Chapter Two

Breakups and Babies

Sean wakes up to the smell of coffee permeating through the small apartment. He looks over and sees Ellie poking with a spoon at her cereal at the bar of the kitchen, her other hand propping up her head. He walks over and sits beside her careful not to break the old chairs that Tracker never fixed when he was still living there. "Morning," She whispered as she looked at him, she looked as if she wanted to say something and finally she just blurted out, "do you love me anymore?"

"Of course I do." He mumbled less convinced of it himself. She wasn't convinced so he reiterated, "El, of course I love you."

"I feel like a burden."

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way I've just been sidetracked."

"You can talk to me, it goes both ways you know, Sean."

"Maybe it's not that simple because it's not any your business and maybe I don't want to talk about it."

"I was just trying to help." Ellie seethed as she tossed her half-eaten cereal in the sink without washing the bowl which gets under his skin, "going to school."

Finally he was just plain tired, tired of being her protector, tired of feeling taken advantage of and just tired of Ellie and her crap. Sean just mumbled, "I think we need to talk."

Ellie had picked up her backpack and turned around to face him again, "What do you need to talk about?"

"I think honestly we need to spend some time apart."

"Sean, if it's about the dishes I'll clean them after school but now we're gonna be late."

"It's not about the dishes." He says adamantly, "it's just we need time apart."

"Are you breaking up with me?" He didn't say a word, she simply asked, "Why?"

"I just don't think it's going to work out you know, in the long run."

Ellie put on her bag and hid her hurt and walked out the door but before she just stood in the doorway and said, "I'm sorry for whatever I did."

Sean wanted to tell her that cliched statement 'its not you, it's me' but he was still somewhat angry about it all. Ellie was always leaning on him, confiding in him, and for while he was alright with it because of his hero complex but deep down he felt used and he had other things on his mind albeit for a while he's had someone else on his mind, on his conscience that he had let down. It wasn't just about the diary or yesterday. Emma was the first person who tried to understand him and was successful at cracking his core. He never wanted to let her down because she never let him down. He knew Ellie wasn't going to be the last person he let down but he had at least wanted to make things right with the girl he thought who never deserved any of it in the first place. With Ellie he felt they moved too quick, suddenly they were practically living together and when she knew she could flock to Sean's when things got shitty, she capitalized on it. Sean knew deep down, he was never going to be enough of a safe haven for Ellie or that he was a little bit more than that. He knew he wasn't in love with her and he knew he had made a great mistake in mistaking Ellie for someone he could truly fall in love with and he'd never make that mistake again.

Sean leaned against his locker before homeroom listening to loud music on his earphones deep in thought. He noticed a familiar face though, Amy his ex-girlfriend standing in front of him but he couldn't make out what she was saying at first, he moved his earphones to his neck as she called out, "Can we talk?"

"Sure." He replies crossing his arms, "what do you want?"

Everyone was busy and preoccupied at their lockers with the daily chatter and he shrugged his shoulders as she told him, "Look I'm okay with you and vampire if that's what you're worried about."

He was humored that the rumor mill hadn't already started because this morning that became a moot topic. Sean shrugged uncomfortably, "And?"

"Do you remember like two months ago when we went to that drive-in movie?"

He remembered, it was the last time he was with Amy before they broke up. It was a date. They didn't really watch the movie if he remembered correctly. "Why?"

"Last month I uh didn't get my period but this month I'm late I should've gotten it on the second week of the month but -"

"But what?"

"I'm pregnant! I took a test because was panicking and getting weird symptoms a-and I'm really really scared my dad and my sister are going to kill me."

He tried to hide his surprise and horror and stood stone faced, "Well I can tell you right now it can't be mine."

"Sean, you were the last guy I was with." Amy shook her head in disbelief at what she was hearing, "I mean I tried to even get you back but I wasn't like with anyone else after that."

"I honestly don't believe you. Everyone knows you're just like your sister."

"What? I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that just now." Amy was in disbelief, "why can't you just do the right thing?"

"And what is the right thing?"

"Help me out, don't deny and lie! I mean it's yours too!"

"Keep it down!" Sean tried to sush her by standing in front of her. "Lower your voice." He distractedly looked over his shoulder uncomfortably.

"Oh . . . I get it. You don't want anybody to know, huh?" Amy knew he was a lost cause, "got your wish. Don't talk to me, okay? Don't ask about it, don't tell anyone, don't ask anybody about me. You don't have to be a part of this at all."

"Amy wait -" She was gone.

Sean didn't know what to do. Suddenly he was saddled with enormous responsibilities beyond him with a girl he hardly knows.

-x-

Emma was sitting alone at lunch, she had dug in her bag looking for her diary she felt a bit dizzy from day drinking but she thought she knew for a fact she had it. For lunch she ate a pretzel that she was kind of picking at while observing everything. She noticed Amy walking toward her at lunch, she heard other boys snickering at her and whispering about her. Amy wasn't really well-liked at Degrassi, a lot of people liked to start rumors about her because she supposedly slept around and they didn't like her sister for whatever reason. "Is this seat taken?"

Emma shook her head no, "Yeah of course you can sit here."

"Thanks." Amy uncomfortably tucked her hair behind her ear as she took the seat across from her. She took out a brown paper bag with a sandwich and a coke.

"You weren't in english this morning, remember that writing project?"

