A/N: Yeah… so a lot of focus on Matt and Mello these first few chapters. The MelloxNear love is coming though. Thank you so much to em, and Miss Tsuki K. Taken for reviewing the first chapter! You guys are so nice!
Disclaimer: Don't own Deathnote.
Chapter 2: Disentanglement
Matt was absolutely certain that he had just committed the most singularly idiotic act of his young life. He was equally certain that he didn't regret it. Yet.
He felt bold. He felt elated. He felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Of course that was probably just because Mello hadn't found him so far. This was likely due to the fact that Mello would expect Matt to hide inside, where it was warm and full of rooms and good hiding places. But Matt was not inside. He was pressed against the outside of the building, in the alcove to the left of the front doors.
True, it was freezing and there was snow everywhere and Matt really didn't know how long he'd be able to stay out here before he risked hypothermia… He just wasn't ready to see Mello again at the moment.
So… now what?
Matt didn't like that question. He did not like that question at all. He slid down the wall morosely, sitting right on the cold ground, not even caring that the snow was dampening his pants. Matt pulled his goggles down over his eyes.
Dammit, he was not going to cry. Not until he knew what Mello felt about this at least.
He was… not… going to cry.
Mello didn't actually like candy hearts that much. He was all about the chocolate. But that wasn't the reason he determined not to eat them. The reason was, that if he ate them, it would be… wrong. Because he knew he couldn't return Matt's love, at least not the way the redhead wanted, and to accept the gift would be sending the wrong message.
Now if only he could find Matt and try to explain… and maybe get Matt to explain some things as well. It was so frustrating, this searching for Matt thing. Mello couldn't remember the last time he'd actually had to look for Matt. The gamer had always been right next to him, or if he wasn't he made sure Mello knew where he would be…
Alright, how the hell had he not noticed this earlier!? Mello thought back over all the years he and Matt had been best friends, inseparable, and suddenly he could pick out all the little signs, the little hints…
Man, he had never felt so oblivious before. This was getting ridiculous.
What was worse though was how Mello couldn't figure out why he didn't feel the same way for Matt. The other boy was intelligent, faithful, fun, and undeniably good-looking. They were close enough to know everything about one another. And although Mello hadn't ever considered himself gay, he knew himself well enough to know that he wasn't particularly on the straight and narrow either.
So, when approached logically, there wasn't any real reason for the lack of attraction… And it would make it that much harder to explain why not to Matt if Mello couldn't even think of why not.
Unless… was there someone else? Did Mello maybe love someone else, and that was why he didn't want Matt?
Mello systematically ran through the list of females at the orphanage. Too young, too bubbly, too airheaded, too old… No one came to mind. Then, just as he was giving that theory up as hopeless, another face popped into his head.
"Oh… Oh! …Oh shit!" Mello immediately stopped his search to clap his hands to the sides of his head. "Dammit, dammit, why the hell do I love him!?" The blonde whispered angrily.
Three doors down, completely engrossed in his task, was Near. He had finished the cutting part and was now carefully decorating the project. It wasn't long before he finished, because although he wanted it to be nice, he didn't want it to look too flashy. The faintest of proud smiles briefly crossed his normally indifferent face.
"Excellent…" He approved, then placed it on a hard-back book, picked up a pen, and began painstakingly inscribing his desired message.
In the end, it was the cold that drove Matt in. After all, when one's fingers begin turning blue, it's time to give up the ghost. So it was that the redhead, having run out of places for long-period hiding, slouched back to the room he shared with the very person he had been hiding from.
He hiked up the stairs, trudged down the hall, and pushed open the door to the room, all with the air of one on his way to his own execution.
"MATT!" Something blonde, loud, and solid slammed into him before he had time to so much as blink. Needless to say Matt soon made contact with the floor. If that wasn't enough, it felt like his ribs were being decimated by the crushing force of his best friend's embrace.
"Where the hell were you, you bastard!? I was beginning to think you went and offed yourself somewhere!" Mello shouted approximately two centimeters from his friend's left ear.
"Sorry…" Matt managed, wheezing. Mello seemed to realize he was suffocating the redhead, and hastily leapt off.
"…It's alright… Just don't do that again." Mello said. Matt pushed himself up on his elbows.
"Ok… so… I'm guessing from the lung-ruining hug that you don't hate me… Please correct me if I'm wrong." Matt volunteered. Mello glared at him.
Of course I don't hate you, stupid. I mean…" Here a strange look crossed Mello's face, it took a few minutes before it dawned on Matt that it was guilt. He was amazed; he'd never seen Mello look guilty about anything. Mello generally didn't care enough about anything to feel remorse. "I don't… feel the same way you do…" Matt sighed and looked down.
