"Well, that should please your parents," said Joker as they carried the stroller down the steps of the bank, heading out into the streets of Gotham City and ignoring the looks of horror from the passers-by. "I still resent being told what to do by them, though. Especially when it involves me wasting my afternoon sitting in banks when I could be planning my holiday scheme for the Bat."

"It didn't kill you to take half an hour outta your life to improve your kiddies' future and pacify my parents," snapped Harley. "It's important to me, Mr. J. And it's important to them. Although I told them this whole focus on money is playing up the stereotype, but they didn't care!" she laughed.

"What stereotype?" he asked.

"The one about Jewish people being obsessed with money," she retorted.

Joker looked puzzled. "I don't get it," he said.

Harley looked at him. "You know my parents are Jewish, right?" she asked.

He stared back. "Uh…no, I didn't," he said, slowly. "Does that mean…you're Jewish?"

She glared at him. "How do you not know this about me?!" she demanded. "After all our years together!"

"I dunno – I don't know anything about Jews!" snapped Joker. "And the stuff that I do know, you don't do! Like the yarmulke and the menorah and the…dreidel! And you celebrate Christmas, for goodness sake!"

"Yeah, that's because I'm a lapsed Jew," she retorted. "I don't practice the faith anymore. Anyway, Christmas trees are fun and pretty," she said, nodding as they passed the one in Gotham Square. "And I like getting Christmas presents. You don't get anything at Hanukkah except guilt," she sighed. "And that ain't very fun."

"Do your parents know you don't practice the faith anymore?" asked Joker.

Harley shrugged. "I've never told them directly. But they know I'm with a gentile," she said, kissing his cheek. "And he's fathered my children…"

"They're not expecting Arleen and J.J. to be raised Jewish, are they?" asked Joker. "Because I dunno how to do that!"

"Mr. J, you're worrying too much!" laughed Harley. "My parents are perfectly reasonable people who accept me for who I am!"

"No, they don't!" retorted Joker. "The last time we saw them you had to lie about being with me! You pretended you were still a doctor and I was your patient! I'm surprised you got up the courage to tell them we had kids!"

"Yeah, it wasn't easy," muttered Harley. "But they were happy for me, y'know. Despite it being…outta wedlock and…with a shegetz."

"What's a shegetz?" demanded Joker.

"It's another word for a non-Jew," she replied. "And its connotations have become much less derogatory in recent years. Anyway, it was my Dad's word, not mine. Mom was just thrilled for me. And Dad was…happy that I was happy," she finished.

Joker snorted. "I only met your Dad once, but I bet he ain't," he muttered. "I think the last time that guy was happy was probably before the second world war. And who can blame him? That Holocaust was a terrible tragedy for your people. I guess hating Nazis is one thing your Dad and I have in common…"

"You got your love for me in common too," said Harley, kissing him. "And the moment he meets 'em, your love for Arleen and J.J.," she said, bending down to kiss her children.

"But Harley, they do know they're coming for Christmas, right?" asked Joker. "They are expecting us to be celebrating it, with the tree and everything? And they're ok with that?"

Harley said nothing. "They will be," she said, firmly. "Once I've told 'em."

"You haven't told them?!" he demanded. "They're arriving tomorrow! Jesus, this is a disaster!" he said, throwing up his hands. "We gotta take down the decorations pronto! And Jesus, we gotta cut out any pork we were thinking of having for dinner! And I gotta stop saying Jesus!"

"Mr. J, there's no need to panic!" snapped Harley. "I'll tell 'em! I'll call 'em as soon as we get home, and they'll be fine with it, you'll see! Anyway, we can't very well have Leenie and J.J.'s first Christmas without any decorations or a tree or presents! What else is Christmas about?"

"It's about the birth of a guy a lotta people think is the son of God, but your people don't," retorted Joker. "But I guess if we tell your parents that we don't believe that, and that for us it's all just about the rampant commercialism, I'm sure that'll be fine."

They arrived back at the hideout to be greeted by Bud and Lou, their pet hyenas, who nuzzled Arleen and J.J. as their parents unbuckled them from the stroller. The moment the twins were free, they began rolling around and playing with Bud and Lou, who were just about a match for their energy level. The hyenas treated them as gently as their own cubs, not even playfully nipping for fear of hurting them, and lay still as the twins liked to crawl over them.

"It's about time you were back!" snapped Poison Ivy, emerging from the living room. "I've been waiting in this morgue of my children's dead and dying husks all afternoon!"

"Red, what are you doing here?" asked Harley, beaming as she embraced her best friend. "You should have called! How's the old place looking?" she asked, glancing at the garlands of holly and tinsel that covered every inch of the room. "Pretty Christmassy, huh?"

Ivy glared in fury at the centerpiece of death, in her mind – the brightly decorated, ten-foot-tall tree, with piles of presents stacked underneath it. "Yes, it's…certainly astonishing, Harley," she snapped. "Anyway, I've come to see you about a caper I'm planning for this weekend. I'm gonna show every worthless sack of meat in this city the penalty for buying a Christmas tree in my town. Not only do they murder my babies in their prime, but they rob them of dignity even in death, dressing them up like a gaudy French whore…except yours, of course, Harl, which looks great," she added, hastily.