"I'm sorry, I was - dealing with my sister this morning." Amy lied but Emma was none the wiser to call her out, instead Amy spent the morning after telling Sean she's pregnant and then crying and being sick in the bathroom. Her new friend didn't need to know those details and she didn't question it either.

"It's not due till next week so we have time." Emma offered her a friendly smile before looking back down at her bag sidetracked as to where her diary might've gone.

"Speaking of due dates, the problem with my sister is she's kind of knocked up."

"Congratulations?" Emma offered raising an eyebrow.

"I wish it were that simple. Her baby daddy sort of peaced out so it's just me, my sister, her infant and my dad in our tiny little trailer."

"Oh." Emma didn't really need or want the lodown on her english partner but she got it anyway.

"It's whatever, anyway so what should we even write about for our project?"

"I wasn't paying much attention in english to tell you the truth, so maybe we can talk about it now?"

"Are you alright, Nelson? You seem a little off."

"What? Me? I'm fine." Emma answered.

"I promise I'll be in class tomorrow and we'll talk then. I'm not really in the school mood."

"Likewise." Emma replied.

"So about you sis, does she go here?"

"She used to until she got pregnant by this guy and he sorta took off."

"That sucks, my mom was a teen when she got pregnant with me." Emma answered, "she stayed in school though."

"Emma, what are her options exactly?" Amy asked, "we didn't expect her to have another baby we're like barely scraping by."

"It's honestly different for every girl." Emma sighed, "I know that I wouldn't be here if my mother decided to get an abortion so I tend to think about it that way for myself."

Amy thought for a moment before the bell rang, Emma immediately stood up and got ready to leave, "See you Amy, I hope everything works out with her. Keep me posted and english tomorrow right?"

"Right!" Amy answered as she went the opposite direction to class careful not to run into Sean.

X -

After school Emma went jogging in the park. After drinking most of the day though she had passed out and fallen asleep on a bench by the ravine. Sean was walking through the park and noticed Emma lying there asleep slumped over a bench. It had started to rain and she was drenched. Sean didn't live far from the park and so he lifted her and carried her seemingly lifeless body to his house to get her safe and dry.

He wrapped her in blankets once there and let her sleep. It was obvious she had been drinking but Sean worried about someone on their way to a party like a ravine dweller would take advantage of her. Sean knew all too well about those ravine parties.

He was experienced in taking care of people who were drunk between his parents and Ellie's mom he knew pretty much what to do. He had a glass of water and a turkey and cheese sandwich made on the coffee table by the couch. He just let her sleep things off and if she got hungry or thirsty she had something. Sean watched her as she slept for a moment before turning around to the kitchen table to do his homework.

About a half hour later, she slowly fluttered her eyes open and looked around. She was somewhere familiar she thought back to the previous summer.

And then she saw Sean, "What am I doing here?"

He ran to her quickly as he said, "You're okay, good."

"I'm indestructible." She said with a smirk.

"This isn't funny. You were alone at Bennett Park passed out, god knows what could've happened to you -" Sean stopped and then reiterated, "if something would've happened to you I don't know what I'd do. It scared me."

"Like I said yesterday, I'm fine. I was just relaxing."

"I know you're you're not fine because you wouldn't be getting plastered at school or after school. It doesn't look fine to me." Sean hated seeing her in such deep of a denial not when he knew her problems sat with him even if he didn't read through everything, "Maybe I should talk to Sauve about this o-or better yet your mom - -"

"You breathe a word about my issues and I'll make you regret it. My parents have enough to worry about between the cancer, Jack being an infant they have more to worry about than me. I'm fine."

"I'm sorry if I crossed the line but don't be stupid Emma, they care about you it's just there's probably a lot going on and that's the way it has to be for now."

"I tried to be strong for everybody you know? I've done so much for them. They're never even home anymore, Snake's got chemo, my mom is always going to the hospital to see him and I'm always in the house looking after Jack because Snake's so sick. It breaks my heart. What if we lose him?"

"They caught it early he should recover. I remember you told me when he started chemo he will have good and bad days. That things will start out bad and get better."

"It's been bad for awhile now." Emma sighed with exhaustion. She was nearing tears, "I'm sick of hearing bad news I would love to hear good news. They're never even home anymore. When they are they always talk about his worsening condition and it's all so frightening."

Sean didn't know what to say so he just nodded. She cupped her face in her hands and just cried. "I'm scared. I wish I had a time machine y'know go back to when things didn't hurt anymore and then stay there." Sean didn't know what else to do so he just pulled her into a hug. He half expected her to resist but instead she hugged him back and just cried into his chest.

He whispered in her ear as he felt her press her damp clothes against him, "Don't be scared, okay? I'm here."

"What happened to you?" Emma pulled from the hug looking him in the eye, "I mean, what about your friends?"

"What about them?"

"I don't know I just felt like you chose them over me and now you're saying that you're here, y'kno? I know this is a fleeting moment, tomorrow will just be -"

"Em, I told you I was sorry yesterday." he said before going in the side table drawer, "and then when you stormed off I found this. I didn't read it."

"My diary!" she hugged it close to her, "I've been looking for this. And you better not read this."

"What do you write in there anyway?"

"Hexes and spells."

"So you're a wiccan now?"

"No not at all! I was just kidding."

Sean then told her, "You can stay for dinner if you want. I made you a sandwich."

"Sure." Emma picked up the sandwich plate from the coffee table and brought it to Sean's sitting on the kitchen island and they ate together for the first time in a long time.