"I didn't think you would… I hoped though." The gamer pulled himself into a sitting position in the doorway, and then seemed to realize he wasn't in the room yet. Matt stood up; he walked inside and sat on his bed. Mello turned to follow him, closing the door. "So… uh…"
"I do love you Matt. Just… not that way. You're my best friend." Mello explained apologetically. Matt blinked, looking hopeful.
"We're still friends then!?" He enthused. Mello stared exasperatedly and whacked Matt over the head.
"Of course! Idiot! We'll always be friends!"
"Ow..." Matt rubbed his head, but a grin was on his face. "You're the best Mel."
"That's a weird thing to say when someone hits you on the head." Mello pointed out. Matt laughed.
"Well, I'm used to it by now." He shrugged. Mello reached into the pocket of his black jeans, pulling out the bag of candy hearts. He held it out to Matt.
"Here… I wouldn't feel right taking this. Not when I can't be your valentine." Mello muttered. Matt blushed hard and took the bag hurriedly.
"Sorry…"
"Stop apologizing about it! Jeeze, it's not like you can help how you feel." Mello sprawled on the bed and gazed up at the ceiling.
"Right." Matt lay back as well. "So… what else happened while I was busy freezing to death?"
"Oh nothing much. Just had an epiphany and- what!? You were outside!?" Mello sat up again. Matt's eyes widened inside his goggles.
"Uh… yeah." The redhead realized the mistake too late.
"You could have frozen to death you moron!" Mello whacked him over the head again.
"Ow… you know killing my brain cells like that won't help with the stupid decisions thing." Matt observed. Mello just glared. "Heh uh… so what was this epiphany you mentioned?" Matt swiftly changed the subject. Mello flopped back on the bed again.
"I was doing some self-analysis. Because… I couldn't figure out why I didn't love you the way you love me… it didn't make sense to me." Mello began.
"Huh? What do you mean?" It was Matt's turn to sit up and stare.
"Well, I mean consider the facts. We've been hanging out pretty much our whole lives, we tell each other everything, and I mean you're intelligent… except when you do dumb stuff like try and freeze yourself to death… and you're good-looking and fun and everything. I couldn't figure it out." Mello elaborated. Matt was blushing pretty hard now. He coughed once or twice.
"Heh… yeah uh, I… can kinda see what you mean…" The redhead looked away embarrassedly. "Maybe it's cuz I'm not a girl?"
"Nah. I like guys too." Mello said. Matt was beginning to think he would develop immunity to shock if it kept being thrown at him like this.
"Um… ok… so then what is it? You said you had an epiphany…"
"Yeah I'm getting there." Mello raised an eyebrow. "Anyway, the last option I thought of was maybe if I loved someone else." With a start, the entire thing suddenly became clear to Matt.
"Oh… Oh! …Wow." Matt slapped a hand across his forehead. "Near!? Wow…
"Yeah that was… almost my reaction. Except I said 'oh shit' instead of wow." Mello replied dully.
"No I mean… how didn't I see it before!? Now that I think about it, it's so obvious." Matt explained. Mello gaped.
"It is!? No way!"
"No totally! This explains why you get so worked up about him all the time and why you talk about him so much!" Matt said.
"I don't talk about Near all the time! I rant about him! And it's not all the time!" Mello argued.
"Rant, talk. Same difference." Matt waved his hand back and forth. "And yeah, it's pretty much all the time." Mello banged his head against the mattress ineffectually.
"Crap… it is obvious." He sighed.
"Great! Now all you have to do is tell him!" Matt smiled supportively.
"What!? No way!" Mello protested.
"Well ok, maybe you could just send him a note." Matt suggested.
"NO!" The reply was instantaneous.
"Anonymously."
"N-… actually… but wait, what would be the point of that!?" Mello asked.
"Simple. See how he reacts to the idea of someone liking him. If he's receptive, it might seem easier to tell him yourself." Matt answered. Mello considered this. "Plus it helps to get your feelings out. Even if they don't know it's you." Mello raised an eyebrow, giving Matt a suspicious look. Matt blanched.
"I never sent you anything like that!" He exclaimed.
"…Well… I suppose you couldn't have, since I don't remember receiving anything from an anonymous person." Mello reasoned.
"Right… uh… anyway, we'd better get started. Otherwise Valentine's Day will be over before we can finish." Matt stated.
"Just what do you have in mind exactly?" Mello inquired, somewhat worriedly.
"Oh… this'll be good." Matt's grin reminded Mello disturbingly of his own.
TBC…
A/N: lol lookit! I wrote an actual long chapter for once! Wooo! Go me! ...Huh wait now that I look it seems so short... but it was five whole pages on MS word... -confused-
