headlock, and as I did I twisted and with a loud crunch, his body fell to the floor. Esme screamed and clung to Carlisle, who just looked at me,regretfully. I dropped Edward's head, mortified with what I had done.

"I am so sorry I never- I don't know what came over me Esme, everyone. I'm sorry you can fix him right? I'll leave I'm so sorry- I just- I…" My body shook strangely, as an odd noise escaped me, it took me a few seconds to realize this was my attempt at crying and it frustrated and angered. Arms that felt warmer than I expected wrapped around me, surprising me, until I realised despondently it was because I was the same temperature as them now.

A soothing voice whispered softly into my hair, "You will do no such thing Bella, you were part of this family, long before…" breaking under the emotion, it carried, of all that had happened in the short few days since that day. How all our lives had been turned upside down. My new senses, told me it was Esme, "You're one of us…" as another anguished wail erupted from me, at how true that was, she stopped talking and rubbed my back. I heard a crackle of fire, and looked up to see Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett standing next to a pyre, with purple smoke pluming into the air just outside the doors, on the beach.

"What? Why did you do that?" I asked, shocked.

"He couldn't have lived with you hating him Bella, and you would never have forgiven him. He hoped you would wake and either have forgotten what had happened or forgiven him once you were changed he knew there was a good chance, that you wouldn't. We all told him you wouldn't. It's just a shame we got here too late, you were already too far into the change for Carlisle to suck the venom out. Alice tried, she rang the airport to delay you, and we tried to get hold of Edward numerous times but he ignored all our calls. I honestly think had our connection taken off when it was due to, we would have got here on time. I am so sorry Bella we let you down."

"No you didn't Esme. Honestly, the only people who let me down were Edward and myself. If I hadn't fallen asleep in the car or -", the room grew quiet.

"Edward stole sedatives from my case before you left. He injected you with some highly strong sleeping medication, and then mixed another lower dose one into a drink from what I can gage", Carlisle said, my mouth fell open in surprise, as it all came back to me.

"I asked him to stop. I told him I couldn't do this, and then it went black. I was so sleepy, I- Why? I don't understand. I don't understand any of this. It's like I never knew Edward at all." Rose snorted a sarcastic laugh, as Esme glared her her, she hung her head.

Everyone looked from one to another, it was Carlisle that spoke. "I think he realized after you saw Jacob your feelings had changed or were changing, Alice had a few flicking visions, but nothing that worried her, or us, or made any of us to think anything bad-", Alice jumped in to reassure me, "If I had, I would have never let you leave Bella. Edward must have not decided or kept it well hidden until the last moment because I only saw his plans when he chose to inject you. We tried to talk to him but he threw his phone out the window, so we tried to stop him instead. We had already realized we needed to get to you both, or to reach you as soon as possible. I'm sorry Bella, we didn't get here quick enough."

"Alice it isn't your fault. I should have realized sooner or I don't know. I guess this is my payback for hurting everyone I ever cared about- I need- I have to go!" without waiting for a response I dashed from the house and into the sunlight, I caught a glimmer of my skin as I dashed down the beach, not even worrying if someone saw me. I just needed to be alone.

A while later, I sensed someone approaching, and inhaled the air, "Rosalie", I spoke before she appeared or announced her arrival. She gave a sarcastic laugh, "You got the hang of that then". I gave her a feeble attempt at a smile back.

"You know I do understand how you feel Bella, maybe not as betrayed by Edward, but I understand how you feel about this", she waved a hand up and down her body.

"Hmmm. But I had finally chosen right, Rosalie-"

"Rose, Bella. Just Rose. I'm sorry I was always a bitch to you, it isn't that I dislike you or that I was opposed to you being my sister, I don't. I never did. I just opposed your lack of regard to your mortality." I gave a hmpf, in response.

"A little too late clearly" I sighed, and tried to swallow the large lump in my throat.

"But you did Bella, that means something, maybe not to you right now, but it does to me and it will to others- one day."

"Rose, I can never go home, I can't see my parents or Jake ever again. I can't even tell them the truth- Jake and the pack will think I chose this and hate me forever." I fell against her, again rocking with sobs I couldn't shed for the life and the family stolen from me.

Four years ago August 22nd

The boys had done some detective work and found out that Charlie had called for my 'body' to be returned to Forks. Carlisle had said Edward was going to be cremated near their family home in California. So there was no need to make the journey to Forks, not that we could. They also said the funeral was to be held at the same time as mine, so no one would try and journey to a non-existent funeral. I was still struggling with my new body and new way of life, we were still on Isle Esme. It had been discussed that being away from civilization would be a good thing for a few weeks while I adjusted before we made the journey to Alaska or somewhere else. I wasn't keen on going to the Denali's after everything that happened. I knew I wouldn't receive a warm welcome from any of them after the Laurent thing with Irina and then killing Edward even if the Cullen's had forgiven me, even Esme had almost simultaneously forgiven me. Although I knew she was still deeply hurt and heartbroken, she said Edward had chosen his path, he made his decisions. I think part of her felt sorry for me, because I hadn't had any choose in my current life. I still refused to look at my reflection much to Alice's horror. But Rose was proving to being an asset. As the time ticked by slowly closer to the service time, I became more and more agitated. I couldn't bear the thought that my loved ones would be put through this amount of anguish and pain because of me. I needed to see them, to explain, to try and put them out of their misery. I waited until I thought everyone was preoccupied before I made a dash for the door, only to collide into the boulder that was Emmett, the noise shaking the earth, and sending several flocks of birds squawking into the sky.