"Aw, that sounds like a lotta fun, Red, but I can't," said Harley. "My folks are visiting."

"Did you know Harley was Jewish?" asked Joker.

"Of course I did, J," retorted Ivy, rolling her eyes. "But it doesn't surprise me you don't even know the most basic thing about your girlfriend. That would involve you listening and caring and taking an interest in her."

"Hey, she didn't give me any clues!" snapped Joker. "She's obsessed with Christmas, and that ain't very Jewish!"

"Her name's Harleen Quinzel," retorted Ivy. "And she says 'oy' a lot."

"That's a pretty crude stereotype," snapped Joker.

"Anyway, I ain't been a practicing Jew since I left home and went off to college," said Harley. "It ain't like I met Mr. J and he seduced me away from my sanity and my religion, like my Dad thinks…"

"Wait, why does your Dad think that?" demanded Joker.

"I dunno – he has crazy ideas," said Harley, shrugging. "That's where I get the crazy from – it's hereditary."

"I hope you corrected him," said Joker. "Told him that you hadn't been practicing for years before you met me."

"Well, you know it's no good arguing with my Dad," sighed Harley. "He'll think what he wants to think."

"Great. Which means I'm gonna be blamed for this whole Christmas fiasco, since you ain't got the guts to tell your parents it's your choice," snapped Joker.

"Yeah, that's right," agreed Ivy. "You shouldn't have a Christmas tree anyway, because they're barbaric, but you definitely can't have a Christmas tree if you're still gonna pretend to be Jewish."

"Why not?" demanded Harley. "And who said we're pretending to be Jewish? I'm gonna call my folks right now and tell 'em they're coming for Christmas at our place! Excuse me," she snapped, heading for the bedroom.

Arleen was still playing with Bud and Lou, but J.J. had crawled over to the potted poinsettia plants in the corner of the room. He tugged one flower free, then he crawled over to Ivy. "Gah gah?" he said, holding up the flower to her and beaming.

She smiled down at him, taking the flower. Then her face twisted in rage and she shouted, "DON'T EVER PICK FLOWERS!"

J.J. was stunned at her fury, and instantly began wailing. "Aw, what the hell is wrong with you, Weed Lady?" snapped Joker, picking him up and trying soothe him. "He was just trying to be nice! That's a good lesson for you, J.J. – don't be nice to people because they're all horrible and ungrateful," he said, kissing him. "But you're just a baby and you don't know any better, and you were just trying to show her that you liked her, weren't you?" he cooed. "But the mean old Plant Lady doesn't deserve kindness because she's a bitter, twisted, miserable dried up old prune, yes, she is!"

"Puddin', what happened?" asked Harley, rushing into the room and fussing over J.J. "Did he run into something again?"

"Yeah, your psycho friend," muttered Joker.

"It's never too early to teach your children respect for Mother Nature," snapped Ivy. "Not that they'll learn it in this graveyard of foliage," she said, glancing around. "I've gotta get outta here before I really snap!"

"Too late," muttered Joker.

"I'll see you later, Harl," Ivy continued, ignoring Joker and hugging her. "Good luck with the parents visit!"

"Yeah, thanks, Red!" called Harley as she left.

"Did you tell 'em about Christmas?" asked Joker as he put J.J. down to play with the hyenas again.

She sighed. "I ain't got the courage to pick up the phone yet," she murmured. "It was hard enough to tell 'em I had kids. They were happy for me, but you could tell they were disappointed that I wasn't…married, and didn't have a traditional life with a stable, normal home. I know this whole Christmas thing is just gonna be another blow to them, when they're already reeling from the first one. And the more I think about it, the more I don't want to put them through that."

"Well, you probably should have thought of that before you invited 'em," retorted Joker.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Anyway, there's nothing anybody can do to change it. I've built my life and family outside the faith, and I don't regret that."

"You could tell them I'm Jewish, if it helps," said Joker. "I don't remember my past – for all I know, I could be!"

"You ain't Jewish, puddin'," she retorted.

"How do you know?" he demanded.

She sighed. "How do I put this tactfully? The Big J hasn't had a tip snip."

He stared at her. "Boy, I know nothing about Jews," he muttered. "But they won't be seeing the Big J, at least I hope not. So you could always just lie to them."

"I've done enough lying to them," she replied. "Anyway, they might help change J.J.'s diaper or something, and then they'll know for sure. No, the best route is just to be honest and hope they'll accept me for who I am. That may be crazy, but I'm a crazy kinda gal," she sighed, heading off to call her parents.

Joker shrugged and then joined his children in playing on the floor with the hyenas. He was supposed to be doing some work planning a scheme to fight Batman, but that could wait. Right now, in his mind, there were more important things.