"Em, please, just let me go. I can explain, I'll tell them it wasn't any of you. It will take away the threat, I need to tell Jake. I can't stand the thought of him thinking I chose this. Please", I begged.

"Bella, we can't sweetheart. They will kill you before you get to open your mouth to speak", Carlisle replied from behind me, as he laid his hands on my shoulders.

"Bella, please I can't bear to lose another child", Esme added, her comment weighing heavily on me. I knew I would always feel guilty for taking away her favorite child. Despite all their reassurances that he wouldn't have wanted to live without me, and would have sort a release from this world, probably with more selfish repercussions for the rest of them, or so Rose had told me one afternoon.

I nodded solemnly, "I can't stay here, it is far too much of a reminder, and I don't want to go to Denali either, I don't expect you to come with me, but I need to go. I can't stay here, I'm sorry."

The rest of the Cullen's, all looked at each other before nodding.

Four years later - January 14th

The wind whips and howls around me, as I cut a lonely figure, frozen and unmoving, on the wet sand, despite the icy water lapping against my freezing feet. Rather ironic that I look like a cold, marble statue, since that is what I am now, I think sorrowfully, as I look out over the sea; to a place I had once loved, and still do. The one place I yearn to be, except I'm no longer welcome, and this tiny island, is the closest I will ever get ever again. I know what will happen if they find me but I have been fighting the urge to return home for four long years, and today that urge became overwhelming, consequences be damned.

I'm waiting impatiently for just one last glimpse of the people I love more than my own life, and miss more than anyone or anything, but especially him. I look around and everything looks the same; everything still reminds me of him. Even though I am hidden on the small isle that is James Island, I can see all along First Beach, it is even more magical and beautiful with my new eyes. But this place is haunted by him, of us, of the possibility of what could have been, of the life I could, should of had but was stolen from me, that night all those years ago. Every place we went, every word we said, every look we shared hangs in the air, all around me, like whispering and howling ghosts of the life I was supposed to have, dancing around me, taunting and teasing me.

I hear them before I see them as they all make their way to the gathering already collected on the beach. I gaze wistfully at the small gathering of my friends, my loved ones, the ones I left behind foolishly, thinking I would be able to find my way back to them, that night, all those years ago, instead I ended up like this, I gave up all of them for this; this hollow shell that I had become, as they frolic on our beach, it makes my still dead heart splinter.

I know they will kill me if they find me, but that is a risk I am willing to endure, hell it would be a pleasure for me, to finally get peace from the tortured existence. But I don't want them to see me, I don't want to cause them the pain of having to kill me, I know that would cause even more pain. I can't risk them seeing me, but the need to see them, to see him, has only magnified ever since I woke up in this shell, this body, four years ago.

It's funny, how they all said how your human emotions, in fact all emotions are amplified tenfold once you are changed. At the time I didn't listen, didn't think anything of it, I thought I was in love, couldn't think that it was even possible to love anyone more than- him- I involuntary growl, still, the anger, the hate hasn't lessened over time, the same as my love for the people on the beach hadn't, instead I was living a nightmare of loving someone I longed to be with, to see or hear, for a father and a mother I wanted nothing more than to speak to, to embrace once more or be able to say 'I love you', for friends I wanted to grow old with. Now I know exactly what they meant as my whole being feels like it will swell and break under the weight of the emotions I feel watching them all, hidden here. Watching, observing like the outsider that I am.

I knew they would be here tonight, celebrating, and although they had long since said their goodbyes to me, it was the perfect time for me to see them all one last time, memorize each and everyone of their faces, see how they had grown and changed and say my final goodbyes, something else that had been stolen from me; I never got to come back like I promised myself to make it all straight, but today was my way of rectifying that- I needed to follow through one of the promises I had made, even if he knew nothing about this one. I glance at the wooden case, sat on the sand, safely tucked away from the water, the same one I had stored my letters in before my life had been turned upside down and ripped away from me. He had wrecked everything that night, after- but he had never found my confessions. Instead I had brought them with me today, with the others I had added over the years along with the cards for every birthday, for every Christmas I had missed with them. The box was now rammed with everything I had collected over the years, to show them they had never left my thoughts or my heart, even though I had to leave their lives, they never left mine.

I sucked a large inhale of air to try and steady my raging emotions, even though I didn't need it, I still hadn't managed to lose all my human quirks as Emmett called them.

I gasp as I finally see him, and my stone, hard body shakes with the tears I can no longer shed, and how I wish I could.

My mind even with its immense ability to concentrate on more than several things at once, had tortured and plagued me with images of him, for the past four years, making it a true living nightmare. His sunny smile, his beautiful face, things he had told me, the way he felt, his love. Taunting me with images of what could have been the life I could have had; with him, in his arms, loved, adored, laughing and smiling, and things I hadn't felt since he let me go that night.

As I stood mesmerized by him, my memories had nothing on the beauty that he was in the flesh. I recalled that night, when I realized I had made the biggest mistake of my life, how it felt letting him go as he was pulled away from me, how I had struggled to get to him but allowed myself to be led away, and then woke up like this, a dead ghost of my former self.

As my reflection glittered in the sea below, I let out a long sigh, I didn't even look like my old self, this image was too perfect, too beautiful. There was no flaws, no imperfections, like how my top lip used to look smaller than my bottom, now I had a full pout of matching lips. I wasn't even clumsy anymore.

I hated my existence in truth it wasn't worth living without them in it, even though my new family had tried, it wasn't the same without him. I couldn't stand the idea of living for eternity as something I detested and hated and the thought of being something that he hated, made me even more determined to make him know I agreed, before...

That was the reason I had come today, I needed to show him, to tell him the truth, how much I regretted everything, every mistake, every lie, every stupid misunderstanding, how I had changed my mind, how I had finally realized he had been right, how I had chosen him, how I was coming back to him but it had been taken out my hands, I wanted him to know- needed him to know everything. And that was why I had poured my heart out into the letters in the wooden case sat behind me. For him to find when they come to investigate as I knew they would.

Suddenly his deep chuckle rips me from my thoughts, as it carries across the sea by the wind. The pack are throwing him into the air, over and over, shouting the number of birthdays he has had, throwing him higher and higher, as our friends, no his friends, laugh along with him. I see my father, and heart jumps, and I have to remind myself to stay rooted to my spot here. Charlie looks older, his hair is greying, and his moustache is littered with grey and white hairs. But he looks happy, thankfully, as he stands laughing next to Billy, holding on to a toddler, with black shiny hair, who is clapping and laughing gleefully. I realize this image suits him. Charlie would have made a good grandfather, I think sadly, yet something else that was stolen from him, along with me. My gaze falls to his father who is holding a small baby, swaddled in a pink blanket. A look of pure love, adoration shines from Billy's face as he looks down at the small bundle, that must be his grandchild as he laughs as the group of strong men and one woman, finally yell "and one for luck" before throwing his son, up into the air one final time, before they all step back. The muscled, tanned young man flies through the air, and flips at the last moment onto his feet before he hits the floor.

I smile at his wide beaming smile, the first time I have smiled, this smile, his smile for the first time. As I try and commit his unforgettable sunny smile to memory, that same smile I used to think of mine, as it gleams in the bonfire light. The little boy wiggles from Charlie's embrace, all the while squealing "me, me, my turn!" and runs clumsily towards the man, who laughs my laugh, the one I used to love to make him laugh as he swoops down to pick up the little boy.

"Little Will wants to fly does he?" that familiar husky voice asks, making another chunk of my heart break away, but it's at that moment I see their matching smiles, identical eyes, and duplicate faces, as they laugh the same laugh and my legs give way and I fall to my knees, and even though it kills me I can't look away as the child shouts "Higher, higher!" turn to cries for his momma.

Horror fills me, as I see a beautiful lady emerge from the mass, running to where he is holding the child, and devastation fills me as I see her laughing at the pair as she swats his bulging bicep, and wraps her arms around them both, and he settles the boy between them, before wrapping his own arm around her and kissing her on the head, like he used to do to me, and I feel the last wretched remains of my heart crumble into nothing.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" A soft voice asks from the shadows behind me I nod yes. More now than ever I am ready for whatever awaits me on the other side. I saw him and Charlie one last time, like I wanted. I've seen them both happy. That's what I wanted- even if it is the most painful experience I have ever had to endure. I would gladly take those three days of burning pain for eternity than feel how I feel right now for even a second.

I see the little boy pats his mother's face and points across the sea to something shimmering in the sunset, "Look momma", I see Jacob turn to look as well as his eyes lock with my golden vampire eyes for the first and last time, as I whisper to the ghosts of the sea to carry my words of regret, "It was always you Jake, I'm sorry. Goodbye".

I nod my head, and say "Now" as Emmett fulfills my last wish, and ends my misery.

THANK YOUS: A massive thank you to my gorgeous Beta Patricia, who is amazing at this! I seriously talk her ear off well- inundate her with emails, which normally are a chaotic mess of rambles and unprocessed thoughts and ideas and she always manages to make sense of them- pretty much like my stories! The same goes for Tonya- both these ladies have truly become friends over our bonded love for Twilight and Wolf boys ;) you truly are amazing and I love you both for always reading and humouring me with my endless ideas for plots, characters, future stories and everything else. Thank you both for everything. I know I don't always remember to say it outloud but I truly appreciate you both and all the hard work you do for me! As well as the smiles you always give me.

To everyone who is reading this or any of my stories whether you review or not THANK YOU! This is such a great escape from RL and something I absolutely love doing- I wish I was better at it but you have no idea how much I love finding people who love this series as much as I do- or who also believe Bella was a complete doughnut and chose the wrong man! This is just how I like to correct that decision so welcome to the inside of my head haha xx